Scene 08 INT. HOUSE - DAY BEN (20s), disheveled, pacing around a squalid bedroom. Slinks to the window, peeks out through a worn and dirty curtain. Nervously bites his lower lip, eyes racing form one corner to the other. He pulls back. Contemplates his cell phone, wondering... With sudden resolve, he pokes at keys. CALLING TONE rises up. Goes on an on, until... GUS (V.O.) (over phone) Hi. I can't answer right now. Leave a message and I'll get back to you. If it is a good message. Speak after the BEEP. Ben scrunches his face, "damn." BEN Hey, it's me. Where are you? I don't know what to do. I think I really did it this time. I think they're on to me. He peeks out again. BEN I fear at any moment Larry or Darren may knock on my door. Or both. So, I'm gonna-- KNOCK KNOCK. On the door. (Of course). Ben freezes, goes bug-eyed. KNOCK KNOCK. LARRY (through door) We know you're in there, Ben. Don't keep us waiting. Ben shivers, the cell phone drops from his hand... DISSOLVE TO: EXT. RIVERBANK - NIGHT GUS (20s) spills onto the street out of a strip joint, cell phone to ear and spaced out grin on his face. GUS Hey, man, I heard your message. It wasn't a good message. What's it all about? Who's Larry? And Darren? What happened? Behind him, far away, the dark shapes of THREE MEN, tottering on the riverbank. GUS Get back to me when you hear this message. The hint of a splash, as Gus puts his cell phone away. He stumbles onward. In the distance, TWO MEN shuffle away.

# SCENE 12 OVER BLACK: AUTOMATED VOICE: Please leave your message over the tone. Beep! DARREN:(Southern accent, confident) Hey sweetheart it’s me. I guess you’re still at church. CUT TO: INT. KITCHEN - NIGHT CLOSE UP of a picture frame, where we see a happy couple - DARREN & KAREN - in a warm embrace. They are dressed conservatively - she’s in a long, not particularly flattering, dress with a cross hanging around her neck; he’s wearing a salmon sweater, and his beaming chiselled face is topped with a full head of silver hair in a classic american side parting. He looks younger than she. They are posing in front of a local baptist church. All in one shot, the camera slowly TRACKS OUT while Darren talks. DARREN: I’m finishing up my volunteering at the shelter and thought I’d quickly ring in case I caught you…[Sighs]…it’s busy here tonight, a lot more people than usual, but we’re just giving them what we can, a meal and some prayer. As the camera TRACKS OUT wisps of cigarette smoke begin to creep into the frame and shortly afterwards a bottle of scotch whiskey on the table with the picture. A hand reaches in, takes a swig and replaces the bottle. DARREN: I hope it’s going well with you. I know assisting in those AA things is tough, but you’re an angel for doing it. I know the lord is proud of the work you’re doing… As the CAMERA continues to move back we see the framed photograph of Darren and Karen is just one in a line of four other similar photographs on the table, all featuring Darren but each with a different woman, each in a similar warm embrace. DARREN: Woah, hey where was I? (Chuckles) I just wanted to go over our plan for the weekend. I was thinking I would come pick you up at 6 and we could go straight out into the woods? I know you wanted to see Wanda before we left, but what if instead we buy her a big ‘ol box of candies and surprise her on the way back? I just think we should get there early and see the sunrise, it’s the most beautiful thing… The CAMERA keeps pulling out and we see BULLETS lined up on the table. Next to them a pile of PAPERWORK - we can’t make out its contents. Another swig is taken from the bottle. DARREN: …You’re going to love it, I just know it. Just you, me, the sunrise in God’s kingdom. I’ve been looking forward to our little trip for a long time. We keep TRACKING OUT and can now see Darren, reclining casually on a chair, in shorts, socks and a garish Hawaiian shirt. We recognise his face from the photograph, but can’t help but notice he’s bald. We also notice he is carefully polishing a SHOT GUN. DARREN: (Reaching over the papers on the table) Oh, and before I go, I got the documents from your lawyer today. I’m not sure what to do, do I just sign them? I find all this will and testament business depressing as hell, but I know you’re right you never know when the lord taketh away. Anyway, I’ll pick you up tomorrow at 6. God bless. Darren hangs up the phone and stubs out his cigarette. As he puts the shot gun and the bullets into a duffel bag we see the whole room: a dark messy place, bathed in yellow light; a row of mannequin heads each with a different coloured wig on top.

Scene 2 EXT. NYC STREET - DAY 1986, New York City. BOB, is leaning over a payphone on a dirty, bustling street. He’s a middle-aged shambles of a man with a Brooklyn accent and a cigarette hanging off his split lip. He picks up the receiver and with his other hand digs around in his pockets, pulling out a half-disintegrated tissue, a bottle cap and a quarter. He puts the money in, dials sloppily and waits. BOB: Hey, Mr D - pick up if you’re there… Mr D! You there? He takes the cigarette out of his mouth and stubs it out on the payphone. BOB (CONTD): It’s Bob. I know we were supposed to have an appointment this morning, but I’m afraid I was… unexpectedly thrown off course. Now, I apologise profusely, but I need you to understand, this was not my fault. I was on my way to meet you when I was set upon, by a- a group of thugs. He takes a swig from a hip flask in his pocket. BOB (CONTD): Now my first thought was that I had to make it to our meeting, come hell or high water, but Mr D… and I’m not proud to admit this, I was shaken up. They took a swipe at me. Emptied out my pockets. Took everything I had. I got a lip that’s gonna swell up real nice by tomorrow. You should see it… I know you said this was my last chance, but, you see, I don’t believe in last chances… Bob realises his quarter is running out and begins rummaging deep in his pockets. BOB (CONTD): …you should never underestimate a human being’s potential to disappoint you. My dad used to say that to me every night before I went to sleep. He grabs a PASSERBY by the arm and mouths/mimes that he needs money. They give him a coin before walking on. BOB (CONTD): (shouting after them) God bless you! (Into phone) So… where was I…? Are you sure you’re not there… you and Tony and the boys all standing there listening and laughing your asses off at me… He waits. BOB (CONTD): …Look, I need you to give me another chance. I’m the best salesman you’ve got down there… you know it, that asshole- sorry, a-hole, Tony knows it. Yes, I may have punched a customer, but I’d already sold him the car. I mean Mr D, I am begging you. I’m down on my hands and knees here. And… (he sniffs) I ain’t had a drink for two weeks… You don’t believe me? Ask Mike - the bartender at The Water Rat. He’ll tell ya - he ain’t seen me. And Jimmy, down at the er… Lazy Ape… no the Lazy… Lazy… Lazy something. Anyway - nothing, nada, zilch. So… if you can find it in your heart- The phone starts beeping, his time is almost up. He spots a HOMELESS MAN sitting against a shop. He stretches across the sidewalk and points at his polystyrene cup. BOB (CONTD): (Whispering) Hey, buddy, buddy, I need a quarter. HOMELESS MAN: I’m not your buddy. He gets up and moves on. HOMELESS MAN (CONTD): Fuck you. BOB: Hey, hey, fuck you, you homeless fucking prick! Suddenly Bob looks panicked as he realises this was definitely audible on the message. He opens his mouth in an attempt to rectify it, but hears three quick beeps and the phone goes dead. He looks stunned in defeat, before slamming the phone repeatedly against it’s hook. BOB: No! No! No! No! No! No! N- A YOUNG MAN emerges behind him. MAN: Hey, man. BOB: What? What?! MAN: You using that?

SCENE #15: INT. DARK LIVING ROOM - NIGHT The last lamp shuts off. EMMETT'S cell phone is the only light left. Emmett keeps pressing buttons as he looks around. He puts the phone up to his face, which darkens the room. The phone RINGS and RINGS and RINGS then CLICKS. PHONE: I'm sorry, but the number 555-4073 is unavailable... EMMETT: Shit. PHONE(cont.): ... at the tone, please record your message. The phone BEEPS and Emmett takes a deep breath. EMMETT: Sarah, I know you're there. You always screen your calls but it's me this time. Emmett hears a SLAM on the door and jumps. He points his phone towards the door. EMMETT(cont.): Look, it's me alright. Just answer the damn phone. The door rocks back and forth as Emmett backs away. EMMETT (cont.): Please, I don't know when he'll get me, and I'm too young to die. The door flings open as a dark masked figure stands at the door. Emmett faints. The dark figure takes off his mask. It's Sarah, who laughs at Emmett. Sarah checks her phone. SARAH: Hey, I've got a new voicemail. Sarah clicks a button on her phone. PHONE: You have one new message. The phone BEEPS. The phone plays the previous conversation as Sarah laughs. She closes the door.

FEEDBACK #17: I love the character and visuals you've got here. Bob talks with such storytelling ease that I go along with him talking about his past because I see the obstacles he's going through both to convince his boss and to keep the message going. I really love the touch at the end with the homeless man and where that leaves him. However, I'm not too sure that the young man is where the scene should end. It just feels anticlimactic compared to Bob yelling no, so I either expected it to end at the end of the conversation or for this young man to go off on Bob.

Thanks Steven. Yes, I did struggle with the ending a bit. :)

# FEEDBACK 22 I love the line "with sudden resolve he pokes at keys" - really conveys the sudden change of mind. One thing stood out a little bit though: it seems a bit too obvious for Ben to name Larry and Darren in his message, presumably Gus knows who they are? It also doesn't marry that Gus doesn't know who Larry and Darren are. It might be more foreboding to say "I'm sure they're going to knock on the door at any moment."

Thanks, Adam. I just tossed in their names to match the Day 13 scene, really.

Feedback 10 So, a hunting accident on the make? Very good idea, very well executed. The final touch of four different wigs is a great visual among may great visuals. The only thing is "I’m not sure what to do, do I just sign them? I find all this will and testament business depressing as hell, but I know you’re right you never know when the lord taketh away." Doesn't seem to make sense--he wouldn't need to sign HER papers; unless, in a clever TWIST, Karen is off to get rid of Darren (what a popular name), too.

Feedback 11 You did a great job of characterization with Bob--his demeanor, his action, his speech. However, Steven has a point. You would have gotten us at no.

Feedback #8 I liked the texture of the scene and was really interested. The moment where he puts the cigarette out on the phone was the 'hook' for me. I am attracted to characters who disregard all sense of decency like that. After that, even small things like taking a swig take on a richer feeling. I felt the dialog was good as well, despite being long, I was in. I feel a second pass of this would just chop a lot of things we don't need to hear said because we know. I.e. "I know we were supposed to have the appointment this morning, but it wasn't my fault. I was set upon, you know, manhandled, by these bikers." I didn't get "I don't believe in last chances" to "you should never underestimate an individual's ability to disappoint you." I thought he was trying to impress and save face, why say something so negative? I just couldn't follow his character that well at that point. Loved "you guys listening and laughing your asses off". It brings a whole new side into it - may even put it slightly earlier as it increases the stakes a bit (social embarassment). I think the ending would need something a bit more powerful to make him embarassed. "You fuckin homeless prick I'm about to get fired if I don't get two more bits to explain"... or something like that? Overall, like your style, easy read. Keep it up.

GLG Scene #9 INT APARTMENT – DAY PHIL is reading a book and eating a candy bar. JOHN is holding his cell phone, reading a phone number written on a church bulletin from St. Peter’s by the Sea. He presses the buttons. PHONE: (automated voice) You have reached the voice mail for (woman's voice) Sharon Schach. (automated voice) Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP. JOHN: Uh, hi, Karen...Shit, it’s Sharon. Fuck. Hey, Phil, how do you cancel a voice mail? PHIL: How much is it worth to you? JOHN: Don’t give me any shit, you ass-hole. Come on. How do you cancel a voice mail? PHIL: Have you said anything yet? JOHN: Fuck, yes. PHIL: Hit one, four. JOHN: One, four? PHIL: Or just hit the star button twice. John hits a button twice. PHONE: BEEP. (automated voice) Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP. JOHN: Hi, Sharon, this is John. We...er...we met last Sunday at… He slides the bulletin to where he can read the name of the church. JOHN: (cont’d) ...at St. Sea’s by the Peter...Shit. Fuck. Damn. He hits the button twice again. PHONE: BEEP. (automated voice) Please leave a message at the beep. BEEP. JOHN: (being cool) Hi, Sharon. I don’t know if you remember me. This is John. John...uh… He twirls the bulletin and reads where “JOHN SMITH” is scrawled and underlined on one corner, below “Sharon Schach.” JOHN: (cont’d) (coughs) This is John Smith. We met at St. Peter’s by the Sea last Sunday. I was wondering if you’d like to go see a movie and then maybe pick up something at Sharkey’s Pizza Parlor...Fuck...Shakey’s Parts Appealer...Dammit! Pizza Parlor! Pizza Parlor! Pizza Fucking Parlor! Shit! He presses the button twice more, then starts writing out his spiel on the back of the bulletin. Phil has finished the candy bar and looks over John’s shoulder. PHIL: Writing your “script?” JOHN: Yes, numbnuts, I’m writing out what I’m going to say. You have a problem with that, you cunt? PHIL: None whatsoever. But maybe you should have done that before you made the call. Who is this you’re chatting up? JOHN: Just some girl I met at church. PHIL: Church? JOHN: Yeah, church. PHIL: Since when do you go to church, Mr. Religion-is-the-opium-of-the-people? JOHN: Shut up, dip-shit. Just shut up. PHIL: Is she good looking? JOHN: Not bad. PHIL: Aha! “Not bad” is John-speak for “Arf-arf!” Intelligent? JOHN: I sure hope not. PHIL: Great tits, then. JOHN: Like oversized wombats in heat. PHIL: I should try this church thing. JOHN: You’re such a loser, you’d be lucky to score with the old lady that sings “O Promise Me” at weddings. PHIL: Loser? Me? At least I know how to cancel voice mail messages. JOHN: And so do I. PHIL: No, you don’t. Phil grabs another candy bar and goes out the door. John stares at the phone in his hand. PHONE: (a woman’s voice) You there, John? Hello. Speak to me. JOHN: (putting phone to his ear) Who is this? PHONE: This is Sharon, John. The dog with the...what did you call them? Oversize wombats in heat? JOHN: I can explain. PHONE: BEEP. (automated voice) Replaying last message. (various voices) Uh, Karen...shit, it’s Sharon. Fuck. Hey, Phil, how do you cancel a voice mail? How much is it worth to you? Don’t give me any shit, you ass-hole. Come on. How do you cancel a voice mail? Have you said anything yet? Fuck, yes. Hit one, four. One, four? Or just hit the star button twice. BEEP Hi, Sharon, this is John. We...er...we met last Sunday at...at St. Sea’s by the Peter...Shit. Fuck. Damn… John smashes the phone against the wall.

Feedback 1 I really liked the idea of your character's multiple false starts at leaving a message - thought that was a cool approach. I thought his dialogue communicated his frustration well, too. I'm assuming his friend had screwed him over on purpose (or maybe he was just an idiot) - if so I'd like to see him enjoy that a bit more. Maybe instead of saying 'no you don't', an exchange of glances/moment of realisation from John could offer even more.

Yeah, Phil is tired of John's innuendos and disrespect. I like the glances/moment of horror idea. Yes.

Scene 2 INT. HOUSE - DAY Dale paces the living room, gathering the courage to make a call. He exhales loudly and hits dial. Waits as the phone RINGS. And RINGS. And RINGS. And: KAREN (VO): This is Karen, leave a message. BEEP. DALE: Karen! Dale here. But you probably know already because of caller ID. Also I texted you, which you also already know. So I was calling because I wanted to see if you wanted to grab a drink sometime this weekend. I also texted you the same information. Because I'm always unsure of whether people read their texts or check their voicemails. So don't mind the doubling up, that's just me being thorough, which I am in all aspects of dating. That sounded sexual I didn't mean it in a sexual way. So anyhow-- Oops, looks like you actually just texted me. (reading) Can't do drinks this weekend. (back to leaving message) Oh well that's why I offered an alternative of next weekend so maybe you missed that options-- Upp, you texted again. (reading) Next weekend is out too. (back to message) OK great, the next two weekends are out, good to know. So that's why I texted if not this weekend or next, when would you be available, which you might have missed-- Actually looks like you texted again. (reading) Never. Not if you were the last person on earth. (back to leaving a voice message) Right, well if you could call me back, I'd appreciate a little clarity in these texts. Sometimes it's so hard to figure out what a person means when you can't hear them. Or I'll just see you at work and we can talk. Bye then!

Feedback 2 I really enjoyed this. I love the twist. I would like to have a better sense of whether or not Sarah is actually going to kill him. We're mostly focused on the dialogue in these, but that would come through the description probably. I also felt Emmett's line about dying to young was a little on the nose and could be softened for something that still suggests his fear without stating it outright. But good job!

Feedback 3 I really dig a lot of your lines as well. Great job overall. I say this a lot and I think it's just because we're doing these scenes as stand alones. But without the context of the rest of the screenplay, I was a little confused about what was going to happen or was happening. I couldn't tell if the main guy was actually in trouble. There was a moment when they're knocking that I thought maybe this was a comedy and he really didn't want to go out/go to the strip club/any other dude activities... and then the next scene was the strip club so I think the tone could be smoothed out just a bit. My two cents. Like I said, take em with a grain of salt because the context could change everything!

SCENE #1 INT. OFFICE - AFTERNOON Breathing heavily, CALEB, 30s, slouches in a chair behind a DESK and studies the room. A PHONE sits atop the desk, RECEIVER off the hook. Wood-paneled walls are painted with prestigious PLAQUES and FRAMED PHOTOS of the same important GRAY-HAIRED MAN, 50s, shaking hands, hugging, and dining with other important men. The DOOR to the office is open. Nothing but stillness and darkness in the next room. Caleb eyes a standing PICTURE FRAME on the desk in front of him. He attempts to scoot his chair toward it, but something on the floor blocks him. He forces his chair through the obstruction with a grunt. He leans forward and picks up the framed photo of the same Gray-Haired Man, his young trophy wife, and his bright-eyed teenage daughter. He grins with a hint of disdain. But the grin fades quickly. Caleb digs into his jacket pocket, pulls out a cell phone, and speed dials a number. He slowly raises the phone to his ear. The voice of a bouncy, energetic teenager... MARY: Sorry I missed you. Leave a message! Caleb takes a deep breath. CALEB: Sweetheart. It's Daddy. So good to hear your voice. I'm guessing you're at your soccer game right now. That's good. I'm sorry I couldn't make it. He shakes his head and begins sobbing. CALEB: Things came up. I'm sorry for so many things. I'm sorry that I couldn't provide for you and your mom like I should have. I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from these goddamn vultures. These bloodsuckers! But I need you to understand that I tried. Caleb is weeping uncontrollably now. CALEB: Daddy tried. Whatever happens now, they're going to be saying a lot of things about me... bad things... A SOUND in the other room freezes Caleb. He lowers the phone and stands up slowly. He steps over SOMETHING on the floor and inches his way around the desk toward the door. He stops, bends down, and emerges with an AR-15 ASSAULT RIFLE in one hand and his cell phone still in the other. He continues to move cautiously toward the front of the desk, still looking through the doorway into the dark. Caleb slowly begins to raise his weapon when a single GUNSHOT rips through the silence. He is knocked backwards onto the desk before collapsing on the floor, dropping his rifle but landing with his cell phone in hand. CUT TO BLACK. The sound of boots, weapons, and walkies entering the room. OFFICER #1: Suspect is down. I repeat suspect is down. OFFICER #2: We have the body of a female in her 40s. And another body behind the desk here. White male, about 60 years old. OPERATOR: If you are satisfied with your message, please press 1. If you are not satisfied and would like to re-record, press 2. If you would like to delete and start over, press 3.

FEEDBACK #1 I am a huge fan of character and plot development in scenes and I think you do a great job of developing this scene through what is basically a monologue. It's comedic too... as it progresses to a hilariously awkward and unexpected conclusion. I can see this being an opening scene as it does a great job establishing strong character.

Yes, an opening scene, definitely.