MHBarcus at 2016-06-14 16:38:16:
Scene #8 EXT. INTERSTATE - NIGHT A GREYHOUND BUS cruises along U.S. Interstate Highway 80 West in the middle of a night. Its LED SIGN flashes: “CHI TO LAX”. INT. GREYHOUND BUS - SAME In the front row of the bus, KATE, early 20’s, sleeps heavily, leaning against the window and using a jacket as a pillow. The seat next to her is empty, save a hoodie and pair of headphones. Across the aisle, BUS DRIVER takes three long blinks. The last is too long, but he jolts back awake, jostling the steering wheel. The bus speeds over the highway rumble strip for a second, vibrating through Kate’s makeshift pillow and awakening her. She blinks awake, noticing the empty seat beside her. Then, internally, she notices something else. With a frustrated roll of the eyes, Kate reaches under her seat and rifles through her purse. She pulls out a TAMPON, which she slips into her jeans pocket as she rises from her seat. Kate unsteadily makes her way down the bus aisle toward the lavatory in back. Up front, the bus driver loses concentration again and slides into the rumble strip. The low buzz stirs a handful of the rows and rows of sleeping passengers. Kate reaches the lavatory door, but it is locked: “IN USE”. She knocks softly. KATE: (softly, to the door) Melissa? No response. Kate tries again. KATE: (a bit louder) Melissa? I really need to use the bathroom. An angry BUS PASSENGER gives Kate a harsh “SHH!” and death stare. Kate pulls her phone of out her other pocket. In its soft glow we see Kate typing furiously. INSERT OF TEXT TO MELISSA: “Let me in. The Cincinnati Reds are playing downtown and it’s pouring and the ground crew needs to get a tarp down b4 the infield gets soaked.” Through the door, Kate hears a sound somewhere between a sniffle and a laugh. She tries the door again, but nothing. Kate’s phone buzzes with a message from Melissa. Kate sees that the response is a screenshot of a Facebook profile relationship status: “MARCUS RYAN’S RELATIONSHIP STATUS HAS CHANGED FROM ‘IN A RELATIONSHIP’ TO ‘SINGLE’.” Kate hears another sound from the lavatory and she moves her ear closer to the door. She hears the muffled sounds of sobbing. Kate steps back and composes a text response. INSERT OF TEXT TO MELISSA: “Fuck him. We’re trying to start something big and if he can’t support that, then his loss. We’re going to rock so hard in this new city. You and me. Sistas 4 life. [heart emoji] [flexing muscle emoji] [heart emoji]” Pleased with her response, Kate sends the message and then types a new text: “Now please let me into the bathroom before I bleed out on a fucking Greyhound bus.” Through the door, Kate hears Melissa getting up and--- Back up front, the bus driver is now soundly asleep. Through the windshield we see the bus sliding into the lane to its left. Through the driver’s window we see the bus inching closer to a passing SUV. BWAAAAAAHHHH! The SUV slams on its horn. The bus driver jolts awake and swerves hard right to avoid the collision, then back left to stay on the road. Passengers scream. In the back, Kate is thrown sideways with each serve until the bus steadies and she’s sprawled across a row of seats and angry passengers. Kate climbs off of a bus passenger’s lap, apologizing. As she stands back up in the aisle, she hears a *squish* and looks down. In quick glow of a passing freeway light, Kate sees a puddle running from out under the lavatory door just touching her shoes. She hops away quickly and lifts her phone again. INSERT OF TEXT TO MELISSA: “See you in Denver.” Melissa responds: “See you in Denver.” Kate makes her way back up to her seat past grumbling, bleary-eyed passengers. She sits and grabs Melissa’s jacket pulls it over her lap. She reaches underneath and unzips her pants. She props herself up on one elbow and--- EXT. INTERSTATE - SAME The bus roars past a SIGN: “DES MOINES: 38 MILES, DENVER: 614 MILES”
HectorG6 at 2016-06-14 22:08:58:
SCENE #10 INT. APARTMENT - BEDROOM - NIGHT TINA (17) blonde, stands outside the bathroom, knocks on the door. TINA: Come on sis, how bad can it be? INTERCUT WITH: INT. APARTMENT - BATHROOM - NIGHT LARISSA (17) her hair partially brunette, partially green. Tina and Larissa are identical twins. LARISSA: Go away! I'm not coming out. Ever. I can't believe it, it's all green. TINA: Green? Let me see that. LARISSA: Never. Tina takes out her phone, googles "bad hair dyes". TINA (reads): Listen. Sometimes if you try to go from blonde to brunette your hair can turn green. LARISSA: Good time to know about it! TINA (reads): Fix it by adding red pigments. LARISSA: What are you waiting, go buy some of that pigment thingy. TINA (reads): The boys will be here any minute. LARISSA: I'm not letting anyone see mee like this. She opens the door. Tina admires the color in her sister's hair. TINA: Wow, it looks really cool. LARISSA: You think so? TINA: Move over, Katy Perry. Tina takes a photo of Larissa with her phone. LARISSA: Don't! They fight for the phone as Tina types. TINA: And it's online. LARISSA: There goes my social life. TINA: sure? (reads) Cool. Gorgeous OMG. So pretty OMG. Stunning. LARISSA: Stunning? TINA (reads): Cutest. OMG. You're so pretty. Shows the phone. TINA: Do you think you can dye my hair like that?
Nicholas Moore at 2016-06-14 22:45:38:
SCENE #6 INT. BATHROOM Two men in conversation. We are focused on one, leaning heavily on the bathroom sink, staring into the mirror. He's wavering between passing out and throwing up. The second man is off screen. MAN 2 We can't stay in this bathroom forever. MAN 1 Knowing what's out there, I'm perfectly fine with that. MAN 2 Quite a way to die, locked in here. MAN 1 Preferable over a good deal of other ways. MAN 2 Come on, get over it! MAN 1 How can I? How can I be a coherent human being and get over it? MAN 2 Because it is necessary. MAN 1 From what I remember, there's another choice. MAN 2 Coward. MAN 1 (through his teeth) What is it you want of me? MAN 2 To fight through it. MAN 1 At what cost? He glances away from his reflection for a moment. In the bathtub is a wet kitchen knife, a thin stream of diluted pink creeping towards the drain. Suddenly, banging on the door. The first man turns in fright towards the sound. MAN 1 Go away! MAN 2 They're waiting for us. The first man plunges his shaking head in his hands. MAN 1 You go out, then. MAN 2 You know I can't leave without you. MAN 1 Why not? We pan out then to reveal that the man is alone in the bathroom. He turns back to the mirror. Tears stream down a face flooded with fear. MAN 1 I can't do this. ON THE REFLECTION The face of what once was the second man is dry, filled with a determined expression. MAN 1 I can't die in a bathroom. He rushes for the bathtub and grabs the knife, then for the door and throws it open. INT. APARTMENT Where a horde of zombies masses before the bathroom, waiting impatiently for just this moment. There is hesitation from the man before he plunges into the sea of animated dead, swinging the knife, until he disappears amid them.
Nicholas Moore at 2016-06-14 22:50:32:
FEEDBACK #7 Good scene here, MH. I really liked the idea of the majority of the conversation happening through text. The only part that tripped me up was the ending with the overflowing water. Did Melissa get wet? Why did she have the seat open if she was just in there to cry? Does a bus toilet really overflow like that when swerving? Maybe try and clarify it a bit. Otherwise, great read.
Fatimakh at 2016-06-15 13:48:11:
SCENE 4 INT - HALLWAY Jackson (mid-thirties) is seen running into the bathroom and latching the door shut, chasing behind him is Cory (mid-thirties). BANG! BANG! Cory - Get out now! Give it to me! Jackson (O.S.)- (hollering) I'm in the bathroom. Have some decorum, ass wipe. Cory - I'm not shitting around, Jack. Give it back to me now. Don't send anything. Jackson sets Cory's phone on the bathroom sink and undoes his pants. Jackson - Like I just told you I'm just taking a shit. I'm gonna need a minute. Cory (O.S.) - For once in your life don't be a complete dick. Open the damn door. Jackson seats himself on the toilet and searches through Cory's phone. Jackson - (chuckles) Bro, I'm telling you I'm taking a shit. Jackson can be heard skimming through some of Cory's email, while in the background Cory can be heard hurling insults and banging on the door. Jackson - (to himself) Found ya! (he opens an email, hits reply and types ferociously) Cory - I can here you in on my phone! Don't do anything stupid Jack, I swear to God… Cory bangs on the door harder. Cory - You always pull shit like this man. You better not be replying to her saying we'll be there with the delivery. Cut to Jackson face constipated. He is trying really hard to take a dump and type at the same time. Cory (O.S.) - We don't have enough time. We can't make the meet. (Banging even harder) JACK! You're going to make us look like idiots in front of her. Cut to Jackson hitting send. Cut back to Cory, Cory - (decidedly giving up) You always pull these stunts. I'm so sick of them, we're so screwed if you promise that delivery. (He slides down the door and sits in front of it) Jackson (O.S.) - We're going to be fine. Cory slaps his hand over his forehead and nods side to side. Jackson - Don't forget we're where we are because of all the stunts I've pulled. (fidgeting with the flush and struggling to flush) We see Cory continuing to sigh no and repeating to himself how stupid Jackson is. Cory - You know, you've always got crap coming out of you. Cut to Jackson finally having success with the toilet flush, Jackson - Yea, well at least I can back it up. Sounds of the toilet overflowing are heard, we track along the infested water spilling out the toilet and flowing under the bathroom door to where Cory is sitting. Cory (O.S.) and Jackson at the same time - shit.
Neil Vidya at 2016-06-15 20:59:54:
Scene #8: Neil Vidya EXT - FOREST MOVIE SET - DAY SCOTT (37) directs a scene on a movie set. NITIN (24) stands beside him. The actors finish up. SCOTT (to everyone) and cut! Next scene! The crew rushes to take down the set. Scott walks towards the lone port-a-potty. NITIN follows along. SCOTT We’re finally on time for once. NITIN For sure. So are you happy with that scene? SCOTT Yeah, I said cut, right? That means I’m happy. Why? NITIN No, nothing. They get to the porto-potty, Scott yanks on the door. Locked. JOSHI I’m in here! SCOTT Joshi? Hurry up you’re in here 24/7! Get that checked out man! A beat. SCOTT So what’s the problem with the scene? NITIN No, I just wanted to know if you’re happy with it. SCOTT Happy? Why wouldn't I be? What are you trying to say man? JOSHI comes out. JOSHI I think someone was smoking weed in there before me. SCOTT Just help take down the set for fuck’s sake! JOSHI walks off. Scott gets in and slams the door. SCOTT (through door) Nit, you there? NITIN Yep. SCOTT If something is bothering you, tell me. NITIN Well like I said, I’m here to help you out but my camera guy here is capturing the behind the scenes to make my doc about whether people in film are actually happy. SCOTT I know... so why wouldn’t I be happy? NITIN Well, people were kind of… well laughing at the scene. SCOTT So? NITIN It’s the heartbreak scene. SCOTT Maybe they were laughing at something else. NITIN Someone distinctly said it was cheesy. SCOTT What? Who? NITIN I can’t name names. SCOTT Name names! I’m paying everyone on this set out of my own pocket - who’s undermining the production? NITIN I can’t! SCOTT You’re a traitor then. NITIN C’mon Scott. SCOTT No I’m not leaving this toilet until I find out who it was. NITIN Seriously? It’s your production! SCOTT So you’re going to let my production fall apart because you won’t tell me? Fine. I’ll just sit here, breathing in god knows what tinged with Joshi’s weed. NITIN (mouthing to the cameraman) Are you getting this? (to Scott) I can’t betray the guy. That’s like one of the first things I’ve learned about happiness is that even betraying a frienemy is full of guilt and feeling shitty. SCOTT A frienemy? You mean Carl! NITIN Oh, no, shit. SCOTT That fucker, I’m paying him a ton to work on this thing! He’s the fucking lead actor! NITIN Yeah… he’s… not thrilled with the production. SCOTT comes bursting out of the portapotty. SCOTT Where’s that hand sanitizer. NITIN hands it over. SCOTT Thanks. You’re a true friend. NITIN Don’t tell him- SCOTT Let’s do this. (to Carl) CARL! NITIN This is... not what I expected.
StevenOtto at 2016-06-16 17:55:23:
SCENE #10 INT. HALLWAY – DAY LAURA walks down the hall with a towel on her shoulder. She turns the doorknob and pushes but it doesn’t budge. LAURA: Sorry. IZZY (o.s.): Wait. Laura stops midway and goes back to the door. LAURA: Look, I said I’m sorry. IZZY (o.s.): No, I’m stuck in here. LAURA: What? How? IZZY (o.s.): I don’t really know. Just try slamming into the door. LAURA: Are you sure that’s even the problem? IZZY (o.s.): Just help me out. I’ve got work in fifteen minutes. Laura sighs and moves back from the door. She charges at the door and slams hard. She recoils back and slams on the floor. LAURA: Son of a bitch. IZZY (o.s.): You’ve got to try it again. LAURA: Hell no. There’s got to be some other way. IZZY (o.s.): The window is too small for me to fit through. This is the only way out. Laura sighs as she stands up. She holds her wounded arm back as she turns to her other side. She charges at it again and is hit back to the floor again. LAURA: God damn it. Try something from your side. IZZY (o.s.): I already told you I tried everything. I – Laura is trying to move her arms again as Izzy walks out of the door. IZZY (cont.): You know, they should really make those locks easier to see. My bad. Izzy saunters out the door as Laura glares at her. She picks up her towel, but sprains her arm in the process. She rubs it as she heads into the bathroom.
StevenOtto at 2016-06-19 21:51:38:
FEEDBACK #12: I really like the way Scott figures it out through Nitin's own clues and how you make the dialogue flow between the two. It seems so natural. I think one thing that would really help is tightening the scene up a bit. For example, I don't think you need to have the Joshi bit to add time for the question to be answered because you then have to restate the question the audience just heard and it becomes a bit too long.
WesleySMiles at 2016-06-20 19:12:17:
SCENE #10 EXT. STATE FAIR - PORTER POTTY LINE - DAY The State Fair rages on as the line for the porter potty has only one person waiting. VICKY pounds against the porter potty, her five year old CHAD has locked himself inside. Chad laughs at his mom's anger. VICKY: Open the door Chad! CHAD (O.S.): No! Ha ha! Her son's behavior only enrages Vicky as she looks around to see if anyone has noticed her struggle. VICKY (whispers): I'm going to beat your butt when you get out of there mister! CHAD (O.S.): Fine, I'm never coming out. Chad's rational thought sends Vicky into a larger fit of rage. She starts shaking the porter potty. Chad laughs at the vibrations. A MAN walks up to the scene. MAN: Miss, can I help you? VICKY: No, my son locked himself inside and I'm trying to get him to come out. She continues to shake the porter potty with violent, mother bear like strength. MAN: Really? Come on let me help, I've got great experience with kids. Vicky stops the shaking and glares at the Man. VICKY: Fine hot shot, have at it. MAN: What's his name? VICKY: Chad. The Man steps up to the door with a creepy smile. MAN: Hey Chad your Mom just went to get the police, I've got a bunch of cotton candy if you want some! But you've got to come get it quick before she gets back with the cops. The door latch swings to AVAILABLE. Chad steps out. CHAD: Hey where's the cotton candy? Vicky snatches her son's arm and marches him toward the parking lot. MAN: You're welcome! VICKY: You're a creep! CHAD: Mom, I want cotton candy! VICKY (to Chad): Your behind is going to be pink just like cotton candy when we get home.
WesleySMiles at 2016-06-20 19:16:17:
FEEDBACK #8 Enjoyed the twist at the end of it was the lock the whole time. The 2nd to last sentence made me wonder if the arm was sprained from grabbing the towel in that moment or if it could have been mentioned after slamming into the door. Great short scene!
Ricardo Bravo at 2016-06-21 11:44:32:
Scene 3 INT. BATHROOM – NIGHT CLAUDIA (18), in a wet and muddy summery dress, sits trembling inside the bathtub hugging her legs. Her hair is wet and full of leaves and twigs. She is holding a large butcher's knife. The bathroom door is blocked by a large marble table. She looks into her SMARTPHONE. Still NO SIGNAL. The picture on the background shows her side by side with a muscular boy. Both are smiling and showing off their UNICORN TATTOOS on their shoulders. She caresses the image of the boy. CLAUDIA: (softly, teary) Where are you? The RATTLING of the handle in the bathroom door startles her. She cowers in the tub. JESSICA (O.S.): (whispering, tearful) Is... is anyone in there? Claudia holds her breath and tightens her GRIP on the knife. JESSICA (O.S.): Please. I'm hurt. CLAUDIA: G-go away. JESSICA (O.S.): Claudia? Claudia, is that you? Oh, thank God. Open the door. Claudia hesitates. No. He said don't open the door. JESSICA (O.S): It's me. Jessica. Let me in. CLAUDIA: I'm sorry. I... can't. JESSICA (O.S.): What do you mean you can't? Open the fucking door you stupid bitch! I'm bleeding here. The handle RATTLES again. CLAUDIA: Stop. They'll hear us. The rattling stops. Jessica's soft PAINFUL MOANS and SOBBING filters through the door. JESSICA (O.S.): It really hurts. CLAUDIA: Don't. A POOL OF BLOOD seeps from under the door. Claudia slowly exits the tub. Knife in hand she reaches for the door, but stops at the last minute. She bring her hands to her head and covers her ears. She shakes her head. CLAUDIA: Please go. JESSICA (O.S.): Oh God. Someone's coming. Claudia, please. I beg you. I-- I don't wanna die. That did it. Claudia rushes to the door, moves away the heavy table and quickly opens the door. A bloody Jessica falls into the room in shorts and a white blouse. She has a large bruise on her face. Her legs are scratched and she is holding her hand tightly against her side. Blood pours out profusely from under it. CLAUDIA: Oh, dear God. I'm sorry. I'm-- Claudia puts the knife on the floor. She grabs Jessica by the armpits and pulls her in. Jessica moans loudly. She closes and locks the door and pushes the table in front again. JESSICA: Please, help me. CLAUDIA: Shh. Calm down. Claudia rushes to the small cupboard under the sink. She rummages inside. In the back, a small EMERGENCY KIT. She pulls it out. As she rises, she looks into the mirror over the sink. Behind her, through the mirror's reflection, Jessica is standing, butcher's knife in hand. Claudia quickly turns to face her friend. Jessica grins. She raises her left hand which is holding a large slab of freshly cut human flesh. She lets the flesh fall down. It makes a wet thump on the tiled floor. A large UNICORN TATTOO is clearly visible. Claudia's eyes open wide in terror. Jessica's eyes open wide with crazy. JESSICA: I can't believe you fell for that.
Ricardo Bravo at 2016-06-21 12:05:00:
Feedback 1. Wesley. First of all, congrats on reaching your 10th scene. I really liked this one. The interactions between Vicky and Chad are delightful and the man's assistance and Vicky's reaction in the end were very unexpected, making this a very funny scene. Couple of comments: 1. Show, don't tell. In the second line, there is no need to say that Chad has locked himself inside. It is evident from what you are showing. Mention that a childlike voice rises from within. Describe Chad as he exits the Porta Potty. 2. Vicky accepts the man's help too easily. Show a bit of apprehension. Maybe follow with an unfilmable, something like: "Vicky stops the shaking and glares curiously at the Man. You know what? Screw it. VICKY: Fine hot shot, have at it." This way you set the tone for her desperation and unexpected reply. Well done.
Fatimakh at 2016-06-22 18:14:40:
FEEDBACK #10: I love how the dialogue takes me back to my own highschool years. It's so very simple and yet brings out so much. Nice read.
Kuznetsov Alexander at 2016-06-27 15:50:55:
SCENE 6 INT. HOUSE Near the bathroom  TOM  husband and father (45) knocks the door and yells  TOM?: Dear please open the door!  Behind the door we can hear the water falling and his daughter Ketty 17 yo answers.  Ketty: NO WAY. I said that I will leave and I’ll do it, or I kill myself! TOM: Just think of your mother. She feels really bad. We had to call emergency.  KETTY I do not want her to look through my clothes my staff TOM: She,.. We want the best for you. Don’t you understand that. You are in a such dangerous age, that you can make awful mistakes. So we just want to cover you.  KETTYI do not want to be covered, you supervised me my entire life when I was 3, 5 10 , 14. Enough, enough. I want to go to the city and I want to be an actor, that is it. TOM Ket, we need to discuss that, you are killing your mom, don’t you care? From diner room we can hear Mother’s voice.  MOTHER: Care? She does not care! Oh, oh My heart is broken! I can’t even breathe. It’s So painful to has ungrateful child. TOM: Darling, Darling. That’s what you did, Ketty, you killed your mother! He rans to his wife. In a couple of seconds the door opens and Ketty comes out. She is dressed for a trip and she has a big tourist backpack. She moves to the exit, but then stops and listen to sighs of her mother. Kitty gnaws her nails in hesitation.  INT Dinner. Father bustles about medicine, his wife lays on the sofa theatrically coverers  head with her arm . Ketty comes into the room, walked to sofa and sits near her mother.  KETTY: Mom, Mom, how are you? TOM: Don’t you see that she feels bad she has migraine KETTY: I’ll bring some medicine I know were it is.  MOTHER(with dying voice)Stay, stay here. Just stay. Kitty takes her hand and they sit. Kitty takes a deep breath looking at her backpack laying near the door. 
ashley.lr3 at 2016-06-29 17:40:20:
Scene #7 INT. MOTEL ROOM - DAY A shabby one level motel room in Mexico. Elliot (30s) enters the room. She's eating from a bag of chips she just purchased from a vending machine. The lights are off. There's a shadowy figure sitting by the window. Elliot turns on the light. The man is tied up, sitting with his throat slashed. ELLIOT: What the fuck. There's a knock from the bathroom door. SIMON (O.S.): Elliot? Goes to the door. It's locked. Intercut with: INT. BATHROOM - DAY Simon (30s) stands by the door in the bathroom, jiggling the handle. SIMON: I locked the door and it got stuck. ELLIOT: There’s a man in the room with his throat slashed. SIMON (O.S.): Come again? ELLIOT: It looks like it was a struggle. Definitely not a quick death. SIMON (O.S.): Wow. I didn't hear a thing. ELLIOT: What were you doing that you couldn't hear him die? SIMON: Nothing. Just peeing. ELLIOT: Sure. You were just peeing... SIMON: I'm a loud pee-er! A gunshot is heard in the distance. SIMON (O.S.): Was that a gunshot?! ELLIOT: Shit. I think it was a trap set-up by El Gigante. Another gunshot is heard. SIMON (O.S.): Fuck that sounded close. Elliot goes to the dead man. She finds his handgun and takes it off his hip. SIMON: You know Ellie, if these are our last moments, I just want you to know that the night we spent together at the Holiday Inn in Mexico City was the best night of my life. Even though now we’re running for our lives in the middle of nowhere in Mexico from one of the biggest drug-lords, I’m happy that I get to do this with you - ELLIOT: Step back from the door! I'm going to shoot it down on the count of three. One - SIMON (O.S.): Shoot it down? ELLIOT: Two! SIMON: Can I just say - ELLIOT: Three! SIMON: Oh fuck. Simon jumps in the bathtub, throws towels on top of him. Elliot shoots through the door. The bullets destroy the tile, the sink, the toilet. The door falls down. Elliot walks in and finds Simon is in the bathtub with all the towels. Elliot sniffs the air. A look of disgust. SIMON: I'm only human!
RealThndrMonkey at 2016-06-29 23:15:58:
SCENE No. 5 EXT. SNOWY LION INN - OUTHOUSE - DAY KANDAS ORCHORN (64 - dwarf, studious, frugal, anxious) stomps to the outhouse. The door creaks as Kandas pounds heavily on the door. KENDAS: Get ye butt out of there, c'mon. We're burning daylight. Nothing. Silence. KENDAS: The rest of the crew is ready to go, we're just waiting for you. Kendas looks over his shoulder. VICLARA EMBURFLAW (22 - half-elf, adventurous, smooth, vindictive) is tending her horse among the other mounts. DEIDRE HONORSCREAM (22, vivacious, physical, excitable) bounces away. Kendas is disgusted. He pounds on the door louder. KENDAS: What is taking ye so long? Silence. NUALA (O.S.): Are you sure he's in there? Kendas jumps. NUALA MYSTWYNDE (128, patient, enigmatic, grim) stands behind Kendas. KENDAS: Blast it, woman. Ye need to quit sneaking up on me. Yay, I saw the bloody mage go into the outhouse. (to the outhouse) NOW HE WON'T COME OUT! Kendas kicks the door. NUALA: So locking oneself in an outhouse is a means to escape from his duties. KENDAS: Are you going to open the door and go after him? Nuala considers this. NUALA: Point taken. Nuala begins to walk away. She stops and looks back. NUALA: You need to hurry up, we need to cover as much road as possible before nightfall. KENDAS: But the others-- Kendas looks and Viclara and Deidre are on their horses ready to go. KENDAS: Bah! Kendas watches Nuala walk away. NUALA: Quit staring at my ass. Kendas flusters, and pounds on the door. One of the boards begin to crack. KENDAS: By the All-Father's beard, boy, it shouldn't take this long. Kendas punches and kicks at the door. Splinters fly off. KOLAZ (O.S.): Why are are you hurting the door? Kendas jumps again, turns around and sees KOLAZ WÖDRUNNER (21, protective, stern, flamboyant) leaning up against a tree. KENDAS: Is this sneaking up on the dwarf day? KOLAZ: I'm a little disappointed you would think I would go into one of those things. It's completely unsanitary. Kolaz walks away. Kendas slowly opens the door and peaks inside. KENDAS: Oh... a thousand apologies padre.
RealThndrMonkey at 2016-06-29 23:30:22:
That was good. I didn't know what to expect and it held my interest. Seems like you have a lot going on in one scene. I can see the dead man sets the tone a bit, but it's all but forgotten, other than to serve as a place to stash a weapon.
dextro312 at 2016-06-30 02:16:50:
JARRET wakes ups in a bathtub in the bathroom that doesn't look familiar to him. He gets up and reaching for the door, but it's locked. He starts knocking on the door JARRET Hello!? (knock! Knock!) Hello?! Is anybody there? No response. Jarrett starts punding more louder on the door JARRET Can anybody hear me? HELLO!?? I'm stuck here!? UGH!!! Jarret is trying to push the door with his shoulder, with his weight but it won't break. He starts to look for some tools or something that can help him open the door in the drawers. FEMALE VOICE OUTSIDE THE DOOR No, please, don't kill me, leave me alone! NOOOOOOOO!!!! (Inhuman sounds) Jarret shocked, trying to find some weapon to protect him. He gets plunger and a some cleaner spray bottle and gets into the bathtub. SOMETHING INHUMAN UGH!!!!! RAHHRHHRHRH!!!! The voice is getting closer and starts scratching the door. Jarret is panicking. Somebody starts knocking loudly on the door. JARRET (talking to himself) Please, Oh God! Please, let me live. If I survive I'll dedicate the rest of my life serving you. please, I don't want to die. The door opens. Jarret closes his eyes, yelling starts spraying the cleaning stuff towards the door and swing plunger towards the door. Suddenly he hears a laughing. He opens the eyes and see few of his friends laughing on him, carrying a bluetooth speaker. They were the ones producing the voice and other sounds. JARRET Fuck you, guys Jarret gets out of the bath tub and passing his friends leaves the bathroom.