Scene 05 INT. "LIGHTHOUSE" BAR - DAY TWO NUNS walk in. MOTHER MARY (60s) and SISTER AGNES (40s). Black habits, white wimples, crosses hanging from the neck. A typical-fake Irish bar, wood and polished brass. On the wall above the counter a scaled-down Lighthouse model, complete with light. Below, TWO CHEERLEADERS. Behind the counter, KATE (20s), in front, back to the door, PENNY (20s). Sister Agnes nudges Mother Mary, they move forward. KATE I like your costumes, look very real, but we're still closed. Penny looks back, startled at the approaching nuns. PENNY Kate... they are real. KATE Real nuns? Not Halloween costumes? Like, ordinary nuns? In my bar? PENNY No, they're not ordinary nuns... Under Kate's puzzled gaze, the nuns throw benevolent nods and smiles her way, plant themselves in front of Penny. MOTHER MARY Here we are. We bring you the calling. PENNY Oh, no, not again. SISTER AGNES You left before taking the vows, but Penny, you can't refuse the calling. PENNY Yes, I can. I did. The two nuns glance at each other, Kate cuts in. KATE Look, sisters, no disrespect intended, but not every girl is fit for the habit. You'd better choose someone else, leave Penny alone. MOTHER MARY It's not us who choose. KATE Well, Penny has a choice and she chooses not to join your club. So you'd better be going since you're not going to drink anyway. Sister Agnes sighs loudly. SISTER AGNES Penny, think of what we do. PENNY That's the problem. MOTHER MARY When you think of what happens when you don't do what you can... PENNY No, it's too heavy a burden. The two nuns nod and sigh, their shoulders slump, as if they do indeed carry a great weight. SISTER AGNES You'll have to see for yourself. Like I did. Many years ago. MOTHER MARY It's Halloween. The gates are open. CRASH! SPLINTERS FLY as a 1968 DODGE CHARGER BURSTS IN, WRECKING the DOOR. Smoke billows up. The car's door opens and out jumps some GUY (20s). Devil-may-care attitude. GUY Ho-ho-ho. I loooove Halloween. Penny's attitude changes--ready for action. Mother Mary and Sister Agnes tense, slide away for each other. Kate just can't believe her eyes.

# SCENE 9 INT. CELL - NIGHT We are CLOSE on a bare lightbulb hanging off a wire from a stone ceiling. We can’t make out much as it swings but there’s no mistake what we can hear. The horrible, stomach turning sounds of a man being mercilessly beaten. The camera PANS DOWN to reveal VINCE and GOMEZ going to work on MARCO, who is tied to a wooden chair. The beating builds to a crescendo and then stops with all three exhausted. VINCE, sweating and breathless, slumps into a chair opposite MARCO and lights a cigarette. We see MARCO from his point of view, swollen eyes, and blood running down his white t-shirt. VINCE: This is hard work, huh Gomez! GOMEZ: Thirsty work. GOMEZ sits down beside VINCE and unscrews a bottle of ice cold water, which he drinks in one go, while MARCO watches thirstily. VINCE: You did good kid. 9 hours now, that’s impressive. Nothin’ to be ashamed of. (Leaning in) Tell us what you did with the suitcase. I want this to be over, for your sake. A name, a place…that’s all you gotta tell us. MARCO raises his head to face his interrogators. After a beat he bursts into hysterical laughter, a grin of bloody teeth spreading across his ruined face. VINCE and GOMEZ lean back, pissed. MARCO: (Laughing) That’s it? That’s what you guys got? (Laughter) A few smacks and, and - a bottle of water?! MARCO’s in fits of giggles. VINCE and GOMEZ look to each other in silent agreement. VINCE reaches for a phone on the desk. He dials. VINCE: (Into phone) Hey it’s me. Better bring in The Countess. MARCO’s laugh stops immediately. MARCO: Who’s…The Countess? GOMEZ: Oh, you don’t know The Countess? INT. CORRIDOR (CONTINUOUS) TRACKING along a corridor to the cells as two feet in intimidating high heels march into shot. Their owner is holding a suitcase and means business. GOMEZ (VO): No-one knows where she came from. Some say she’s the descendant of royalty. Others say she was trained by the KGB. INT. CELL (CONTINUOUS) GOMEZ takes a puff, while a concerned Marco watches. GOMEZ: We each got our specialisms right? Vince here, he’s good at finding people, the best. Me? I’m deadly with a rifle at a hundred yards. (A beat). But The Countess? Her specialism…it’s PAIN. INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT (FLASHBACK) The camera moves over a black suitcase, open, with an array of spine tingling items carefully placed inside: pliers, wires, a selection of knives, sandpaper, a blowtorch. A gloved hand moves into shot and places the final item inside: a silver hammer. Then CLOSE on a pair of lips being carefully painted in bright red lipstick. Finally, low on the floor, we watch the two heels march out of the hotel room. GOMEZ (VO): Her success rate? One hundred percent. I’ve seen generals, marines, hard-as-shit muthafuckas break before she’s even taken her gloves off. But the best part? She don’t stop. INT. CELL (CONTINUOUS) GOMEZ: One man - Jesus, I’ll never forget this - he confessed everything after she took out his first molar. But she just went on and took the rest out, one by one. Poor bastard drowned on his own blood. MARCO: OK, looks, guys, I want to talk. GOMEZ: (Leaning in) Oh we can talk Marco. We can talk all night. But that don’t change the fact that what’s done is done. INT. CORRIDOR (CONTINUOUS) We follow the black heels as they march relentlessly, along the corridor. GOMEZ (VO): The Countess is coming, and she’s coming for you. INT. CELL (CONTINUOUS) MARCO: (Panicking) Oh Jesus Christ, guys, look the suitcase, it’s at the La Plaza bus terminal. Box 243, keys in the tank above the gents. VINCE: See, I knew you’d come around eventually. Give him a cigarette Gomez. A moment of calm, as Gomez places a cigarette in Marco’s mouth and lights it. Marco takes a puff and seems to relax a little. He finally finds the confidence to crack a smile. Holding on his face, we gradually begin to hear the sound of heels on stone getting louder and louder. MARCO: (Cigarette drops out of his mouth) Hey guys, I told you everything. Look, don’t please, I, I… VINCE: Marco my friend, meet The Countess. The cell door opens and a silhouette figure walks in and stops under the bulb. Dressed in black in a long coat and broad rimmed hat, THE COUNTESS raises her head and the light from the bulb casts her face in extreme light and shadow. We can make out two cold determined eyes on a face of indistinguishable age. A grin spreads across impeccable red lipstick. THE COUNTESS: (Off Marco’s terrified face) I like it when they’re scared.

# FEEDBACK 17 I'm a bit confused about which character is being introduced in this scene, is it the guy? If so, his entrance feels like a sudden surprise that is unrelated to the rest of the action in the scene. Is there a way his entrance can be foreshadowed a bit earlier in the scene? It also might be worth establishing the bar scene before the nuns walk in, so that we carry the POV of Kate and Penny, rather than the nuns.

SCENE # 9 INT. GALLERY - NIGHT A large, snob gallery. Abstract paintings on the wall. Young people drink champagne, watch the pictures. Chat. Suddenly the sound of a small gong. Silence. An ASSISTANT enters followed by a large scary looking man. ASSISTANT: Monsieur Pechard is about to arrive. The assistant enters, walks among the crowd, looks at a woman with a strange, pointy hat. ASSISTANT: Monsieur Pechard doesn't like pointy hats, would you? please. The woman nervously takes her hat off, the scary looking man takes it. The assistant looks to a man with a suede jacket. ASSISTANT: No, no, no. Suede jackets remind Monsieur Pechard of his first breakup. You want him to be depressed? Out with it! The man takes off his jacket, the scary looking man takes it. ASSISTANT: All right, people. Don't ask for autographs. Takes out his phone, dials. ASSISTANT: Everything is ready, Monsieur. Everyone looks to the door, expecting. Nothing. A woman opens the door, enters the gallery, sprays air freshener all over the place, exits. Silence, expectation. ANTOINE PECHARD, a thin teenager in designer clothes enters driving a Segway. The assistant rushes towards him, follows him. Antoine drives through the gallery, examining the people. Stops in front of a woman. Whispers to his assistant something we can't hear. It's a lengthy conversation, the assistant just nods. ASSISTANT: Monsieur Pechard wants to know which one of his paintings is your favorite. WOMAN: Wow, eh the... red one over there? Antoine giggles, whispers to his assistant's ear. ASSISTANT: Monsieur Pechard wants to know if you would like autograph. WOMAN: I'm honored. ASSISTANT: Please extend your hand, palm down. Antoine takes out a stencil and a spray paint, paints a strange looking symbol on her hand. She's dleighted. Anthony drives through the crowd, exits.

Very interesting character, The Countess. And an excellent way to introduce her. I liked how you build the suspense. One thing I didn't find completely believable is that Marco just talks by what they say. We know what's in the suitcase, but he doesn't, I think it would work better if she arrives and takes out the tools in her suitcase while Vince and Gomez talk about what they have seen her do with each tool. Maybe he even underestimate her at the beginning.

FEEDBACK #5 Excellent overblown entrance here, Hector, especially with the final reveal of the character. I know this is supposed to be a short scene exercise, but I still felt the ending was a little anticlimactic and wanted to see a little more interaction with the character. But maybe that's what you were going for!

FEEDBACK #6 I agree with Adam here, Roy. I'm definitely picking up a biblical battle in the works with the inclusion of the nuns, Halloween, and your clever use of "devil", but could use a little more foreshadowing (especially if I'm wrong). Giving the girls more description instead of just labeling them cheerleaders could help, too. But I do think the out of nowhere entrance was intentional, and boy was it.

Scene 1 EXT/INT ... Dawn. A raven glides high above the pastoral grounds of a modern-day palace. It alights upon a palace skylight. A lattice works opens an inch. The Raven peeks through .... into a bedroom. The size of a small dance hall. ROY, a young man in his late twenties, sleeps. His Beatle mop-topped hair is disheveled from the night’s tossing and turning. He is covered in the lattice inspired light and shadows. A huge flat screen TV lightens until we see ANDREA, an androgynous looking, computer generated image. ANDREA (on TV): “Roy, first call. You have a big day ahead of you.” Roy turns a little in his bed. But awaken he does not. A PAN around the room. Mounted on a wall is a Fender Stratocaster enclosed in an plexiglass case with an autograph from Jimi Hendrix. There’s a trumpet, also affixed within plexiglass, with an autograph from Louis Armstrong. Back to the raven. The lattice now opens wide, bathing the room below in full light. The raven looks down upon a white grand piano encased in plexiglass. Atop it, in flamboyant script, is the autograph “ELTON JOHN - FROM ROYAL ALBERT HALL – DON’T LET THE SUN GO DOWN ON ME.” Next to the grand piano stands a cheap, digital piano - free from plexiglass. Roy’s night stand is littered with little air-line booze bottles. Grey Goose. Empties. Spent. ANDREA (On TV): “Roy, second and last call. A big day ahead. And you have a message from Emmy Lou. It’s about Jim. She’d like you to be at his rest home by nine. Roy arises. Rests on his elbows. Brushes sleep from his eyes, then stares at Andrea. ROY: “A few more minutes? Please,” ANDREA (ON TV):“We play this game every morning. But not today.” Roy’s head slumps back down to his pillow. There is a tap-tap-tap at the door. MAID (O.S.) “Roy, your breakfast.” ROY: “Okay,(sitting up) bring it in.” The maid, wearing a formal Victorian era uniform, wheels in a breakfast cart. Roy picks up a glass of orange juice and holds it up to the light. ROY (to the maid): “Thank you so much, my little voodoo child (he’s flirting now) but this is very orange. As if it has not been visited by my clear-feathered friend?” Roy looks up, smiles at the raven, and holds the glass up in a toast. MAID: “Voodoo child? So randy, so early in the morning? No Grey Goose. On Sol’s orders. The meeting with the Seven Titans - at noon - you know that. Roy swigs a little orange juice. The maid takes her leave. ANDREA (ON TV): “Roy, how are you feeling today? Won’t you give me a hint?” Roy stretches, then loiters over to the cheap digital piano. He bangs out a discordant tune ... then something a little more harmonious ... then back to the discordant. ANDREA (ON TV): “Roy, why the dissonance? On this, of all days?” Roy looks at the television, grins, and flips Andrea the bird. ANDREA (ON TV): “From discordance to insolence? In the blink of an eye?” ROY: “You know I’m just having some fun. Hey Joe, where you going with that gun … One for the money, two for the road! Consonance, the dissonance? Hand in hand. One without the other?” ANDREA (ON TV) “What do I tell Emmy Lou?” Roy takes his hands from the piano. Thinks a moment. ROY: “For Jim? It’s probably his time. Tell Emmy Lou I’ll be there.” Roy takes the few steps over to the baby grand and caresses the plexiglass case ... and gives the beautiful white grand piano a long, wistful look.

#FEEDBACK 18 Love this idea, a great way to build up the character before we see them. The segway is the perfect touch. Perhaps some other information could have been delivered about the people waiting and why they were so excited but otherwise, a nicely done scene!

# FEEDBACK 19 Some great vivid details here, I like the concept and it feels like some parts of the backstory the script alludes to have been developed more clearly. It doesn't feel like the scene has much drama to it though, in the sense that nothing significant happens that moves the plot forward. I was waiting for something to happen!

FEEDBACK #9 Adam, I liked this! It was a good use of the prompt, i.e., introducing "The Countess," who is innately intriguing in this context. i also think you did a good job with the overall description--it was nice and visual. There was suspense, as well. Good job. Liz

FEEDBACK #1 Agree. Nice use of the prompt. At first I think the brief case will be a Maguffin, as is the brief case in the opening scene from Pulp Fiction. But it has that same feel. I like the shot of the red lipstick. Gives it a femme fatale feel.

Feedback #2 Yep. The segway makes the scene. I can see it. Visually interesting with a little movement and action in what could otherwise be a visually dull setting. Nice touch.

SCENE #5 EXT/INT. CONVERSION LAB - AFGHANISTAN - DAY Outside, a portable gasoline-powered generator powers a heroin laboratory, polluting the immediate area with bluish smoke and motor noise. Inside, CONVERSION COOKS mix chemicals into the heroin base, filter it, and heat the base until it's dried. Then they submerge the base in ice baths until it is a thick white cream, resembling custard, and refrigerate it. GHULAM (30) goes inside the lab, unnoticed at first, over the busyness and racket. A FINISHING COOK (male, 45) pulls some heroin base out of refrigeration. He notices Ghulam. Finishing cook: Ghulam! The Finishing Cook pulverizes the base, quickly dissolving it on a stove in a stainless steel pot. He covers the pot, and then goes over to Ghulam to embrace. After chattering and well-wishing IN ARABIC, the cook escorts Ghulam outside. The two men unload the blocks Ghulam brought, and swap them out with some finished product, heroin hydrochloride, wrapped in paper. Money exchanges hands. The Cook watches as Ghulam departs on his bike, then heads back inside, back to his cooking. He pours liquid from the pot and collects the substance in the bottom. He adds a beige-colored powder to the mix from a barrel. Then wraps the substance in paper and places it on a wooden tray then takes it out to dry in the sun. We see the paper depicts a brand name, BaBa, and a logo, a BLACK SHEEP. EXT. ROADWAY - KABUL, AFGHANISTAN - DAY A car maneuvers a roundabout as uniformed schoolboys cross, and then pulls off the road, across from a bazaar. Young blue eyes with slight crow's-feet reflect from the rear view mirror, as they track the boys going on their merry way. We will later come to know these eyes as those of a paramilitary operations sharpshooter for the Special Activities Division, a division of the CIA's National Clandestine Service (NCS) responsible for covert operations simply known as "special activities." Let's just call him Blue Eyes for now. He rolls the passenger side window in his car down. EXT. BAZAAR- KABUL - DAY A bearded brown-haired shopkeeper, QAISAR, 20s, wearing a neat turban, pale pink tunic, and black pants, waits at a small booth at an open air bazaar. His stock-in-trade? Watermelons. In b.g. is the marketplace chattering, IN ARABIC, of deals being made. Arms folded across his chest, Blue Eyes spots someone -- another man -- in the distance. The two men lock eyes for a split second. Then Qaisar nods slightly in the other man's direction. As the other man nears the bazaar, we see it is Ghulam. Oddly enough, he wheels a baby carriage. Ghulam approaches the shop, pushing the baby carriage off to the side. He examines the watermelons. INT. CAR - KABUL - CONTINUOUS Blue Eyes watches the casual encounter between Qaisar and Ghulam as he attaches a silencer to a firearm. Qaisar meanders over to the baby carriage. Blue Eyes takes aim first at Qaisar, then at Ghulam. Blue Eyes pauses. THROUGH CROSSHAIRS he watches Ghulam lean towards the watermelons, obstructing a clean shot. Qaisar peers inside the carriage. Blue Eyes re-aims -- Qaisar peers inside the baby carriage. Blue Eyes readies his shot -- Qaisar quickly pulls back a small blanket in the carriage and looks inside again. Then up -- Blue Eyes pulls the trigger -- BANG! It's not Ghulam he was aiming for, it was Qaisar! Qaisar takes the bullet in the head, immediately hitting the ground. Watermelons fly off the shelf and hit Qaisar's motionless body. Silencer notwithstanding, there's no mistaking that was a gunshot! A few passersby gasp at the spectacle and flee. The schoolboys react in shock and awe. NEW ANGLE. A veiled AFGHANI WOMAN of indeterminate age bravely rushes over to the baby carriage and dashes off with it. AFGHANI WOMAN: (in Arabic) A baby! Somebody help me get the baby to safety! Please! A ways away from the bazaar, she stops, out of breath, and looks inside the carriage. She sees the dozens of one kilogram cotton bags with stamps on them. She rips one open. Then gasps. Afghani Woman: Ya Allah! We can see that inside the bag is a snow-white powder. Grade-A injectible heroin. With the BaBa logo.

Feedback #6: Great pace, as usual. We get into the room with just enough details to understand the gallery. I am constantly intrigued by the characters, and when the girl comes in with the air freshener it's that kind of oddness that lets a viewer settle in because you don't know what kind of oddness is going to happen. Antoine lives up to the hype by being completely unexpected. I think the moment Antoine whipsers, we are right on the edge. It's a great moment to let some tension. What if he giggled, and stares at her for a beat. She blushes, looks away, then up, then away. Then Antoine whispers to the assistant, closes his eyes, opens them, whispers something else. We're on the hook there, waiting, because you've built it up so well. Love the spray paint on the hand. Great job.

Yes, the entrance is supposed to be a sudden surprise, that's the point. Of course, it all starts with "Two nuns walk into a bar..." Thanks, Adam and Nicholas.

Scene #4 INT. CHURCH BASEMENT - NIGHT HAL (30s) stands outside a divorce support group room in a Midwestern Methodist church. He looks through the door and sees an assortment of older men and women. He reaches for the door when MARI (30s) exits from the women's bathroom down the hall. She takes a swig from a flask. Hal sees her. She sees that Hal sees her. He looks away. She walks directly towards Hal. MARI: Do you see any coffee cake in there? HAL: No. MARI: Figures. Mari takes a swig her flask. MARI: You want some rum? HAL: That's not inappropriate at all. MARI: Come on. It's not an AA meeting. … Is it? HAL: No. It’s … for divorcees. MARI: Ugh that’s more depressing. Mari takes another swig from the flask. HAL: You do realize we are in a church? MARI: It's a Methodist church. They won't give a shit. Mari offers Hal the flask. HAL: I’m good. MARI: Are you? Beat. Hal looks at the flask. Sniffs it. Then he takes a drink. Coughs a bit. MARI: You ready? HAL: Sure. Hal goes to open the door. Mari grabs his hand. MARI: What are you doing? HAL: Going to the meeting. MARI: Fuck that. Follow me. Mari takes his hand and pulls him away from the door. MARI: I’m Mari, by the way. HAL: Hal. Mari and Hal walk up a stairwell. David Bowie’s Golden Years starts to play.

INT. LIVING ROOM – DAY JON is playing games on his iPad as LARRY opens the door. When Larry comes in, a canned sitcom LAUGH plays. Larry jumps back outside, which makes the laugh even louder. LARRY: What the hell is that? JON: What? The audience LAUGHS. LARRY: All the laughing? JON: Don’t hear a thing? LARRY: How? The audience laughs again. LARRY: It’s not even that funny. The audience groans. JON: You’re right. It’s not funny. The audience laughs. LARRY: Am I just going crazy? Larry tries running out of the living room, and the audience keeps laughing. He runs back in and goes searching. LARRY: Where the hell are they? Larry removes couch cousins and opens up closets to find the voice. The audience is at full force, and Larry SCREAMS. LARRY: I'm tired of this world. Larry sprints out of the door as the audience claps. Jon pushes a button on his iPad to emit a LAUGH. JON: I thought he’d figure it out sooner or later.

This is Scene #9 for me.

SCENE #9 INT. SANDER HOUSE - DAY Christmas morning and the Sander House is buzzing. JERRY the youngest at age 5 is tearing through presents under the decorated tree. JODY the middle child of 12 is carefully selecting out her gifts one by one and piling them away from her annoying brother. MOM and DAD sit on the couch watching looking almost sad at their kids excitement. MOM (to Dad): Don't you wish we could at least see him? DAD (to Mom): Maybe next year. MOM: It's been 7 years since he even called. JERRY: It's a robot! Yes! Jody rolls her eyes and continues her process. MOM: Let's get away next year? DAD: Do you want to take them too? He points at Jerry who is now eating and spitting up wrapping paper to get some attention. MOM: Jerry stop that, open another one. JODY: Here, this one's yours. She hands Jerry a gold wrapped box. MOM (to Dad): Did you do that? DAD: No, I thought that was you. Jody walks up to her parents. JODY: Here, everyone got one. She hands them a gold box each and they are puzzled. MOM: Did you do this sweetie? JODY: No. JERRY: Santa is the best! He holds up a new t-shirt with his favorite cartoon character. JODY: No freaking way! DAD: Language! Mom looks over and Jody holds up a new cell phone. She runs over and squeezes Dad with a loving hug. JODY: Sorry, I love you guys, you rock. Does it have service already? MOM: We didn't do it. Mom now tears through her gold wrapping paper and opens her box. It has a phone book inside with a note on the cover. MOM: Go to the front door. She looks and her husband has opened his as well, with the same message. The doorbell rings. JERRY: SANTA! The family all sprint to the door with anticipation. Jerry gets their first and opens it. He looks up to see two armed men in suits standing as pillars to the scrawny man between them. As the other family members arrive to the door they are confused. JOHNNY the eldest stands between his armed guards with his hair slicked back, sunglasses low on his nose, smacking gum between his bleached teeth. MOM: Johnny? JOHNNY: MOMMA! It's me, Johnny boy! DAD: What happened to your hair? JODY: Why do you look so creepy? JERRY: Can I play with that guy's gun? Johnny laughs at his family. JOHNNY: None of you have changed. Can I come in? Or are we gonna have to get tough? Johnny plays at shadow boxing before throwing a hand up as a joke. The family backs up and gives them room at the door. One security guy, JOE props the door for Johnny who turns serious. JOHNNY: Joe, take the bullets out and let my little brother have a turn. Joe releases the clip from his gun. JOHNNY: Don't forget about the chamber. Joe widens his eyes and then nods in agreement before popping a live round out of the chamber. JOE: Here you go little man. Johnny puts his arms around his parents and walks them away from the door and his body guard's. JOHNNY: Momma, big chief, we've got some catching up to do.

FEEDBACK #7 Definite immersion into this scene as it built the anticipation keeping the prep team to only 2-3 people. Agree with the other feedback that the segway was a great punch. Nice work.

FEEDBACK #6 Intriguing scene. Very vivid and intense. The only thing I would say confused me was why Arabic would be heard in a Kabul Market place, or why a local Afghan woman would be yelling in Arabic. Pashto and Dari are the official languages of Afghanistan.

FEEDBACK #7 This was an incredible read. I felt like I was following along in a comic book movie. Very morbid but sexy. I must admit I didn't exactly understand the prompt for this one... until I read your scene. First time the scene clarifies the prompt for me. The Countess is still edged into my mind as I write this. The only thing is, I would agree with Hector that someone who withstood 9 hours of torture and was still good to go for more goes from laughing deliriously to sudden and complete fear.

FEEDBACK #11: I love how you keep building up the intrigue and the steps you need for this person. The only thing I was really hoping was that with all of the steps they needed to take, I wanted to see some more conflict in the scene to showcase just how snobby he can be as well. I think the fear relaxed by this autograph encounter is neat, but now is the perfect time to really step the conflict to overdrive.

SCENE 9 INT - ELEMENTARY CLASSROOM - DAY TEACHER - Okay now class, we have a new student. I'd like everyone to be extra welcoming of Michelle Tanner. Remember we have to be friendly and help her get adjusted so be nice! A storm of inquisitive chatter buzzes around the classroom and rumors begin to spread. STUDENT 1- I heard she got kicked out of her last school because she was caught in the boy's bathroom! STUDENT 2 (O.S.)- No way! We see the heel end of a pair of sneakers as they walk along a school hallway. STUDENT 3 (O.S.)- I heard Principal Novak told her she can only come if she sdkfhsjgh The sneakers continue walking down the hallway. STUDENT 1 and 2- NO WAY! STUDENT 4- My sister told me this is her fifth school this year. She must be a real psycho. We track up from the sneakers to see a pair of off brand jeans, a turtle neck, and a ponytail. STUDENT 4 (O.S.)- I mean who needs to transfer that many times? I'm telling you something is seriously fishy. The teacher tries to get the class under control but with little luck. The students are in a buzz. We see a hand wearing a glove reach for the classroom doorknob and twist it. The class hears the doorknob and falls silent abruptly. TEACHER- Michelle Tanner? Ms Tanner, please do come in. Michelle opens the door to reveal her unusually extensive facial makeup and gloves. Not a single part of her body isn't clothed. Shy, she walks in and closes the door behind her, not realizing her shirt is caught in the door. TEACHER- Ms Tanner, please come on in. If you don't mind, please share a few words with us about yourself. As Michelle walks over to the front of the class, her shirt tears to reveal nothing behind it. Michelle quickly notices as the class gasps. She tries to pull her shirt free but can't with her thick gloves. Without thinking, she removes them. Louder gasps and shock fill the room, the gloves are floating in the air. STUDENT 2 - (wide-eyed) What…what… STUDENT 3- What is she? Michelle, embarrassed and scared, begins to cry. Tears are seen gliding sideways across her face, the tears begin to wash away some of her makeup. The more makeup removed, the less of Michelle's face is visible. MICHELLE - I…I…I have to go. Michelle dashes out of the classroom. Everyone in the class is left stunned. STUDENT 4- I guess that's school number 6.

FEEDBACK #8 I loved this scene! I watched this to the tune of disney cartoon dog characters. I imagined Pechard almost a look a like of Goofy's son. And yes, I agree with everyone the segway was the perfect touch, although his rad signing style was pretty impressive too!

scene 9... my smart ass interpretation of the suggestion INT. PARTY - NIGHT The party rages on. PEOPLE mingle, sipping drinks and eating snacks. The door SMASHES in, splintering and flying everywhere. A red carpet rolls out and a SQUAT MAN in a tuxedo with tails runs in and unleashes a lengthy scroll that unravels across the entire floor and out the opposite door. SQUAT MAN: Eh hem. Introducing Mr. Bradley Barrington. BRADLEY BARRINGTON enters and people MUMBLE at the sight of him. He's quite clearly got the impression of a penis on the side of his face. He leans over to the squat man. BRADLEY: Is it working? SQUAT MAN: Like a charm sir. No one even notices your face. BRADLEY: Excellent. We made quite the impression.

FEEDBACK 9 I really enjoyed that . I agree with another comments that MARCO that it was too easy for MARCO to give up. If he new already about the COUNTESS and new how terrific she is, that would make him scared immediately

FEEDBACK 10 I love that. I would add more descriptions about his uniq dress, his extravagant look, or haircut. That hi is not just examining people but do it with fastidiousness (as example) . And would be nice to add more tension (seduction) or conflict with the girl (like her boyfriend also here and he does not like that) . Very good scene though . thank you

SCENE 10 EXT. MAYA. ON THE TOP OF THE PYRAMID Cholula. 900 AD High PRIST Ah Cucumatz stays in front of 11 priests. The king Kan,  his son Kinich, elite and bodyguards stay in kings lodge. Among them on the ground there are thousands of citizens and slaves, prepared for sacrifice. PRIST Ah Cucumatz raises his hands Ah CUCUMATZ: The God Itzamná angry on us, that is why we did not have rain for 4 months. That is why the harvest  is lost. That is why people dying. beat Ah CUCUMATZ: (coun’t) I had a dream tonight! Itzamná came to me and said: There will be more dead.  The King steps to the PRIST  THE KING?: Did the GOD tell you, in your dream, what do we need to do to atone him Ah CUCUMATZ: Yes, God Itzamná wants 10 000 hearts of slaves. And he wants your Son  THE KING: My Son?  Ah CUCUMATZ: Yes, your son has the privilege to be sacrificed first!  The KING comes to the PRIST and speaks quietly so none can hear.  THE KING: Ah Cucumatz, Are you crazy or kidding? I can tell you that this is bad joke! I will order to take your heart first AH CUCUMATZ(quiet): Kidding? How I can make jokes in front of the GOD, how I or you can disturb the GOD’s order? (loud) Do we want more deaths? do we want new adversities? The king must be  be happy that his son  will  touch GODS feet today!. The king send a signal to his chief of bodyguards. The priest turns to soldiers and orders AH CUCUMATZ: With the name of the GOD I order you! Take Kinich to the altar. I’ll take his heart.  THE KING: Guards I order! take the priest instead! Or you’ll be the next on altar THE MAIN BODYGUARD: My King we can not serve against the god!  THE KING: traitors! you’ll be put to death! FOUR priests take resisting son Kinich, bring him to the stone and tied. The High Priest comes to him and rises hands with long stone knife.  All of a sudden the wind blows, lightnings flash. From nowhere in the air silver aircraft appeares and hangs. On the top of the ship a smoking cabin is opened. A man in silver space costume and helmet appears.  Everyone looks at him in astonishment and amazement. The knife fells on the floor. Soldiers drop spears  The pilot takes off his helmet. That is smiling Mark 39 (a space traveler scientist). He looks around,  MARK: (in english) Holly Shit! Wow! I came just by time! Time machine works!  AH CUCUMATZ: People, all on knees! that is the GOD Itzamná! All dropped on their knees ecstatic.  Mark takes IPAD and reads in MAYAN language with mistakes and bad prononsiations MARK: People of MAYA! this man (he points on the first priest) the Lier and he does not know what is going on! You have global climate problems and I’ll teach you what to do to survive!  A spear flies and sticks right in his head. Mark fells down in cabin. We can hear alarm sound. BIB-BIB- BIB And the ship vanishes in the air.   Everybody turns to the PRIST AH CUCUMATZ: I made a mistake. That is not the god!  The king silently takes the Knife and sink in Ah CUCUMATZ’s back. Sloggers take their spears and also sink them in the PRIST’s body.