SCENE 01 INT. SAWYER HOUSE - LIBRARY - NIGHT Just the faint outline of a door in the darkness. The handle moves. The door opens a slit. FLASH of blinding light. A beam spears through the darkness, across the room, until it glints off a bookcase with glass doors. JACK CLAYTON (late 20s) moves in, a penlight in hand. Skulks to the bookcase. His gloved hand splayed against the glass, the light steady on a spot--where two books are further apart than the others. The beam frantically moves across the rows. SAWYER (O.S.) May I be of assistance? A second of wavering, then the light-beam slices the dark, catches a face, a hand rises to shield the face. SAWYER Point that away. A click, and a tall floor lamp lights up. DONALD SAWYER (late 60s), elegant and austere, seated in a leather armchair, a small polished wooden table by his side. At the edges of the circle of light, the outlines of book-filled bookcases. Sawyer's eyebrows rise inquisitively. JACK I couldn't sleep, thought I'd come here for a book to read. I didn't want to disturb anyone. SAWYER Mighty civil of you. JACK And you're here because...? SAWYER I just like to sit in the dark, thinkin'. JACK Oh, you do? SAWYER As much as you like night-readin' in your gloves. Jack glances at his gloves, fidgets with the extinguished penlight. JACK Some of your books are old, I didn't want to spoil anything. SAWYER Ah. Like this lil'ole notebook? He rises from his seat, a hand holding a worn leather-bound notebook. JACK Gimmit. Now! He steps forward, extends his arm, Sawyer brings up his other hand--it holds a GUN. Jack freezes. SAWYER I want you out of my house. Go by your own feet now or be carried out feet first later. Jack hesitates, Sawyer's hand keeps the gun steady. JACK I'll go, I'll go. SAWYER I'm not sure if that's the right choice. He FIRES.

INT. WAREHOUSE - NIGHT Inside a dimly lit warehouse room, JIMMY (30) and EARL (30) sit across from each other at a table. Between them, a MAN (50s) sits tied to a chair and gagged. They sit in silence, the Man looks back and forth at them. Desperate. Jimmy stands up and pulls out a gun. The Man GRUNTS and shakes his head. He shouts a muffled “NO”. Jimmy aims the gun at the man and takes a deep breath. He stiffens his aim. EARL Would you look at that? Jimmy “The Bull” Malone can’t get it up for his first time. JIMMY Shut up, Earl. I’m gonna do it. EARL Then do it. JIMMY I’m doing it. EARL I see that. JIMMY Okay, Dirty Harry. You think it’s so easy. You do it. Jimmy slides the gun across the table. The Man’s eyes follow the gun, then he locks eyes with Earl. Earl picks up the gun and looks it over. He looks at the Man. The Man shakes his head. Earl looks back at the gun. EARL Where’s the safety? JIMMY Right on the side above the trigger. EARL Here? Earl shows Jimmy the gun. JIMMY No, that’s the slide release. It’s the one above it. EARL Here? JIMMY Yeah. Earl fiddles with the safety. BANG! A bullet flies through the top of the Man’s ear, leaving a finger sized hole in it. The Man twists and screams in pain. Earl drops the gun onto the table. Jimmy walks around and looks through the hole in the Man’s ear. JIMMY (CONT’D) Nice shot, Earl. Jimmy slides his finger through the hole. The Man jerks his head in pain.

SCENE #8 EXT. OUTDOORS - DAY KEIR (30) holds a gun, the background is blurry. KEIR: You have to control your breath. Breath in, breath out. It will take you years of practice to achieve my level. I've been doing this for years and it still takes a huge emotional toll every single time. Every. Single. Time. ANDY (VO). Don't you think? KEIR: Hush. Don't interrupt me. I'll loose my concentration. And that can costs us a lot. Once you master the art of properly breathing you have to decide which one to shoot. Which one is worthy to have a bullet put into his head. Not the body, that's easy. The head. That's where real masters aim. He takes a deep breath. Shoots. KEIR: You want maximum damage with a single bullet. There are no second chances. Now, feel the trigger, become one with your weapon, it's not a weapon anymore, it's an extension of your body, it breathes with you, beats along with your heart, thinks along with your brain. You and the gun are now one single entity with the sole purpose of inflicting the maximum damage to the target. Now it's time to end his suffering. Shoots. A row of ducks in a shooting gallery. He misses. Now we see Keir and Andy are in a carnival shooting gallery. KEIR: It's the gun. This things are rigged. ANDY: May I? Keir gives Andy the gun, he aims, shoots. Hits a duck. Shoots Hits another duck Shoots Hits a third duck. Shoots, the gun is empty. KEIR: Beginner's luck.

Feedback #6 Great start, as usual. Really enjoyed the deep breathing and the gun. For yogis like me it's super intriguing. I think you're on to something with that vibe. A meditating hitman. The end was catchy with the other guy hitting the ducks. I imagine these guys have just been paired up to do a job and are on the road at a carnival waiting for a mark. Feels like the Nice Guys. Easy read, just blew right through it.

Scene #8: Neil Vidya EXT. - LIGHT HOUSE - RAINY NIGHT PAUL (32) stands outside the lantern room of a lighthouse, staring through binoculars down at the rocky terrain below. He is tirelessly searching for something through the rain. A man catching his eye, crossing the rocks with a gun in his hand. Paul yanks up his walkie talkie. PAUL He's coming, he's got a gun. KURT Shit. PAUL I've got the upper hand. KURT Don't be cocky. PAUL I've got this. Start your landing, I'll take care of him. KURT We don't have much of a choice - I'm out of gas. PAUL hides on the opposite side of the lantern as we hear footsteps come up. The large man finally makes it up and looks at the lantern, he opens a panel and starts fiddling. PAUL crouches, approaches him from behind and snatches the gun from the man's hand and pulls it on him. PAUL Down on the ground, now! The man lifts his arms, but smiles. PAUL Down! The man points at the gun. PAUL You got a death wish? The man takes a step forward. PAUL Final warning! Another step. PAUL You fucked up Frankenstein. Click. No bullets. SMACK. Paul hits the floor, sliding in the rain, the gun toppling off the ledge. MAN Ran dry on bullets this afternoon. Would love to say it was a decoy, but nah, dumb luck. The man kicks Paul in the mouth. MAN Well... if it isn't Paul Connor. Hey, when it rains, it pours. The walkie-talkie crackles. KURT Paul? Come in, we're three kilometers out. The MAN turns suddenly and shuts down the lantern light. At that moment, PAUL rolls away down the stairs and shuts the door, trapping the man above. The walkie-talkie crackles. KURT Paul? Come in - the light's gone out. We're only 50 clicks out. PAUL Damn it, damn it. KURT I've got this, he said. Maybe my dead body will be enough to make you think ahead for once in your life. PAUL Nobody's dying, just, just. I GOT IT! Stay on course towards the light - it'll be up in 5 minutes. KURT What you gonna do? PAUL has one leg out of the nearby window, looking for a grasp to climb upwards. PAUL I'll tell you after! It'll be one hell of a story!

#SCENE 8 INT. STUDY - AFTERNOON We open on EXTREME CLOSE UP of a gun barrel pressed to a temple, so close it takes a few seconds to PAN from trigger to head. We hear the sound of a large antique clock, ticking loudly, relentlessly, almost as if it’s awaiting the end of the world. The PAN continues until a pair of eyes fill the frame. This is DANIEL (late 30s, handsome, clean shaven). He is calm, his eyes are red but stare into nothing. He doesn’t seem afraid. Calm breathing. Daniel looks up and we see the clock from his point of view, the brass hands click to 2:59 and the second hand continues. DANIEL: (Quietly) Well, are you going to do this or not? At this point we cut back to a WIDE SHOT and see Daniel sitting in a chair, alone, holding the gun to his head. He’s dressed in cream chinos and a lilac polo shirt, well groomed. It’s a large well lit office in what we presume must be an expensive home, very tidy. Legal books fill the shelves and then of course there’s that clock. As the clock ticks, the camera moves around the room picking out a series of framed photographs on the wall: a younger Daniel in graduation gown, a framed degree from Harvard Law School. Photographs of Daniel with a pretty wife, a newborn and finally a toddler. Back to the clock. It’s at 30 seconds past the minute. Daniel takes another deep breath and cocks the revolver. He adjusts himself making sure he’s comfortable in the chair. 40 seconds past the minute. The camera pans onto the desk by Daniel where a single sheet of expensive notepaper rests with the handwritten words: SORRY I DID IT THIS TIME. Tick, tock, tick, tock. The second hand moves past 50 seconds. Daniel closes his eyes. He’s just listening to the clock. A beat. Suddenly, the sound of knocking from outside the room. GIRL: Daddy! Can I come in? Daniel’s eyes open, his concentration broken. He pulls the gun away from his head and calmly places it back in the drawer in the desk, along with the note. His face widens into a big smile. DANIEL: Of course you can princess! The door opens and a 4-year-old girl, dressed as a fairy, comes in and gives Daniel a big hug. GIRL: Mummy says you have to come help her make the bouncy castle for my party! DANIEL: OK sweetie, let’s go! He picks her up and carries her out of the room. As he closes pulls the door closed, he pauses and looks at the clock one more time.

#FEEDBACK 15 There's lots of action in this scene and I love the lighthouse setting but I found I got a bit confused by the geography of the room. Also, it would be great to use the unique environment to make the fight more original. For example, maybe one of them could use the light to temporarily blind the other? If I were the man and my objective was to disable Paul and switch off the lighthouse, I might have killed two birds with one stone and smashed Paul's face into the bulb etc. Otherwise, a really fun set up!

#FEEDBACK 16 Great writing, especially towards the end. The "shoots / hits duck" repetition really conveys the fast pace of the shooting, and would give the director/editor a very clear idea of how to edit that moment.

SCENE #4 EXT. HOUSE - REMOTE AREA - NIGHT COMMANDOES JAMIE (29) and CHRISTOPHER (25) sneak up to a small house in their specialist garb and gear. JAMIE (whispers and points) In there. The two take their positions. JAMIE (CONT'D) On my count... They both steady themselves. JAMIE (CONT'D) Three... They cock their weapons. JAMIE (CONT'D) Two... They ready their aims. JAMIE (CONT'D) One. The guys forcibly enter the house. Four MILITIAMEN guard the interior. They jump in surprise when Jamie and Christopher charge inside. BANG! BANG! BANG! A shootout! Jamie and Christopher quickly overtake the militiamen and tie them up. The militiamen look about nervously. Jamie and Christopher see the militiamen's' hostage, SANDMAN (55) sitting on the floor in a corner. Sandman blinks. Looks at the commandoes. Notices they're Americans. SANDMAN What took you so long? A MOMENT LATER Jamie and Christopher inspect and secure the house from opposite sides. JAMIE Holy shit! CHRISTOPHER What is it? JAMIE Come over here! Look at this! Christopher goes over to Jamie. Using his rifle butt, Jamie moves back a curtain. Christopher looks behind the curtain. His mouth drops. JAMIE (to Sandman) Where did all that come from? Sandman shakes his head and shrugs, not altogether convincingly. To his right is a large pile of gold bullion. It didn't get there by itself.

GLG Scene #5 INT. BASEMENT – NIGHT CASCARI sits at a well-lit table thickly covered with newspapers, across from FLYNN, whose hands are in his lap. Cascari points at the 9mm automatic in front of him. CASCARI: You ever clean one of these, Flynn? FLYNN: No. I hate guns. I’m an attorney, not muscle. CASCARI: Bully for you. Cascari picks up the gun, presses the magazine release and lets the full magazine fall to the table. CASCARI: You shouldn’t hate guns. They’re just inanimate objects. FLYNN: They kill innocent people. CASCARI: Sometimes. Mostly they’re just another tool, like a hammer. Look at this. Does it say “I love shooting people?” (a beat) Does it? Flynn shakes his head. CASCARI: Of course not. Just an innocent tool. (points at the gun in his hand) Unloaded, right? FLYNN: I guess. Cascari pulls back on the action and a cartridge ejects from the chamber and flies off to the right, landing on the floor. Cascari locks the slide open with the catch. CASCARI: Whatta you know? There was one in the chamber. Good thing I didn’t point it at you and pull the trigger to scare you. (points the empty gun at Flynn) The joke would have been on me. Flynn wipes his brow. Cascari twists the dissassembly latch clockwise, then pulls it from the action. CASCARI: Besides, it’s not good for the gun. FLYNN: Whadda ya want with me? What’s this all about? Cascari releases the slide catch and lets the slide separate from the frame. CASCARI: It seems there’s some questions about your loyalty to the Family. Cascari removes the spring and takes out the barrel. Flynn is sweating now, his hands fidgeting as he watches Cascari run an oil pad through the barrel from back to muzzle. FLYNN: I don’t know what to say. What have I done? Flynn grabs the table to keep his hands still. CASCARI: You’ve been seen talkin’ to the Bacciagalupes. Some would call that a sign of disloyalty. Cascari removes the rod, replaces the barrel and puts the spring back in. FLYNN: It was just talkin’, y’know? Just a conversation. Flynn clears his throat. He tries to move his chair back, but finds it’s screwed to the floor. Cascari reattaches the slide, presses it back and holds it open with the slide catch. Looks at Flynn. CASCARI: What about? Cascari reinserts the disassembly latch with some force. FLYNN: I dunno. I can’t remember. Rocco Baccigaloop told me a joke or something. Yeah, that was it. We laughed, we said adios motherfucker, and we left. Cascari releases the slide catch and lets the slide go forward. CASCARI: Did he give you anything? Money? Data? A phone number? FLYNN: No. Nothing. CASCARI: Are you loyal or not? Cascari inserts the magazine, chambers a round with a ka-chack! Points gun at Flynn, left-handed. FLYNN: (shaky) Loyal. All the way. You can trust me 1000%. CASCARI: Okay. I believe you. Just checking, you know? Now I just have to use the lie detector on you and then you can go. FLYNN: Lie detector? When did we get a lie detector? Cascari leans to his right and reaches down to the floor. CASCARI: Where’s that loose round? Flynn snatches the pistol from Cascari, fumbles with the safety, then points the weapon at Cascari. Cascari straightens up, hands at his sides. CASCARI: Is there something you want to say? FLYNN: You shoulda shot me when you had the chance. Flynn smiles and pulls the trigger. Click. Click, click, click. He looks at the weapon, frowns, then his eyes go wide. Cascari rises, his right hand sweeping upward and across the table. Flynn tries to back away, but the chair stops him. The machete in Cascari’s hand slices deep into his throat. He gurgles, then collapses in the chair, staring at Cascari, mouth opening and closing, his eyes still wide in horror. The gun slips from his hand. CASCARI: No firing pin. Makes a great lie-detector, though.

Feedback 01 Hi, Liz Good job on establishing something shady going on--besides militiamen and kidnapping, I mean. However... "The guys forcibly enter the house." "BANG! BANG! BANG! A shootout! Jamie and Christopher quickly overtake the militiamen and tie them up." This would be fine for the outline/beat sheet, but it's too simple for a screenplay, IMO. Even if someone else will choreograph the scene, the writer needs to provide more than "They fight", which is more or less what you do here.

Feedback 02 Hi, Jeff, back with a bag of tricks, eh? It works very well as a lie detector. I like the actions, I like the dialogue. Therefore, just nitpicking: Shouldn't we see the machete when we see Cascari's hand? So, firstly, we should just see Cascari's ARM moving, not his hand, yet.

Good catch. Believe it or not, I initially thought arm, just as you suggest. Of course, the director will think this is HIS movie, and will shoot it to please himself, probably with the table in a pool of light from a single 200W bulb above it. He (or she) may likely show Cascari from behind, the hand with the machete only visible after the arm has leapt up out of the darkness and swept past Flynn. So yes, definitely, ARM. :)

SCENE #8: EXT. WAREHOUSE – NIGHT HECTOR climbs up the fence and sneaks behind some boxes. He looks around and there’s no spotlights or guards. He decides to run in, but just as he leaves the boxes he hears a CLICK. ZOEY is standing right behind him, holding a pistol to his head. Hector holds his hands up. ZOEY: Did you really think I was that stupid? HECTOR: I hoped. ZOEY: I just knew how much I needed to stop you. Turns out to be not a lot. HECTOR: Look, what’s your plan? ZOEY: Didn’t I already tell you I’m not that stupid? HECTOR: I’m only asking if you ever had the chance to think about your own situation. ZOEY: What do you – Several spotlights zoom in on Zoey’s position. Several armed men jump out of their corners with assault rifles all aimed at Zoey. Zoey turns his head at all of his perpetrators. HECTOR: You can try and kill me, but they’ll make sure to kill you right after. ZOEY: So you planned this all along? HECTOR: I guess you are that stupid. Zoey sighs and looks at all of the armed men. She glares right back at Hector. ZOEY: I have nothing left to lose. She shoots him right in the head, and the armed men rattle her with bullets. They both drop dead on the cement at the same time, all in a matter of seconds.

FEEDBACK #10: I love the interaction here, and all of the twists with Sawyer unraveling Jack's intents and pulling out his own gun. It's a great relationship here. The one thing that is not so great is that ending line with "He FIRES." Which he? Jack or Sawyer? There's just too much confusion in what is otherwise a visual and tense scene.

There is only one gun, and it's in Sawyer's hand. "He" who FIRES is therefore unambiguously Sawyer. Yes, the scene is terse.

Maybe a little TOO terse.

Thank you, Steven and Jeff.

FEEDBACK #5 As soon as I reached "a row of ducks in a shooting gallery" I actually laughed. It was very well written. I could see the scene while reading.

SCENE #5 EXT. OUTDOORS – DAY MAN (his face covered with a black handkerchief, wearing a pair of casual jeans and white tee-shirt) holds a gun, the background is blurry. MAN - I never wanted to be here. Background noise becomes audible. Sounds of people gasping, news crews setting up and police trying to keep the media and people at a distance. A wide shot reveals that the MAN is standing in the middle of a busy NY street, at the end of his gun is a frozen SARAH (23, an outspoken activist, known for her unpopular and controversial views, visibly Muslim). MAN has tears rolling down his face. He's trembling and can't hold the gun steady. People crowded around can be seen with their phones out, recording. POLICEMAN (O.S.) - Sir, this is Officer Matthews of the NYPD. I'm gonna ask you to please put the gun down. MAN - I really never wanted to be here. (Staring directly into Sarah's eyes) It's your kind, they come here and pollute us. All they do is bring heartache and misery. I'm not this. I never wanted to be this. You made me like this. SARAH doesn't say a word, she's frozen in place. All she does is stares back. POLICEMAN (O.S.) - Sir, I'm sure we can talk this through. I'm hopeful, I just need you to put the gun down. MAN - And you! You're worse than the rest of them. You parade yourself, proud of your identity…of what you think you stand for. MAN almost drops the gun, people gasp as he tries to get a stronger grip on his gun. MAN - Let me tell you what you what you stand for. You stand for murder, you stand for breaking a man's soul and burning what little pieces remain until there's nothing left. Beat. A tear falls down his eyes. MAN - Until everything inside you is just darkness. Until the darkness rests so deep within it becomes you by not allowing you to be able to see right, see mercy, see any morsel of peace. There's just nothing. Nothing and fear. That is all I have left. (he tightens his grip on, but it's still not steady in his hands) And it's all your fault. Camera cuts to OFFICER MATTHEWS, MATTHEWS - (to his fellow policemen) Do we have any information on this guy yet? C'mon people! Get me anything! POLICEMAN - Sir, you're not going to like this… MATTHEWS turns to find a woman in tears standing next to his officer. Camera cuts to SARAH, still just as frozen and just as silent. Beat. Camera turns to MAN. A woman's voice is heard (O.S.), - Jacob, honey, put the gun down. MAN recognizes the voice is immediately begins to cry. JACOB - (shrieks) I CAN'T! (sobbing) I want to but I just can't. WOMAN (O.S.) - I know it hurts baby, she was only eleven months, but this isn't the answer. JACOB wipes the left side of his face, his other hand still trembling. Beat. SARAH's eyes are welled up and a tear falls down her face. She moves her hand and reaches calmly for the gun. JACOB doesn't move. SARAH steadies JACOB's hand, not once turning her eyes away from his. SARAH - When you do something this big, you do it right. SARAH lets go of the gun. JACOB finally holds it straight without a shake. He looks at her. Beat. JACOB let's go of the gun and it hits the ground. SARAH shuts her eyes in relief as tears fall down her face. Wide shot shows police are running up to the scene and carrying out procedure as JACOB surrenders.

SCENE #5 EXT. OUTDOORS – DAY MAN (his face covered with a black handkerchief, wearing a pair of casual jeans and white tee-shirt) holds a gun, the background is blurry. MAN - I never wanted to be here. Background noise becomes audible. Sounds of people gasping, news crews setting up and police trying to keep the media and people at a distance. A wide shot reveals that the MAN is standing in the middle of a busy NY street, at the end of his gun is a frozen SARAH (23, an outspoken activist, known for her unpopular and controversial views, visibly Muslim). MAN has tears rolling down his face. He's trembling and can't hold the gun steady. People crowded around can be seen with their phones out, recording. POLICEMAN (O.S.) - Sir, this is Officer Matthews of the NYPD. I'm gonna ask you to please put the gun down. MAN - I really never wanted to be here. (Staring directly into Sarah's eyes) It's your kind, they come here and pollute us. All they do is bring heartache and misery. I'm not this. I never wanted to be this. You made me like this. SARAH doesn't say a word, she's frozen in place. All she does is stares back. POLICEMAN (O.S.) - Sir, I'm sure we can talk this through. I'm hopeful, I just need you to put the gun down. MAN - And you! You're worse than the rest of them. You parade yourself, that hijab is supposed to represent self-worth but all it does is hide the ugly that lies inside that head. You tour around, giving your building-bridges drivel. You're so proud of your identity …of what you think you stand for. MAN almost drops the gun, people gasp as he tries to get a stronger grip on his gun. MAN - Let me tell you what you what you stand for. You stand for murder, you stand for breaking a man's soul and burning what little pieces remain until there's nothing left. Beat. A tear falls down his eyes. MAN - Until everything inside you is just darkness. Until the darkness rests so deep within it becomes you by not allowing you to be able to see right, see mercy, see any morsel of peace. There's just nothing. Nothing and fear. That is all I have left. (he tightens his grip on, but it's still not steady in his hands) And it's all your fault. Camera cuts to OFFICER MATTHEWS, MATTHEWS - (to his fellow policemen) Do we have any information on this guy yet? C'mon people! Get me anything! POLICEMAN - Sir, you're not going to like this… MATTHEWS turns to find a woman in tears standing next to his officer. Camera cuts to SARAH, still just as frozen and just as silent. Beat. Camera turns to MAN. A woman's voice is heard (O.S.), - Jacob, honey, put the gun down. MAN recognizes the voice and immediately begins to cry. JACOB - (shrieks) I CAN'T! (sobbing) I want to but I just can't. WOMAN (O.S.) - I know it hurts baby, she was only eleven months, but this isn't the answer. JACOB wipes the left side of his face, his other hand still trembling. Beat. SARAH's eyes are welled up and a tear falls down her face. She moves her hand and reaches calmly for the gun. JACOB doesn't move. SARAH steadies JACOB's hand, not once turning her eyes away from his. SARAH - When you do something this big, you do it right. SARAH lets go of the gun. JACOB finally holds it straight without a shake. He looks at her. Beat. JACOB let's go of the gun and it hits the ground. SARAH shuts her eyes in relief as tears fall down her face. Wide shot shows police are running up to the scene and carrying out procedure as JACOB surrenders.

SCENE #8 EXT. SIDE STREET - NIGHT Two young women are walking down the sidewalk smoking, houses and trees on their left the street to their right. ASH, short for Ashley, takes a drag off of the thick joint before passing it to her friend. TINA snags the joint and enjoys the hot air as hits her lungs. TINA: Stop leanin' Ash, your tall enough as it is without you always leanin' toward me. ASH: It's not my fault your short as hell. Tina gives Ash a playful shove. ASH: Get out of here, are you gonna pass that? Tina passes. TINA: This is like old times. This is what I needed. Fresh air, a joint, and some Ash. ASH: Where have you been? Ash coughs while trying to talk and smoke at the same time. ASH: It's been like three weeks since I've seen you. Ash passes the shrinking joint back. Tina takes a long inhale getting ready to explain. In the distance the two women hear gunshots, pop pop, pop. Followed by the squeal of tires peeling off in a hurry. ASH (screams): Ah! Tina grabs Ash and pulls her close then slides behind the cover of a nearby tree. TINA: Shhh! Tina hold a finger to her mouth continuing to instruct silence. TINA: Stay here. Tina takes a final hit off the joint and tosses it in the street, she then pulls out a snub nosed pistol hidden in her waistband. ASH (whispers): Tina what are you doing? It's probably just some kids. TINA: Fam was watching the corners for me, that didn't sound like his though. ASH: My cars right up here let's just. Ash looks from behind the tree in an attempt to point out the car. She notices that Tina is already walking up ahead and she starts to follow. ASH: Tina, wait up. In her attempt to catch up she looks down the street and sees a man walking fiercely towards them with a pistol in his right hand. Ash stops in her tracks but Tina power walks toward the man. Tina and the man stand toe to toe arguing while Ash tries to make out what they're saying. After a beat Tina sprints back to Ash while the man runs off back in the direction he came from. TINA: We...gotta go. This one's yours? ASH: Yea. She grabs her keys out from her pocket and unlocks the doors. ASH: What happened? TINA: Do you trust me? ASH: Yea, I mean. TINA: Then get in the car and start driving, I'll tell you on the way.

SCENE 5 EXT: IN THE WOODS There are 2 man in the woods. ONE holds black Colt .45.   Another stays on his knees with a bag on his head. His  hands tied behind his back. That is District Court Judge Thomas Thrash. MAN with the GUN: Ok MR Thrash, it’s time for Justice.You are sentenced to death for your  unfair court decisions. So many people were Falsely Accused Of A Crime by you! the man  works the slide THE JUDGE: Hold on a second! Hold on! Who are you? Are you the guy who killed his  wife? I know the evidences were week  MAN WITH THE GUN: DO you want to play the game? Ok, guess my name and may be, may be I let you go.  THE JUDGE: Yes, yes, please!  MAN WITH THE GUN: Go on you have 3 tries. THE JUDGE: I need some hints. MAN WITH THE GUN: GO ON!  THE JUDGE Small hint. How many years you’ve got? MAN WITH THE GUN: something between 5 and 20  THE JUDGE; It’s too wide, Narrow please!  MAN WITH THE GUNI lost my passion, ONE, TWO... THE JUDGE: Steven Gesse, Steven Gesse, I  recognize yor voice.  MAN WITH THE GUN  tell everything.  THE JUDGE: Steven Gesse I sentenced you for 15 years.  MAN WITH THE GUN: What for? THE JUDGE: For rape of 16 years old girl.  MAN WITH THE GUN: I need full confess. That was not evidence and the man was not guilty Right?  The man hit the Judge’s face with barrel   THE JUDGE I tell everything , don’t hit me! It was all planned by our police. MAN WITH THE GUN Who planned that? and Why? THE JUDGE That is police Chief, Mikel White. He organized that. Some businessman Robert Gregory needed the supermarket. And he got that. Steven I am sorry for that. MAN WITH THE GUN I am not Steven. Go on. Make another try.  THE JUDGE You son of a bitch I will not tell anything! The man shoots in his leg. THOMAS yells and falls on the ground.  MAN WITH THE GUN Go on. THE JUDGE Are you from FBI? Yes? you want to get testimonies? But that will not work any court will reject its.  MAN WITH THE GUN Go on, or I shoot in your left knee. Just small hint Do you remember elections? JUDGE THOMAS THRASH: Criss Christy? you almost became the mayor of the city.  MAN WITH THE GUN Go on The JUDGE Senator Jim Webb asked me personally. Mikel White did all the dirty job. Drugs and prostitutes, that was easy. Senator Jim Webb  and police Chief Mikel White steps to the man with the gun Senator JIMM WEBB Enough , take off the bag The man takes off the bag from the Judge  THE JUDGE : Senator? Mikel? what the fuck is going on here? SENATOR JIM WEBB: Thomas some people say, that you speaking too much and I see that you have a long tongue. But there is a good side of that. You die as a hero That’s what news will tell tomorrow. He nodded to the man with the gun. THE JUDGE Senator, JIM, Mkel! , please, no  Senator and Police officer walked away BAH, BAH, BAH sounds behind them. 

Scene 2 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT CLARISSA (30) is sleeping peacefully in her bed. The large room is light by the moonlight entering from the windows. ROBERT (O.S.): (in sing song) Clarissa. Wakey- wakey. Clarissa slowly wakes. She follows the voice. ROBERT (40) is sitting comfortably on a chair by the foot of the bed with a big grin across his face. Clarissa jumps back terrified, now wide awake. She quickly leans across the bed and opens the drawer on her bedside table. She puts her hand in. ROBERT: Looking for this? Clarissa looks back at Robert. He is pointing a small automatic gun at her. She sits back on her bed. Her eyes are full of pain and hate. ROBERT: Sweet, stupid, predictable puppet. After all we've been through, did you really think I was not going to track you down? CLARISSA: Actually... Clarissa smirks. CLARISSA: I was counting on it. CLARISSA opens her hand. She is holding a small cilindrical tube with a red button on top. Robert looks at her, not understanding. She presses the button. A large trap door opens under Robert's chair. He falls into a DARK PIT at least 3 metres deep. He reaches the bottom at great speed. Bones CRACK. ROBERT: Argh! You bitch! I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna fucking kill you! Robert cries uncontrollably from the pain. Clarissa looks down the hole, smiling. CLARISSA: Shh. Easy, puppet. Don't worry. I'll take care of you. Welcome to hell.

scene 6 INT LIVING ROOM - NIGHT Travis and Alex follow Ivan into the living room. He plops down on the sofa and they stand awkwardly. IVAN: Who wants to do a little cocaine? ALEX: You know, I'm actually good. IVAN: Are you a cop or something? ALEX: What? No I just… already did a bunch a little while ago. TRAVIS: Yeah we're still super coked out right now and we were just like, we should maybe not do coke for a little while. Ivan reaches into the couch cushion and pulls out a gun. Lays it carefully on the cushion next to him. IVAN: Comrades. Who would like to do a little cocaine with me? TRAVIS: I could go for some. ALEX: Yeah, I'd love a skoch. Ivan cuts out lines for them. Hands Travis a rolled up Franklin. Travis does the line. Hands the bill to Alex. Alex does some. Both of their eyes bug out of their heads. TRAVIS: Yep. Definitely cocaine. ALEX: That is what they call the Mamba Blanco. TRAVIS: Not true. ALEX: The White Tiger. TRAVIS: They might call it that. ALEX: Sucking the old eskimo's ice hole. TRAVIS: OK why are you still talking? ALEX: I have no idea. I could talk about anything right now with full confidence. Ask me about anything. TRAVIS: The war of 1812. ALEX: War of 1812, war of 1812. Oh yeah, so when General Rath came upon the Native Americans they bombarded them with arrows and actually managed to win the respect of the Americans who liked strong fighters. So when the Natives were like we don't want to live on your land, the Americans were like, that's cool, take parts of Mexico. TRAVIS: That's fucked up! Did that really happen? ALEX: Maybe parts of it. I don't know. But I sold it didn't I? TRAVIS: I thought you had lived it dude. IVAN: Shut the fuck up! Why are you here? Ivan leans down and does the longest line you've ever seen. Off Alex's face as Ivan still SNORTS. Off Travis' face as Ivan still SNORTS. Back to Ivan still going. ALEX: Well… Oh you got a little blood there. Ivan stops. IVAN: This is what other nostril is for. He switches nostrils and finishes the massive maze of a line. Leans his head back and inhales deeply. Then turns bright red and falls facedown in the cocaine. ALEX: We should probably go. TRAVIS: Yeah. They start to walk out. Travis turns back. TRAVIS: Maybe one for the road. I think I might be addicted to cocaine now. It's pretty awesome.

FEEDBACK # 7 I couldn't help but think of famous Clarice when I read the name of Clarissa;) and wonder what kind of hell she'll put him in over time. I guess I have to wonder if Robert falls rapidly through a large trap door three meters under in a chair with his bones cracking in pain if he'd rally be able to utter much of anything to Clarissa, let alone, complete sentences. But I give her credit for being able to respond so quickly after awakening--some people really are that alert.

I really like the language you used to set the scene and describe the action in this one.

FEEDBACK #3 The introduction flows with a good pace. We establish the specialists, their tight ability to communicate and the countdown builds tension well. You really build tension to when Jamie moves the curtain, we're left wondering what it could be - especially since the hostage is ominously named Sandman. The scene is simple but that's good, it allows the read to proceed smoothly. What's needed now is to have an actual twist or hook. Just having gold bullion reveals nothing about character. What if it was another Sandman? Which one is the real one? What if it's Jamie or Christopher's doppleganger? If you want to stick with the money, have the final militiaman grab the case hostage and say he'll blow it up if they shoot. Have Sandman yelling, "Don't shoot! We'll all blow up!" Then Jamie and Chris fight it out, eventually win, open the box, and it's cash. They confront Sandman who almost got them killed just to save his money. Anyway, great premise, this kind of scene is exciting to me.

INT. TOY MUSEUM'S REPAIRS OFFICE - NIGHT As the night guard exits the room, his hand flips the switch and the room turns dark. --- Beat Woody is still limp in the glass case. His eyes - and then his head comes alive - looking around. He frees himself of the puppet holder and gently pushes the front of the glass case open. Looks around. WOODY: (whispers) OK... All clear! He carefully steps out of the case, onto the tabletop. Rex uses his head to pop open the lid of the box, on the floor, he was hiding in. Looks around nervously. REX: Uhhh.. That was close ... I re-re-really don't like this Jessie steps out from behind the box. JESSIE: Your right. We should get out of here - and fast... Come on guys! She signs to the other toys to follow her as she run for the door. Woody is getting ready to leave the tabletop, but out the corner of his eye something catches his attention. He gets up and slowly walks over to another- smaller, glass case, positioned close to his case. 'Prototype' a sign says Inside the small glass case is a shining new six-shooter with a sparkling silver star on the handle. Woody stands mesmerized. Slowly grabbing his empty gun holster. Looking down and then back at the glass case. The toy are gathering at the door. Jessie peeking through the small opening. JESSIE: (CONT'D) OK, ... Lets go! Looking over her shoulder JESSIE: (CONT'D) Wait, where is Woody? HAMM: What's taking him so long? REX: Oh no, did he get caught again - I knew it.. We won't make it! Jessie runs back towards Woody's table JESSIE: (whispers) Woody... Wooooody?.. Where are you? Woody stands with the gun in the palm of his hands. Turns around and walks over to the edge of the table top. WOODY: (mostly to himself) I found it... It's here ...! JESSIE: What?.. What are you talking about?.. Come on, we got to get out of here Woody! The guard can return any-... WOODY: They actually made one.. He holds up the gun so they all can see it ALIENS: Oooooooohhhh... The Guuuuuuuuuun REX: Wauuuw Woody, is that your missing gun?? JESSIE: (not happy) Ohhh.. But... Woody spins the revolver around his finger... and with a swooosh.. places it in the holster. A Perfect fit! JESSIE (CONT'D): ..but .. I thought you said you were glad you didn't have a one? HAMM: Looks good on you 'Sheriff' REX: Yeah.. Looking like a real killer now Woody. Woody looks up.. then down at the gun. He unholsters it again, holding it in both hands. He looks at Jessie and then at Rex. Slinky Dog looks out the door SLINKY: Come on you guys... Now or never! Woody disappears, but quickly returns - without the six-shooter. He glides down the electrical wire and lands besides Jessie. They both smiles. WOODY: Let's get out of here!