Scene #5 INT. HOTEL LOBBY - VERY LATE MARK, late 40’s and neatly dressed in business conference casual (polo shirt tucked into khakis, braided leather belt), cautiously approaches the check-in counter. NATALYA, a sharply-dressed prostitute, trails a step behind him. Before he reaches the counter, Mark stops and whispers something into her ear. Natalya gives him a little pout and sits down on a floral-printed polyester couch off to the side. The brightly lit lobby resembles that of any number of indistinct chain hotel chains. Two mostly-empty carafes of old coffee flank a bowl of mealy apples on a table next to the laminate counter, which is currently unmanned. Behind the counter, the door to the “Manager’s Office” is 99% closed and the office dark. Mark anxiously peers around behind the counter. This is already taking too long. On the couch, Natalya plays Candy Crush on her phone, bored. Mark: (calling out) Hello? The sound of a desk chair moving suddenly behind the office door. Then it bursts open. JEFF, early 20’s, feigns an energetic entrance in a feeble attempt to distract from his clearly just-awoken eyes. JEFF: (loudly) Hi! Welcome to the Quantity Inn. How can I help you? MARK: (softly) I’d like a room for tonight. Jeff quickly surveys the scene. Quiet customer. Tight dress and fuck-me heels on the woman on the couch. Mark’s wedding band tan line. He gives Mark a coy smile. JEFF: Certainly, sir. We have plenty of rooms available. Can I get your ID and a credit card please? Mark pulls out his wallet, but hesitates. MARK: Are you sure you need all this? I’d like to pay with cash. JEFF: We can do that, sir, but the system won’t let me reserve a room or make key cards without a name and credit card on file. The Roadside Motel down the street I think does cash only, but it’s a little--- Natalya: (to Mark) We cannot go there, Jeem. Ees horrible. Mark: (to Natalya) Of course, baby. (to Jeff) Okay, but I’m going to pay cash, so don’t swipe this. He hands his ID and credit card to Jeff. Jeff: (yawning) Of course not, sir. Jeff starts typing Mark’s information into his computer. Even the noise of the keyboard is too loud for Mark’s taste right now. Finally, Jeff picks up Mark’s card and swipes it through the reader. Mark: Hey! You said you wouldn’t swipe that! Jeff: I’m not going to, sir. But--- Mark: You just did! I saw you! Jeff: I’m not going to swipe it, sir. I would never steal a customer’s credit card information! Mark: What are you talking about? Steal? I told you not to swipe it! Jeff: (yawning again) Ohhhhhhhhhh. I thought you meant “swipe” like “steal.” Of course I have to run the card, sir. I can’t get you a room without--- Mark: Jesus Christ! Now my wife--- Natalya: (rises to the counter) You have wife?! Jeff: (interrupting) Mister Rashford, please. I assure you--- Natalya: Who ees Meester Rashford? You said name was Jeem Smiley! Mark: (roaring) Does it really matter?! Mark’s yell silences Jeff and Natalya. He leans on the the counter and puts his head in his hands. After a beat, Natalya shrugs, sits back on the couch and resumes her game. Jeff finishes typing up the reservation and slides Mark’s ID, credit card and a room key across the counter. Mark looks up. Jeff: (very discretely, at last) Here you are. Room 312. And don’t worry about the card. It’s only for incidentals. You can pay cash when you check out. Just don't use the minibar. (winking) Or wreck the bed. INT. HOTEL ROOM BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER Mark stands in front of the mirror, psyching himself up. Mark: You can do this. You can do this. You can do this. Be a man. INT. HOTEL ROOM - SAME Mark steps out of the bathroom. Natalya stands with her back to him, looking at the window. City lights glimmer in the distance behind her, but Mark's eyes are locked on her tight ass in that dress. Mark: Shall we? Natalya: Yees, my dear. But first . . . She turns around. An open mini bottles of vodka in each hand. Mark blanches and notices the slightly-open minibar fridge. Natalya: . . . we have drink. Yes?

SCENE #5: INT. FACTORY FLOOR – DAY MIKE and RANDY alternate between hitting the steel and throwing the bent steel into the furnace. Mike, a wannabe boxer, squats under Randy, a giant, as he slams the hammer down. The steel rings out. Other people are working with heavy machinery. Mike can barely hear his own thoughts. MIKE: So what were you trying to say to me the other day? RANDY: You said you wanted to get into the boxing club, right? MIKE: I didn’t say anything about socks. RANDY: No, boxing club. Randy mimes a fighter stance. MIKE: Oh yeah. So can they let me in? RANDY: Boss told me you need to get a bit stronger before you fight anyone. MIKE: What? RANDY: You need to get – MIKE: No, I heard you. What do you mean I need to get stronger? RANDY: We don’t have anyone in your weight class. If you can suggest someone else – MIKE: That’s so unfair. I can fight someone your size. RANDY: Look, that’s just the rules. MIKE: I’ll show them. I’ll fight you right here. Mike throws the steel into the furnace and holds his hands up. RANDY: Not here, Mike. MIKE: No, I know that some of them are around here. I’ll show them right now I can kick anybody’s ass. RANDY: Mike, it’s too dangerous here. Mike throws a punch at Randy, as he gets pushed to the edge of the furnace. Randy screams as he jumps out of the edge with second-degree burns. The BOSS hears the scream and jolts to the furnace. Mike tries to put some ice on Randy as he bats Mike away. BOSS: What the hell happened here? Mike looks up at the Boss. MIKE: He started it.

Scene #5 - Neil Vidya EXT - PATIO - DAY SCOTT (mid-thirties) and DAVE (mid-twenties) share a beer on a suburban PATIO. DAVE ...and that was the first and last time I wrote a porn. Well, the first, at least. They laugh. SCOTT OK, so let me say thanks again for coming and agreeing to help with the film. DAVE My pleasure, your place is beautiful, the project sounds great, and hey, beer! SCOTT Let's get straight to business. For the entire script, I was thinking fifteen. DAVE Fifteen? (shakes his head) Scott, I'm sorry - I'm no gutter scribe. Get an intern to write it if that's what you're paying. SCOTT (leaning in) What were you thinking? That's standard for an optioned short film script. DAVE Well I have a standard too. A rent-controlled apartment, groceries, a bike with no chain and an addiction to online screenwriting courses. It's not a high standard, but I can't live on fifteen dollars. SCOTT No, wait, did you think I meant... DAVE Wait, did you mean... SCOTT (quickly) How about a hundred? DAVE (quickly) Fifteen hundred is good! A beat. They look at each other. DAVE I was joking. SCOTT I don't think you were. DAVE I'm an imaginative writer, I endlessly fib. SCOTT Five hundred. DAVE A thousand. SCOTT You were about to push for what, a hundred? DAVE I was joking. SCOTT Six hundred dollars. DAVE Plus four hundred makes an even thousand. SCOTT Listen, the cat's out. You've clearly never written a real production if you thought I was offering fifteen dollars. Take the five hundred. Dave considers. DAVE You said six. SCOTT Alright, six hundred, shake on it. Scott extends his hand. DAVE And I get the writing credit? SCOTT OF course. DAVE and I get to direct a scene? SCOTT slowly pulls his hand back. DAVE shoots his hand out to shake it. DAVE Fibbing. SCOTT I don't think that word means what you think it means. CUT TO: INT - HOUSE - DAY DAVE and SCOTT are sitting around a kitchen table. SCOTT is counting CASH out of a LOCK BOX while DAVE ogles. DAVE This is history, my good man - David Matthews' largest payday. SCOTT Your name is Dave Matthews? DAVE David Matthews. SCOTT So what did you think when you first realized your name was already taken by, like, Dave Matthews Band Dave Matthews? DAVE Naturally I purchased the album to investigate this phony mainstream hippie crooner. SCOTT And? DAVE Love/hate relationship. SCOTT Not your style? DAVE The music's great - it's just that the idea of me being a guy who likes a band with his own name is just... too lame for words. SCOTT wraps six hundred dollars in a rubber band. DAVE You're quite handy with the cash. This isn't a mob front, right? SCOTT looks at him seriously, for a second, then smiles. DAVE sighs. SCOTT Just take it. You would have had fifteen-hundred if you'd kept your mouth shut, though. DAVE (defeated) I didn't want mob money anyway... DAVE gets up to leave. DAVE (turning back) One last thing. SCOTT Yeah? DAVE If I had said, I want twenty... SCOTT I woulda gone for seventeen fifty. DAVE KILL ME. DAVE walks out the front door.

SCENE # 5 INT. HOUSE - DAY JAMES 80 and MARIE 80 watch TV, each one on antique armchairs. JAMES: Did little Timmy told you about his graduation? MARIE: What gas station? JAMES: Yes, high school graduation. He's going to be a valedictorian. MARIE: Is that a new brand of gas stations? Sounds foreign. JAMES: Why do you always have to mention Lauren? That was sixty years ago, for christ sake! She mentioned my name during her valedictorian speech because we were friends, nothing else. We never even went on a date. MARIE: Why do you even care about the date they open that gas station! You don't even drive any more! JAMES: Eleonore was my secretary and nothing else. I'm sick that you're so jealousy. MARIE: And what if it's lousy. You don't hear anything and you don't want to use that hearing aid. He stands up. JAMES: No, I didn't get laid with any of them. That's it. I'm going to bed. I can't be this stressed. MARIE: I won't help you with your protest against that new gas station.

SCENE #4 INT. WRITERS ROOM - DAY A DIRECTOR (40s), frazzled, sits at the table, flipping through a stack of papers on a clipboard. Each page causes more agitation than the last. His clothes tell he hasn't slept in his own bed for a while. Across the table sits a group of WRITERS, watching his breakdown patiently. DIRECTOR The budget won't be able to handle much more of this. (drags hand down his face) We're going to have to deal with some of these expenses. Make some sacrifices. The writers all glance at each other. The HEAD WRITER starts to say something, but the director interrupts him. DIRECTOR I hate to say it, but we'll need to get rid of some of these assistants. Another unspoken communication between the writers. The head writer nods. INT. SET HALLWAY - DAY An ASSISTANT (20s) moves expertly through the dimly lit hallway, passing the skeletons of the production set pieces as he goes. He's made this journey before. Suddenly, the lights begin to go out one by one, darkness approaching the assistant. Fear grips him initially, but he regains his composure and continues to weave through the hallway with precision. Movement, amid the set pieces. Or was it? The assistant stares into the shadows but can see nothing. The again, to his left. A cloaked figure, maybe, soundlessly melts back into the darkness. The fear starts to bubble back up in the assistant. He quickens his pace, seeking an escape through the set pieces. He turns a corner and skids to a stop before a cloaked figure. For a moment neither move, until the assistant turns to run in the opposite direction. Another cloak blocks his way. The assistant darts through the maze of set pieces, but at every step another mysterious figure. Then, to the assistant's terrified dismay, a dead end. He tries the door before him, but it is locked. Banging on the door, the assistant glances back every so often, the cloaks closer with each look. The assistant falls to his knees, pleading with his captors. The closest figure raises a hand from his dark cloak, a sharp glittering object in his grip. Suddenly, light. The door behind the assistant opens to reveal the weary eyed director. His expression doesn't change at the scene. DIRECTOR (exasperated) What's going on here? The light from the room reveals the writers under the cloaks. The head writer, the one with the knife, hides his embarrassment. HEAD WRITER You said to make sacrifices. The director can't believe his ears. He doesn't have time for this. DIRECTOR You can't think that's-- WRITER 2 You said to take care of the assistants! WRITER 3 We needed to get rid of them! The director facepalms hard. Speaks through his fingers. DIRECTOR Not what I meant... The assistant has put enough of it together to find his voice. ASSISTANT Wait... What did you mean? The director drinks in the assistant's terrified face, now for a new reason. Can't believe this is how he has to do this... Until her realizes something. DIRECTOR Where did you get those robes? And the knife? HEAD WRITER Uh... prop room? DIRECTOR We're shooting a western. The writers glide into the shadows as the director angrily flips through the receipt clipboard.

Feedback #7: I love the comedy of the characters having their own argument, and yet being so confident of what the other person is saying. It's almost two different conversations but we understand their overall character relationship through their actions. The one thing I would suggest is to make the dialogue a bit snappier by including less exposition. Stuff like "That was sixty years ago" and "You don't even drive anymore" or other stuff that the characters should already know and are really just for the audience. Getting rid of this will also give more room to really go crazy with it or get even madder.

Feedback 1: Being caught with our pants down always inspires a bit of panic in most people so great choice as to the misunderstanding. Mark is nondescript. And so is Jeff. And so is Natalya. If this is the beginning of a movie, it’s not immediately clear what the conflict will be. Okay, his wife will find out. But why is this such a big deal – is their marriage already on the rocks? Is she a psycho? Why would be this more entertaining to watch than our own lives basically? ‘Swipe’ – is ‘swipe’ commonly used to mean ‘steal’ in the States? I’ve heard it used more in Australia and the UK. Which would also be a great reason for the misunderstanding i.e. we’re all speaking the same language, but the same words mean different things. I think there’s a little too much scene description. One look at Mark and Natalya and we all know what’s about to go down. Why does the prostitute care if he’s married and has given a false name? I assume both are pretty par for the course in their trade. Also why isn’t Jeff aware of what may concern customers such as Mark (anonymity, no charges on the credit card, etc)? Is he a newbie? Has he been drinking so what to do in these situations escapes him? I was most interested in why Mark needed to psyche himself up to sleep with the prostitute. But there was not much development on that, so that’s a possible point of expansion in the scene. All in all I thought the scene was a great opening to what might be a great bedroom farce. Needed a little more color early on though.

SCENE 1: INT. KITCHEN - DAY Chintz curtains flap in the breeze over a sink piled high with washing. The window overlooks a tiny well-tended yard. LOUISA (50) is scrubbing the non-stick off a pot. The grin on her face and the light in her eyes show that she's just gotten some great news. LOUISA: Two weeks! Two whole weeks! LETICIA (25), burned out, red-eyed, sits at the table. A woman with potential put to bad use. Suspiciously long sleeves on an obviously warm day. She rubs her palms on her jeans like she can't stop sweating. LOUISA: Are you sure the hospital can spare you? Physically holding back the truth only barely. LETICIA: Of course. I've only been working... Her sleeve rolls up. No, it's what we're thinking. CLAW MARKS! She hurriedly pulls it back down. LETICIA: 20-hour days, 5 days a week. LOUISA:It's a sin to make you work like that. LETICIA: It's an important project. You know the party line. 'Ridding the world of disease one genome at a time.' The coffee pot bubbles. Louisa pours Leticia a cup... LETICIA: No, Mam. Louisa looks up at her in surprise. LETICIA: I'm off caffeine. LOUISA: Well, I never! Now I've heard everything. LETICIA: Not yet. LOUISA: Water? LETICIA: Yes, please. Mama, I'm going to need to decompress a little bit before--- LOUISA: Of course. I've already written a Facebook status telling everyone you're home! Leticia groans. LETICIA: Mom, you don't understand. No one can come here. LOUISA: Oh, they won't come here. But we can go to them...can't we? Leticia begins to shudder. LOUISA: Your aunt and uncle haven't seen you in years. LETICIA: There's a reason for that, mom. Mom, I'm sick. LOUISA: Who wouldn't be with the hours you keep? LETICIA: No, I'm really sick. Human trials--- LOUISA: You'll have to speak English, my dear. You know I don't speak Biology. LETICIA: Human trials started last year. I...signed up. They injected me with wolf--- Leticia begins to retch. LOUISA: You're part wolf. Leticia stops retching. LETICIA: Depends how you define part. LOUISA: Maybe you can try out for the church track team again. Ooh, I'll find your track bottoms! She skips in delight. LOUISA: I'm so glad you're home! She scuttles out. Leticia bangs her head on the kitchen table.

#SCENE 5 INT. CNN STUDIOS RECEPTION - DAY Your typical office reception area, with a bank of TV monitors behind the reception desk, all showing various version of the network. We watch GLORIA (60, dressed a bit like Mrs Doubtfire) enter through the glass doors and approach the desk. GLORIA: Good morning, I’m here for a job interview. RECEPTIONIST: Which department? GLORIA: Catering. It’s Mrs. Wilson I believe, at 10.30. RECEPTIONIST: Mrs Everley? Yes, take a seat, Sandra will be down to meet you shortly. GLORIA sits herself down on an uncomfortable leather chair. She looks around, excited by the bustle of the place. Her attention is drawn to the TV monitors, and we ZOOM in to watch the programme. ANDREA (ON SCREEN): And when we come back, we’ll be taking a hard look at the global economy… MATCH CUT TO: INT. TV CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS ANDREA (ON SCREEN): …With oil prices at a record low, is there more bad news coming? We’ll be speaking to a leading economist to get the truth. We’ll see you after the break. DIRECTOR (O.S.): Roll your break! We TRACK OUT to see the galaxy of TV monitors in a room full of producers and technical staff. The camera finds DONALD (50s) the producer who turns to his assistant MELANIE (20s). DONALD: OK, go and get the guest. INT. RECEPTION - CONTINUOUS We’re watching the glass doors again, as VICTORIA (40s, dressed in shorts and t-shirt) hurries in and goes straight to the reception desk. VICTORIA: Hello, I’m Victoria Everson, I’m supposed to be on air for an interview soon. RECEPTIONIST: Ah yes, take a seat, a producer should be with you shortly. VICTORIA: Will there be a place I can change? I’ve had to come straight from the airport. Then we see MELANIE walking briskly into the room and stopping to scan for her guest. She sees the back of VICTORIA - in shorts and a t-shirt - and dismisses her before fixing in on GLORIA, waiting expectantly, smartly dressed. MELANIE: Hello, are you here for the interview? GLORIA: I am! MELANIE: Great, we haven’t got much time, so please follow me. GLORIA: I’d be delighted. INT. CORRIDORS - CONTINUOUS MELANIE marches GLORIA through a series of glass corridors towards the studios. MELANIE: Thank you again for doing this at such short notice Ms Everson. GLORIA: Everley, and it’s Mrs. But no, it’s a pleasure. (Reaching into her handbag) I’ve brought my resume and some references— MELANIE: (Checking her watch, marching faster) It’ll be a standard hit, four minutes off the back of a package. There might be a question about the developments in Paris, but hey, you’ve done these things a million times. GLORIA: Paris? Oh wonderful. I took a course at the Cordon Bleu many years ago, but it’s still fresh in my mind. INT. STUDIO - CONTINUOUS They enter the studio, past a stressed out floor manager. FLOOR MANAGER: There you are. There’s only 30 left on the package. They rush GLORIA in front of the cameras to the desk next to ANDREA. The floor manager puts a microphone onto Gloria’s dress. ANDREA: Hello, so nice to meet you. GLORIA: You must be Sandra! ANDREA: Andrea. I’m sure Melanie has briefed you but it’ll be simple interview, and then you can be on your way. GLORIA: (Touching microphone) What is this for? ANDREA: So we can hear you! OK, we’re about to go on. We see the floor manager count down from five seconds with his finger and then point to Andrea. ANDREA (TO CAMERA): Well, here to discuss these latest developments in more detail is Victoria Everson, Deputy Chief Economist at the International Monetary Fund. At which point we cut to Gloria as her eyes widen in realisation and shock. Her mouth opens as if to try and correct the situation, but Andrea doesn’t leave room for her to speak. ANDREA: So, oil prices are below 30 dollars a barrel, the NASDAQ seems to only be able to keep its head above the water and steel imports are at their lowest since 2008. Surely it’s time for OPEC to reassess their policy and cut the supply of crude? Gloria stares, mouth open and dry, looking around desperately for help. Sensing her struggle, Andrea steps in. ANDREA: I mean that was what you recommended in your report just yesterday? GLORIA: Well…that’s quite a question to begin the interview with…I mean, I suppose it’s important, wherever you work in the company to understand the, umm, the bigger picture. Well, I suppose oil is very important, you know, we use it for lots of things… INT. RECEPTION - CONTINUOUS We see VICTORIA sitting and waiting. She glances up at the screen to see Gloria clearly struggling on screen with the text caption: VICTORIA EVERSON, DEPUTY CHIEF ECONOMIST IMF on the screen. VICTORIA: Oh shit. INT. CONTROL ROOM - CONTINUOUS DONALD: Oh shit. MELANIE: Shit.

#FEEDBACK 9 I like the setting as a place with great potential for miscommunication, although I don't think it escalates realistically enough. I don't see how Mike mishearing "it's too dangerous here" gives him cause to swing a punch at Randy so close to a furnace. Maybe use the mishearing to create a genuine conflict between the two? For example: RANDY: if you fight out of your weight you can get banned for life. MIKE: what? You said what about my wife? That way it gets more personal.

#FEEDBACK 10 I love the concept and how miscommunication echoes all over the script (like how they even have the wrong props). It might be funnier if they actually kill the assistant and only realise their error when it's too late?

#FEEDBACK 11 This scene seems to be based on a lack of communication rather than miscommunication? It feels like Louisa doesn't understand Leticia's situation, or isn't trying to, rather than getting a completely different idea. I love the wolf concept, but I don't think Louisa needs to flat-out say she's part wolf. There are other visual clues you could give to suggest to the audience the reality of what's going on.

#FEEDBACK 2 I agree with Adam.The scene was flowing naturally until Mike punches Randy. The punch seemed a bit abrupt considering Mike didn't seem to be getting hyped up enough. But I did enjoy the overall scene. I chuckled at the thought of Mike trying to ice Randy. And when Mike says "he started it" it just reinforces Mike's immature character. He has talent and so talks big, but isn't necessarily ready for the ring just yet.

#FEEDBACK 3 Your scene was quite entertaining, I enjoyed reading it. I chuckled at Dave unsuccessfully trying to gain the upper hand again. The interesting thing the scene left me questioning is whether or not this production is funded by the mob!

SCENE #5 INT. UNDERGROUND BASE - 1963 - DAY Inside of the deep underground military base armed guards keep watch while scientists in black lab coats run around frantically, their preparations are almost complete. They all begin gathering around a device each putting their finishing touches and alterations on the machine. One SCIENTIST notices the date 2063 on the machine. SCIENTIST: We told them they're going to the past. Off to the side three men, BILL, JOHN, and SOLDIER stand in all gray clothing making light of the highly tense situation. They are out of ear shot of the scientists and don't notice them arguing. SOLDIER: How much you want to bet this thing doesn't even turn on? JOHN: Oh it's gonna turn on, I'm just hoping we're on the other side before it blows up. Bill raises his eyebrows at John while Soldier can't believe it. SOLDIER: You really think this machine is going to work? JOHN: Hell yeah, the last invention worked. Ain't that right Bill? BILL: Sure. JOHN (boasting): We lost twelve men that day. The scientists continue to argue and Bill notices something is off but the conversation draws him back in. SOLDIER: What was it? JOHN: It was an electric dream machine... BILL: That's classified, John. John rolls his eyes. JOHN: Yea but he's on the team now. BILL:Doesn't matter. It's still classified. Bill stands tall as the Scientist looks back at them with an evaluating stare. SOLDIER: Where we're going, who will believe an electric dream machine let alone that I'm from the future? The Scientist looks away and Bill's shoulders relax. BILL: We don't know where we're going yet. We might end up with dragons and wizards, on the shores of Atlantis, or in the middle of the Revolutionary war for all we know. JOHN: I'm hoping for Amazonia with tall, naked, dominant. Bill flashes his eyes onto John relaying the importance of staying professional. BILL: It's still... SOLDIER: Classified, I get it. Honestly I still can't believe this place even exists. Underground bases, Tesla inventions, I mean I've read some comics but this, this is all... BILL: Classified.

FEEDBACK #6 I liked the simplicity (and no, I don't use "simplicity" pejoratively) of two deaf old folks chattering and arguing. In a way, it doesn't matter whether they hear each other or not, because they're having their own conversation anyway. It's clear it's a long-term marriage. Quite funny, really. I wouldn't worry too much about the exposition here in this exercise--we'd have no way of knowing w/out it and it makes it funnier to know, for example, that he no longer drives when they talk about,she thinks, a new gas station.

Scene 04 INT. CAR - DAY - TRAVELING The busy streets of London crawl by. BILL--the passenger--keeps moving his head from front to side, watching them, while FREDDIE, at the wheel, tries to weave through traffic. FREDDIE Don't worry mate, we'll be on time. There's enough horses under the bonnet. Bill moves his attention from the windows to Freddie. BILL What the hell does that mean? Is that like... bees in you cap? FREDDIE No, horsepower... the engine... under the bonnet... BILL Oh, under the hood. Silence. BILL Shouldn't you say Robin Bonnet, then? Freddie snorts. BILL And what is it with your driving on the wrong side of the road? FREDDIE It's not the wrong side of the road. BILL Well, it's the left, so it sure as hell ain't the right side. FREDDIE You're bloody hilarious. Too bad there's no tube where we're going. BILL Yeah, fucking bad... What is that? FREDDIE The Underground. The train, you know? BILL Oh, the subway. Why don't you use the right names? FREDDIE We invented the bloody language, you bloody Yank. BILL I'm not Yank, I'm from-- FREDDIE I don't care. Stop being cheeky or you'll find yourself in the boot. BILL The... boo...th? FREDDIE The back of the car! Where you put the bags in. BILL Oh, you mean the trunk. FREDDIE Trees have trunks, elephants have trunks. Cars don't have trunks. BILL Well, I-- FREDDIE Shut your gab or I'll kick you out. Got it? Raging glance from Freddie. BILL I fucking got it. Silence.

FEEDBACK #8 Roy, I like the idea of two people speaking the same language but using different words for things. "The busy streets of London crawl by. BILL–the passenger–keeps moving his head from front to side, watching them, while FREDDIE, at the wheel, tries to weave through traffic." This I might've written it differently--after all, the streets themselves aren't crawling by. I might suggest something like: "FREDDIE drives at a crawl with BILL in the passenger seat. Bill looks through the window at the city streets," and making my slug "INT. CAR - LONDON - DAY." Good use of prompt.

The streets crawling by was supposed to be that effect when it seems the car isn't moving, the things outside are. I suppose it seems confusing. Thanks, Liz.

SCENE 4 EXT: On the road near an abandoned detached house. 4 AM An Mersedec S300 stops near the Fence. A driver is Robert (33). He is drunk. Stylishly dressed. Near him sits brunette Veronica (30)in a short black dress, nearly covering he body also drunk. VERONICA: Oh I so want you!  She kisses his neck almost bites it.  ROBERT: Hey, hey! don’t bite me I do not want my wife see bruises. why did we come here? We’d rather go into a hotel. VERONICA: Darling, we already arrived. You’ll be really impressed tust me. Please  go out and open the gate. ROBERT: Let’s go toghether. VERONICA: that’s cold outside. I’d rather save may warmth for you. Robert gets out of the car. The Sun has not risen yet. it is dusk and dank. Fog creeps on the ground. Robert shrugs his shoulders and moves to the gate. He pulls the wicket. the door openes with a nasty squeak ROBERT(to himself) Why the hell I came in that boonies He noticed some movement in the end of building. Two huge dogs look at hime behind bushes. Robert flinches. Dogs bristle grin and bark. Robert jerks toward his car not looking behind. But he can hear awful barks closer and closer to him. He reaches his car first. VERONICA sits on his driver’s seat and smokes thin cigarette. ROBERT pulls the door handle. It’s closed!  ROBERT(in Panic): Open the door!!!!! VERONICA SMILES. And at that point huge dod knocks off ROBERT as baby. BLOOD splashes at the window. ROBERT, AAAA, FECK<  Veronica looks through the window  at the devil execution with a smile. Than she opens the door. And gets out from the car on her  high heels VERONICA Enough! The dogs obediently crawl aside whining.  ROBERT lays in a blood , teared apart. Barely breathing. Still alive and still conscious. Looks crazy at VERONICA. ROBERT help. VERONICA takes off her dress remaining only in shoes. GRINS VERONICA: There is some miscommunication here. When I said I want you. I meant it.  She bents and digs into his neck. 

SCENE 8 EX - CARNIVAL - NIGHT JAMES (16, lanky, shy, under the radar in the high school scene) finally asks his crush (MELISSA, 16, somber, pretty) of 3 years out on a date. They are out at the carnival, surrounded by families, kids, other teenagers. We see a jock teen walking away from James laughing with his buddies, JOCK - (laughing, to his buddies) can you believe that guy? He couldn't even hit to the first level.-Heck I coulda used him as the hammer. (laughs harder) oh man! The buddies laugh along and their voices trail off. Camera cuts to Melissa. MELISSA - Hey, don't listen to them. Their just a bunch of jerks. They're just wasting life away here, looking for wimps to prey on, just so they can feel better about themselves- Melissa abruptly stops, her face regretful, MELISSA - James…I didn't mean it like tha- James is looking down and doesn't look up. MELISSA - Listen, let's just walk around a bit, maybe get some cotton candy? I'd really love some. JAMES - Yea. Sure. As they walk past the biggest roller coaster, The Behemoth, Melissa's attention is temporarily fixed on the people screaming as they whiz by. The camera goes wide to show how the roller coaster spans around the entire carnival. James watches as Melissa is completely mesmerized. JAMES - Hey, why don't we ride some roller coasters? MELISSA - Really? Are you sur- JAMES - Yea, why wouldn't I be? MELISSA - No, I just meant that …James…you just don't seem like the adrenaline junkie type. JAMES - C'mon! As they queue up, an old friend of James, FRANK, manning The Behemoth sees them. He signals them over. FRANK - Hey bud! Frank gives James a warm welcoming handshake. JAMES - Hey! FRANK - So you're on a date huh? Very nice! Look, I only got a half hour left on my shift, you guys go ahead and get on. JAMES - You sure? FRANK - Yea, yea! James and Melissa thank Frank and seat themselves in. Frank comes around and makes sure everyone is in properly. FRANK - (whispers to James) Ey, listen man, if the ride impresses her, just let me know and I'll let you guys go for another, no need to get off. JAMES - Oh I don't think that'll be- Frank's already walked off. He reaches the lever to start the ride give James one big thumbs up and the ride begins. The ride zooms through the entire carnival as Melissa screams out of enjoyment. James is barely hanging and a few times feels he might not make it. He tries to laugh along with Melissa. The ride finally comes to an end and James is completely out of breath. He tries to yell but no voice comes out, JAMES - (whispers to himself) never (shrieks out loud) AGAIN! FRANK - (from the lever, shouts) Again? Ladies and gentlemen let's give the two lovebirds another go? What do you say? Sounds of cheer pursue and Frank begins the ride again. MESLISSA - Oh my God James! I feel so special! This is the best date ever! James turns to Melissa as the roller coaster reaches its peak and begins to violently throw up, as the ride zips through the carnival, chunks of throw up rain on those below.

feedback 8 Loved this so much! I thought a few of the confused words were a stretch and took a couple reads to get but most of them made me laugh and were spot on!

FEEDBACK 10 I really liked this. I thought it got going when they headed over to the ride. The stuff before that didn't feel necessary to the scene as much. Like it could have had its own scene elsewhere. Here it kind of got lost in the shuffle. By the end I barely remembered how the scene began.

scene 7 EXT. HOUSE - NIGHT DALE and JAY, both dressed all in black like burglars, peer around the side of a house. Dale turns to Jay and makes sharp motions with his hands, signaling the plan. Jay does similar signals back as he nods. They both head in opposite directions. Dale walks around the back of the house, checking windows. He hears someone headed his way and dives under a bush. He can't see what's out there, but he keeps completely silent. On the other side of the bush is Jay, having circled entirely around the house. He squints, looking for Dale. Decides to circle around again. Jay waits until the footsteps disappear and hops up. Sprints in the opposite direction. He gets halfway around the house before he slams into Jay. DALE: We gotta get out of here. Someone's walking around. Jay and Dale sprint back to their car and peel out of there.

FEEDBACK #9 Fatimakh, I really like the "under the radar" description of James--it says a lot. I like the details you put in such as even naming the roller coaster. A couple of things to consider: one, is that you can't really show the "finally" part of asking his crush out, but you could show him being really nervous, thereby implying it by action. I'm not sure I'd really want to see the violent throwing up on screen myself, and again wonder if you might possibly want to consider suggesting James' reaction.