# SCENE 3 INT. BAR - NIGHT It’s Tuesday and Tuesday is always singles salsa night at Miguel’s Bar. Tonight a crowd of two dozen men and women - mostly in middle age, mostly awkward - stand in a semi circle around ANGIE (55, perm, bright leotard) and NIGEL (60, looking embarrassed). ANGIE: OK lovelies? It’s nice and simple, let’s do it one more time OK? We go, left-one-two, right-two-two, left-two-two, cha cha cha! Then a spin, then to the left, to the right, and pull your partner in, it’s a singles night am I right!? Then slowly move the hips… As Angie does her demonstration the camera loses interest very quickly and finds DEL (35, charming and well groomed) in the crowd. He is not paying attention but keeping his eyes focused to his near left. We follow his gaze to MARIE (40s, pretty but shy-looking), paying careful attention to the demonstration. She giggles with the crowd as Angie pulls Nigel into her hips. We notice Del does not laugh, but instead stares at Marie, eyes narrowed, a wry smile on his face. ANGIE (CONT’D): …And then we do the sexy Samba, and then repeat! Easy! I promise you’ll love it or your money back! OK, then find your partners - who knows it could be the love of your life! We are close on Marie as couples awkwardly pair up with each other. Del enters the shot, his hand confidently moving to Marie’s shoulder. DEL: Excuse me, would you care to dance? MARIE: (Surprised) Oh! Umm, OK! Unlike the other men who seem terrified to even touch their partner, Del holds Marie with utter confidence. DEL: Done this before? MARIE: No, not really! ANGIE: OK you sexy lovelies, let’s see some salsa! Angie bends over and theatrically presses play on a Minidisc player connected to a cheap amp. A tacky rendition of a generic Salsa song fills the room and the couples begin to shuffle with all the panache of a disco in a care home. Nigel tries to subtly exit the crowd but Angie grabs him by the wrist and drags him back to the centre of the room and forces him to dance. Soon we are back with Del and Marie. MARIE: Oh, umm, I’m sorry, I keep treading— DEL: (Staring her straight in the eyes) Dancing is all about leadership. I lead, you follow, see? Close on their feet as they slowly fall into a rhythm. MARIE: Oh I see, so only one of us can lead at one time. DEL: That’s right. I am in control. If you try to fight it, we get into trouble. There is something sinister in the way Del says those words. They cha-cha-cha and Del pulls Marie into his hips. MARIE: So what do you do, err… DEL: Call me Del. I’m in exotic antiques. But mostly I enjoy the finer things in life. We see his hand move from Marie’s shoulders down her back. Marie pulls back. MARIE: (Nervously apologetic) I’m sorry. It hasn’t been that long since… DEL: I understand. I know what it is like to lose someone you love. MARIE: Did you…? DEL: My wife. Eight months ago. It’s…very lonely. MARIE: I know. Sensing some breakthrough, Del’s hand move down Marie’s back again, but again don’t get far. MARIE (CONT’D): Let’s switch! Marie surprises Del by taking the lead in the dance. We see his feet struggle to respond to their sudden loss of control. DEL: No, you must let me lead. MARIE: (Teasing) Why, you like to be in control Del? ANGIE: (From across the room) Oh yeah, look at those two go! DEL: (Getting angry) No! Let me lead! Del tries to wrestle control back. His hands move down to her hips and when they get to the base of her back his face registers surprise. DEL: What-? Before he can utter another word, Marie spins Del around and slams him face first into the wall. Almost instantly she whips out a pistol hidden in her jeans. MARIE: Freeze motherfucker! Instantly all the other dancers stop and whip out a stunning array of weaponry which within seconds is pointed directly at Del, pinned against the wall, his arms held behind his back. MARIE (CONT’D): You’re under arrest on three counts of defrauding women of their inheritance and one count of murder! NIGEL: We got him. Let’s move out! Nice work Lieutenant. MARIE: Thanks chief. As Del is led, handcuffed and followed by two dozen armed police, we stay inside with a stunned Angie, alone, mouth wide open, with cha-cha-cha! still playing in the background.

Author: Sean Patrick O'Brien SCENE #3 INT. LAVISH RESTAURANT - CATALINA ISLAND - NIGHT An extravagant wedding reception is in full swing, outfitted with an opulent Swan ice sculpture, a large parquet dance floor, and an 8-piece jazz band. Spared no expense. Moving through the numerous tables of guest we head towards the bride and groom’s table just as one of the groomsman steals the bride for a dance. The BRIDE (Late 20’s, gorgeous) laughs playfully back at her GROOM (Early 40’s, fat) who has an egregious plate of food in front of him. It’s an odd “match made in heaven” at first glance. Her dress is something out of a fashion magazine. The GROOMSMAN (Late 30’s, handsome) is on the shorter end, and comes up just a few inches below the Bride. Just as they reach their chosen spot on the dance floor, a pair of bright car lights momentarily flash outside before turning off. The song switches from an upbeat dance song to a slow song, and guests from other tables begin to join in the fun, as there’s less chance of embarrassment during a slow song. GROOMSMAN You look stunning tonight. BRIDE (heavily accented) Thank you. You also clean up well. Is that correct saying? Her accent is thick, and most likely some type of Eastern European. GROOMSMAN Yeah, that’s perfect. You probably speak better English than half the people in here. BRIDE Oh... I don’t know. I am still learning. GROOMSMAN Just out of curiosity, where did you and the big guy meet? He was kinda vague when we talked about- MAN’S VOICE (O.S.) (heavily accented) Do you mind if I cut in? The voice came from a GUEST (40’s, imposing) in an all black suit, slicked back blonde hair and a cold gaze. He towers over the groomsman, who sheepishly relents. GROOMSMAN Uh... yeah. She’s all yours. (to the Bride) Save me one for later. As the Bride turns and finally sees her dance partner, her expression shifts from euphoric to petrified. The guest switches from English to Russian. GUEST (in Russian) Don’t do anything stupid. Take my hand. The Bride is frozen. GUEST (CONT’D) (in Russian) Take my hand. She does, and the dance continues. GUEST (CONT’D) (in Russian) I bet you’re wondering how I found you. BRIDE (in Russian, composed) No. The guest glance over to the Groom who is having a word with his Groomsman. The two of them glance over at the pair dancing. GUEST (in Russian) Not bad. Changing your name. Getting some rich American cow to marry you. It's a shame we'll have to cut the party short. You know you’re coming back with me, right? You have people to answer to in Moscow. A waitress is walking towards the pair with glasses of champagne on a sterling silver platter. The Bride sees her but the guest has his back to her. She looks up to the guest. BRIDE (in Russian) The party will be cut short. (in English) But I’m never going back. With lightning speed the Bride grabs a champagne glass from the passing tray, quickly breaks it, like cracking an egg, and plants the broken shard into the man’s neck, dropping him to the ground. Blood sprays over her white dress. The band suddenly stops playing.

FEEDBACK #5 Del's intentions within the scene are telegraphed by the description of him zeroing in on Marie. Before they even begin dancing, we understand this is the bad guy, which weakens the ultimate twist of the Salsa night being a con for this sting operation. Slow playing his intentions by not having him come on too strong, too fast will make for a more surprising twist. Also it was confusing to me that the entire Salsa group were police officers. If Tuesday's are always Salsa night, why aren't there regulars attending? Also, it seems like a bit much to have 24 cops taking down a man who's shtick is defrauding women. 24 cops seems more applicable to taking down a drug kingpin. For a situation like this, two attendees that are partners seems more authentic than an entire police force. I really like your set-up with the Salsa Dancing.

Scene #2: INT. DECREPIT BUILDING - AFTERNOON A radio is playing Dancing in the Moonlight. The music cackles out from the speakers, the volume is small but powerful in this grand building. We're seeing two people in medium shots: a man, DEAN (30s), bounces his shoulders up and down across from MAGGIE (30s), who moves her hands as though she were trying to rub luck from the air. They rotate in a tiny but perfect circle in repeat. DEAN: They did a study. MAGGIE: Who did a study? DEAN: Psychologists. MAGGIE: Okay. DEAN: They did a study on psychopaths and sociopaths. MAGGIE: What was it? The sound of a CLICK goes off and the song rewinds itself. This time, playing a little bit faster. The two dancers immediately switch directions from dancing clockwise to dancing counter-clockwise. Their movements also speed up. Dean pulls the corners of his lips up into a smile and looks at Maggie. Maggie stares back but does not reciprocate the emotion. Her arms go from side to side, up and down. Dean keeps at it for a long beat. Then when he realizes that it's not going to work, he rests his face. He wiggles his upper body a little bit. DEAN: That was it. MAGGIE: What was? Another CLICK sounds off. The music rewinds itself again. The tempo speeds up once more. DEAN: The study. The test. He does the jazz hands. MAGGIE: I don't get it. She throws her head from side to side. DEAN: Me neither. But I think we would've failed the test. MAGGIE: I mean, yeah. I could've figured that out by myself. She does the octopus arms. Again, a CLICK and a rewind of the music as the song speeds up until it's no longer recognizable as a song. DEAN: Hey, would you look at that. We beat our own game. MAGGIE: One of us did. The camera pulls out to reveal that the ground around Dean and Maggie is a giant circular mechanism with metal molds shaped like boots. On the outer circle there are eight boots, on the second circle, there are six boots, on the third and middle circle, there are four boots, and on the final and inner circle, where Dean and Maggie are standing, are the two boots that wrap around their feet. Every other mold on the outside circles are latched onto legs that have been cut off at the mouth of the boots. Around the boots are the bodies which the severed feet belong to. It's a bloody mess. DEAN: Au revoir. MAGGIE: A bientot. The final CLICK sounds as we CUT TO BLACK.

Feedback #2: Although I did thoroughly enjoy the scene, I felt that many elements of it were cliche. The Russian with a secret identity, and the marriage of a con artist with a powerful yet powerless man. You've almost seemingly turned the tables on gender empowerment. You put the woman at the top while the men are just props and victims of a cruel trick. It's more exciting when not just the main antagonist is equally cunning. I did like the dialogue and the set up though.

Scene #3 - Neil Vidya https://www.dropbox.com/s/gmvpchba0az7bfj/June%203.pdf?dl=0 Enjoy!

Feedback #6 In the interest of having a singular scene coherent, there ultimately needs to be enough information provided so the scene makes sense as a stand alone. I could not make heads from tails as to what was going on in this particular scene. What was the significance of having this scene play out in a decrepit building? Are they trapped against their will? What is the significance of "Dancing in the Moonlight" when this scene is taking place in the afternoon? The natural question is why aren't these characters noting the peculiarity of the situation they are in? They're surrounded by bodies with legs broken off, yet their conversation is about a scientific study that fails to reveal anything about their character or the predicament they find themselves in. If this scene is meant to be the physical manifestation of a "fake" world (like figurines on a wedding cake, or figurines in a snow globe, then there simply aren't enough hints to draw that conclusion by the end of it. The story, and the dialogue are simply too vague.

SCENE # 3 EXT. BACKYARD PATIO - NIGHT An old radio plays some slow jazz. FATHER is a man of wealth & taste, with a tailored suit and fine leather shoes that move elegantly as he dances with his. DAUGHTER young in age dressed in only a long pajama nightgown that scrapes along the patio's stone walkway. She rests her head against her Father's body. DAUGHTER: When I grow up can I go on trips with you? FATHER: You don't want to grow up. He gives her a tickle under her arm and she laughs. DAUGHTER: Yes I do. FATHER: Alright well let's say you do grow up. Look into the future. What will you do for work? DAUGHTER: I'll work for you. FATHER: Work for me? How will you do that? DAUGHTER: I'm your daughter. You have to give me a job. She looks up at her father with a spark in her eyes that could melt a man in his place. FATHER: I can't always just give you what you want. Her mouth opens in offense but her father spins her away from him. FATHER: You have to earn the things you want. He reels her back in and they continue a slow side to side step to the sounds of the jazz music. DAUGHTER: I had another dream last night. FATHER: Your aunt told me. She said you were scared, she looked scared. DAUGHTER: I cried and cried but it wouldn't go away. FATHER: Remember not all of them have come true. What was the dream about? DAUGHTER: Mom came home. Father squeezes his Daughter close with tears streaming down his face. FATHER: What did she say? DAUGHTER: Run, Jacob is coming. Father stops his tears with an angry scowl. FATHER: Where did you hear that name? Did your aunt tell you to say that? What did your mom say, exactly? DAUGHTER: She said that we need to leave and then she looked in the house. Daughter points into the kitchen from where they're standing on the patio. DAUGHTER: Then she said, run Jacob is coming. Father jumps as three loud knocks rap across the front door. He steps in front of her facing the house. He tilts his head down. FATHER (whispers): Baby, run. DAUGHTER: Who's Jacob? The knocks grow louder and turn to banging. Father looks at his Daughter with his face twisted in shock and horror as the banging stops with a thud. The front door has been broken down. FATHER: RUN!

FEEDBACK #2 I kind of enjoyed the ability to re-read it and add in my own details in my head. After knowing the mechanical part at the end it was easier for me to see the planned action that happens in the beginning. The ambiguity is cool too. It could be left to the audiences choosing if the two dancing were uniquely psychotic or working on an avant garde art piece.

FEEDBACK #3 Liked it. Kind of agree that the Russian is too obvious of a choice but just imagining it's Romanian or Bosnian makes me think, it's something I'd want to know more / read more about. I didn't imagine the bride as cold blooded in the set up so it helped with the twist of her dropping the man dead in his tracks.

FEEDBACK #7 I really enjoyed the sudden shift in tone. The ability to take an otherwise tender moment and shift it dramatically to a completely different emotion is great. In respect to creating meaningful dialogue, rather than "small talk", perhaps the father's question of asking his daughter to look into the future can draw an answer out of her that is more specific to what is about to happen. Because without any planting that perhaps this young girl has some gift of foresight, her dream coming true seems completely coincidental. Whereas if her answer to her father's question hinted at something a bit more foreboding, than her dream coming true won't seem out of left field.

#FEEDBACK 5 I do like the change towards the end. I agree with Sean that her foresight appears too coincidental at the end. For some reason the way the first part of the scene was written suggested something romantic or sexual between the two. As that was not where the scene was going you might want to make sure the way you describe a scene does not accidentally suggest things you don't intend.

#FEEDBACK 6 I like the concept a lot, but I think you could have made more of the dancing prompt. The fact the bride and the guest are dancing seems incidental to the action-they could have had the exact same conversation standing at the bar. Is there a way to use the dancing to convey the power dynamics between the pair? Or to have the other guests in the room build suspense?

@adamwestbrook I agree, the power dynamics were mostly portrayed through dialogue, which could have been done through dance. I think the trouble was fitting setup and result in a way where enough information was given so the scene was not confusing. The dancing definitely played second fiddle to the story, which could have been improved upon.

SCENE # 3 INT. HOUSE - LIVING ROOM - DAY Pop music playing SCOTT (17) and MARY (21) dance, she's very good, he's really awkward. MARY: Just feel the rhythm. SCOTT: What rhythm? MARY: Come on, it's not that hard. SCOTT: It's not my kind of music. MARY: Too bad, it's what they'll be playing. He stops dancing. SCOTT: maybe I should stay home. MARY: I'll drag you to your prom if I need to. SCOTT: I'll never learn to dance this. It will be awful, I will be the laughingstock. And there will be a video posted online and it will trend and I will be like hashtag awfuldancescott and... MARY: Slow down. I've been through this. nobody cares about how you dance because most of the kids will be worried about how they dance themselves. SCOTT: Maybe I should find a date that's okay with not dancing. MARY: Hashtag losers table. Grow a pair, I'll teach you the best moves. CUT TO: INT. GYM - NIGHT Prom night. Scott enters the gym with ANDREA (17). Hip hop music playing. They both look very happy. SCOTT: Hip hop? ANDREA: Yeah, last minute change I heard. Pop music is so last year. Wanna dance? Scott looks really worried.

FEEDBACK #7 Nice twist, dialogue and description. I really like how it builds up to the twist. I didn't see it coming, I thought he was just a creepy guy. As @Sean Patrick O'Brien said, probably having all other dancers pulling out their weapons is too much for a man that is creepy but doesn't seem to be that hard to capture. It's like using a SWAT team to capture a pickpocket - too elaborate. May I suggest that maybe instead of a cop Marie is either a private investigator doing this on her own or the daughter or sister of one of the women Del murdered?

FEEDBACK # 8 I think you write great description and dialogue, you set up the scene very, very well. I agree with @Vivian and @Wesley that the ending incorporates some elements that are obvious, maybe some final twist to subvert the cliché would be nice.

FEEDBACK #9 It does remind me a little of "The Cabin in the Woods" where you think something is happening and then there's a twist that completely changes the situation. However that one used cliché as a starting point, here the setting - a decrepit building already tells me there's something wrong. And then the dialogue probably prepares us too much for a twist ending. I didn't knew exactly what was going to happen, but I thought - wicked twist ending. I also struggled a little to imagine the mechanism described.

GLG SCENE #3 INT. SINGLES SPEED-DATING BALLROOM – EVENING A crude banner proclaims: SCHROON LAKE SINGLES SPEED HOP. The DJ is adjusting his sound system as the MC bustles back and forth on the bandless “bandstand.” The motley couples for the first dance, ages 30 to 50, stand watching the MC, and checking each other out in the corners of their vision. They each wear a large number pinned on their front. MC: All right, guys and gals. First dance, Tennessee Waltz, five minutes. When the music stops, report to the table at the back for your next partner. Got it? (to DJ) Go! The music rises and the couples start to waltz, each in his own way and meter. Many just stand close and sway from side to side, awkwardly trying to make small talk. ALVIN and MILLICENT, near the bandstand, speak loudly at the same time, in synch: MILLICENT: Come here often? ALVIN: Come here often? MILLICENT: Do you like to dance? ALVIN: Do you like to dance? They sail off across the floor, smiling. NAOMI and DZHOSEF come into view, moving away from the DJ. Naomi presses herself against Dzhosef, who is the youngest man present. NAOMI: . . . then I transferred to Stanford to major in history. DZHOSEF: (grinning) History. That is most interesting subject. I study that some. NAOMI: “Anyone who knows anything of history knows that great social changes are impossible without feminine upheaval.” (inhales, presses herself closer to him) DZHOSEF: (grinning, but head tilted in perplexity) Why you say that? NAOMI: I didn’t. DZHOSEF: (not grinning) I could have sworn you say it. (looks around) If you not say it, who did? NAOMI: Marx said it. DZHOSEF: Did he? I never hear him say that. Good heavens! NAOMI: There is no Heaven. “Religion is the opium of the people.” Dzhosef looks furtively towards the doorway, just yards away. Naomi clutches him. There will be no escaping her feminine upheaval tonight, if she can help it. WILMA and CHARLIE glide on camera, actually dancing to the music, smiling at each other: WILMA: Why don’t we just get the hell out of here? CHARLIE: Works for me. When the music stops, let’s hit the bricks. Wilma and Charlie go O.C., headed out, revealing Naomi and Dzhosef again. She’s still talking. NAOMI: “...Social progress can be measured by the social position of the female sex.” DZHOSEF: Goodness, yes. That is true in my country, I think. NAOMI: (She smiles for the first time.) Oh? (a beat) What do you do, anyway? DZHOSEF: I am trying to be a writer. NAOMI: “The writer must earn money in order to be able to live and to write, but he must by no means live and write for the purpose of making money.” DZHOSEF: That is easy for you to say. NAOMI: I didn’t say it. DZHOSEF: Oh, good. (beat) Marx again? NAOMI: Yes. DZHOSEF: Groucho or Zeppo? NAOMI: Karl. DZHOSEF: I think I like Harpo best. Didn’t say a lot of boolchoo. Very funny man. Good timing. NAOMI: “Time is everything, man is nothing: he is at the most time's carcass.” Dzhosef stops dancing. DZHOSEF: I think this man must take his carcass home, now. I would like a little peace and quiet. He extracts himself from her clutches and heads for the door. She shouts at him: NAOMI: “Peace is the absence of opposition to socialism!”

Scene #3 INT. NIGHT CLUB - NIGHT Through smoke-machine haze, strobing LEDs and pounding electro-bass, RACHEL, late 20’s and looking out of place in jeans and a button-up gingham shirt, emerges from the bathroom, her newly-redone eyeliner erasing the streaks from the tears of her bathroom stall mini-breakdown. She looks back at the bottle-service booth where BEN AND FRIENDS roar as a sexy WAITRESS in a black neligée delivers yet another sparkler-bedecked bottle of vodka. With a slight grimace, Rachel squeezes through the throng of DANCERS to a BEER GIRL and her giant ice chest at the other side of the floor. RACHEL (loudly, over the music): One please. Beer Girl towels off a bottle, pops the top and hands it to Rachel. Rachel slips her credit card from her the back pocket of her jeans. BEER GIRL (practically yelling): Cash only. RACHEL: Shit. I only have this. Beer Girl is unmoved. Rachel gently puts the opened beer on top of the ice chest and turns--- MEGAN (appearing, to Rachel, almost in her ear): We got you. MEGAN, early 20’s and dressed fittingly for the scene in a skin-tight tank top mini-dress, stops Rachel with a touch on the arm, giving her a smile that conveys the certain kinship among beautiful women in nightclubs packed with overeager suitors. RACHEL (slightly startled): That’s okay--- MEGAN (ignoring her, loudly to Beer Girl): I’ll take four. She slips Beer Girl a ten and a twenty and hands Rachel back her beer. RACHEL: Thanks. Megan has her back to Rachel now, passing out bottles to STEPH and JESS, who are almost carbon copies of Megan. She doesn’t hear Rachel over the din of the club, so Rachel awkwardly sidles away. She doesn’t quite escape. MEGAN (calling after): Come dance! RACHEL (pausing): Oh, that’s okay. Thanks, though. STEPH: C’mon! Bottles are great because you can dance and not spill! Steph demonstrates, gyrating and waving her arms above her head. Jess follows suit. Rachel smiles at the infallible evidence in front of her. MEGAN: Come on. You look like you could use some fun. INT. NIGHT CLUB DANCE FLOOR - SAME Packed among the other dancers, Jess and Steph move their bodies sensually but sloppily to the thumping beat in the chaos of the floor. Close nearby, Rachel has strategically positioned herself so she can dance with Megan but also spy on Ben and his party, who are now doing shots and mixing drinks for the various beautiful club-goers who have caught the scent of free booze and half-interesting conversation. Soon Rachel is barely dancing, just watching. A drunk bumps into Rachel from behind, jolting her back to the present. She notices Megan’s dancing. It’s as if her body was only molten lava, electricity and a beating heart: flowing, throbbing and pumping all in unison. The sight of her in the smoke and flashing lights momentarily transfixes Rachel, but she is suddenly aware of her paltry moves. Oddly, Rachel juts out her hand toward Megan in introduction. RACHEL (yelling again): I’m Rachel, by the way. Megan takes Rachel’s hand as if to accept the intro, but instead pulls Rachel into a spin one way, then the other. At the same time, and still on beat, she pirouettes around behind Rachel, breaks the handhold and puts her free hand on Rachel’s hip. MEGAN (in Rachel’s ear): I’m Megan. Now their two bodies move together to the beat, Megan guiding Rachel gently. Rachel’s face betrays confusion, but the song drives them along. A few whoops and whistles go up from the crowd. After a few beats, Rachel relaxes a little and lets song and rhythm and movement and warmth of Megan’s body wash sink in for just a moment. She closes her eyes. MEGAN (nodding upwards): You know those guys? Rachel looks and sees Ben’s friends in the booth pointing at her from above the crowd. She spins from Megan, who dances closer to hear the response. RACHEL: It’s a bachelor party. MEGAN: How do you know? RACHEL: Because I’m here with them. (off Megan’s look of confusion) The bachelor is my best friend. MEGAN: Oof. Steph and Jess excitedly burst into their midst, like a couple of puppies. STEPH and JESS (in unison): Shots?!

SCENE #3: INT. CLUB FLOOR - NIGHT TERRI, with the confidence of an extrovert but the mind of an introvert, pulls JOSEPH, a complete introvert, down to the dance floor. Terri keeps a hold of his hands as she stops in the center of the dance floor. TERRI: I thought you looked lonely? JOSEPH: But why me? TERRI: Because you didn’t look like a jerk or a creep. Terri starts grooving her head and torso to the music while Joseph just stands there. Terri looks back at him and holds his hands again. TERRI: You know how to dance, right? JOSEPH: Sure? TERRI: Look, it’s not that hard. Just move your hips a bit and if you at look confident you’re probably doing it right. Terri begins to shake around again as Joseph begins to copy her. Joseph starts looking around, and Terri pokes him a bit. TERRI: They won’t judge you. Trust me. Besides, what if they do? They don’t know you. Joseph smiles. JOSEPH: Yea, I guess you’re right. Joseph starts to move his hips, or what consists of his hips, as he starts getting into the music. He’s now at a whole disco routine, and Terri begins to laugh. He stops, but then she gestures him to go on. They’re still on the floor dancing out of control when Terri looks away from him. Joseph turns around to see FRED, a guy that seems like all the other guys if not for his red sunglasses. TERRI: Oh hey, Fred. Terri begins to leave while Joseph stares on. Terri turns back and runs back to him. TERRI: I hope to see you around later. Joseph doesn’t respond as she runs back to Fred. Terri and Fred talk for a bit, and Fred is a lot more animated and angry. Joseph sulks back to his table and sits back down. Joseph: Of course.

Feedback #3 I love the descriptions in this scene (spared no expense, right from the fashion magazine). I also like how you set up these characters quickly enough through their appearance and interactions, so we can get a sense of who they are even with this short exercise. The only thing I would suggest would be to make sure that you bring a new twist to this scene, so it doesn't go into cliché spy story. Also, why does she switch to English all of a sudden? Who is this groom? Otherwise, I think these scene really helps to push things forward and keep the reader interested for the next scene.

GLG Feedback #4 Delete the murder, and you have a scene with fine comedic elements: MARIE smashes DEL's face into the wall. Now he's bleeding from nose and mouth, sliding down the wall in shock and pain, leaving a bloody streak behind him, and, as he hits the floor, poleaxed, MARIE says: "Freeze, motherfucker!" Then a room full of cops all draw guns at the same time and point them at the motionless DEL. Make your first half just as funny as the last, with half the cops salsa dancing in drag, and you have a great comedic scene. "Nice work, Lieutenant!" Er, Adam. :)

It's called a challenge because it ain't easy. Given only 1 to 2 pages, you did fine. If you emphasized the dancing more, you'd have had less time for set-up. Tightening the first part might give you a little running room. I like the red blood on the white dress detail. Use the cake knife for greater speed/surprise.

GLG Feedback #5 I would have liked this scene longer. There's a lot of backstory in that last line. Did you consider letting us see FRED in action briefly at the opening?

FEEDBACK #2 Nice descriptions here, especially Megan's dancing and Rachel's spying on the bachelor party. Would have liked to find a little more about Rachel's backstory, why she was upset, etc, maybe during an extended conversation with Megan while they dance. Overall I think the scene could benefit from being extended a little. Thanks!

SCENE #2 INT. BALLROOM - NIGHT An elegant affair. The hall is filled with guests all sparkling in their regal outfits that rival the crystal chandeliers above. But TONY and LUCILLE (20s) have eyes only for each other. He, a black tux, she a long green dress, moving expertly to the big band's rendition of LuisDemetrio's "Sway". LUCILLE You know how to throw a party, Anthony. TONY (dismissing) My father. (a beat) And please, Tony. Lucille smiles sweetly. She knows his preference already. LUCILLE You must know these affairs are not necessary to keep me around. TONY Trust me, I hate being here just as much as you. A pause in the conversation as Tony smoothly twirls Lucille at the height of the music. She is breathless as they come closer. TONY I thought we'd suffer together. LUCILLE (a beat, breathe) Since we're stuck here, Tony, maybe we can learn a little more about each other. His eyes stray from her for the first time all night at the comment. Catches something in the crowd. Lucille turns slightly to see what has ensnared his attention. Before she can see, though, he dips her low, so quickly that for a moment the fear of falling grips her. But the music settles, and his arms pull her back from the abyss and into the divine dance they are engaged in. TONY Ok, you lead. The twirl, Lucille's back is now to him. LUCILLE What is there to tell? You know of my family, what I grew up with. Their bodies are warming in the motion. Lucille is becoming flustered. LUCILLE I... I don't know what to tell you... TONY (in her ear) What are your hopes? Dreams? Surely you don't want to spend your life as your father's daughter. She shivers under his breath. Across their path comes a WOMAN (20s), short black dress, leaving in a huff. Lucille chances a glance back at Tony, sees his eyes follow the woman. The first time they've strayed from her. LUCILLE I only wish to be happy... Her world lunges as he spins her back around and draws her close once more. Now his eyes are back, deep, caring. Lucille melts beneath his gaze. TONY I can make you happy, Lucille. She blushes, turns away. The music has stopped. They remain, again the only two on the floor, but now because the other dancers are leaving. They are frozen there as Lucille muses on the dance and the conversation, then she turns back to Tony, strokes his cheek, and kisses him. LUCILLE I'd like to believe that, Anthony.

Feedback #3 This is a really sweet scene. I like how you captured Scott's insecurity and Mary's coaching attitude. May be there could be a bit more description of his clumsiness. Like - he trips over his own foot and falls on his butt or tries copying Mary's moves, but looks like he's doing a robot dance.

Feedback #4 This is a beautifully written scene. I found it very sumptuous and the words you used lend themselves to creating a swirling rhythm of the dance. The only part that pulled me out of the scene was reading 'pull her back from the abyss and into the divine dance they are engaged in.' It felt like it was trying too much.

FEEDBACK 4 I really love that scene. The twist in tonality is great. But something is missing here. Probably some hints in the first part that could slowly create the tension. Or you can add some elements of mystery

FEEDBACK 4 I like the scenic& the begging with building that atmosphere of dancing class, ANGIE is brilliant. The Dance part with Dan and Marie is built really nice and I though what a great love story begins.. May be that is why i did not like the twist to criminal story. I would like it more if the love story continue here with some comedy elements, but still love story. Thank you

INT Dating club evening.  Antony (the host of dancing event) stays at the stage. There are men and women in from of him, nicely dressed with glasses of champaign in their hands.  All in a good mood, flirting, laughing, and making jokes ANTONY: Ladies and gentlemen let me remind you the rules. You must choose new sexual partner for the next week. Take 2 dances choose 1 partner.  Find your pairs please. People move around with numbers in their hands looking for the match.  GLORIA (24) beautiful, black hair  raises her hand GLORYA: I have number 27, looking for number 41. GEORGE: Here I am! Nice to meet you. George!  George small fat  man (43) with half bald head  shakes her hand with a smile. Another man John (36) hansom approaches them. JOHN: Hey number 27. Next dance is mine. He winks and rushes to his firs dance partner. GLORYA:(to GEORGE)My name is Gloria, nice to meet you! GEORGE: What an asshole, he thinks that he young and have more chances, but darling, nothing will compare with experience. Music begins and they start dancing.  GEORGE (COUNT): I tell you something. If you want to open new horizons of sexual life you have to choose me.   At that moment GLORIA notices MARK (28) staying near a wall and looking at her.  She rounds her eyes in amazement. Mark gesticulates  and tells to her by opening his mouth  without sound. «I NEED TO TALK TO YOU!» GEORGE: what are you thinking of? GLORYA(to GEORGE): I am so sorry but I have to stop that dance. GEORGE: What to you mean? Our time is not over GLORYA: Yes, but sorry, I reject you.  GEORGE: Whaaaat??  GLORIA fight her way to MARK, grabs his hand, and whispers to him. GLORYA: Why are here?  They dance GEORGE (following them): where is administrator! I will not leave that(rushing away) MARK: Gloria, I just can’t live without you! I never felt anything like that before. GLORYA: You are crazy! We can’t see each other more than once. Will be punished otherwise !  MARK: Yes, yes I know the law, But I can’t do anything with myself I did not sleep 2 or 3 nights. That drives me crazy. . did’t you feel the same?   GLORY: indeed, I felt, but what we can do?   MARK: We need to do something, we need to fight for that feelings , that’s all I know. GEORGY coming to them with ANTONY and 2 securities  GEORGE: here is the guy! GEORGE grabs Mark’s shoulder but MARK throws his hand and pushes  into his chest. GEORGE falls on his back. A lady near them screams. Music stops  ANTONY(to security): Take him out and call the police. Fight. Securities grab resisting MARK and pull him to the door. MARK(Screaming)GLORIA I love you. You have to go with me! Indignant Whispers rise from the crowd a LADY: What a shame. ANTONY (loud) Ladies and Gentlemen, I am sorry for that incident. Let’s continue our program. Music please. GOURGE comes pale as snow GLORIA and takes her to dance.  GEORGE: Who is that crazy guy? You see what I mean, young they so stupid GLORYA (with tears): Fuck off asshole!  She pushes him, and runs to the door. The end 

FEEDBACK #5 Hi Nicholas. As always nice work, text and beautifully built atmosphere. But I think that you did not make good resolution here. There was some mystery and you increased tension here. TONY looked at someone in the crowd and LUCILLE noticed that. So I personally was waiting that something would happen, some TWIST. But alas the scene finished very simple from my point of view.

SCENE #3 EXT. CAMP / SAVANNAH - NIGHT Three large tents are erected in a clearing in the African wilderness. The local guides have gone hunting for food leaving CHARLOTTE, 30, British and BEN, 37, African, sitting around the fire. The trees around them are thick with parrots. Charlotte silently gazes at the canopy of stars while Ben stokes the flames. CHARLOTTE I’ve never seen so many stars. BEN That’s strange for a scientist who studies them. CHARLOTTE May be. BEN What do you see when you look up there? BEAT CHARLOTTE I’m never really sure. Part of me is in awe of the solar system and the mysteries of the galaxy. (pause) The other part feels speechless. Like I’m staring at the face of... BEN God. CHARLOTTE I’m not religious, but yeah. BEAT BEN Have you ever danced under so many stars? CHARLOTTE No. Ben steps towards her and offers his hand. Charlotte sees his broad smile, but recoils. CHARLOTTE (CONT’D) But there’s no music. BEN There is.. Listen. Ben starts singing softly and one by one the parrots in the trees around them join in. Charlotte, amazed, takes his hand. CHARLOTTE I’m a terrible dancer. BEN That makes two of us. They move clumsily as the trees are virtually shaking in cacophony. A shooting star sweeps across the sky. CHARLOTTE Look! BEN Ha! This is a special night for you. CHARLOTTE Why? BEN We say in Africa that seeing a shooting star is God smiling at you... and you are dancing with me. END

Bit late to the party, but thought I'd have a go at some of these for practice anyway! SCENE 1 INT. FUNCTION ROOM - DAY WEDDING GUESTS fill a large hall, decked out with the usual wedding adornments. As the first chords of a ballad kick in, the BEST MAN - boozy, tie loosened - takes the mic. BEST MAN: Oi. Oi. ‘Ey. Will you please join me in honouring the… honour of welcoming to the floor, the new Mr and Mrs Bradley Taylor. Applause. The crowd parts. Our radiant bride and groom KAYLEIGH and BRAD, take to the centre and begin slow-dancing like there’s no-one else in the room. BRAD: I can't believe how happy I am. The last time I was this happy, I was unwrapping the Tamagotchi my dad got me for Christmas to one-up my mum…. and that was only last year. Ha(!)… Can you believe we're actually married, Mrs Taylor? He pulls her in tightly. They dance for a few beats, until she whispers in his ear… KAYLEIGH: I think I might have made a huge mistake. BRAD: What? They keep dancing - going through the motions of their rehearsed routine. BRAD: Sorry… what did you say? KAYLEIGH: I’m just not sure... if marriage is for me. BRAD: Are you joking? Have you seen yourself? KAYLEIGH: This is it. This is the problem. I’ve been so wrapped up in the dress and the day and the fucking.... Baby's Breath… He twirls her. KAYLEIGH: …and today, it just hit me. My dad’s speech about knowing when you've found ‘the one’. I realised... I don't even know if I have. Knowing that you could just sit on the sofa together for the next 40 years and be happy… That sounds bloody awful. BRAD: Kay, this is nothing. Just ignore it. All of this, it’s a lot and you’re probably just overwhelmed. KAYLEIGH: It's not... it’s not that. I- Brad dips her. BRAD: You know, your timing is fucking appalling. KAYLEIGH: I’m doing my best. BRAD: Not the dancing. This! Most brides run away from the altar, not the reception. KAYLEIGH: Yeah, well, it would have been really bloody convenient if my dad could had given that speech a week ago. BRAD: What, so you wouldn’t be here, doing this, with me? He studies her eyes, searching for a way in. Suddenly from the admiring crowd: GUEST: Oi, kiss her then! CROWD: Kiss! Kiss her! Brad and Kayleigh stare at each other before moving in for a forced, awkward kiss. Suddenly, the music changes to something upbeat and tacky like Baby Got Back. KAYLEIGH: Oh, shit. They pull apart and break into an organised dance - the stuff of viral videos. The crowd whoop loudly in surprise and support. KAYLEIGH: If we don’t consummate the marriage we can get an annulment. BRAD: Wha- Did you Google it on the way to the church or something?! (Becoming out of breath) Look, just give it a go. Try it on for a bit. Complete satisfaction in 30 days or your money back. KAYLEIGH: I have. BRAD: You haven't even made it out of the bloody shop! Brad’s raised voice attracts some looks, so the couple re-fix their smiles and continue. BRAD: I mean we could probably still get our money back on the buffet! Someone’s taken a bite out of the chocolate cake but- KAYLEIGH: It’s actually a mocha torte with shaved- Brad accidentally elbows her in the face. KAYLEIGH: Concentrate. BRAD: I’m trying. KAYLEIGH: No. Seriously. Concentrate. Kayleigh takes a few steps back and steels herself for a big lift. She runs towards Brad, but knocks him off balance and he falls back onto the buffet table with a crash. She lands on top of him like big white shower puff. The music dips. Everyone freezes and looks on in horror. Brad looks down at his hand. It’s smooshed into the wedding cake. BRAD: I don’t think we can return the buffet now. KAYLEIGH: Lie still. If we accidentally consummate this I’ll kill you.

FEEDBACK #9: I agree with everyone's remarks about creating the setup with a little less cliche. Reading through this reminded me of many movies I've watched. That said, your setup is well done in that you can bring out the same idea as done before but maybe with different promts. However, I do understand the difficulty in setting it up and emphasizing the dancing. In any case, I think you wrote a captivating scene.

SCENE 10 EX - BACKYARD - NIGHT Robert walks out onto their newly finished patio and watches his soon-to-be ex-wife, Susan, admiring their work. ROBERT - It is quite spectacular, isn't it? SUSAN - We make a great team. Susan turns to Robert, SUSAN- Sometimes? Robert smiles, walks past her and attaches his iphone to the speakers. Music. Robert walks towards Susan and takes her hand. She tries to stop a tear and steps on to the "dance floor". He pulls her close. Her head rested on his chest. DONNA SUMMERS - I need you by me, beside me Robert leads as they twirl. DONNA SUMMERS - To guide me Music continues. Flashback to their first dance at their wedding. Young Susan looks up to young Robert, SUSAN - Thank you for everyth- ROBERT - Shhh. Just enjoy the moment. DONNA SUMMERS - So let's dance, the last dance, let's dance, the last dance tonight Robert accidentally steps on Susan's foot, looks at her in horror. Susan smiles, SUSAN- I know you practiced as much as you could. ROBERT - I love you. Flashback to the patio. Robert looks down into Susan's eyes, SUSAN - Thank you for everyth- ROBERT - Shhh. Just enjoy our moment. Robert is about to make the same mistake and step on Susan's foot, she moves out of the way. Robert sighs a breath of relief, Susan laughs gently. SUSAN - I know you tried as much as you could. ROBERT - I will always love you. Wide shot to show the starry night over them as they continue to dance under the moonlight of a suburban house. DONNA SUMMERS - So c'mon baby, dance that dance. C'mon baby, last dance tonight. Yeah yeah.

SCENE No. 8 INT. PARIS -- NIGHTCLUB The orchestra belts out the soft jazz of Glenn Miller as the bandleader, ABEAU (36, sarcastic), keeps them in sync and readies his trumpet. Abeau nods at SOLENE (22, big-thinking), who lightly sways to the tune to mesmerize the patrons of the club. She turns to begin singing in German. The patrons of the club are a mix of German officers with their French girlfriends or mistresses. ELIAS STELZNER (25, honest, impressionable, angry) sits alone at a table close to the empty dance floor. He extinguishes his cigarette and debates whether he's going to light another one. MAXINE WILLIS (23, charming, tactless, competitive) saunters over to Elias. MAXINE (in French): May I have one? Elias steals a look over his shoulder at some higher-ranking German officers, who glare back at him. Elias shakes his head, smiles and indicates an open seat at his table. Maxine glances briefly at the officers. She begins to take a seat at his table. ELIAS (in German): Let's dance first. Elias leads Maxine to the dance floor. Soon other couples are on the floor. ELIAS: You have to more careful. If they think you can speak German, it's just going to make them more curious. MAXINE: I wouldn't be the only girl here to speak German. ELIAS: But you will be the only one, who can without a trace of an accent. Elias twirls Maxine. They had this dance before. MAXINE: The... My mother is planning a visit. ELIAS: Really? My ... father suspects a visit may come soon. Do you know when she plans to arrive? MAXINE: No. It would help mother if she knew where to visit while she was here. ELIAS: I think I can do that. (a beat) Your dancing has improved. MAXINE: I couldn't let Harriet think she was better than me. ELIAS: How is Harriet? MAXINE: Pregnant. ELIAS: The British officer? MAXINE: No... the American. ELIAS: Wow. (a beat) Will you be here when your mother comes to visit? MAXINE: I'm being picked up in a few days. ELIAS: Will I see you again? MAXINE: I don't know. I would hope so, but I doubt it. ELIAS: Let's enjoy this night while we can.

FEEDBACK No. 8 I laughed, I was upset and then I was annoyed. This was a beautiful roller coaster. Very nice.

Thanks :)