Scene #1: EXT. BOATHOUSE – DAY The waters of Lake Michigan are for once silent and plastered into a glittering piece of glass. A boathouse named Santo Marcellino sits in solitary under the radiating sun. No clouds are blanketing the surface with shadows. In literary fiction, it would have been a day in utopia. INT. BOATHOUSE – DAY JEFFERSON, a 19 year-old, whose face is threaded with a thicket of a beard and an upper body that is disproportional to the rest of his frame, sits on a stool in defeat. His mother, NOEL, sits next to him, her face is tear-stained. She reaches out a hand to touch his back, but retracts it in second thought. NOEL: You have to tell him. (beat) You have to tell him something. Jefferson’s breaths are shallow and fast. His pupils are dilated and his hands are shaking under his thighs. A door SLAMS and in comes WALKER, the father. In his hand is a fishing rod and in the other dangles a 26” bass, the tail is still flickering around. WALKER: (laughs heartily) Look at this beauty! (to NOEL) Honey, if I’d met this fish before I’d laid eyes on you, I would have put a rock on this baby. Noel lays a hand on Jefferson’s arm; the touch broke his empty stare from the table. NOEL: (softly) Please tell him. Walker catches on to the situation. He lays his fish down onto the counter and pulls out a fillet knife to gut the fish. WALKER: What’s going on? Jefferson pulls his hands to his face as tears begin to fall. Noel looks at her son for a beat before her own tears start to fall. Walker puts down the knife. WALKER: Goddammit, what is going on?! He SLAMS his fists on the counter and inhales sharply. WALKER: Noel. Noel, look at me. Noel looks up but she doesn’t make eye contact. WALKER: (turns to son) Jefferson. Jefferson! The boy looks to his mother and wipes away a tear. JEFFERSON: Mom, I can’t do this for you. NOEL: I…I can’t. Jefferson breathes in, but the breaths are quick and arrhythmic. Walker looks between the two, his eyebrows are furrowed and his mouth is slightly ajar. JEFFERSON: It’s going to be okay, Mom. Noel slowly raises her eyes from the counter to Walker’s eyes. She opens her mouth, but no words come out. She glances at Jefferson, a look for help. She turns back to Walker. NOEL: I…Walker…I’m…I’m gay.

Author: Sean Patrick O'Brien Scene #2 OVER BLACK: JEAN HELLER (O.S.) Hello? PETER BUXTUN (V.O.) (through phone) Am I speaking with Jean Heller? JEAN HELLER (O.S.) Uh... Depends who’s asking? Who is this? PETER BUXTUN (V.O.) (through phone) The Jean Heller from the Washington Star? JEAN HELLER (O.S.) Alright, I’m hanging up in 3... 2... PETER BUXTUN (V.O.) Don’t hang up... I have a story for you. You’ll want to hear this. INT. U.S. PUBLIC HEALTH HEADQUARTERS - WASHINGTON D.C. (1972) PETER BUXTUN (EARLY 40’S) is sweating profusely as he walks briskly in his 70’s work attire (a Houndstooth jacket, and brown slacks) down a long tope hallway. His dress shoes clack against the linoleum floor. JEAN HELLER (PRE-LAP) Hello? Peter reaches a door, and looks around for others. PETER BUXTUN (PRE-LAP) Jean? Peter pulls a lone door key out of his pocket and unlocks a door. PETER BUXTUN (PRE-LAP) (CONT’D) Please sit. As the door closes, the sign brandishing it reads “EXECUTIVE USE ONLY”. EXT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT PARK - DAY (1972) JEAN HELLER (30’s), a hard-nosed, no-bullshit brunette beauty with an eye for style as well sits anxiously. She’s a journalist who has a full arsenal and uses it. JEAN HELLER Well, I’m here. And I’m on deadline. And I still don’t know who the hell you are, so... Peter takes a deep breathe. It’s a breathe he’s been holding in for years it seems. He hands over a manila envelope. Jean opens it and pulls out a stack of papers. The top sheet reads “OPERATION: TUSKEGEE” with a CLASSIFIED stamp across it. JEAN HELLER (CONT’D) Tuskegee. Macon County, Alabama. What is this shit? PETER BUXTUN Keep reading. INT. U.S. PUBLIC HEALTH HEADQUARTERS (CONTINUOUS) A EXECUTIVE (40’s) in a chic suit rifles through a draw for the stolen documents. He sprints out of the office. PETER BUXTUN (O.S.) I tried to get this shut down in ‘68. No one cared. No one would listen. The Executive runs into another office, where a group of high ranking Executives in their 50’s are talking. Upon barging in... EXECUTIVE Peter Buxton stole a copy of the Tuskegee brief. EXT. WASHINGTON MONUMENT PARK - DAY Jean continues to read through the stack of papers. PETER BUXTUN Tuskegee was made to study the affects that syphilis had on the body. After a subject had been killed from it. The study lied to 400 people in Alabama. Telling them they were getting a cure. But they weren’t. Fucking CIA. Jean Heller glances up from the documents. JEAN HELLER Son of a bitch.

FEEDBACK #3 In trying to create subtext within your scene, try to provide your audience with a reason why the mother is so afraid to tell her husband that she is gay. He seems like a good-hearted man upon his introduction, which contradicts the mother's visceral fear. If he's abusive, I can see her being afraid. If she's leaving him for another woman, she might also be afraid, but we would need that information. A moment like this could potentially tear a family apart, so you have a great set-up, but there should be a greater arc from the beginning of the scene to the end of the scene. Maximize your story's arc in the allotted two pages. Good work.

TITLE: Thank You For Syncing Genre: Grounded Sci-fi Thriller FRINGE APARTMENT A VIRAL FREQUENCY blasts from an old radio, infecting the audible atmosphere. MARION, female, late 20s, buzzed hair -- optimism blurring naiveté -- FACEPLANTS into her breakfast plate. A chaotic matrix of BINARY CODE begins to cycle through her vacant pupils as red liquid oozes from her lifeless eyes. SARAH, female, 30, strong but cautious, like a scar harboring a deep wound, loudly scrubs the pot and pan in the sink with her back to Marion, oblivious. The frequency preys upon Marion’s insides like a digital cancer. Inside her pupils, the binary code scrolls... faster. Faster. FASTER. Sarah finishes the dishes. Now aware of the odd noise coming from the radio-- --dries her hands, turning OFF the radio, severing the frequency as... MARION RISES MECHANICALLY, EGG DRIPPING FROM HER FACE. Sarah grabs her plate, turning to join Marion – but, drops it in shock. SARAH: "Marion?" Marion. Empty vessel. Eyes dazed in reboot. Face yolked. Sarah. Eyes questioning. Face-- BANG! BANG! BANG! --jolted with fear. Blunt banging from the front door interrupts. Sarah concedes her concerned gaze, transferring curiosity to the front door… END. (Scene 1)

FEEDBACK #4 While the tension is building and hints are being planted, the payoff is unclear. What is the secret that is meant to be learned from the scene? Is it that this frequency has the ability to kill? If so, why is Sarah's character unaffected? Who is the person banging at the door? While these devices create tension, they are ultimately questions that are left unclear, and unanswered. If you can answer one question like "What is this frequency?" but raise another one like "Where is it coming from?" then you're on the right track. Nice work!

SCENE #2 INT. BEN’S APARTMENT - NIGHT Three quick knocks on the door. BEN, mid-20’s, assistant district attorney, bounds from the kitchen. He’s on his phone. BEN (on phone): I think that’s them. See you in a few. He hangs up and opens the door. RACHEL, mid-20’s, law clerk, guides MEGAN, mid-20’s, stripper with fresh bruises and cuts on her left cheek and around her eye, gently into the bachelor pad apartment. RACHEL: Thanks, Ben. I couldn’t take her back to my place. This is Megan. Her boyfriend--- She pauses and looks at Megan, now leaning against the wall by the door, who gives her the slightest nod. RACHEL: ---works at the club. He saw her leave with me just now. We couldn’t go back to my place. He picked her up from my place this morning. BEN: This morning? Listen, about last night--- RACHEL: Forget it. Is it okay if we stay here tonight? Ben surveys Megan and Rachel. Both look frazzled and scared. Blood starts to ooze from a cut near Megan’s lip. BEN (to Megan): Your lip. I have some first aid stuff. You can get cleaned up. He leaves the living room towards the bathroom. Megan asks if she should follow with a look. RACHEL: Go ahead. Megan follows Ben to the bathroom. Rachel, finally with a moment to herself, takes a breath, walks around the dining table and pours herself a glass of water in the kitchen. Stuck to the fridge next to the sink, Ben and his fiancée’s SAVE THE DATE watches her. She notices it and gives it a hard look until--- BEN (entering): She’s fixing herself up. How did you find her? RACHEL: I obviously couldn’t drive home last night, so I had to go back to the club to pick up my car. She was out back having a smoke break. I saw the marks on her when I went over to say “Hi.” BEN: What’re you guys friends now? Why was she at your place this morning? RACHEL: It wasn’t just her. Her friends from the club came over after . . . She trails off, too embarrassed to say more. BEN: And? Rachel doesn’t respond. She looks back at the SAVE THE DATE. BEN: Fine. She can tell it all to Mark when he comes to take her statement. RACHEL: Your cop friend? From last night? BEN: Yeah. He called just before you got here. He said one of her friends called the station about the boyfriend and that she thought Megan was with you. Rachel takes that last sentence with a jolt. She dumps her glass into the sink and starts toward the bathroom. RACHEL: Megan! Ben grabs her arm as she moves past him. BEN: What is it? Megan peers in from the hallway. RACHEL: The guy who hit her isn’t her boyfriend. He’s her pimp. MEGAN: Rachel! RACHEL (still to Ben): He controls her and her friends. He doesn’t even let them have phones. BEN: What are you saying? RACHEL: None of her friends could have called this in to the police! MEGAN: Even if they could, they wouldn’t have called this in. This is nothing. RACHEL: The only person who could have told Mark--- BEN: Is the boyfriend. A look of dark realization crosses his face. Megan’s too, but her’s is tinged with terror. BEN: You have to leave now. I’ll tell Mark you went to the hospital to stitch her up. Go! RACHEL: Thank you. She and Megan hurry out of the apartment.

#SCENE 2 INT. BEDROOM - DAY We track along a typical teenager’s bedroom wall, past posters of Taylor, One Direction and others. Over this we hear the sound of a struggle. KYLIE (OS): Give it to me! The camera tracks back to reveal KYLIE (16) desperately trying to wrestle a piece of paper from LIZZY (13). Lizzy manages to break free, giggling and leaps up onto the bed, free from Kylie’s grasp. Hungrily she reads the paper. A beat. Her face changes from glee to shock. LIZZY: Oh my god. KYLIE: (Defeated, breathless) Lizzy, please. LIZZY: For real? Kylie says nothing. Lizzy keeps reading the piece of paper still in disbelief. LIZZY: (Looking up) Oh my God…Harry?! Still no answer. Kylie just looks at the floor. LIZZY: They’re going to kill you. KYLIE: They’re not going to find out. Both look up as they hear the sound of a car pulling up on the driveway outside. The sound of two car doors opening and closing. LIZZY: Good luck with that. Before Kylie can react, Lizzy leaps off the bed past her and out of the bedroom still grasping the piece of paper. KYLIE: Lizzy no! INT. VARIOUS ROOMS - CONTINUOUS Kylie charges after her, down the stairs and through different rooms: the living room, the bathroom, the kitchen. Her sister is much faster and nimbler than she is and Kylie struggles to keep up. Throughout the pursuit her energy fades from anger, to desperate pleading, to mere weeping. EXT. GARDEN - CONTINUOUS As Kylie runs outside, her face is red with tears. She has given up hope, her mind preparing herself for the confrontation ahead. She finds Lizzy standing on the grass carefully holding a lighter underneath the paper. KYLIE: (Breathless) What are you doing? LIZZY: What you should have done in the first place. CLOSE on the paper and its secret as it shrivels in flame. From inside we hear voices. MUM (OS): Girls! Where are you?

#FEEDBACK 3 As Sean says, I wonder if there's a way to make this scene less on the nose? For example, is it possible for Jefferson to reveal his secret without saying it? Also, you describe the weather in detail at the top, but it might be possible to use the weather as a signifier of what's coming. Why is it sunny and like a utopia? Could an ominous storm be rolling in instead? That might suit the atmosphere of the scene better.

#FEEDBACK 4 I really like this scene - a couple of nice reversals and some intriguing back story in there too. Obviously depending on where the story is going, but maybe you can ratchet up the tension with a knock at the door or a phone call just as they realise the pimp is onto them?

SCENE # 2 INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT PAULA (50), JAMES (50) and ROBERT (30) have dinner. PAULA Sweetie, I don't think It's a good idea. ROBERT I have to know the truth. JAMES Listen to your mother, nothing good can come out of this. ROBERT She's not my mother! JAMES Hey! Be nice to her. ROBERT Sorry. I... Don't get me wrong, You've been super nice to me, but I have to meet my real parents. Silence. PAULA I think it's time he knows the truth. ROBERT Shh! ROBERT What? You know something about my real parents? JAMES Son, whatever we did, it was for your own good. Robert stands up, is about to leave. ROBERT That's it. I'm not coming back until I find my real parents. PAULA We are your real parents. ROBERT I mean by biological parents. JAMES Yes, we are those. ROBERT What? PAULA Yes, son. You're not adopted. ROBERT That doesn't make sense. JAMES I had to do it. I was running for office back in '96. We tried to have a kid for so long. We just couldn't. When I announced we were going to adopt a child my numbers in the polls doubled up. PAULA It was amazing. We just couldn't believe it. JAMES And suddenly your mother got pregnant. For real. I was afraid I could lose the election if people knew I was not going to adopt a child. So we decided to go on with the charade. ROBERT But my birth certificate, the adoption papes. JAMES Come on, you buy anything if you know the right people. PAULA If you don't believe us you can get a paternity test. JAMES Son, you understand that if one of our political opponents knows about this our careers are over, right? (beat) Right? ROBERT But... PAULA You will win the election, you will be state attorney, just like your father. Do you wan't to disappoint your mother? Thinks for a moment. ROBERT Do you think my numbers in the polls will improve if I adopt a child? JAMES We can order a poll.

Good point. The cop could arrive and the women have to escape via other means.

Feedback #1 - Great reversal at the end, but it's a shock for Lizzy to go from "Good luck with that" to destroying the evidence for her sister. Perhaps something else in the story would inform this change from devil to savior.

FEEDBACK #5 Very interesting scene, I liked how the tension builds up. I would have liked to know the secret. Maybe in a way like Citizen Kane's ending, where we know the secret right before it's engulfed by the flames. But I also like that we are left with the question of what is the secret.

Feedback #2 - Funny reversal at the end, through perhaps a little under-motivated. I'd love to see more action. E.g., if Robert stands up to storm out, maybe James does too. Maybe Paula buries her head in her hands.

FEEDBACK #6 I liked the twists, very exciting and well written piece. As @AdamWestbrook said, the ending could be a little stronger with an incoming danger. I think Megan could be a little more involved in the conversation. I understand she could be under a lot of stress, but just a few lines could make her character stand out a little more.

Feedback #3 Interesting way to intercut between the two locations and three timelines. Very tense, but a few constructive notes: 1 - Every typo (tope/taupe, a executive/an executive, breathe/breath) takes me out of the scene. 2 - How does the exec know it was Peter? We are given no insight into that. 3 - I'm not sure how the second sentence describing Jean makes it onto the screen except better done through action than just saying it in text.

Feedback #1 I completely agree with the points that MHBarcus makes in his feedback. However, I enjoyed the fact that you chose to write about a secret that has a nationally and possibly worldwide-impacting secret. It makes me curious to want to discover what happens next. One suggestion I would have is that you should bring the Executive earlier on in the story so that the fact that he immediately went to the thought that Peter stole the documents wouldn't be as out-of-the-blue.

GLG Scene #2: INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY LAWRENCE MORGAN, 49, wearing a suit, strides down a corridor cluttered with tall stacks of trays on wheels and attendants delivering lunches to patients. He walks more slowly as he approaches the room at the end of the corridor. Coughing is heard coming from within. Lawrence stops a bit short of the door, clutching his elbows and looking upward, eyes unfocused as he rocks slightly to and fro, until the coughing subsides. He bites his lower lip, takes a deep breath, trembles, exhales, and steps into the doorway. MAUDE: (O.C.) Oh, there you are, Lawrence! Come in, come in. Give us a hug. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM – CONTINUOUS MAUDE, 96, is in the bed, propped up for lunch, but her tray hasn’t been touched. She’s got tubes everywhere and a dozen monitors on a cart beside her. Her eyes are deep-set, her complexion pale. There’s a DNR notice on the wall, beside her chart. They embrace lightly because of the tubes. LAWRENCE: Uh... (clears his throat). Hi, Granny Maude. I...uh...how-- MAUDE: Don’t bother askin’ how I am. You know I got one foot in the grave an’ the other on a banana peel. How are you? LAWRENCE: Fine. Just fine. How are they treating you? MAUDE: Where’s that lazy sister of yours? Didn’t you tell Lena to get her butt down here an’ see me? LAWRENCE: Oh, yeah, I told her last week, but she’s not back, yet. From London. MAUDE: Well, I hope she’s havin’ fun. Fine time she picked to gallivantin’ off to Europe. Missed all the fireworks yesterday. LAWRENCE: It wasn’t Lena’s idea, Granny. It’s her company that made her go. MAUDE: I know, but if she wants to see me again, she’d better get a move on. I’m on borrowed time. They told me I’d be gone by the Fourth of July. LAWRENCE: (coughs) Yet here you still are, thank God. MAUDE: I’ll thank God when I see Lena’s pretty face comin’ through that door. I’ve been hopin’ to see her just one last time before I go. LAWRENCE: She’ll catch the first flight she can, just as soon as she’s done, and come right here. MAUDE: Good. Then I’ll go to my rest a happy woman. (smiles) Well, maybe not happy, but less miserable than most. (laughs, then coughs several times) Lawrence picks up a drinking glass from her tray and holds the straw where she can take a sip. LAWRENCE: Are you okay? She nods and takes a few ragged breaths. MAUDE: You know, I’ve been sittin’ up, waitin’ for you-all to get here, an’ now I’m a bit tired. Maybe you should go. How’s Eleanor an’ the boys? LAWRENCE: They’re fine. She said to say hello. MAUDE: Okay, gimme a kiss an’ go say hello back. Lawrence leans down and kisses her cheek. She clutches his hand as they kiss. LAWRENCE: Goodbye, Granny Maude. I’ll see you tomorrow. MAUDE: Goodbye, Lawrence. You’re such a dear boy. Thanks for comin’. Lawrence turns and starts away. Maude holds onto his hand until the last second, then lets it slip from her fingers as he walks out. INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – CONTINUOUS Lawrence’s face quietly collapses in grief and his tears start to flow. He can only walk a few paces before his legs give way. He leans against the wall and slowly slides to the floor, sobbing silently. An attendant goes to him. ATTENDANT: Here, let me he’p you up, Mister. The man assists Lawrence to rise and stagger down the hall. Once Lawrence is beyond ear-shot of Maude’s room, he stops and cries audibly as the attendant tries to console him. A nurse approaches. Lawrence quiets down and wipes his eyes on a sleeve. The nurse puts her hand on his arm. NURSE: Oh, Mr. Morgan. I’m so sorry about Lena. I was in the ECU the night they brought her in back in June, but I didn’t realize 'til today she was your sister. Such a terribly sad thing to lose her like that! Lawrence nods and sobs once more. The nurse puts her arm around him, and she and the attendant walk him gently down the corridor.

Thank you for your feedback, Sean. My intention was to make Walker a good man so that it's even harder for Noel to disappoint him and to tell him that she no longer loves him like before. To do something like that to a nice person would be devastating. If he were abusive, she could easily have escaped and not felt that guilt. Even if she's afraid, she has her strong son, Jefferson, to defend her. Thank you again though! I really appreciate the advice.

Thank you Adam! I think I was aiming for a metaphorical contradiction between the outside and the inside: weather and boathouse, person's exterior and what's going on inside them.

SCENE #2 FADE IN INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM - NIGHT GARY an assassin by trade, dressed in a signature dark leather trench coat with a black scarf to cover the jaw line of his face accented by his bowler hat and slicked back hair, sits at the table relaxed in the darkness. DOC, a portly fellow with bad eyes and thick glasses from his maturity stumbles into the room holding a candle to guide his path. His surprise at seeing Gary almost causes him to spill some wax. GARY: Sit down Doctor. DOC: Who are you? The frightened Doc follows the instruction to sit down despite questioning the midnight intruder his identity remains a mystery. GARY: That's not relevant. What is relevant is that I'm here to help you. DOC: How can you help me? Gary leans forward indicating for Dr. B. to do the same. GARY: You owe quite a few people, quite a bit of money. DOC: I'm making my payments, I haven't been late in three months! Who sent you? GARY: I was at your demonstration today. The Dr. realizes that no one has sent the man, this must be a freelance thief or one working on his own. He feigns confidence now more certain of who he's dealing with. DOC: It isn't here. GARY: Don't lie to me Doc. I did my research and I'm always prepared so lies will only get you into trouble. Give me the contraption and I'll pay your debts. DOC: I told you it isn't here. Gary slaps Doc hard across the face with the back of his hand. Doc who whimpers from the blow starts to turn from whimpering to crying. DOC: Are you here to kill me? GARY: When you're dead, you can't owe anyone money. DOC: Then why have an estate tax? GARY: There's no going back Doc. I'm very skilled, if you're worried that it will hurt I have made it painless. The poison is already pumping through your heart. DOC: I'll sell it to you, that's why I built it! To sell it. You'll have lots of people after you, I owe them all lots of money. GARY: Stop crying and show me where it is. Doc wipes his nose across his sleeve with his eyes closed. As his eyes open he looks over to a shelf and points to it. DOC: Behind there. It's my greatest achievement. Please be careful no one even knows that it's finished. Doc drops dead on the table, eyes wide. GARY: See, painless. Gary walks to the shelf and pulls it back causing a shrieking sound to vibrate from the floor. There is a note behind the shelf but no contraption. INSERT - NOTE Doc, I took the blunder to repair the air compression. See you tomorrow morning. (signed) Sue. RETURN - ROOM Gary takes his seat once again, this time looking tense and uncomfortable. He puts out the candle with his fingers. FADE OUT

GLG Feedback #2 This works for me. Full marks. For a real script, we should see the girls look out the window and react to the parents' arrival. Also, Kylie might ALMOST catch Lizzy, but slip and fall, giving Lizzy more time to set up the fire. But for a short exercise like this, you get 100% from me. Great work.

Scott: This is WAY too much fun!

GLG Feedback #3 A novel and imaginative setup. Some clarity issues re "pulling back" the shelf, and "I took the blunder..." When was the poison administered? How did GARY time the poison to work only a second after DOC revealed the location of the contraption? The business about estate tax seems a red herring. Punctuation might improve the clarity.

FEEDBACK #1 Great set up scene. I misunderstood if Megan's lip spontaneously started bleeding or that he just really noticed the cuts and bruises as blood dripped from the lip. At this point clearly we don't know Mark's connection to the pimp / boyfriend but I wonder if either Rachel or Megan could suggest they didn't like him or trust him from the night before, something along those lines to sell that he's not coming to help.

(Scene 2 – Megaen Kelly) INT. A HOME IN THE SUBURBS – DAY Sarah, a middle-aged woman, is on the phone. She is dressed nicely but not in a fancy way. Her home is comfortable without being ostentatious. SARAH Yes…yes…that’s right. Please transfer 5,000 dollars into their account. (listening to the other person) Great. Thank you. Sarah hangs up. She turns to her computer and opens an Excel spreadsheet. SARAH (V.O.) Well, this has been easier than I expected, knock on wood. I just hope I can keep this under wraps for a while longer. Camera zooms in on the Excel spreadsheet. We see what Sarah has been working on. It is clear she has a large sum of money that she is using to pay into other people’s accounts. SARAH (V.O.) (continuing to work on her computer) I still can’t decide if I should tell Julie. I trust her, it’s just that greedy husband of hers. Her telephone ring. She checks the number and picks it up. It’s her sister, Julie. SARAH Well, speak of the devil. I was just thinking about you. JULIE Oh? Good thoughts I hope. SARAH Always Sis. What’s up? JULIE (pauses) Sarah, you know I hate to ask for help. But Paul banged up his car and it’s in the shop. He won’t ask for a loaner and he’s using my car and I have tons of errands to run. Do you think you have time to take me around to the strip mall? SARAH (making up her mind and saying in a decisive voice) Sure thing Julie. But first, let’s stop off on the way there. I have a purchase of my own to make. END SCENE

Good feedback Sean!

This is an interesting idea and it makes me want to know more about all three. I think too much detail on location is given which might have been better used to let the reader know why the tension exists. But this makes me want to know more, which is the whole point of a scene really.

Feedback #4 There's a lot going on in this scene. I think if this was filmed it would be a bit confusing. However, the interest level is there, but I'm confused a bit. In the scene with the opening of the door, it sounds like they are still on the phone, but there were no mobile phones then. Maybe I misread that...

Feedback #5 I felt this idea was fresh and original. I did, however, wonder if Robert was being sarcastic or if he meant it. Maybe that would be in the next scene. But good job.

Feedback #6 Great dialog! Very natural sounding. At first I thought Lena was Lawrence's mom, so perhaps if you redraft this tweak it to show a clearer relationship, unless there is a need for her being his sister to be revealed later. This makes me want to read more.

Hey Magaen, PRE-LAP in a script means that you're reading dialogue from the scene that is to follow what you're seeing on screen. So while we are seeing Peter break into the office, we're hearing the conversation from Washington Monument Park. I can see how it would be confusing, but it's a device you see a lot when trying to build tension, or add context to a scene while setting up the scene that follows.

INT. CHURCH – NIGHT MARTIN, 33 and business suit with undone tie, crouches on one of the pews. He looks up at the cross, where the giant plastic Jesus looks down on him. Martin snaps back down. FATHER GREGORY, 46 and black and red cloak, walks out of the door and sees Martin looking down. GREGORY: I haven’t seen you in church in awhile. Martin looks up and turns to Gregory. MARTIN: I’ve been busy. GREGORY: Aren’t we all? Gregory walks over to the pew next to him and sits down. MARTIN: I just needed to try and reach him right now. GREGORY: Is there something you wish to confess? Because if there is, we can step right into my office. MARTIN: I don’t want to confess. Gregory pauses. GREGORY: But you seem so troubled. I’m sure if you gave God forgiveness… MARTIN: I don’t need to confess. I need to forgive myself. Gregory shakes his head. GREGORY: I don’t quite understand. Martin stares back at the plastic Jesus. MARTIN: I already know what God thinks about what I’ve done, and I don’t think any amount of praying is going to solve that. GREGORY: Then why are you still here? Why do you need forgiveness? Martin looks down from the plastic Jesus. His hands shake. MARTIN: I need to forgive myself for not killing him sooner.

FEEDBACK #2 Tight writing, great descriptions and flow. Kept me learning about the characters without exposition dumps. I feel you're a capable writer and with subsequent drafts you could deepen characters, but you've got a compelling plot. My reco would be economy. You're already economical and keep it that way at all times so I keep the flow. I first lost flow with "Rachel, finally with a moment to herself, takes a breath, walks around the dining table and pours herself a glass of water in the kitchen. Stuck to the fridge next to the sink, Ben and his fiancée’s SAVE THE DATE watches her. She notices it and gives it a hard look until—" What about: "Rachel sighs, pours a glass of water and stares at the fridge. It's a SAVE THE DATE with Ben and his Fiancee. Her eyes narrow." Look forward to reading more, really tight.

What he said ^

I liked the way you built tension and kept the dialogue tight. It reads quickly. My challenge would be get to your punchline faster and deliver a series of strong one liners like that. Give the scene a few punches.

Scene #2 - Neil Vidya PDF on Dropbox: https://www.dropbox.com/s/5h4886w0kp6185g/June%202.pdf?dl=0

Oh, I see. My Homer Simpson moment...

Haha, not at all. Either way, it could have been made more clear, and there were things about the scene that could have been improved.

Thanks for all the feedback! I could definitely have made more out of the chase.

This is SCENE #2 for me.

[ Scene 2 ] INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT EMMA (20) and BARON (22) are sitting on the couch and kissing in front of the TV playing commercials. BARON: Oh, shit. I'll be right back Baron gets out of the room. His cell phone notifies about an SMS. Emma ignores, but then takes a peek at the message which reads "there in 5 minutes." EMMA: Baron, are you coming? BARON (O.S.): Yes, in a minute, I can't find my wallet EMMA: Ok, are you going somewhere? BARON (O.S.): No, why? Emma tries to open the message, but the phone is locked. EMMA: Are you hiding something from me? BARON (O.S.): What? Baron comes back EMMA: Are you hiding something from me? BARON: What can I be hiding from you? EMMA: You got a text, who is coming? Baron is puzzled BARON: Did you look at my phone? EMMA: It was on the home screen, are you cheating on me? Baron opens the phone and looks at the message. There's a ring at the door. Baron gets up and opens, standing there the PIZZA DELIVERY GUY. PIZZA GUY:That will be $18.40 EMMA: (whispers) I'm sorry Emma runs off crying Baron hands the pizza guy a $20 and gives him a kiss.

[ Feedback 3 ] Great scene and great reveal at the end. I would've been happier if Lena was in a nearby room and we were able to see her situation, rather than have the nurse tell us and guess their relation.

Feedback 2 I really like the characters in this scene, and I think that having the secret revolve around Lena, who we don't even see, really brings us down with Lawrence when we realize. The only thing I would suggest would be to shorten it up just a bit to really get to the meat of the scene. Maybe skipping some of the "Are you okay's" or the other things that would make sense in the real world but not in the dramatic world. I think that would really pump up that last emotional moment.

Feedback 3 Hey really well written scene. Good tempo and I would agree that if can make it a little bit shorter that would sounds even better. Nice work. Thank you

Feedback #2 I like the reveal at the end which explains Lawrence's reticence with Maude. I feel though, that the death of his sister would have been more 'real' as a reveal if it came from someone who is close to Lawrence, who is also in cahoots in keeping it secret from Maude.

SCENE #2 INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE / LIVING ROOM - DUSK An ordinary suburban home oddly appointed with porcelain niknaks, rare antique furniture and ancient oil paintings. There are several flowers in vases. INT. JOHNSON RESIDENCE / MASTER BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS More vases with flowers. SHIRLEY JOHNSON, 35, sitting at a dressing table wearing a nurse’s uniform, is tying up her hair. She applies minimal make-up and generously douses herself in perfume. She lights a candle and enjoys the scent. INT. GARAGE - CONTINUOUS Shirley is loading the washing machine and finds a T-shirt with blood stains on it. She smells it. INT. SAM’S BEDROOM - NIGHT A door plastered with stickers such as ‘Do Not Enter’ and ‘Beware of the Teenager’. Shirley knocks on the door. There is no response. Knocks again while calling out- SHIRLEY: Sam? Silence. She opens the door and enters the darkened room and immediately covers her nose in repulsion. The floor is littered with dirty clothes and DVDs. One of them being The Lost Boys. Groans issue from under the bedding. At the windows, she pulls back the curtains. SAM: NO!! SAM, bigger than a typical 17 year old, leaps out of bed, unnaturally quick, and yanks the curtains closed and glares at Shirley. SHIRLEY: Do you want to spend your whole summer vacation asleep? What have you been doing in here anyway, it smells like... something’s died. Sam is silent but his eyes say everything. SHIRLEY: Okay. Suit yourself. I’m going to work. BEAT SHIRLEY: Oh, and what happened to this shirt..? SAM: I fell. SHIRLEY: You don’t have to lie to me Sam. SAM: I’m not. SHIRLEY: Show me the cut. SAM: Just go do your shift Mom.. There’s plenty of people at the hospital who actually want to be looked after. SHIRLEY: Oh really?! Do you know how I know you’re lying? Because I know that this isn’t your blood. Your blood smells different! During Shirley’s outburst, a moment flashes, too quick to know if it happened for sure, when her face contorts, her teeth grow into fangs and the whites in her eyes become red. SAM steps back. Shirley closes her mouth and turns away, realizing what might have just happened. BEAT SAM: (OS) Mom... Sam’s voice is steady. ON SAM SAM: I think I know why you’ve been working nights as long as I’ve ever known. You even do your shopping at night. He steps back slowly picks up a replica wooden stake from a Buffy the Vampire Slayer memorabilia display. SHIRLEY: (with her back turned, voice deeper) I was going to wait a couple more years before I told you... She turns around to reveal her face, now totally transformed into a vampire. SHIRLEY:...I never meant to have you... Or any kids for that matter. I thought I’d never fall in love. Then I met your father. He was so beautiful. We only spent one night together. I had to kill him at the end of it. It was in my blood... To want his. SAM: So does that mean that I’m... SHIRLEY: Half vampire. SAM: Wait, you killed my Dad?

INT: INTERAGATION CELL in the center of dark interrogation cell sits Robert Walker (about 30) . His arms handcuffs to metal stool. The lamp light right at him. In opposite sits inspector John Smith smokes cigaret. JOHN SMITH My name is JOHN SMITH I am inspector of particularly important cases. What is your name, age and place of birth ROBER WALKER Robert Walker, I do not know my age and place of birth. JOHN SMITH an orphan? ROBERT WALKER I guess so JOHN SMIT you guess? Inspector jumps and hits Rober’s face. Blood goes from his nose. JOHN SMITH (cont’d) You know that you are the first and only man I aware without chips in a head or in eyes on the planet?. There are not fingerprints, street camera shoots on you. NOTHING! CAN YOU Explain that? ROBER WALKER I am maverick. Man of God so to speak John smiles. JOHN SMITH You said GOD? don’t you know that we prohibited that world and any religion? ROBER WALKER How can anyone prohibit GOD? And why did you do that? JOHN SMITH Simply Because GOD does not exists. People got crazy about that. They believed in something that does not exists and killed each other for that. We put chips in each people’s heads and cleaned that ideas ROBER WALKER And what about holy scriptures and prophets? JOHN SMITH Ah, that is all fake. And how do you see it? An old man with white bear creates the whole universe? Scientist proved that there is no such an old man ROBER WALKER you can believe in God or not but I have another question. JOHN SMITH Go ahed ROBER WALKER You took away faith and what did you give to people in return? Worship to shopping,sex, drugs and gluttony, you deprived them of love. I came here to tell you that must be changed JOHN SMITH Change to what? ROBER WALKER Government control people’s mind with that chips. And Government using that in behalf of devil. I want people to become free from all sins that you give them. And that is why I came here. JOHN SMITH I think you said enough to be indicted by our court. Now I want to know your teachers, followers and accomplices In interrogation cell come 2 specialists with cases ROBER WALKER I have only one Teacher and I do not have followers yet. So I sujest that you will be the first one Inspector grabs his hair pulls head down and bends to the prisoner. JOHN SMITH You fucking joker. Let’s scan your criminal brain. Take him Specialists open cases and prepare medical equipment and set up computer with monitor. Specialist1 takes a long needle, attaches holders to ROBERT’s head. SPECIALIST 1 Do not move your head. The needle will go deep into your brain. Clear? ROBER WALKER Yes. Specialist pushes the button and long needle plunged into the base of the skull. ROBERT SCREAMS and closed eh eyes. SPECIALIST 1 Do not close your eyes. I need them. He puts on holder on ROBERT’s eyes. So ROBERT can not close its. Than he push another bottom and lasers light into ROBERTS eyes. ROBER WALKER MM-- UUU SPECIALIST 1 do not move your head. Relax if can. Ok’ let’s look what we have here. 2 specialists and Inspector watches computer screen Screen sparkles with white bubbles and worlds appear: «LOVE will save world» SPECIALIST 1 (cont’d) First time I see that kind of energy. It is very positive and light. JOHN SMITH Is you computer connect to the WEB? SPECIALIST 1 Yes, Sir I feel that this energy getting into me. that kindness. Do you feel that? JOHN SMITH Son of a bitch. He infect the computer virus . He pulls out wires from computer. But too late. He squeezes head in his hands and fells down on his knees. JOHN SMITH Oh my GOD, Oh My god, He crawls on their knees to ROBERT WALKER, unchain him with shaking hands. JOHN SMITH (cont’d) please, please Forgive me Specialists rushes to Robert and carefully unplug him from equipment with tears on their eyes. Robert looks at them ROBER WALKER Do not cry guys, do not cry, everything would fine. 2 EXT CITY STREET Hundreds and thousands of people come out on the street, Awaken. Look around with amazement as they never seen the world before and smiling to each other.

SCENE #2 INT. BUCHANAN HOME - MARYLAND - DAY In a dated dining room, Mrs. Buchanan places the last of the serving plates on the table. At the table are Mr. Buchanan, Shawn, and Janet. Wine's already been poured. MRS. BUCHANAN: Voila! MR. BUCHANAN: Smell's wonderful, Marion. SHAWN: Yeah, Ma, looks good, too. MRS. BUCHANAN (to Janet): It's such a treat to have you at our little Easter table, Janet. Usually, it's just us three. MR. BUCHANAN: Well, let's not sit here and let it get cold. LATER: The Buchanan family and Janet are on the dessert course. They all look happy, both emotionally and spiritedly. On the table are two empty bottles of wine. MRS. BUCHANAN: Coffee anyone? The others give her a beatific smile and shake their heads. Mrs. Buchanan rises. SHAWN: No, Ma. Sit down. MR. BUCHANAN: Marion, sit. You've been in the kitchen all day. Mrs. Buchanan needs no convincing. She sits back down. SHAWN: Dad, Ma, there's something I need to tell you. About Janet and me. Mr. Buchanan sits solemnly. Mrs. Buchanan beams, unable to contain herself. She claps her hands together. MRS. BUCHANAN: Oh, I was so looking forward to good news! You and Janet...oh, I'm so happy for you both! The others exchange uneasy looks. SHAWN: No, Ma, it's not that. MR. BUCHANAN: What is it then? SHAWN: I never graduated. A tense beat. MR. BUCHANAN: You never graduated. SHAWN: I never graduated from college last year like you thought. MRS. BUCHANAN: You said you didn't want to go to your graduation ceremony so you could get an early start on job-hunting. MR. BUCHANAN: No, Marion, he's saying he didn't graduate. Didn't pass. MRS. BUCHANAN: Do you need to make up a final exam? SHAWN: No, Ma, I never even went. MR. BUCHANAN: What! He slams down his fork. MR. BUCHANAN (CONT'D): I forked over a not insignificant amount of money for you to get your degree! SHAWN: And I can pay you back right now, Dad... Shawn rises from his chair and pulls out a fat wallet. MR. BUCHANAN: That's not the point! Sit down! MRS. BUCHANAN: Why would you lie to us, Shawn? MR. BUCHANAN: If you weren't in school the past four years, where were you, then? SHAWN: I made it as far as Colorado. MRS. BUCHANAN: What was in Colorado that kept you from your studies? MR. BUCHANAN: Marion! He gives Shawn a stern look. MR. BUCHANAN (CONT'D): I think what your mother is asking is what did you do in Colorado for -- for four years? SHAWN: Just finding myself, I guess. I got a job, though. MR. BUCHANAN: He got a job! Did you hear that, Marion? He got a job! Without a degree! And to think we worried about you getting a job! Mrs. Buchanan looks around the table, abashed. MR. BUCHANAN (CONT'D): How long were you planning to keep this little gem from us? SHAWN (shrugs): I just know I needed to come clean. MRS. BUCHANAN (to Janet): Did you know all this? Janet squirms in her seat, mute. MR. BUCHANAN: Oh, Marion, leave her out of this! This rests squarely on Shawn. Should I even ask, Shawn, is that job you have now real? Or are you lying to us now too? SHAWN: It's real. MRS. BUCHANAN: How can we ever trust you? SHAWN: There's something good to tell you, too, Ma. Mr. Buchanan glares at Shawn. Mrs. Buchanan is close to tears. SHAWN (CONT'D): I -- I mean, we are moving to Utah.

SCENE 2 INT - INSIDE A TAXI - 1:30 AM We see a cab driver, Yassir (late 20s, Egyptian) in the passenger seat on his Samsung smartphone, Sarah (mid 20s, fully covered head to toe in black, her face also covered), and Ahmad (early 40s, Egyptian) next to her reading something on his iPad. The night is quiet as they speed through the hidden highways. Sarah - Thanks to you and your friend again for helping me out. Ahmad - No problem. I'm sorry you were placed in such a situation. Sarah - I really did try calling all bus services but they were all closed and I couldn't book another flight out to Riyadh for another few days. And being a woman… Ahmad - It's okay ma'am. I would have felt awful just leaving you there in that small airport. You would be the only woman in there with no way of getting out. Al-Qassem is very conservative. No taxi would have even let you get in by yourself much less drive you to Riyadh. Sarah - it's just so ridiculous to me that they would double or triple book a seat, especially when I had booked it a week in advance and confirmed it. Ahmad - Welcome to Saudi Arabia, when certain Saudi VIP individuals come along and need a seat last minute… Sarah nods in agreement. Sarah - (under her breath)I picked the wrong gender for this part of the world. Ahmad lets out a small laugh. Sarah - Again, I'm really sorry for inconveniencing you like this and I understand the risk you're taking by letting me ride along with you both. If we get caught - Ahmad - I'm confident it shouldn't be a problem. They never ask a woman - especially someone dressed like you- to show marriage papers. I think we make a pretty believable couple, don't you? Ahmad winks to Sarah. Ahmad - it should be okay though, we aren't too far now. The checkpoint is just coming up and then it's probably an hour's way. You said you're on Exit 5, yes? Sarah - (a tremble in her speech) What's going on? Ahmad looks forward in the direction Sarah's eyes are fixated on. Ahamd - I'm not sure. There seems to be a situation. They never question every car like this. Sarah - (unable to hide the fear in her tone) Well what do you think it is? I can't get caught, I just… I just need to get to Riyadh. Ahmad - Don't worry ma'am. They never stop a woman with a niqab (face veil), especially a wife with her husband. Sarah - (genuine confusion) wife? Ahmad - (looking up at her) Yes… wife? Right? Sarah freezes. Beat. She manages to look up at Ahmad, Sarah - We don't have papers Ahmad, what if they want proof of marriage? Ahmad - Just don't say anything, if they ask any questions I will answer. Their taxi is next in queue. The taxi in front of them is being thoroughly checked. 3 security guards are questioning the passengers in Arabic. Ahmad and Yasir listen in. Ahmad - They are looking for a woman, Brooke Rivers. Just have your passport ready in case. They're too concerned with this woman to verify our marriage. Please ma'am, just act natural. Ahmad turns back to his ipad, Sarah doesn't look up from her feet. The taxi pulls up to the checkpoint and the cab driver hands him a card. The security guard checks it and glosses over the people in the taxi. He returns the card and signals the driver to move long. Sarah - (sighs) oh thank God. Ahmad - You work for ARAMCO, the company that mysteriously had one of its oil refineries' burnt down (holding up his iPad with the news on it) don't you, Ms Rivers? Sarah looks up in horror. We see Sarah's car door lock.

Scene #5 INT. BATHROOM - NIGHT JUDY (28) sits on the toilet, drinking in silence as her welcome home party continues outside. There is a knock on the door. JUDY: Occupied! AMIE (VO): Judy? JUDY: Amie? AMIE (VO): Yes. Open the door! JUDY gets up and opens the door. AMIE: I'm gonna hurl. AMIE (25) rushes to the toilet, throws up the seat, and hurls. Judy, a good sister, holds her hair back. AMIE finishes vomiting, and flushes the toilet. AMIE: Sorry. JUDY: Not a problem sis. JUDY hands Amie a bottle of mouthwash. AMIE: What are you doing in here? AMIE takes some mouthwash and swishes it around her mouth. JUDY: Oh you know just hiding from the neighborhood watch committee. You know what Mrs. Schmidt called me? Thirty. God. I’m only twenty-eight! Fuck this party. I’m just going to hideout and drink with you. AMIE: I am not drinking. JUDY: What do you mean you're not drinking? You just threw up because you're drunk. AMIE: I'm not drunk. Amie looks at Judy. JUDY: Wait - Are you pregnant? AMIE: You can't tell anyone! This is really … a big surprise for Dallas and me. JUDY: Right. You know I'm here for you. Whatever you need. If you need someone to take you to your appointment. I'll go. AMIE: I think Dallas is going to go with me. JUDY: Wow. I don't think many guys that would do that. You know most guys hear "abortion" and they get all weird. AMIE: Whoa - abortion? JUDY: Yeah. That's what you're doing. AMIE: No. I’m not. Why would you think that? JUDY: I seem to remember someone her junior year asking me to come home on my spring break and take you to Planned Parenthood. AMIE: That was different. It was a false alarm! JUDY: I gave up a trip to Mexico! AMIE: You've always made it very clear you don't want to get married and have kids. But I want to. I don't expect you to understand this. I thought you might be happy. I should have known better. Amie starts to open the door, but stops and turns around to face Judy. AMIE: Also the Planned Parenthood in town is a Curves now, so I couldn't get an abortion even if I wanted to. JUDY: I'm sure a fall down the stair-master could do the trick. AMIE turns around and walks out of the bathroom. JUDY: Come on. I was joking! Judy looks after Amie. When it's obvious she's not coming back, Judy shuts the door. She looks at the mouthwash, unscrews the top, and takes a chug.

FEEDBACK #11: Very engaging scene. I enjoyed reading it. The only nitpicking here is it would help your scene if you didn't have typos. I caught maybe 2. They just distract from the momentum. But again, really nice scene!

feedback 5 I also wanted a little more clarity at the end, but I definitely liked the way this built. I also wondered if Marion faceplants, how clearly will be able to see her pupils and recognize that as binary code?

Scene 4 Int Bookstore Day Henry shuffles closer to RACHEL, a beautiful woman in the self help section. Henry: So what is it? Rachel: Excuse me? Henry nods at the book in her hands... THE SECRET. Henry: I hate to cheat and look, but I've been looking for thirty five years and I'm not sure I'm gonna get it on my own. Rachel: I wish I knew. You want to know a secret? Henry: A different secret than The Secret? Rachel: My secret. Two of them actually. Henry: I'm all ears. Rachel: I can't actually read. I just come in here to get hit on by douchebags. She turns and walks off. In a last ditch effort to get back some respect, Henry calls after. Henry: What's your other secret? Rachel: I was here when you used those same lines on a woman last week. Bye douchebag!

Feedback 6 Ha! A nice double twist. Very clever my friend. Good job. I think you could build the paranoia a little more from Emma to make the first twist hit harder, but very fun.

Feedback 7 I liked that you created some mysteries that we want to have answered. This flows quite nicely. I'm not against VO, but it felt like the lazy choice here, not one that enhanced your story at all. It told us that she was doing something shady: show us that in her actions. Have her zip up a bag of money and hide it frantically when the doorbell rings. And then you used VO to say she didn't know if she could trust her sister. Show us that too. Have Julie ask some questions and show her dodging them. Have her act nervous around Julie, etc.

I deliberately chose to have Lawrence carrying the secret by himself, all alone, for more feeling of isolation, but you may be right.

SCENE 9 INT. MERCANTILE/DOC'S OFFICE -- NIGHT FELICIA CHAMBERS (45, misguided, curious, irreverent) frantically moves about the store putting a few new items into place on the lower shelves. Oil lanterns throughout the store illuminate the place, but there are many dark shadows Felicia looks around and pats down the pockets of her coat. She slides a ladder into place. She climbs the ladder to the top of the shelves. Felicia moves some tobacco containers aside not to disturb the dust. Felicia takes a cloth out of one of his coat pockets and a small derringer out of the other. She tenderly wraps the derringer in the cloth and stashes it behind some empty tobacco containers. The sound of boots stepping across the boardwalk outside echoes through the store. Felicia moves the tobacco containers back into place and starts down the ladder. EMMA (O.S.): I didn't expect you to work so late, Mr. Chambers. EMMA OWENS (29, witty, obedient, rigid) steps into the store. Her badge reflects in the lantern light. Lightning flashes in the distance. FELICIA: Well... you know... with Doc Ben gone and all... there's so much to do. EMMA: Yeah, it's a shame about Doc Ben. Emma steps to the display case and examines the wares. FELICIA: Look, I'm closed right now sheriff, if we-- Lightning flashes closer. Felicia blinks. EMMA: Let's not be hasty. You're not in a hurry are you? FELICIA: Well-- EMMA: Cecil told me you have some nice derringers. I was thinking about getting a back-up gun. FELICIA: Yes... a back-up gun is good to have, sheriff. EMMA: I just don't see any derringers. Lightning flashes again. It's closer. The thunder rolls from a distance. FELICIA: I sold my last one to... Susie... yes, Miss Susie bought the derringer. EMMA: A damn shame, but she needs one after someone shot her intended. FELICIA: But... I thought, he was poisoned, by Lester. EMMA: We thought the same thing. However, Doc Ben was already dying from a very small gunshot wound. Lightning flashes really closer. The thunder is heard almost immediately. Felicia jumps. FELICIA: Sheriff-- Emma-- I... I... really need to get home, right now. EMMA: Is something chasing after you, Miss Chambers?

FEEDBACK No. 9 Very nice. Very, very nice. I have nothing to offer to make it better. It was intense throughout and when I thought the intensity begin to lessen... you just amplified it a bit more. Bravo.