Scene 9 Int. burger restaurant -day Sue (44) and Dick (39), both very ordinary people, a bit on the chubby side, argue. Sue: “you where totally staring at her!” Dick: “Who, me?” Sue: “Yes! I told you she looked bad with her face like that. I told you not to stare!” Dick: “I wasn´t staring. I was looking.” Sue: “I think you made her feel bad. I think she knew she looked awful.” Dick: “she could barely talk. Her mouth like that-“ He makes a grimace, twisting one side of his face into a knot. Dick: “brabararablublu” Sue: “stop it!” Dick: “brubleburblegurle” Sue: “stop IT!” She stands up. Sue: “this is my mother we´re talking about! Not some freak from the fair!” Dick releases his face. Dick: “Sorry.” Sue isn´t sure if she should sit back down. She pierces Dick with her gaze. Sue: “what do you mean, sorry?” Dick: “What that word means.” Sue: “you´ve got to give me something better than this. This whole day you where just awful!” Dick: “you should tell that to the day. It was pretty awful to me, too.” Sue: “I think I´ll just go back to the hospital.” She starts to leave. Dick: “don´t go, Sue. Come on.” Sue: “I´m not up for your company right now” She actually leaves. He takes her hand. Dick: “look! See this guys face?” He points at Ronald McDonalds smiling clown face. Dick: “See how he´s smiling and funny and all that? But I bet deep down he´s totally different. He´s terrified of some things. Like actual suffering, like how life always ends in the grave, like how there is such a thing as death and the fucking impotence in the face of it. And it´s freaking him out! So he laughs, right? He makes a joke.” Sue: “What´s your point?” Dick: “That he´s kind of - me.” Sue: “you´re Ronald McDonald?” She sits back down. Dick: “It´s an analogy, babe.”

Scene 6 EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT A couple in their 30's stands outside in the cold. Jack: The game went long. Jenna: You could have called and let me know. Jack: I know. Jenna: I waited there for you. And waited. And waited! Jack: I know. Jenna: I didn’t have to, you know. Jack: I know. Jenna: It was very awkward. Jack: I know. Jenna: I thought you’d show up any minute. Jack: I know. Jenna: I’m such an idiot. Jack: I know. (Jenna turns and glares at him.) Jack: I didn’t mean that! I meant, I did not know that you are an idiot. No. I did not know that you are not an idiot. Nooo, I mean… Jenna, I know that you are not an idiot. What I’m trying to say is, I’m the idiot here. Jenna: Yes. Yes, you are. Jack: How about I make it up to you? Jenna: You should make it up to your parents. You owe them an apology for standing them up, too. We had a nice little chat about that time you dropped your drawers in front of the whole class in Kindergarten during Show and Tell. And then there was the time you… Jack: Oh my God, I am soooo sorry. Jenna: And you are going to be making it up to me for a very long time.

SCENE 10 INT. COURT ROOM - DAY The defendant, MIRANDA LOMAX, 23, stands and faces a row of grieving FAMILY MEMBERS. One of them, JACK HEARD, 35, meets Miranda's eyes with an unflinching look of hatred. With effort, Miranda holds his gaze. JUDGE: The defendant, Miranda Lomax, has waived her right to appeal and requested that the sentence of death by lethal injection be carried out. Miss Lomax has asked to make a statement to the family. Go ahead, Miss Lomax. MIRANDA: Because I made a conscious decision to get behind the wheel of my car drunk, Mr. Heard, I robbed you of your two beautiful children and your wife. Jack lowers his head and cries. MIRANDA: My decision to drive away from the accident was beyond reprehensible so I won't insult the depth of your sorrow and the memory of your loved ones by offering meaningless platitudes. Instead, I offer my life, with the hope that while you'll never forgive me, you may find some solace in my death.

Feedback 7 This scene makes me sad. Way to play on the emotions. I would have liked to see the impact of her last words. Perhaps by a dismissing statement from the judge to her, or maybe Jack shouts something, either good or bad, at her in the courtroom. I enjoy your writing, Audrey.

Hey Audrey, wow, that´s a way to say "I´m sorry"..! I had doubts whether drunk driving is really puished with death penalty, though. I met some drunk dirvers in prison and they had about three years or something. Maybe that´s a way to go as well? It would be harder for him to forgive her if she lived, right? But she could still devote her sentence to his loss. And it could make us wonder if punishment really ever makes up for something. Just my two cents.

Thank you, estarcarr for the compliments and suggestions. I'm glad the scene made you sad - at least I've done my job. :)

Thank you, paula. Yes, I took a little liberty with that just for the sake of the exercise. :)

FEEDBACK 18 Hi Paula. Good piece of dialogue. I really like this line: You should tell it to the day, it was pretty awful to me too. I think you might want to trim the bit of dialogue where Dick is going on about Ronald McDonald. For example: I would cut 'and funny and all that', and the additional word 'Like actual', I think with a trim this would be more poignant. Otherwise, you do a really good job of presenting how a person who finds it hard to deal with uncomfortable situations uses humor to allay his discomfort.

FEEDBACK 19 Hi estarcarr, Funny! I can feel that he is actually very sorry at the end. I like the way you did that. The only suggestion I would have is to use contractions in the longer dialogue to make the flow a little better. For example, when he says, "I did not know that you are an idiot the first time. The second time he still messes up but the way you've written it, it works because he's now trying to pick his words carefully. Good job!

Scene 08 INT. GARDEN SHED - AFTERNOON Interior like a small cottage, two elderly ladies, JANE and DOROTHY, seated at a small table. Plates of scones and cookies, jam, teapot and teacups, bottle of Liqueur and glasses. JANE Another scone? Another glass of liqueur? It's an old recipe. DOROTHY Delicious, but I think I've had enough. JANE Perhaps you have. DOROTHY You know, Jane, I came here today with a purpose. JANE What was it, dear? DOROTHY I came to offer an apology. JANE An apology? DOROTHY I'm sorry, but it was my fault that you lost-- JANE I know that, dear. DOROTHY You do? She takes one hand to the throat, swallows. JANE One apology isn't enough, you'd need a thousand. DOROTHY Jane, surely this isn't such an important matter... JANE Oh, not just for this case, but for the thousand times you caused me injury or insult. DOROTHY You're making a mountain out of a mole-hill. She's getting more discomforted by the minute. JANE If that's a reference to the upheaval in the garden... DOROTHY Stop it, Jane. I extend my apologies to all... the injuries you... think I caused you. JANE I'm afraid it's too late, dear. Dorothy clears her throat, grimaces, shakes her head. DOROTHY Too late? You're... refusing my... apologies? That's not... a christian thing... to do. JANE I'm just saying it's too late. (forcefully) You already drank the Liqueur. Dorthy's eyes go wide, she tries to speak but only a rasping squawk comes out...

How true to life ;-)

Feedback 07 Hi, Paula Subtext, they say, subtext... and then Dick goes and tells it exactly like it is. And you know what? It works. Sometimes, people's walls burst and the feelings spill. But it must be a crucial scene, not something that happens often. I'd say this is a pivotal moment for Dick character and their relationship. Good job with that. What I'm not too crazy about is the dialogue after his speech. I think she should get it--unless she's also making a joke to mask her true feelings.

Feedback 9 Roy, Oh, my! Poor Dorothy! Even after she came to apologize! In this scene, I would have liked to have seen Jane's dialogue without the contractions. More deliberate in her speech, as a refection of her deliberate actions she is taking against Dorothy. Not that this matters, but I would also have liked to know what kind of liqueur it was, to bring more significance to it at the beginning, not just that it was an old recipe. ~Esther

Hi, Esther What? You want to know about the liqueur? I'll make a note to think twice before having tea with you. Oh, very well. For you... 1) Amaretto 2) Elderberry Wine 3) Amontillado. There, pick your poison ;-) I like your suggestion regarding the deliberate speech, but wonder if it wouldn't be too subtle. No contractions might lead people to say "the dialogue isn't realistic", "it's stilted", "people don't talk like that", etc. But it's a clever observation.

Nice one Roy. First things first. I'll take Elderberry Wine all day. As always, really enjoyed the ending. The conversation was engaging, though I'll admit it did take me a few reads to completely understand what Jane was doing. For some reason the action "She takes one hand to the throat, swallows" tripped me up, might want to explicitly say it was Dorothy. I'm curious about this upheaval in the garden...

Ah, a connoisseur. It pairs nicely with Arsenic... I usually use she/he after the character has just spoken so as not to keep repeating the name. As you suspect, the upheaval in the garden is to cover-up Dorothy's resting place. I gather that Daisies will be better off for it. Thanks, Nicholas.

Scene 5 EXT. SUBURBAN HOUSE – DAY AGNES (42) drags TOMMY (8) towards the door of a cookie-cutter house in a suburban neighbourhood. Tommy has a large scrape on his knee. TOMMY: Mom. Please, don't. AGNES: Stop it. She rings the bell. The door opens to an angry but subdued MARIA (38) and BETO (8). Beto shows a purple bruise on his cheek. The boys exchange unpleasant looks. MARIA: Agnes. AGNES: Maria. I believe someone here has something to say. A beat. Agnes nudges Tommy into action. TOMMY: Msrry. AGNES: (exasperated) Tommy? TOMMY: (softly) I'm sorry. AGNES: And what are you sorry for? TOMMY: I'm sorry I hit you. Maria sighs contentedly. MARIA: Beto? BETO: (forced) I'm sorry I pushed you. AGNES and MARIA look at each other and smile. They are proud of their boys. BETO: But you called me a wetback. TOMMY: Well, you said my mom smelled like cabbage farts. AGNES: (calmingly) Boys, please. BETO: Only because my mom said you were white trash. MARIA: Beto! TOMMY: Well my dad says you're all bean-eating, tortilla-wrapping, job-stealing illegal aliens who should be sent back to Mexicoland. AGNES: Oh, dear God! BETO: Well, I hope you like beans because I let my dog shit in your lawn. TOMMY: And I stepped on all of the flowers in your garden. BETO: And I broke your window. TOMMY: And I stuck chewing gum on your sister's hair. BETO: Wait. That was you? WICKED! They had to shave her head. She looks like a cantaloupe. TOMMY: Really? That's totally WIZARD! BETO: I never laughed so hard in my life. TOMMY: Wanna go play soccer? BETO: Sure! Tommy and Beto run off. Maria looks furiously at Agnes. AGNES: (apologetically) Sorry...

SCENE 8 MEDIUM: Spirits! Manifest your presence with a knock. JESSICA: Are you sure this works? MEDIUM: Silence, or you'll break my concentration. There's the knock. JESSICA. you know, maybe we should stop. MEDIUM: Andrea? Is that you my little lovebird? JESSICA. Michael? Is it really you? MEDIUM: Yes, my darling. JESSICA: I'm so sorry my love. I need you to forgive me. You were suffering so much. I couldn't stand to see you suffering so much. And all the doctors... they never wanted me to tell you how serious it really was. Every time they said you're getting better, the lab results are wonderful. All lies. They said it was better this way. And you just kept asking am I going to die, doctor? Is it going to be over soon, doctor? They told me they would usually tell a patient that he's terminal, but because of your failed suicide attempt a few years ago they thought it was a bad idea. I just couldn't stand knowing you had only months to live and the doctors telling you we'll do everything we can, it's going to be fine, I just wanted to spare you the suffering. But I can't stand it. I'm joining you today. MEDIUM: No, darling, wait. don't do it. The medium wakes up. MEDIUM: Well, lady. You found out what you wanted? JESSICA: I will. Tonight.

Feedback 3 Hi, Ricardo! I'm almost bothered by how entertaining this was - and I mean that in a good way! What I'm saying is, I'm not used to being able to look at a racially charged situation such as this one, and laugh at it. But you did an excellent job executing the comedy here, while still respecting the gravity of the situation with those last two lines - and also showcasing how easily kids can sometimes set aside their differences when they find one positive thing they have in common - even if that "positive" thing is something like picking on sisters. Even with very little action in the scene, I can clearly envision the boys' disgruntled body language, and how embarrassed and angry their mothers must be at their behavior. All in all, I think you did a really great job!

I like this one! especially because it leads up to another appology -lovely twist. I´m not quite sure though, what Agnes biggest "crime" was: her husband making the racist accusations or the boy putting gum in the sisters hair. The whole sister-hair situation I had to read twice to get how that changed the situation. But in each case she´s not the one to blame, really. So if this thing that got uncovered was something actually done by Agnes, it would raise the stakes! And then I´d love it if she started out on her appology just as feebly as her boy did. "Msrry" ;-)

Scene 5 INT. BEDROOM - DAY Early morning. Through curtains and obscured by blinds, dim sunlight shines down on ANTHONY and MORA, side-by-side in bed. They’re clothed - Anthony, in a pair of sweatpants, and Mora, a plain T shirt and workout shorts. They’ve been awake for a little while, quiet, comfortable, and unmoving. Enjoying each other’s company. ANTHONY You were right. Last night was nice. MORA Are you surprised? ANTHONY No. Yeah… sorta. I dunno. Holding you. Lying with you like that. Sleeping beside you. It was, uh. It was enough. I didn’t think it would be, but it was. MORA That's good. I'm glad. ANTHONY God. I… I must be some kind of creep at heart. Mora gives a questioning look. ANTHONY You were saying no. And I was being so… ugh. MORA You weren’t in your right mind. You were sad. You were just trying to feel better. ANTHONY I pushed, and pushed, and- MORA And I said no. And it didn’t happen. And we held each other and slept. And now you’re good. ANTHONY Well. Still. I’m sorry. MORA Don’t be. ANTHONY I am.

SCENE 09 INT. OFFICE CALEB, 25, stands awkwardly at an office cubicle. Next to him is JEFF, 50, his boss and sitting in front of them is JANINE, a coworker who is slightly overweight. Everybody else watches on. Jeff gives a small cough and Caleb rolls his eyes. CALEB (Insincerely): Janine, i'm very sorry I called you overweight-- (Noticing Jeff's glare) Fat. I'm sorry I called you fat. JANINE: What? When did you call me fat? I thought we were friends... Caleb shrugs. JEFF: Last week. I was talking to Alison who heard from Nathan that Alex said you called her fat. CALEB: Ah shit. Alex said it, not me. I didn't disagree but i don't-- JANINE: Wait. You were gossiping about me behind my back? CALEB: Yeah, we were just throwing around jokes at the bar-- JANINE: No. Not you. (She points towards Jeff) You? JEFF: Well... I like to keep a close eye on all the happenings of my staff-- JANINE: You promise me your gonna leave your wife and you don't and now you do this? JEFF: Wha-- I, uh-- Huh? JANINE: Now your lost for words? You bully. Pervert. I bet you want to kiss me right now in front of everyone. JEFF: I swear I never-- She stands up and hugs him tightly. JANINE: (Whispering) You fire me and i'll call sexual harassment. Never call me fat again. Janine gives a sly wink to Caleb. He throws her two thumbs up. THE END.

SCENE 10 INT. CLASSROOM TALIA, 15, sits on her phone at the back of the room. JAMES, 15, sits a few rows in front of her. The teacher's voice drones on in the background. Talia stands up and storms over to James, slamming her phone on the desk. TALIA: Read this! JAMES: What the hell, what is-- TALIA: Just read it! James looks down at the phone. His face drops. JAMES: I can explain-- TALIA: I don't even want to hear it! You're an absolute asshole-- JAMES: We're not doing this here-- TALIA: Why? You don't want everyone to know how much of an asshole-- JAMES: Talia! Sit down now-- TALIA: Am I embarrassing you? Good! I'm not embarrassed! I'm not the one sending nudes to a 12 year old! The entire class gasps, some kids laugh and others whisper to each other. The teacher makes his way over to escort Talia out of the classroom and James mouth hangs open. There is nothing to say. He sits down, face red as fire. THE END.

Scene 8 INT. EDGAR’S ROOM – DAY A clean space with a made bed and a writing desk devoid of anything except a conservative lamp, a single sheet of paper, and a mechanical pencil. The paper contains a hand written note. The script is preternaturally neat and ordered. EDGAR (V.O.): Dearest World, I’m sorry it took me so long to realize the mistake. You should not have had to suffer along so long. If it is any consolation, I too suffered. Perhaps even more than you. I know it wasn’t fair. You did everything you could to prevent me from happening. My parents were misguided, I see that now. They weren’t rising to a challenge, they were rebelling against the order of things. Rest assured that is no longer an issue for us. Please accept my deepest and most sincere apology for wasting so much of your time. Eternally yours, Edgar.

Feedback #5 A great reminder that we have no idea what is really going on in somebody's head. You could probably end with her saying "What's your point?" and then him looking back at the clown and her just sitting down, maybe taking his hand.

Feedback #6 Miranda comes across very clearly. I had a hard time with the FAMILY MEMBERS. Maybe showing the mix of reactions?