SCENE 8 EXT. WOODS - NIGHT The pale moonlight casts an eerie glow upon the lush trees. Suddenly, a figure bursts from the cloak of leaves, scattering them and any remaining serenity of the scene. The figure reveals itself as a YOUNG WOMAN, frantic, dirty, wide eyes glancing back as she makes her escape from an unseen menace. An old, ramshackle cabin appears before her. Dark, no signs of life. She quickly rushes up on the porch and tries the door. Unlocked. ??? (O.S) Don't go in there, that's where they live! INT. DUPLEX LIVING ROOM - NIGHT (CONT) The earlier scene is bordered by a slim black bar. A television. As the young woman steps into the void of the cabin, she shrinks, revealing more of the living room: a scarred coffee table, a faded, well-worn couch, upon which a glass-eyes MAN sits in a disheveled garb that matches that of the scream queen. MAN (bored) And here they come... YOUNG WOMAN (V.O) (screaming) NO, please.. I beg- Click. Just as the ax falls the screen becomes dark for a second, then reveals a basketball game. ANNOUNCER (V.O) -tears down the court like a rocket, leaving his teammates in his dust, while the defense makes their attempt to regroup and slow what has been an unstoppable force tonight. MAN Go after the point guard, his knee's been bothering him all year! ANNOUNCER (V.O) And he takes it to the right of the paint and finds... the awaiting center, who easily knocks the ball out of the charging players hands into those of his teammates. MAN I told you! Cheering is cut short by another click. This time the scene is replaced by a close up of two lovers in sensual embrace. MALE LOVER (V.O) My love for you burns hotter than the core of the sun. FEMALE LOVER (V.O) Every moment I spend away from your arms is like medieval torture. MAN (gagging) Ugh... you know the wife is going to show up at any moment. Almost prophetic a doors slams open to reveal the wife. If looks could kill. WIFE (V.O) You bastard! I knew it! MALE LOVER (V.O) (stuttering) My love! I- I- This isn't what it looks like! A quick glance at the female lovers annoyed expression before click! The local news is just beginning, a familiar jungle as the anchors are introduced. MAN (lamenting) Is everyone they show on this box a moron? ANCHOR (V.O) Our top story tonight - the serial robber that has plagued our quiet neighborhood for the past month is about to pay the piper, thanks to an anonymous tip from a good Samaritan. We bring you LIVE on the scene as our hard-working boys in blue descend upon the unknowing brigand. The man is barely listening. A wider view of the living room reveals various objects that don't seem to belong: a microwave, a grandfather clock, a china set. Now even the television appears out of place. REPORTER (V.O) Thanks, Tom. We're here outside the supposed robbers home. The police are currently positioning themselves at the exits and making their final approach. The television shows the house in question; a duplex, with two lawn mowers and three bicycles scattered around the small front lawn. Police officer mull around. The man's attention is back on the television. MAN Hey, isn't that my- BANG. The front door caves in, allowing a rushing sea of blue to enter and converge upon the startled man.

SCENE 6 INT. BEDROOM NIGHT Darkened room, the only light from the flickering TV. Carol (72) lies under her covers. Her milky eyes stare at the screen. CAROL: Everybody ignores me. She reaches for her controller, pushes the power switch. CAROL (CONT’D): Yup. Bottom of the list. Pushing buttons. CAROL (CONT’D): Even you don’t listen to me. I don’t know why I bother. More mashing. CAROL (CONT’D): Push. Push. Push! What do I have to do? ANITA (23) knocks on the door, opening it, she carries in a glass of water. ANITA: Carol? CAROL: Don’t bother with me. ANITA: Oh dear, what’s the matter? CAROL: Nothing. Carol pushes more buttons on the remote. ANITA: Are you trying to find your show? CAROL: I don’t have a show, I’m not senile. ANITA: I know. You remind me of my grandma, she’s a quick as a whip. CAROL: Yeah? Do you visit your grandma? ANITA: Yes, she lives here. CAROL: Hmph. Well, at least she gets to see you. My son was supposed to visit me today. ANITA: And he didn’t come? CAROL: Did you see him? ANITA: What days does he visit? CAROL: Saturdays and Wednesdays. And my TV doesn’t work. ANITA: That’s frustrating. Can I see your remote. Carol holds up the device in her hand. Anita picks up the cell phone from her grandmother’s hand. ANITA (CONT’D) (speaking into the phone): Hello? Hi Dad. Yup. Grandma wants to talk to you. Anita hands the phone back to Carol, who puts it to her head. CAROL: Hello? Francis? FRANK (O.S.): Hey Mom, do you remember I’m coming to see you tomorrow. CAROL: What day is tomorrow? FRANK (O.S.): Wednesday. Anita, smiling, puts the glass on the night stand beside her grandmother, Carol. Seeing the TV’s remote control there, she moves it onto Carol’s lap.

FEEDBACK 5 Hi Nicholas, Another solidly put together scene. I appreciate the feedback that MAN gives to each channel, in a been there done that sort of deja vu. My only feedback, I would like the MAN to be distracted for something real. Perhaps he walks over and microwaves a coffee while the newscaster speaks in the background? Returning to the screen just as they show his place? Can't wait to see what you'll bring next.

FEEDBACK 8 Good work here, Kim, I really liked figuring out their relationship and Carol's mental state through the dialogue. The only thing that fell flat for me was the ending; it seems like Carol realized it was her son on the phone too easily for someone with senility, and didn't really address his not showing up. Might be better to have her a little more confused. Thanks!

Good idea, Kim. I feel like I could also tie in the reveal of the stolen objects with this action as well. Thanks for your feedback!

That is what I thought as well, but didn't want to be pushy. :D

Thanks Nicholas. Couldn't agree more, wanted to do a little more but was trying to keep it within the 2 page limit. Good to know that my instincts weren't too far off.

Int. old ladies living room –day Mrs Buhler´s dust free but dated looking living room. She is in her well worn-in TV chair, next to her a bird cage with a canary inside. TV: “so at this stage of the disease, there is really only thing to do, which is to operate on the the front cortex. This region is associated with memory, especially visual memory. Mrs Buhler:” Ha! That´s not all it does.” TV: “one of the options the surgeons face is to perform awake brain surgery, which means the patient is put to sleep at the beginning and the end of surgery, but awake in the middle.” The bird hops around in his cage. Mrs Buhler: “if we had ever dared that, they´d have laughed us out of town.” TV: “The neurosurgeon works very closely with the neuroanesthesiologist. Together, they will decide if awake brain surgery is right, depending on the importance of removing the tumor without damaging critical parts of the brain..” Mrs Buhler: “the question is: how do you define critical parts!” TV: “It enables the neurosurgeons to remove tumors that would otherwise be inoperable because they either are too close to areas of the brain that control vision, language and body movements and if surgery would result in a significant loss of function….” Mrs Buhler: “Geez! What is that supposed to mean: significant! You weigh gain and risk, as with anything…” Tv: “During surgery, the neurosurgeon will stimulate the area around the tumor with small electrodes. To precisely locate the functional areas of the brain that must be avoided, the neurosurgeon will ask the patient to perform tasks such as talking, counting and looking at pictures.” Mrs Buhler (snorts): “picture that: your head open with electrodes going in. Ah, no: better look at these silly pictures from the lab assistants last vacation.” TV: “Throughout the procedure, the neuroanesthesiologist will ensure that the patient does not feel any pain, monitor vital signs, such as heart rate, breathing, and blood pressure, and talk to the patient to help the patient remain calm.” Mrs Buhler: “The remaining calm bit would be extremely hard if was Mr Newbarn talking to you…He get´s my blood pressure up just thinking about that arrogant asshole –sorry Twitter.” The bird hasn´t been active for a while. She turns to the cage to check. Mrs Buhler: “Twitter?” She doesn´t see him, so she turns down the volume and gingerly moves over to the cage. He is dead, lying on the floor with his feet up. Mrs Buhler: “Oh!” TV: “The patient will receive a nerve block and general anesthesia — medicine that makes the patient unconscious. The neuroanesthesiologist will wake the patient up when the neurosurgeon is ready to remove the brain tumor and put the patient to sleep again after that.” For a moment she´s stupefied. Then she turns to the TV, slapping it with blind rage. Mrs Buhler: “I lost so many! And now even this one! This last one! You coulda let me keep him! Just a little while longer…..” She breaks down, crying. She is right before the TV set, hugging it from her position at the floor.

Ah, I didn´t get that the grandfather clock, microwave and china set where supposed to be stolen goods! They seemed so ordinairy to me. Made we wonder wheter the Man was dressed in a way these items wouldn´t fit in with his character... I liked the scene as well, but I had trouble believing he´d be so calm after a robbery.

I enjoyed reading this! Just one note: I didn´t really get what she wanted from the TV. Was it even on?

Scene 06 INT. ROOM Just the bluish light from a TV set alleviates the darkness. A MAN seated on a leather armchair, leaning to one side. The sound of liquid pouring. Over the Man's shoulder, holding a glass more than half-full, we see a bottle of Bourbon more than half-empty on a small table and the TV, on which a boisterous PREACHER gesticulates. A click on the remote control and the Preacher's voice booms from the TV. PREACHER Repent. Repent your sins. Repent. MAN You should, too. PREACHER Lend me your ears. To a sinner, truth sounds like lies. MAN Aint' that the truth. PREACHER But you can save yourself, you can save your soul. I, I was a sinner, but now I am born again in the eyes of the Lord. MAN Nah, you're still a sinner. PREACHER You must leave the liquor. The man raises his glass in mock cheers. MAN To your good health. He drinks. PREACHER No more fornication. MAN 'Cause you can't get it up. PREACHER Believe me, because I once stood where you're standing now. MAN I'm sitting now. PREACHER I have walked in your shoes. MAN That you have, that you have. PREACHER I have truly repented. MAN That, you haven't. For the first time, we see the Man's haggard face and find out--he and the preacher are one and the same. PREACHER I have found the Lord. The Man gulps down his bourbon, FLINGS the empty glass at the TV, where it SHATTERS, the TV goes off, plunging all in silence and darkness.

FEEDBACK 9 Excellent. Didn't see that twist coming, makes me want to read more of the man's story. A few parts of the dialogue fell flat for me, however, like the "I'm sitting now", and for some reason "Nah..." seemed out of character to me. I feel like you could show the reveal of the preacher and man being one in the same a little more, instead of just telling it. But overall really liked the ending.

HI Paula, Yes, the TV was on. She wanted the TV to be someone to listen to her. It is something that seems to be consistent in people with dementia, they treat inanimate objects as though they are alive.

Hi Paula.Red This scene makes me asks more questions that it answers, not necessarily a bad thing. Was Mrs Buhler in the medical industry? Is Mrs Buhler in the middle of said surgery? Was Twitter real, a memory or just a piece of a dream that she has before being woken in the surgery? Like how ornery she is. Very interesting. You have my brain do somersaults trying to figure out what is happening and subsequently I want to read more.

Yes, I thought of a reveal a bit more complicated, with camera moving and his face and the preacher's at the same time--but kept it simple, for a dialogue exercise. I'm glad you liked the twist. Thanks, Nicholas.

INT. LOUNGE - NIGHT An old CRT television set frames a pretty blonde talking head on a Bachelor-style reality show. BLONDE: When Rochelle said that to me, I actually could not believe it. I mean, I’m personally not here to make friends, but-- MAN (O.S.): Fuck off, you vacuous mouth-breathing stain. Channel change. A news report. A tanned newsreader addresses the camera with a smile. TANNED NEWSREADER: --so to get more perspective on this issue, our news team hit the streets to see what people are doing to beat the heat. MAN (O.S.): Not news, teeth-and-tan! Fuck off! Channel change. A greyscale advertisement for seniors’ health insurance. A voice-over plays over slow-motion images of seniors dropping things and holding their heads. AD VOICE (V.O.): At your age, anything can happen-- MAN (O.S.): So we’re gonna feed off of your fear and vulnerabilities to pilfer your remaining cash before your inevitably lonely death. Fuck off! Channel change. A bald British chef delights in a spoonful of green soup. BALD CHEF: Mmm. The next time you're making a pure green pea soup, you really should try it with lemon instead of salt, you won’t regret it. MAN (O.S.): Try my dick on a Vita-Weat, you smarmy old-world twat! Channel change. A loud, hyperactive advertisement for an electronics store. SHOUTY SALESMAN (V.O.): --SURROUND SOUND SPEAKER SET IS JUST NINETY-NINE DOLLARS! THIS-- MAN (O.S.): BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH! Channel change. An attractive young mother advertises cereal. She’s trying a little too hard. MOTHER: --and with the added nutrients of vitamins B6 through 12, my kids-- MAN (O.S.): Give up your dreams! You are not gonna be famous! Nobody cares! Fuck off! Man turns the television off. The black of the TV screen reflects the room. Spare. Closed curtains, a dim light bulb. A couch. On the couch: a balding, overweight man, unkempt in a singlet and shorts. Alone. A beat. MAN: Fuck off. You’re fucking pathetic. You can’t do anything. You just sit here, you fat piece of shit. You are negligible. Nobody would care or notice if you died. Another beat. He slowly gets up from the couch and pads over to the television. All we see in the screen is the dark reflection of his belly. He fiddles with something on top of the TV. We hear a tape being loaded into a VCR. He pads back to the couch. The screen flickers to life. It’s a home video, faded and warped from overuse. A small wedding party, outdoors, lush greenery and smiling faces. The bride is talking to her bridesmaids. The groom is laughing, trying to pay attention to everyone at once. He could be the man on the couch, but much younger, slimmer, with more hair. Another shot of the bride, a close-up. Someone points out the camera, she turns, spots it, breaks into a smile-- The man pauses the video. Her face warbles slightly on the screen. A long beat as he watches this face. PAD, PAD, PAD, back to the TV. More fiddling with the VCR. The tape is ejected and the image disappears. More fiddling. Another tape is inserted. PAD, PAD, PAD, back to the couch. The screen flickers to life. MOANS fill the air and lithe, naked bodies gyrate in vigorous synchronicity to a 70s RnB groove. We’re bang in the middle of an explicit porn scene. THE END

SCENE 4 FRANK sits on his sofa, eyes wide in lust. WOMAN (OS) Hey there big boy. FRANK: Hey. WOMAN (OS): Are you all alone, late at night? FRANK: Yeah. WOMAN (OS): Do you want some company? FRANK: Oh yeah. REVEAL Frank's watching TV. It's a late night phone sex commercial with a woman in her lingerie. WOMAN: Well call 1-900-Hot-Girl and talk to one of our beautiful single women. They're so lonely and they need someone to talk to. FRANK: I don't know what to say. WOMAN: Just tell them you're lonely too and ask them if they want some company. FRANK: But what if they don't like me? WOMAN: They're gonna love you. 1-900-H-O-T-G-I-R-L I don't hear the phone. Why aren't you calling already? FRANK (to himself): I've watched this commercial way too many times.

SCENE 7 - this one is a dud. Had a hard time with it so be gentle, if you comment lol INT. RENTED FUNCTION HALL - DAY A collection of friends and family, decked out in UCONN basketball gear, stare intently at a large TV as if their livelihood depends on the soon-to-be depicted outcome. In a way, they’re right. The most transfixed viewer is TAYLOR THOMAS, a 6’6 specimen of chiseled muscled. Taylor is flanked by GIO, his sports agent, who sports a bright red suit that pairs nicely with his greasy man-bun. TV ANALYST: Chicago has been said to favor getting more athletic with their pick, which makes UCONN’s Taylor Thomas a real possibility. The room erupts into applause. GIO: It’s the suit, Taylor! The lucky red! Chicago means instant playing time. Maybe even a starting spot. TV ANALYST: With the 5th pick in the NBA draft, the Chicago Bulls select…Stefan Pointier from Ukraine! GIO: What? Where’s my phone? This can’t be right! TAYLOR: We’ll get the next one, Gio. Miami would be ok. GIO: Oh, yeah, Miami. Great tax breaks down there. TV ANALYST: With the 6th pick in the NBA draft, the Miami Heat select….Andrew Stevens from the University of Wisconsin! GIO (yelling at the TV): You shits! You bastard analysts, don’t get it do you? This kid right here is the future! Don’t miss the future! TAYLOR: There are kids here, Gio. Can’t you call one of the teams? You know, check in? GIO (feigning): Yeah, of course. I definitely can do that. The next five picks passes with no luck. The mood in the room shifts with each passing pick from celebration to concern. TV ANALYST: Strangely, we’re hearing some news about Taylor Thomas, the UCONN star. Teams have reportedly been unable to contact his agent, leading to speculation that he may not even be repped. GIO (to the TV): That is not true! I am right here, waiting! I am a certified sports agent! TAYLOR: Gio, what the hell is going on? I was projected top 3. GIO: Listen, we need to have a heart-to-heart. I’m not really as connected as I said I was. But I can negotiate with one team. I do have a contact there. TAYLOR: You have got to be straight-up shitting me. Then why are we paying you? GIO: My looks? The suit?

FEEDBACK 8 Really nice scene. That last line adds so much punch. We're filled in that he's so lonely that can he recite/react perfectly. Really funny and sharp.

Feedback 7 Hi, Tom. :) There's a lot to like about what you've got here. The guy's inventive quips at the TV were hilarious, and it quickly became evident that he could find something to be upset about no matter what was on the screen. That sad turn to the wedding video was jarring, but elegantly done. Very poignant. Mission accomplished, if you ask me. That, coupled with his abrupt decision to pop in a porno, says a lot about his disturbed frame of mind. For some reason, the phrase "you are negligible" just doesn't quite seem to flow as well as everything else did. It stood out to me as feeling a bit out of place. But that's just me - maybe I'm simply not reading it with the right inflection.

Feedback 8 Oooh. Hi again. :) While this did start out just a tad weak in my opinion, I do think you ended strong! At first I found it hard to make any kind of meaningful connection - I didn't understand why I should be invested in any of the characters (though in your defense, it's not like you had a long time to make the reader fall in love with anyone!) But toward the end, when Gio's deception was revealed, I felt that twinge I was looking for - I was suddenly concerned for Taylor, feeling badly for him, and I was angry with Gio. What would make this scene better for me is if I could feel similarly meaningful emotions from the beginning. Nice work, though!