Scene 1: Louis exits the building and walks to his car. He hears someone running down the street and stands motionless as their silhouette gains on him. He notices the man has a gun in his hand. CROOK: Hands up! Louis doesn’t move. The crook waves the gun to get his attention. Louis throws his hands in the air. LOUIS: Sorry. I’m not familiar with mugging etiquette. CROOK: So someone different from you runs up with a gun so he must be a mugger, right? Wrong, that’s racial profiling. LOUIS: We’re both white! CROOK: I’m half Puerto Rican. Respect. LOUIS: Alright, I won’t profile anymore. Now can I take off? This isn’t the best area at night. Louis slowly lowers his hands and discretely searches his pocket. The crook points the gun again. CROOK: Hands up! I am gonna need the keys to the car. LOUIS: We had an understanding! CROOK: Don’t get mighty because you were right this time. It’s the principle. LOUIS: How about I give you my wallet? What the hell, I’ll throw in my wedding ring too! They hear a siren in the distance. The crook cocks the gun. CROOK: Keys! Now! LOUIS: Okay! It’s a faub... Louis fiddles in his pocket. CROOK: What the hell did you say? LOUIS: She’s keyless. She’s not a she then, is she? That’s gonna make things difficult during voter registration. CROOK: Give me the God damn key! Louis quits fooling around and hands the faub to the crook. They get a good look at each other during the exchange. CROOK: Louis? LOUIS: Drew Zucker? From Mountain High? DREW: Louis Moore! Dude, you used to be so funny! LOUIS: Thanks. You used to steal my lunch money and make me tell you and your friends jokes or you’d beat me up. DREW: Good times! What’d you end up doing with yourself? You were always good in math, I bet you’re an accountant, aren’t you? LOUIS: We were both in remedial math, but close! He notions to the sign on the building which reads, Comedy Lounge. DREW: Good for you, dude! I always said you could be a comedian! LOUIS: I appreciated your encouragement. DREW: I told myself I wouldn’t be a pencil pusher for the man either. I want to be an intrapreneur. LOUIS: That makes sense. Weren’t you really good at auto mechanics? I thought I heard you had your own shop. DREW: I did, but my idiot of a son approved all the shop graphics to read Drew’s Body instead of Drew’s Body Shop. After a month we were flat on our backs. LOUIS: Why didn’t you get new signs made? DREW: We were already over budget on the first ones! Anyway, since then it’s just been odd jobs here and there. LOUIS: Well don’t give up, something will come along. DREW: Thank you. You can put your hands down. LOUIS: Thank you. They hear another police siren in the distance. Louis attempts to get in his car. LOUIS: Well it was good seeing you, Drew. Hope everything works out for you. Louis extends his arm and they shake hands. DREW: You too, Louis. But I’m still gonna need that faub. LOUIS: Yeah, I thought so.

SCENE 1 A MAN (40s), tall, austere, wearing an expensive fitted grey suit, but disheveled. His hair matches the outfit. A fresh scar marks his cheek. He stares with hooded eyes at A WOMAN (30s), out of breath, holding onto A BOY (11) as if a life preserver. Their clothes are simple but in the same state as the man's. When he speaks his voice is soft and monotonous, but with an edge that hints it won’t stay that way for long. MAN: You gave me quite a run, but it is over. Now give me the key. WOMAN: (too quickly) I don’t have it. The man looks down at the boy for a moment, then back at her with a smirk. MAN: We’ve come too far for these games. Give me the goddamn key. Don’t make me ask again. She pulls the boy closer and opens her mouth to speak, thinks better of it, and reworks her response. WOMAN: It doesn’t belong to you. (almost misspeaks again) I-it won’t- MAN: (raised voice with a tinge of anger) The key was MADE for me. It exists solely for me. For what I am destined to use it for. But you stole it from me. I want what is mine. A beat. The man stares at the boy, speaking to them both. MAN: You don’t know what power the key brings to it’s holder. What danger you are in in it’s presence. All you have to do is give it to me, and you can walk away from this, back to your old lives. As he speaks he slips a switchblade from his pocket, inferring that his assurance isn’t trustworthy. MAN: (annoyed) So give me the key. Please. WOMAN: I can’t. I won’t. MAN: Give me the key or I will take it from your cold bodies. The boys first. She laughs at the irony and tightens her grip on the boy. BOY: (not understanding the conversation) Mommy? She melts, relents. There is only one way to keep the boy safe, no matter the cost. The man's eyes are fire as he sees her mind made up. WOMAN: O-okay. Don’t hurt him. (to the boy) I’ll be back for you, my love. With a shove, quick and harder than she wanted to avoid changing her mind, she pushes the boy at the man. A beat as his eyes rage with anger and confusion, then become wide with understanding. He quickly grabs the boy, but the woman is gone before he can deal with her. She looks back once, when - BOY: MOMMY! The man roughly turns the boy, who is frozen under his black gaze. But his voice is soft, soothing. MAN: (wide, all-knowing eyes) You don’t... you can’t understand what power you hold. The effect you can have on the world will far exceed any you could hope for in your old life. Your mother has done you a favor in returning the key to me. The boy is scared, but for some reason the man’s words resonate in him. They depart hand in hand.

FEEDBACK 1 Nice scene! I really enjoyed the comedy. It did seem like Louis was a little too lackadaisical in this dangerous situation. Maybe show a bit more how nervous he is? I liked the ending as well, though I think it could have used an additional lead in - maybe a nonverbal reaction from Louis, or just a beat. Thanks!

Scene 2 INT. First National Bank – Safe Deposit Box Vault – DAY A disinterested BANK MANAGER leads three SIBLINGS into the evenly lit safe deposit box vault. He goes to box 231 and inserts his key. Bank Manager: Just ring the buzzer when you are finished. He quietly exits. Stacy, late 20’s, heavy eyeliner, hipster chic outfit, leans her back against the wall of boxes. She folds her arms giving box 231 a sideways glance. Chaz, early 30’s, high-end suit, slicked back hair to match, stands tapping his foot. Kevin, probably over 40 but trying to look younger, steps in front of Chaz holding the other key. He’s a good head taller than Chaz and you can tell he enjoys it. Kevin: Flotsam and Jetsam. That’s gonna be my record label. Stacy: You might wanna look that up before you sign the papers on the LLC. I don’t think it means what you think. Chaz: Whatever’s in there gets diced up three ways, remember. Then uncle sam gets his share. I wouldn’t start shopping for Bentleys just yet. Stacy: Couldn’t the old man have just left us the fat bank account or the house or the vacation house or something? Kevin draws the key close to the safe deposit box, then hesitates. Kevin: Speaking of Bentleys, who was it that got it? Chaz: That was Jerry Salinger. He played golf with him at the club. Kevin: Kinda weird, dontcha think? Leaving a luxury automobile to his rich golf buddy? Stacy: That was hardly the weirdest thing the old man ever did. Kevin: You’re right about that, do you remember that hot air ball-- Chaz: Just open the fucking thing already. Kevin: What do you think it is? He talked a lot about museum quality jewelry. Could be priceless. Stacy: Could be Howard Hughes’ toenail clippings. He talked a lot about him too. Kevin: He always wanted to be Howard Hughes. He was that crazy. Chaz: And you wanted to be Diana Ross. Kevin: I was ten. Stacy: For crissakes, can we just see what weirdo piece of crap he left us already? Kevin: I don’t see why I should have to share anything with the two of you. You barely even knew the guy. Chaz: That’s just cuz you’re the oldest. He was long gone to crazy town by the time we came around. Mom did us a favor sending us to Exeter. Stacy: Not me. That place fucked me up royally. Kevin: I don’t think you can blame your mess of a life on the best boarding school in New England. Chaz: Give me the goddam key. Chaz yanks the key from Kevin’s hand and sticks it in the slot. He pulls the drawer with force and sets it on a nearby counter. The three gather around it with anxious expectation. Chaz flips open the lid. Stacy: What the fuck is that? Chaz: Ah, crap. Kevin pulls out a stack of papers bound by three brass brads. He looks at it with confusion at first, then recognition. Kevin: Oh my God. It’s his fucking “Friends” spec script. Stacy: Shit. Chaz: Shit. Kevin: Message received Dad. Real funny.

SCENE 2 INT. STUDIO-DAY MALENA CADANZA, 34, faces off with RYAN MARETTE, 37. Only a table stands between them. Clearly tensions are running high. MALENA: So you're sticking with that whore of yours then? RYAN: Give me the God damn keys! MALENA: Never! I can't st- STAN: Cut! FUCK! The lights come up and the set resumes a steady buzz. Makeup teams attend to Ryan and Malena while grips check the set-up. STANLEY ODRICK, 58, marches onto the set followed closely by ERIC SCHNEIDER, 55. STAN: (to Eric) Get the writer. ERIC: Yup. Eric shuffles off. STAN: (to Ryan) So where's your head on this one? RYAN: I'm just not sure I can- STAN: Because I could guarantee that it's SHOVED UP YOUR FUCKING ASS! MALENA: Stan- STAN: (to Malena) And you. What the fuck Make-up?! You look like a fucking prostitute. Not the good kind either. MALENA: Hmph. She storms off to Make-up. RYAN: Take it easy, she's fragile. STAN: She's a fucking actor! You all fucking are! How the fuck am I supposed to work with this limp-dick production? 100 million dollars and Steve can't write a fucking greeting card, my actors look like they were holding my fucking two year old after she ate her crayons and got the shits, and- A terrified grip catches his eye. STAN: Who the fuck are you? Danny DeVito burn victim motherfucker get off my set! RYAN: Enough! He's crew! A fucking grip. STAN: You get a fucking grip! This shit's barely started and I'm losing my goddamn mind! Eric returns with STEVE SAUNDERS, 42. STAN:(to Eric) This the writer? ERIC: Yup. STAN: (to Steve)You're fired. STEVE: What!? STAN: GET THE FUCK OUT! Steve is sent running as Stan flings a chair at him. STAN: I fucking quit, I fucking quit. Stan storms off of the set, hurling insults and actual props. Eric is left standing with Ryan. RYAN: Did our director just quit? ERIC: It's his creative process. (to Cast and Crew) Everyone, report back here at three. Good start everyone! Malena returns to stand by Eric and Ryan. MALENA: This monster's supposed to be a genius? RYAN: Hell of a first day. ERIC: Yup.

FEEDBACK 3 Ha! Fantastic punchline and perfect reactions from the three. I could hear Kevin speak that last line deadpan. Your build sets the turn up really well. Only line that threw me off was Stacy's, "For crissakes, can we just see what weirdo piece of crap he left us already?" I know it's nitpicky and frankly I don't even really know why it distracted me. Just didn't seem to fit with Stacy's character. Such precise critique, I know...

I like the pacing. Being this is a dialog exercise, this is a great example of some clever verbiage. Plenty of character in all the voices. Love this line, but how about making it more specific: "And you. What the fuck Make-up?! You look like a fucking prostitute. Not the good kind either." "And you. What the fuck Make-up?! You look like a fucking prostitute. And not the kind Richard Gere is taking to a polo match."

This could be fun. SCENE 1 EXT. CITY - DAY Brian and Elaurel walk up to a car. ELAUREL: I'll drive. BRIAN: What do you mean you'll drive? ELAUREL: I'm the senior agent, privilege of rank. BRIAN: Have you ever done this before? ELAUREL: How hard can it be? BRIAN: Well if it's your first time, pretty damn hard actually. ELAUREL: Do you know who I am? BRIAN: Yeah, that's why I 'm asking. ELAUREL: Oh I see what this is. "I was born on earth, I know everything better than you.". BRIAN: What are you talking about? ELAUREL: This whole trip it's been like this. Never missing a chance to remind me you're from here and I'm not. Well I'm sorry Sir Human but there's not much I can do about it. BRIAN: Can we please not do this again? ELAUREL: You know what, you can drive. BRIAN: Come on don't be like that. ELAUREL: It's fine I don't care anymore; here, you're in charge. Your turn to try and make this whole thing wrok. Ha! I can't wait to see that. BRIAN: If that's what you want. Brian opens the car. ELAUREL: Are you kidding me? BRIAN: What? ELAUREL: I wasn't serious you moron; do you really think I'll trust a human to carry out a mission of this importance? BRIAN: What, driving the car? ELAUREL: Preparing the invasion you idiot! Do you even remember what we're doing out here? BRIAN: Oh, that. ELAUREL: Yes, that. BRIAN: Well about that; could we...maybe...not? ELAUREL: Sure, no problem. I mean sixty years of covert surveillance, countless abductions, an invasion fleet that just travelled three hundred light years but sure, we'll call the whole thing off since you're having second thoughts. BRIAN: I was just asking. ELAUREL: Can we get moving now? BRIAN: Sure, so do you want me to drive? I forgot. ELAUREL: Just give me the God damn key.

SCENE 3 - Whew this one was tough. I tried to incorporate a little internal dissonance from the day's blog post. INT. WEALTHY MAN'S STUDY A slick, middle-aged ATTORNEY in an expensive suit sits in a leather chair across from a YOUNG MAN, Between them is a short table. On the table rests a small, ornate box that looks like something from an ancient tomb. YOUNG MAN: I won't do it. ATTORNEY: It was your father's desire that you, and you alone open it. YOUNG MAN: But I can't. I don't want to be like him. ATTORNEY: There are worse things to be. The young man, miserable, peers up at the attorney. YOUNG MAN: Are there? Every time he opened his mouth he spewed only lies. The attorney smiles. ATTORNEY: Don't be naive. There are no honest men; only skilled liars. YOUNG MAN: That sounds like something he would have said. ATTORNEY: He was a wise man. YOUNG MAN: An evil man. The attorney shrugs. ATTORNEY: That's only perception. Change your perception and you change your world. YOUNG MAN: But if I open it there's no going back. ATTORNEY: It's your birthright. You can't deny that any more than you can deny that you have his eyes. YOUNG MAN: Maybe I can use it for good. ATTORNEY: Where there is life there's hope. YOUNG MAN: You don't believe me? ATTORNEY: I don't have to. YOUNG MAN: If there's a way, I'll find it. ATTORNEY: And if there isn't? The young man leans forward, passes a hand across the box and squeezes his eyes shut. YOUNG MAN: Just give me the God damn key. The attorney grins, hands him a key made of bleached bone.

Feedback 1 Hey nice work. I like that feeling of mystery that you created here. I feel, that it can be shorten. MAN repeats the same idea of dangerous power. that can by reduced.

SCENCE 2 (EXCUSE MY ENGLISH) CHILDREN ROOM (second floor) country house DAY There are TOM (6yo boy) ROSY (41yo), Richard 47, Mrs ELITHABET (35) ROSY (41 yo) fattening but still pretty stays in front of TOM ROSY: Give me the God damn key. I am tried of that already Mrs ELITHABET (psychologist 35): ROSY please don’t be pushy to him. ROSY to Elisabeth.: That was your idea to check the attic. You said it can help. Mrs. ELITHABET yes, but let’s be nice. He has enough stress. Let me try. She came to the boy and takes a sit. Mrs. ELITHABET: Listen, I understand all your fears. I also imagined all kind of creatures when I was 6. Some of them scared me as well. And you know what helped me to kick them away? My mom checked all the rooms opened all the hidden places and they disappeared after that. We want them disappear Don’t we? TOM: BONKO will not disapiar. IT IS REAL. I SAW HIM. It said that if anyone but me comes to that room he’ll kill everyone. Mrs. ELITHABET Or I tied if that crap. She moved to the boys bed and pulls the sheet, Pillow flyes on the flow TOM screams and bends his arms in panic: NO, NO, Do not touch that, BONKO will kill everyone and you ‘ll be the FIRST! RICHARD: Rosy please. Darling Mrs. ELITHABET (grabs the key) Here it is. TOM falls down on the flow : Don’t do that, do not open the door! RICHARD (to Elithabet): STOP IT! Please Mrs. ELITHABET : get off I wanna stop that> he hates me and you and everyone! And you cover him She rushes to the door, puts in the key with trembling hand and open the door. SILENS. even the TOM stopped crying. Mrs. ELITHABET: that is the therapy that TOM ne…. (she couldn’t finish) Long dark spooky HOWL sounds from attic.

FEEDBACK 2 Nice scene. Really liked Mrs. Elithabet's therapeutic dialogue. It does seem like she gets aggravated pretty quickly, though. Rosy also appears to have dropped off; some of Mrs. Elithabet's dialogue would have worked better for Rosy. Definitely want to hear what happens next!

Thank you for your comment. you are absolutely right. All last faces telling ROSY I just made mistakes with names.

FEEDBACK 2 The ending works! Your use of sarcasm in the dialogue for exposition worked for me as well. One thing, I think that you can use your cleverness to enhance a few of the trite lines such as "Do you know who I am" and "What are you talking about?" Otherwise, I enjoyed this scene very much.

SCENE 3 INT – NIGHT CLUB – NIGHT Maggy staggers out of the night club, bumping up against people who are clearly annoyed at her. David follows but gets stopped in his track by dancing people. EXT. STREET – NIGHT Maggy fumbles with her key at a car. MAGGY: damn it, open David walks up to her. DAVID: you can't drive home MAGGY: leave me alone Finally, the key fits and she opens the door. DAVID: no – I can't let you go. You don't want to drive drunk and risk an accident. He reaches for the key, but the kicks him in the crotch with her heels. He steps backward, grabbing his crotch. She gets into the car. MAGGY: fuck off – I'm not your responsibility anymore. YOU broke up with me. David blocks the door from slamming shut. DAVID: give me the God damn key! I'll drive you home. Maggy slams him on the nose with her heels. He falls back and sees her pulling out whilst scratching the car in front of her.

FEEDBACK 2 This scene is really funny. I laughed out loud at couple lines ("We had an understanding", "You can put your hands down now" and "Thanks for your understanding"). Maybe the other comment about conveying a bit of nervousness from Louis earlier on and showing how that fuels his already comedic nature would be helpful. Maybe instead of saying simply "sorry", which can be read sarcastically, you can have a more nervous, fearfully apology followed up the funny etiquette comment. Just an idea. Awesome scene, though, and look forward to seeing what else you share!

FEEDBACK 9 There's a lot of emotion in this scene however, I would have liked to see it drawn out a bit more to get a better idea of their history. With this, I believe you pull the reader into their lives and give the scene more impact.

FEEDBACK 5 Nice scene! Love the journey that the Young Man takes through the dialogue to go from "I won't do it" to "just give me the God damn key". I can feel his struggle through the concise but on point dialogue. Enjoyed reading.

Scene 10 Int. Prison- day It´s a tiny provincial prison. (Or maybe it´s a car on the way to prison?) Prisoner: “I´ve always wanted to break free. It´s the only thing that drives me.” Guard: “It drove you here, into captivity.” Prisoner: “Nothing drove me here. I have never been free.” Guard: “You weren´t born in prison.” Prisoner: “Childhood IS a prison. We´re hostages of your parents, depending on them for bare survival, for food, shelter, everything. To hide this, we´re made to love them. To love that first prison. Eventually, when it has outgrown it´s purpose, most people break free from it.” Guard: “Sure. I did.” Prisoner: “Just in my case, this first prison didn´t serve it´s purpose. I loved it alright, but it broke me. It made me bend down.” Guard: “Tough childhood, alright. But not everyone becomes a criminal after that.” Prisoner: “The next cage for me was the street. The hood I grew up in –the rules, the groups and gangs, the way to survive another day- kinda like here. It´s a tight web and you can´t just get out.” Guard: “Bullshit. People always manage to get out –if they really want to.” Prisoner: “Have you ever done crab fishing?” Guard: “No.” Prisoner: “Well, neither have I. But I saw this once at the pier. If you fish crab, they all get caught in this bucket like basket. And they´re scared, so they hold on to anything within reach. Because there is nothing but crab, they hold on to each other. So if one of them tries to crawl out -which is possible, the opening is right there- the others hang on to him. With their claws they hang onto him. So it´s either all get out –or all stay in.” Guard: “Get cooked.“ Prisoner: “Right. Nice and orange.” He looks at his clothing. Guard: “So you didn´t manage to break free from the hood. Well, here is a difference: after you did your sentence, we kick you out. That´s it, you´re on your own.” Prisoner: “That´s not my definition of freedom.” Guard: “Sorry son, it´s the best shot you get. Take it or leave it.” The ward is relaxed and turns his back to the cage. The prisoner manages to reach and grab his gun from his belt. Prisoner: “Here´s another shot. Arms up!” Guard: “The hell?!” Prisoner: “Give me the goddamn keys! Now!” The guard complies. The prisoner fumbles with the keys in the lock while looking at the ward over gunpoint. It´s difficult and he drops the keys. Guard: “You´ll never open it like that.” Prisoner: “Don´t fucking move! I´ll shoot you and you die, right there.” Guard: “That would mean you´re still inside and would sure as hell never get out after murder.” Prisoner: “You open it! You fucking open it.” He steps back from the lock, points with the gun. The guard leaps behind the wall (where he can´t get shot). A beat. Prisoner (O.S): “here´s one more shot. At freedom.” A shots blasts. Silence. The ward peeks around the corner into the cage. The prisoner shot himself in the head.

FEEDBACK 10 Great scene here Paula. I really liked the metaphors for prison, especially the crab fishing monologue. A few things: is the ward the guard? The character kinda comes out of nowhere, you should either establish the additional character earlier, or just stick to using "guard" if they're one in the same. Also, I feel like the ending could have been shown a little better, instead of just telling the prisoner shot himself. But overall, nice dialogue.

FEEDBACK 9 Great scene. Love how you string us along with bits of their background until the alien reveal. I love how at the end the human looks so inept. That you conveyed that well with the dialogue and humor.

SCENE 9 EXT. NYC STREET ALLEY - NIGHT Two young street thugs, SYD and TYSON, sprint full-steam into a back alley like a running back protecting a football – except they’re in tow with a DESIGNER PURSE. SYD: What we score? Tyson pulls everything out of the PURSE: a TEXTBOOK, some LOOSE CASH and a massive RED METAL KEY. He drops all the items but examines the oddly red and large key. TYSON: Shit. No jewelry or phone. SYD: What about the key? That could open anything. TYSON: It could open anything but we don’t know what so it’s shit. SYD: But if it could open anything. It could be to a bank. Or a vault. Or money. TYSON (excitedly): It could be to a bank or a safe. SYD: Can I hold it? TYSON: Maybe later. SYD: Lemme see. Maybe I can figure out what it’s to. TYSON: How the hell you gonna do that? Test every lock in NYC? SYD: No stupid. I heard keys match the color of whatever they unlock. It’s just a process of elimination, dummy. TYSON: So you sayin’ this key could be to that bank on 156th? Red Bank? SYD: That’s exactly what I’m sayin’. Both pause weigh the implications of this possibility. Syd pulls a SWITCHBLADE and waves at Tyson’s chest. TYSON: Hey! We rob together. We’re robbing partners. You can’t rob your partner! SYD: Sure I can. Now, give me the got damn key.

SCENE 3 EXT.TWO STORY BUILDING - NIGHT A rainy, stormy night. JAMES (30) in jeans and t-shirt, completely wet searches on his pocket. JAMES: Damn! He rings the doorbell. ANDREA (V.O.) Yes? JAMES: Honey, it's me. I forgot my keys. ANDREA (V.O.) So? JAMES: Could you come down and open the door, please? Silence. Jame rings the doorbell again. No answer. Takes out his cell phone, dials. ANDREA (V.O.) Yes? JAMES: Honey, I think the intercom is not working. ANDREA (V.O.) Oh, it is working. JAMES: I forgot my keys. ANDREA (V.O.) Is that all you forgot? JAMES: Oh, the milk. Sorry I... sweetie? He looks at his phone, it says "CALL ENDED". Dials again. No answer. Looks at the date on the phone. JAMES: February twenty seven. Damn. Goes to a nearby window box, picks up some pebbles, throws them to a window on the second floor. ANDREA (30) opens the window, she's angry. JAMES: I'm sorry. I swear you I set up a remainder on the phone. You know how important this is to me. But let me tell you. Things are going to be different. I got the job. I'm going to get my shit together. I'm going to do this for you, for our baby. I'm going to be the best dad ever. ANDREA: No you don't. I'm not pregnant, I faked it. Here's your baby. She throws a fake pregnant belly. JAMES: What? Just.. just give me the god damn key. She closes the window, turns off the lights.

FEEDBACK 3 Nice ending, It's a very good surprise. Great use of humor. I agree with @estarcarr about some dialogue that could be enhanced, but it's a very good scene.

FEEDBACK 4 Nice setup, nice idea. The part that doesn't work for me is the key being "massive red metal" and how they associate it to being a key to a bank. I think it's unnecessary to extend the dialogue, it could work very well if right from the moment they find the key they (and we) know it's from a safe deposit box.

FEEDBACK 5: Nice dialogue, it sets up the therapy for imaginary monsters really well. I agree with what @Nicholas Moore said about Rosy being dropped off. I may add that Richard could be more involved at the beginning.

FEEDBACK 05 INT. KITCHEN CODY, 21, searches through drawer after drawer emptying its contents onto the floor. CODY: Richard! Where are the god damn keys? RICHARD, 22, runs into the room, shocked. RICHARD: What the hell are you doing, man? CODY: I want to go see her. RICHARD: That's not a good idea-- CODY: Where are the keys? RICHARD: I have them. They're in my pocket but-- CODY: Give them to me. I'm going to see her. RICHARD: Cody, I really don't think that's a good idea-- CODY: I don't give a shit about what you think! I'm going to see her now! RICHARD: Fine. I'll drive. Let's go-- CODY: Just give me the keys, man... RICHARD: Cody. You're drunk. I'm not letting you drive like this. CODY: Give me the God damn keys! RICHARD: No. You can either call her or I will drive you. Cody lunges forward and falls onto the floor, blood pouring from his head. Richard tries to help him up. CODY: I'm fine! RICHARD: You're not! Forget Sarah, you need to go to a hospital. CODY: Take me to Sarah's! I'm taking one for the road though. Asshole. THE END.

--- FEEDBACK NINE --- That was great. The tension had a nice build. I just wished I knew the significance of the date in the story.

Thanks for the comment and the feedback. I was hoping that key color / bank color would be a gag but you're right, everything works the same -- probably better -- if they recognize it as a safe key from the outset. Appreciate the help!

Feedback 9 Hi there. :) A classic sort of scene, well paced, with convincing dialogue. All in all, nice job. This is super nitpicky of me, but at the beginning when Cody asks "where are the god damn keys?" Perhaps you might consider trimming it down to just "where are the keys?" That way, later on you can get even more impact out of the line, "give me the god damn keys!" I think it would fit better with the pacing of the growing intensity between the two characters.