SCENE 06 INT. CAR, MONTREAL - DAY MIRIAM, obviously having contractions, drives her car. Maybe twenty-eight, head scarf, gold ring in her nose. (Every few seconds, she grunts in pain, calls “MO” on her cellphone. Endless RINGING. She gives up after a few tries.) Stuck at a traffic light. Snowing outside. MIRIAM: C’mon c’mon c’mon c’mon. Allez! Yalla! Let’s go! MIRIAM GPS: Turn left. MIRIAM: Wha-- She looks around. She is way over in a central lane. She GROANS. MIRIAM: Oh fu-- aaaaah. (takes a breath) Fuck. There, I said it. It’s labor day, God! You can forgive me. A DRIVER in the neighboring car turns and sees Miriam’s expression, her condition. The light turns green. Miriam catches the driver’s eye. Miriam desperately indicates she needs to go left. The driver lets Miriam cut through. Then another driver lets her pass. Miriam points frantically to her belly, then to the left lane. Many more drivers let her pass. She makes it to the left lane and takes the turn. Her cellphone rings. Miriam pounds the speaker button. MIRIAM (shouts out): God I need to pee! A WOMAN'S VOICE comes through: CALLER (V.O.): Uhhh...Mrs. Miriam Khan? Miriam GROANS, contraction. CALLER: Sorry, is this Mrs. Miriam Khan? MIRIAM: Yes, God damn it! Miriam winces at her rudeness. CALLER: Ma’am, I’m calling from the Montreal General Hospital. Miriam gets excited. MIRIAM: Yes! Yes! I'm coming now! CALLER: Wha-- You know about your husband? Miriam agitated. MIRIAM: Of course I know about my husband. CALLER: Ma’am, he’s here at the General-- MIRIAM: --What! What the hell is he doing there! He was supposed to pick me-- Clutches her belly, eyes widen. CALLER: Ma’am? Miriam pulls over on the highway shoulder. Her contractions in full force. Miriam writhes and shouts in pain. She flings her door open for space. In the b.g. The caller still talks, barely audible under Miriam and the wind outside: CALLER: Mrs. Khan, your husband Mohammed Khan has had an accident. He’s in surgery right now. Mrs. Khan? Heavy snowfall, strong wind. Miriam writhes, not hearing. A middleaged, kind faced stranger, CLAUDE, sees Miriam and runs over to her. Miriam in the throes of labor. MIRIAM: Oh Mo! Mo! The man looks confused. CLAUDE: Non! Je m’appelle Claude! (No! My name is Claude!) MIRIAM: Speak to me in English! CLAUDE: Mais c’est Montréal! FRENCH Canada. C’est pas possible-- (But this is Montreal, French Canada, it’s not right--) Miriam yells in agony. Claude stops his rant. CLAUDE: Madame, I’m a doctor. MIRIAM: Oh! Grace à dieu! (Thank God) Claude throws up his hands in frustration, then feels her belly. CLAUDE: But if you can speak French-- (stops, feels something) Merde! This baby cannot wait. Miriam wide-eyed, panicking. CLAUDE: What are you waiting for? PUSH! Miriam yells, pushes with all her might.

FEEDBACK 09 Hi, Uzma Good take on the prompt. Some great verbs there: writhes, flings. They give urgency to the scene. Whence (I like this word) does Claude come? They're on a highway? People don't walk there. Typically, one would try to make things as hard for the character as possible, so, a few considerations: 1- I know it's Canada, but maybe the other drivers shouldn't be as polite and should obstruct her driving? 2- Perhaps if Claude isn't a Doctor, but someone not up to delivering babies? An accountant? 3- Mo being under surgery is a very good excuse not to be around for the birth. So, unless he dies or becomes invalid, perhaps he should not have such a good excuse?

FEEDBACK 09 Hi, Uzma Good take on the prompt. Some great verbs there: writhes, flings. They give urgency to the scene. Whence (I like this word) does Claude come? They’re on a highway? People don’t walk there. Typically, one would try to make things as hard for the character as possible, so, a few considerations: 1- I know it’s Canada, but maybe the other drivers shouldn’t be as polite and should obstruct her driving? 2- Perhaps if Claude isn’t a Doctor, but someone not up to delivering babies? An accountant? 3- Mo being under surgery is a very good excuse not to be around for the birth. So, unless he dies or becomes invalid, perhaps he should not have such a good excuse?

My Scene Challenge #8 - Could definitely use some help in making this birth seem authentic! EXT/INT. HOSPITAL - DAY Red lights flash atop an ambulance as it pulls to a stop outside Emergency Services. TWO EMTs (30s) hop out and race to the rear of the vehicle. Blue lights of a stopped police cruiser flash behind them. A COP (40) steps out. The EMTS pull a gurney out of the back of their vehicle and head towards the E.R. entrance. The Cop follows the EMTs into the E.R., who hand off the gurney to TWO ORDERLIES. The Orderlies transfer the gurney inside. EMT #1: A possible D.O.A.! LUISA, the bloodied 20-something on the gurney, is rushed into the Operating Room. The Cop walks over to an ADMISSION NURSE. COP: This is the domestic disturbance call from the projects. IN THE O.R. Louisa is flatline. TWO E.R. DOCTORS try in vain to revive her. The Docs call the time of death. But miracle of miracles, her NEWBORN is welcomed into this world! An E.R. NURSE takes the baby. The Docs cover Louisa’s bloodied corpse. E.R. Doc #1 goes out to the waiting area and speaks quietly to the Cop. E.R. DOC #1: I don't suppose there's a baby-daddy we should contact?

Hi, I like that you like to branch out your scenes and characters in your scenes. I do wonder if the nearby driver would be able to see well enough to notice her condition, but who knows? I'm not sure I've ever tried to see that much when I was driving. Liz This is my 11th or 12th comment.

CORRECTION--This should be my 9th scene. I forgot I did the Unexpected Phone Call scene. I just submitted my 10th scene a moment ago, marked #9, and will correct that as well. Sorry!

FEEDBACK 10 Hi, Liz This is a very good idea, but things look thin--of course, I realize you don't have the space for the full sequence, but here are a few of my opinions: Luisa is bloodied--why? What are her injuries? Shot? Beaten with a baseball bat? It would be good if the ETs told that to the medical staff, besides the domestic disturbance call (kudos for that). "Try in vain to revive her"--what are they doing that we can see? "But miracle of miracles, her NEWBORN is welcomed into this world!" I'm not particularly fond of this line in any case and in a screenplay, either you cut from trying to revive Luisa to someone holding her baby (and I'd use a full CUT TO: or DISSOLVE) or you should show how they go about delivering a baby from a flatlined woman. Keep it up.

SCENE 08 EXT. COFFEE SHOP - DAY A trendy spot of the town, coffee latte for 8 bucks. The terrace is crowded on a sunny spring afternoon. SARAH (37) is groaning with pain. Her baby bump is huge, she is in middle of labour, her trousers are all wet. The ambulance man SAMUEL (51) hurries outside the ambulance. His colleague Gary (31) takes the divan bed out of the trunk. Samuel bends down to Sarah. SAMUEL: Hi, I‘m Samuel. What‘s your name? SARAH: Sarah. SAMUEL: How much time is between the contradictions? Meanwhile Gary and Samuel starts to lift Sarah up and over to the divan bed and closes the belt. Sarah keeps her thumb up. SAMUEL: One minute. Fine. Sarah screams as another contradiction comes. The ambulance men hurries up a bit more to bring her into the car. SAMUEL: We‘ll take care of you. Sarah wants to answer, then she sees the WAITER (28) who places a swab for a big puddle of transparent liquid - with great disgust. SARAH (breathing heavily): I‘m sorry. WAITER (automatically): You‘re welcome. Pickily he takes one-way gloves out of his pocket and pulls it on. SARAH: Seems like... The ambulance men move her into the ambulance. Before he closes the door, Sarah screams to him. SARAH: It‘s Bloomington Road 81. Gary gives Samuel a look and hurries to the driver‘s seat. INT. AMBULANCE CAR. DAY. SAMUEL: We‘ll drive you to the hospital. The ambulance starts to move. SARAH (with panic): You have to drive me home. SAMUEL: Your baby will be here within less than an hour. SARAH: I know. She opens the belts, stretches to bump to the cabin‘s wall. Through the small window Gary looks back with panic. SARAH (screaming to the driver): We have to go home. Samuel has to force her to lay down again. SAMUEL: We have to drive you to the hospital. Insurance is not a problem. SARAH: You don‘t understand ... Thomas will kill me. SAMUEL (soft): There are programs for ... woman like you. Your husband cannot do anything to you in the hospital. Another heavy contradiction. SARAH: You mean ... no! ... The rain barrel. He welded it. SAMUEL (puzzled): I don‘t understand. SARAH (heavily breathing): Water birth. I want - to give - birth - at - home. In the rain barrel. Thomas made it - welded it -Thomas - with - thumbs - at all fingers. He‘ll kill me. SAMUEL (shocked): How long did he need for? SARAH: Three weeks. SAMUEL: I see ... (screaming to Gary) Turn around.

Great feedback and observations, Roy, thank you! I am not a driver, so I probably suffer from a lack of experience in this respect. I was trying to go for a funny overall tone with the underlying seriousness of her husband being in an accident. The Claude being a doctor thing was a play on Deus ex Machina, which I find laughable in most films where it's lazily handled. (I currently work in Bollywood, and this used to be the style here throughout the late 80's and 90's when I was coming up). More conflict is what you're saying, and I buy all the points. Thanks!

Thanks Liz, point noted! I said in the above reply that I don't drive, so I should have probably gone with the "write what you know" thing and made her a pedestrian or something :/ Thanks for reading!

FEEDBACK 07 Hey Liz, I like the drama in this scene - I love medical shows so I was excited to read this, and I think you got the tone very right. A few things that stuck out while I read: "This is the domestic disturbance call from the projects" "I don't suppose there's a baby-daddy we should contact" "…her newborn is welcomed into this world!" I would work on the language to make it less stereotypical. To me these didn't sound like genuine doctors and cops, unless this is a hospital in hardcore gangland territory where everyone - professional and criminals - pretty much talk the same way. Also "is welcomed" is almost never seen in scripts - it gives it a novel-ish feel while reading. I would keep everything active. Thanks for an enjoyable read.

FEEDBACK 12 Hi Liz, I love the setting and the idea. I goes with RoyGordon‘s thoughts and would add some questions and ideas which might be helpful. Whose scene is it? You can tell a lot more about any of this protagonists. Is it an setup for the baby (who becomes the lead later on)? Or is it about the cop, who failed saving the mother? ... For none of them this incident seems to be a everyday one. Does it trigger them? Have they seen How comes the baby into the world? (I‘m no doctor, but it seems a bit over the top, that it comes out with a last contradiction). Does the medical staff help (making surgery, using vacuum extractor)? Perhaps I‘ve seen too much „ER“ and „Grey‘s Anatomy“ but it seems strange, that the staff people keep silent (or you could use it, taking the sounds away, giving the „all is lost“ feeling). But that makes the turning point of the scene, therefore it would help the tension, that you know how hard they fight. I like the idea of the last dialogue sentence. You could use it for an conclusion, without the audience knowing what happened before it. Or you could turn it while the ER Doc addresses the baby: No daddy to contact. Bests, Katha PS: I always try to read the other scenes after writing mine. Therefore it was interesting to read that your scene is about realistic domestic violence after using it for misunderstanding.

Thanks, Roy. "Try in vain" was my way of saying I have no idea what happens in an ER. I don't know how they deliver a baby from a flatlined patient--Cesciarian? Definitely need help in that department. Appreciate the feedback, and I agree.

Thanks Uzma, good comments.

Good comments, Katha, thanks! My medical knowledge is very poor. My law enforcment knowledge is much higher. In my mind, the story was ultimately going to be more about the father who battered the mother to death and was not in scene because he was evading the cops.

Hi Katha, A couple quick things to consider. I think you mean contractions, not contradictions. Also you say "Sarah wants to answer," but wanting something can't really be shown on screen unless you have some accompanying action--in which case, use the action to convey the "wanting" part. Liz

ah, okay, so you have an absent protagonist (always a special challenge) Just as suggestions: 1. checking every line, if it really tells something about HIM. 2. You could try to let the cops and medicals talk with more subtext about him (do they know him? what do they think about people like him?) and perhaps they use codes or metaphors to describe what he did. (there would be even the twist at the end, to make his deed understandable: the mother is the villain, she killed all their other babies right after giving birth. And the father found out...) 3. still it could help to have one of your characters leading through the scene emotionally. 4. The people outside the surgery know what happened. But the staff inside don't. And one of the doctor's ask "Where is the father?" 5. You keep inside the surgery - and the twist is at the end, when the doctor and the audience get to know what happened. 6. using your law enforcement knowledge: How would the cops react, would they beg to help the baby? which leads to 7. if the cop has also poor medical knowledge you could describe the scene through his eyes, e.g.: the medical staff hurries up, the cop cannot see what they are doing ... 8. research concerning getting babies should be quite easy because lots of frightening parents want to know what could go wrong (I tried to forget what could go wrong ...) hope, there is something helpful to you

Helpful Katha, thanks. The mother is the victim, not the villain, and she was beaten by the baby's father who has an anger-management problem. The father thinks he's killed both mother and baby, and flees. The cops find her and call the ambulance and escort her to hospital. The cops don't know the mother. They do know the father from a prior arrest, but they don't know he had a relationship with the mother--yet. The doctors don't know the mother either. The protagonist isn't in this scene, but does cause the father to face justice. This scene was meant to show the results of the father's actions, to set up for the importance of what the protagonist does. You definitely raise an excellent point about having someone emotionally lead this scene.

FEEDBACK 10 Lots of conflict in here - I liked how you really made things as hard as possible for Miriam. One visual comment/suggestion I have is to clarify how other drivers would know that Miriam is pregnant, as they likely wouldn't be able to see that as she's driving.

Feedback 10. Katha Loved this scene. Great tension, excellent twist, good interaction between Sarah and Samuel. Some notes. Needs a bit of work on some dialogues to make them clearer. For example, Sarah says "Seems like..." but this doesn't seem to be directed to anyone in particular. Samuel asks "How long did he need for?" I guess he meant "(surprised) How long did that take?" "Insurance is not a problem" doesn't sound like something an ambulance driver would mention. What I always find useful is reading the dialogues out loud. If they don't sound right, review and correct. This can also help cut out any unnecessary dialogue or repetition. Just one last comment to add some extra realism. If the contractions are every minute that means that something is definitely wrong. After the water breaks, the contractions happen every two to three minutes and last for approximately one minute (I know from experience... ok, not mine, but my wife's; and I also did a bit of research). Good writing. Keep it up. RB

FEEDBACK 11 (sort of) Hi, Katha Give birth in a welded rain barrel? That sure is original. "with – thumbs – at all fingers" Does this mean he is actually very bad at it? Thomas Thumb? This is a surreal comedy isn't it? Three weeks to weld a rain barrel? What, it kept raining? Congratulations on the originality. Birth in a rain barrel...

Thanks for the Feedback :) Sorry, my dialogues aren't the best, I'm not a native speaker nor have I lived in an English speaking country. Reading aloud don't really helps there (perhaps more binge-watching?) With the birth, they tell here, that you count the time between the contractions but it might be different within the USA. I had the birth of my son in mind (water broke 15 minutes before he came out). But female friends of mine always was shocked that I could talk with the midwife quite relaxed 10 minutes before the baby came.

Thanks for the feedback :) sometimes it helps knowing alternative people ... I've heard it several times about rain barrel babies. I didn't see the Thomas Thumb joke. It shouldn't be too surreal but perhaps it wouldn't. The problem with welding is - I suppose - that you do not need just one barrel. And you have to open it, because you cannot go upside down during labor (I suppose, but I have to check it up). I know that it needed quite a long time (especially if you aren't made for welding; I learned the metaphor with the thumbs in school)

also Thanks for the feedback! sorry for making those mistakes (the wants to answer-part I sometimes forget it while reading)