SCENE 11 EXT. GRAVEYARD - NIGHT CARL and ANDY, (both 20s) dressed in jeans and hoodies work the ground in front of an ancient, weather-worn headstone with pick-axe and shovel. Carl strikes the pick-axe a few times and Andy shovels the dirt away. Pick-axe. Shovel. Carl. Andy. Carl strikes again and Andy pulls out a hip flask. He pulls the stopper and takes a big swig, wiping his mouth on his sleeve. As Carl stops, Andy passes him the flask and Carl takes a swing while Andy shovels. Pick-axe. Shovel. Carl. Andy. Pick-axe. THUD. Carl and Andy stare at each other, slightly forced grins on their faces. They both drop to the ground and start pouring at the ground. Slowly, they uncover a wooden box and carefully lift it out onto more stable ground. They stare at it for a moment. A rusty padlock holds the lid down. Andy lifts his shovel and slams it down on the padlock which shatters from the impact and decades of corrosion. Andy moves the tools away as Carl crouches down in front of the box. He turns to look over his shoulder at Andy. He raises his eyes in query and Andy simply nods. Slowly, Carl lifts the lid on the box and looks in. Andy watches. Carl doesn't move. Andy watches. Carl doesn't move. Andy takes a step forward. Carl turns to Andy, tears flowing down his cheeks. He makes to stand but a spider-like hand, black as coal, oozing blood from under the nails rises over his shoulder and clamps down hard, knuckles cracking like mousetraps. CARL: Run!

Scene 5 EXT. ABANDONED HOUSE– NIGHT DETECTIVE CARSON's car screeches to a stop in front of an abandoned house in a suburban neighbourhood. From his window he sees a shadow moving to the back of the house. He exits his car, takes out his gun and rushes towards the side passage. He switches on his torch and lights the way while pointing his gun. He enters the long passage towards the back garden. He stops. Closes his eyes. Listens. The squeak of a door closing. He's here. He pulls out his phone. No battery. No chance for reinforcements. No time to waste. EXT. BACK GARDEN – CONTINUOUS Det Carson enters the back garden. A collection of rusty games, swings, slides, sits on top of long dry grass. A clink coming from inside the house calls his attention. He points his torch at the broken old screen door. He walks towards it and opens it slowly. INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS He enters the kitchen and looks around. The kitchen is mouldy and damp. Rotten food crams the sink. INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS A small passage leads to the remains of a living room. A burned sofa adorns the centre of a piss stained rug. No movement. No noise. A floorboard squeaks in the upper floor. INT. STAIRCASE – CONTINUOUS He stops to check his gun. All in order. He climbs the stairs slowly. His training kicks in. Look at the corners. Don't rush. Focus. Focus. INT. UPPER HALL – CONTINUOUS Empty hallway. Three doors. Decision time. He walks towards door number one. A sound. A whimper? Not this door. Door number three. INT. LARGE BEDROOM – CONTINUOUS Very small steps now. Too damn dark. Another whimper. On the left. He shines his torch. A CHILD maybe 10 years old. Stained face, dirt all over, baggy clothes, terrified look on his face. He scans the child with a quick glance. Not hurt. Just frightened. Det Carson raises his finger to his mouth. Be silent. The boy raises his hand and points towards the other side of the room. Det Carson turns. A bathroom door. Action time. He walks towards the door. One centimetre at a time. He knows what he is risking. A chill runs through his spine. Some sort of sixth sense screaming, begging him to turn around. He turns swiftly just as the machete drops severing his arm. Blood spurts around the room. His severed hand drops to the floor still holding his gun. Before Det Carson can scream a momentous FIGURE holding the machete stabs him in the chest. The sound of his ribs breaking and spreading apart is followed by the sound of the air coming out of his lungs. Det Carson gets a close look at the figure's face. The eyes are expressionless, numb. His round face, so young, not older than 16. Det Carson falls to the ground. The carpet absorbs the blood gushing from his chest. He looks towards the boy in the corner. The boy stands, walks towards the Det Carson's hand on the floor and takes the gun. He then walks towards the man-boy wielding the machete. And takes his hand. Det Carson wheezes. Blood splurts from his mouth. DET CARSON: Brothers. The boy brings up the gun and points it at Det Carson. EXT. ABANDONED HOUSE – NIGHT A flash of light appears in a top floor window. A small drowned blow resounds in the night. Then silence.

Brief Introduction - The scene is based in rural India. Here low income peasants take land from owners on lease, the money for the lease is paid after the crops are harvested. The money is borrowed on a very high interest rate. INT. VILLAGE HUT - KITCHEN - EVENING HOURS Radha (21) boils rice in a cauldron placed over open fire. She stares as the moisture absorbed sticks burn with popping sound. She removes the lid from the cauldron, and places it away from the open fire. Serves the boiled rice on the three plates placed near the cauldron. Mathur(36) enters, while Radha serves the food. Mathur holds a radio and listens carefully. He goes to the corner of kitchen and stands supporting himself against the wall. Radio : Indistinct commentary Mathur collapses on the ground, cries but without a sound. Takes off the red turban in his hands and digs his face in it . Radha comes near her husband, sits and silently watches Mathur. Her stare is questioning Mathur : Drought Radha wipes his tears. Both of them get up, and Mathur sit on the ground where the plates are placed. Mathur still in shock, trembling with fear, that the future beholds. Radha brings a small bottle, the bottle is marked as " Sulphas". She takes out the tablets, and pops them in each plate. Mixes them well. Khushi (4) their daughter enters, the kitchen . She is vibrant, thrilled, enthusiastic as any 4 year old would be. Radha hugs her and Khushi sits in her mother's lap. Mathur looks at Radha, she nods. Her eyes filled with tears. Radha makes a small ball of rice with her hand and feeds to Khushi. Mathur feeds to Radha and She to her loving husband.

Scene 08 EXT. OUTSIDE YARD - DAY The face of SMITH (late 30s), eyes closed. A rough face, as if carved out of rough stone. The sound of METAL SCRAPING. It goes on. Until a final CLANG. Smith's eyes pop open. A grin slowly spreads through his lips. Smith, duffel bag across his shoulder, strides onwards. Away from a large metal gate. Set on a tall wall topped with crenelations and barbed wire. Part of a sign, which reads "Prison". Smith walks away, pounds the tarmac. He stares ahead. Unblinking. The looming bulk of the prison gets more distant. Fuzzy. INT. HOTEL ROOM - DAY Smith stands, smoking, looks out through a dirty window with a cracked pane. Daylight is fading over the street. People rush by, traffic growls. The cigarette tip glows. He lets the smoke drift out between his lips. Turns away from the window. Strides to the duffel bag by the bed. Rummages through it. Extracts a folder. Sits on the bed. Pulls the cigarette from his lips. Puts it out. Opens the folder. A picture cut from a newspaper shows a man in suit and tie, with a large moustache. Newspaper cuttings. "Claims was framed..."; "Never recovered..."; "Sentenced to..." Smith's face warps in a grimace. INT. SANDER HOUSE - LIBRARY - NIGHT Just the faint outline of a door in the darkness. The handle moves. The door opens a slit. FLASH of blinding light. A beam spears through the darkness. Across the room, Until it glints off a bookcase with glass doors. Smith moves in, a penlight in hand. Skulks to the bookcase. His gloved hand splayed against the glass. The light steady on a spot. Where two books are further apart than the others. The beam frantically moves across the rows. CORNELIUS (O.S.) Smith. A second of freezing. The light-beam slices the dark. Catches a face, A hand rises to shield the face. A click, and a tall floor lamp lights up. CORNELIUS (late 60s), elegant and austere, large moustache. His hand holds a .357 Magnum. His lips curve up. He aims the gun straight at Smith's heart. Smith's hand whips out a GLOCK as he throws himself to the ground. The two guns BOOM together.

Aamir, Interesting scene with an almost "On the Beach" feel to it, not sure if that's what you intended. Personally, i don't care, but some might quibble about "evening hours" as your time of day. You could simply label it "night" and the reader will infer it's dinner time from the action. Liz My 10th or 11th comment.

Day 16 Scene Challenge-One Word. (My 8th Scene) INT. NATIONAL SECURITY AGENCY (NSA) - FORT MEADE, MD - DAY Clean-cut in a geeky sort of way, DANIEL exhibits the self-assurance of a kid who always got his way because he was so endearing with his sunny disposition. He sashays his way to the Visitor Control Center, a two-story area that serves as reception for a modern office complex. On the wall is a logo: a heraldic soaring eagle with a shield clenching a skeleton key in its talons. This is the Systems Intelligence Directorate of the NSA, or SID. Big time! Daniel checks in with the RECEPTIONIST, who hands him a red visitor's badge. He elicits a big smile from her before he heads over to the waiting area. He places his briefcase on a chair and quickly flips it open. Yep, he's got extra resumes and letters of recommendation. He catches his reflection in the dark glass doorway and straightens his tie. After all, a big time job is at stake! In b.g., Daniel also observes a BALD MAN approaching the doorway. Daniel turns around and flashes a confident smile. The Bald Man smiles back, offering his hand. BALD MAN: Daniel!

Now there's a good example of empathy Liz! That dreaded moment when we hear our name called out before the interview! Something most of us have probably been through. Thanks for bringing all the memories back! :-) A great idea for this scene prompt!

Feedback #10 Roy, You did a really good job establishing a suspenseful mood. But I’m wondering how necessary the prison break is. First, it didn’t ring true that he could just scrape his way out of the gate. There are too many levels of security for him to have gotten that far and wouldn’t there be guards stationed at the gates? What if you cut the prison break and started with Smith in the hotel room. There could be a muted TV in the background with Smith’s picture and the caption “Prison Break Last Friday.” Then there wouldn’t be any of those pesky issues that nitpicky readers like me question. I was also left wondering: if Smith just escaped from prison where did he get money for a hotel room, the penlight, the glock, or a change of clothes, for that matter? When he is still in the hotel room you could have some evidence of another person’s involvement, a cigarette butt with lipstick maybe. Or if you decided to stick with the prison break as written at least have someone pick him up. I just don’t see how he could have pulled it off alone. Once we get to The Sander House you did an excellent job with the action. The pace doesn’t slow down. Even before the appearance of Cornelius we can feel the tension. I love that the guns go off without any resolution for the audience. Nicely done. Fun scene to read, Susan

FEEDBACK 8 I love the writing in this scene, and the pace really keeps the suspense going. Why is Carl crying in the scene? That line didn't make sense to me, and I feel like it sort of stopped the flow of the scene.

Hi Kara - thanks for the comments! I was kind of going for a "Pandora's Box" feel to this piece - the idea that they were searching for something very valuable/magical/amazing and, the moment Carl opens it, he realises they have made a massive mistake. Whatever they were expecting to be in there, wasn't and the thing that is in there really is their's and the world' worst nightmare, something that should have been left incarcerated and never messed with. That's what I was getting at... but maybe not as easy in just two pages!? :-)

Hi, Susan Eh... I didn't intend it to be a prison break, just a release from prison. However, starting with a prison break might actually be a good idea, I like the way you think. I guess it depends on who is supposed to survive the shooting. Thanks

SCENE 05 INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT STACY - young, skinny, long hair - lies weeping softly into a pillow in a dark room. We move in closer to her and she turns over, catches her breath. Her hand moves and she starts playing with a bedside lamp switch. Light On. Light Off. Light On. Light Off. Light On. On her bedside, we see a framed picture of a handsome twenty-something SOLDIER, smiling sweetly. BEGIN FLASHBACK MONTAGE The soldier from the picture puts a ring on Stacy’s finger while FRIENDS and FAMILY cheer in the b.g. Stacy and the soldier alone in a jet somewhere mountainous. Soldier flies the jet. Stacy scared, soldier laughing. Stacy and soldier make love in a camping tent by lamplight, somewhere in the wilderness. Stacy cries while soldier leaves home on assignment. His car drives away. She watches it go. It stops. He gets off, comes running back. Stacy also runs towards soldier. They hug, kiss, take in one another. END FLASHBACK MONTAGE Stacy lies in bed, eyes red, swollen, dry. INT. FUNERAL HOME - DAY Soldier’s funeral service. He lies clean and uniformed in the open casket. Stacy cries into a hankie. A MIDDLEAGED COUPLE - seen in the montage - stand on either side of Stacy, red-eyed. They bid MOURNERS goodbye. Mourners eye Stacy with sorrow. EXT. STACY’S HOUSE - NIGHT The only red house on a leafy residential street. Crickets CHIRP. Yellow light emanates from the house’s windows. Cozy. Calm. INT. STACY’S HOUSE - NIGHT Stacy rocks herself in a rocking chair. A fire CRACKLES. A kettle WHISTLES. Stacy rocks. The chair CREAKS. Suddenly, a slow triple KNOCK. Stacy stops rocking, looks at the door. Beat. Silence. She starts rocking again. KNOCK. KNOCK. KNOCK. Stacy looks sharply at the door, stops rocking. She gets off the chair and goes to the door. The knob rattles as if someone is trying to open it from the outside. Stacy scared. The rattling stops. Stacy grabs the knob. Stacy slowly turns the knob and opens the door. The soldier stands in front of her. Stacy just stares. He smiles. Stacy starts to faint, his eyes widen with concern, and he catches her in his arms. SOLDIER: Stacy!

Feedback 9 Hiya Uzman, This scene had very sharp visuals. The descriptions were strong and kept a clear picture in my mind. I don't know if you were thinking about a sci-fy genre or supernatural but these type of stories always peek my interest. There is one thing that you might want to look at for next time. When you change locations it usually means a change in the scene. It may be all one part of the sequence or movement but new location new scene. Overall very enjoyable, Keep writing -Verdell

FEEDBACK 1 The writing is so good! I would love to open a script to see this on the page. The short staccato lines really move it along while showing me exactly what you want me to see.

SCENE 1 John and Ted sit on the roof in lawn chairs. John pulls a beer out of a cooler and passes it to Ted. He pulls one out for himself and they both POP them open and sip. Ted pulls out a joint and sparks it. Pulls it hard and passes it to John. John puffs it and passes it back to Ted. They sip their beers and watch: The CHILDREN across the street run around the yard. Ted leans over to pass the joint to John and a loud CRACK sounds. Ted looks down to see a hole open up in the roof as a piece of it falls into the living room below. His chair tilts a little but stays steady, just on the edge of the roof. Without taking his eyes off the hole in the roof, John takes the joint and puffs it. As he blows out smoke — JOHN: Close. The entire roof collapses and both guys drop into the living room.

SCENE 9 INT. KITCHEN – NIGHT STELLA (35) and ROSA (37) are in the kitchen with DIANE (65). Diane presides over a turkey, basting it with a practiced hand. Stella prepares a salad and Rosa counts out cutlery. Stella gives a delicate SNORT, hiding it behind a COUGH. Rosa GIGGLES. Stella LAUGHS out loud and Rosa joins in. Diane gives them a withering look. The other women subside, look away from each other. Stella grimaces, biting her lip to keep in her mirth. Rosa’s shoulders shake with suppressed laughter. Stella reaches for a tomato and slices it in half. She takes in a deep breath and lets it out slowly, calming herself. Rosa gathers the cutlery and passes by Stella on her way out of the kitchen. She leans in towards Stella. Rosa: Peanuts! Both Rosa and Stella explode with laughter. Stella puts her head down on her hands, giving in to the laughter, salad forgotten. Rosa rushes out of the room, giggling uncontrollably. Diane shakes her head and rolls her eyes but despite herself, her lips twitch.

Scene 4 EXT. WILSON’S FARM – DAY Sitting on the wrap around porch is a BOY and his MOTHER. EVERETT (9) reads an issue of the Amazing Spiderman slouched on a porch swing. MATILDA (45) knits and sways in her rocker. She looks up from her work to see the sloucher. She clears her throat and without looking up Everett corrects his posture. SQUEALS come from the nearby pig pen as MORT (19) a string bean of legs and arms shovels manure into a empty wheel barrow. MR. WILSON (50) a farm fit man with the beard of a Greek god enters the pen. He sets an empty wheel barrow down and grabs a full one, then wheels it away. He wheels it through a large corn field. The neatly planted rows of stalks hide him from view outside of the field like a mouse in a maze. He emerges from the field to the edge of the farm. An old wooden flatbed trailer lies at the edge of the property right before the road. He dumps the manure into the trailer and heads back the way he came with the empty wheel barrow. Faint MUSIC comes from the distance. Everett lowers his comic and squints his eyes. Mr. Wilson returns to the pig pen and sits down another empty wheel barrow. He turns to pick up a full one when he hears the music, this stops him in his tracks. He turns and smiles at Mort who walks over to the edge of the pen grinning from ear to ear. They both wait and watch the house. The music is louder and now can be made out as the music that only comes from the ice cream truck. Everett drops his comic and rushes over to his mother who doesn’t look up from her knitting. He drops to his knees and clasp his hands together pleading. Matilda doesn’t seem to notice. Everett adds a pouty lip and sad puppy dog cry. Matilda can’t hold a straight face. She digs in her pocket and hand her son a dollar.He kisses his mom and darts off the porch. He flies past the pig pen with the arm holding the dollar held high in the air. Mort and Mr. Wilson howl in laughter. Mort mimics an Olympic torch relay. Into the corn fields now. All that can be seen is the wild dancing of a few stalks jerking out of the way. The music is so close. The excitement of ice cream drives the boys arms and legs even faster than before. Determination covers his face. The hard running and excitement takes away his control. He burst from the corn field in a wild stumble of almost falling until he trips over the flatbed trailer and lands inside a pile of manure, dollar bill and all. A group of ice cream satisfied emotionless kids watch on as the truck of goodies rolls off. Everett’s head pops up from the poop just in time to see the truck down the road. EVERETT:Shit!

Thanks Tillery, appreciate the kind words!

Feedback 9 Tillery Very nice. Short, clean, concise, good images, and great ending. Hope you were going for the comedic route because this made me laugh (if you were not, then I have problems in finding comedy in other people's misfortune.) I would suggest a bit more description of the scene and the characters. Is it a clean warm summer day? Are Ted and John in the roof of a house in a suburban neighborhood? Are the guys comfortable in their shorts or in their bathrobes (thinking of The Dude here)? But that's just me. Very well done. RB

SCENE SEVEN EXT. TRAIN STATION – DAY The platform is crowded. People hurry to get onto the train. Andrew, a young man with a duffel bag, jostles himself in and manages to get a seat at the window. He lowers the window and sticks his head out, his eyes darting around. His face falls and his eyes show signs of disappointment. Andrew brings his head in and leans his head against the window. He brings out a notebook from his duffel back and writes something in it. A young girl in a dress runs onto the platform and searches frantically for someone. She hurries along the windows, looking for someone. The doors of the train are about to close. She finally discerns Andrew. She bangs on his window. The train starts to move. He lowers the window and she runs along with the moving train She yells: 'Yes' Andrew smiles and throws a kiss at her. She runs along the moving train and waves till she can't keep up.

Scene #8 INT. LARGE OUTDOOR PAVILION -- DAY It is quiet. Very quiet. A dozen or so people of various ages are rising from their meditation kneeling stools and walking around gently. No speaking. No eye contact. MARCIA (50’s) is dressed in comfortable loose neutral colored clothing. She has a friendly smile and an assured and steady walk. She moves slowly out of the pavilion into the bright sunlight. Marcia walks along a path away from the pavilion. Away from fellow seekers. She heads toward a path through the field occupied by half a dozen cows. As she approaches the gate she looks down and sees two small red splatters. Blood? Marcia kneels down to touch. She smells the moist residue on her fingers. She sees more splatters running along the fence, toward a group of bushes about 100 yards away. She follows the trail. The splatters grow larger as she approaches the copse. Something has lost a lot of blood. Marcia pushes aside branches to reach the middle of the clump of low growing bushes. She finds a man she recognizes. He is a squat dark skinned fellow of about 30. Perhaps he helps prepare meals in the kitchen? There is a large knife protruding from his chest and a he is covered in his own blood. With what little life there is left in him, he looks up at her. DYING MAN: Encantador. Marcia does not want to leave him, but she must go find help. She leaves quickly. The dying man smiles and then goes limp as the last drops of life leave his body.

Scene 8 INT. LIVING ROOM - NIGHT A dark room, lit only by cheap electric candles. TWIN SISTERS, Emily and Charlotte (14), sit cross-legged around a coffee table. On the table sits a plastic PINK OUIJA BOARD, a kid's toy. Emily's posture is straight and confident. She reaches across the table for her sister's hands. Charlotte shakes her head, biting back a WHIMPER. Emily holds a finger to her lips in warning. Points upstairs. Don't wake Dad. Emily grabs hold of Charlotte's shaking hands, giving them a firm squeeze. Then she moves their hands to the planchette. They move the planchette in a circular motion, slowly at first, then picking up speed. Stop. The girls meet eyes across the table. Nothing. Seconds tick by. Then, the planchette TWITCHES. The girls mouth the letters silently as it moves across the board, one letter at a time. Charlotte shakes her head frantically, but Emily's fingers dig into her hands, keeping them there. Finally, the planchette stops dancing across the board, going still. Charlotte pulls her hands away. NAIL MARKS ON HER SKIN. Emily looks up. Resignation etched on her face. EMILY: Demon.