SCENE 8 INT. CAR – DAY FARRAH (32) drives, GAVIN (3) in his car seat in the back. There is a lot of traffic. Farrah, nervous, keeps checking the time. Gavin, oblivious, chatters happily. Gavin: [indecipherable chatter] Right? Farrah changes lanes, speeding up, only to get stuck behind a turning vehicle. Farrah: Right, Sweetie. She turns on her signal, waiting for a break in the traffic. Gavin: [more indecipherable chatter] Right? Farrah: Yes, right. Gavin: [still more indecipherable chatter] Right? Farrah swings back into a free-flowing lane. The traffic light turns red and she brakes to a stop. Farrah: Right! Some blessed silence. Gavin: Why?

SCENE 10 INT. TRAIN - DAY A commuter train, mostly full, stops at a station. The doors open, and people hustle on and off. KEITH is oblivious, he pounds away at a laptop on his lap. A cane is propped against the edge of his seat, and a metal brace surrounds his leg, like scaffolding around the gray fabric of his trouser leg. BEN, 4, and his mom HELENA board the train. Ben, holding Helena’s hand, drags her up the aisle. They look around for a seat. Finally, they sit down next to Keith. BEN: Hi! KEITH (not looking up): Hi. HELENA: Leave the man alone, Ben. He’s busy. BEN: He’s busy. HELENA: Yes. Ben turns back to Keith. BEN: What are you doing? KEITH (still not looking): I’m working. BEN: Working on what? Helena grabs Ben’s arm. HELENA: Ben, stop. Let him get his work done. She smiles apologetically at Keith, who isn’t paying any attention. Helena rummages in her bag, pulls out an I-Spy book. HELENA: Do want to find the pictures? BEN: OK. She hands him the book, and he opens it across his lap. As he looks down at the pictures, he notices the brace on Keith’s leg. He stares at it. BEN: Mommy, what’s that? He points. HELENA: Don’t point, Ben. That helps his leg, I guess. BEN: Why? HELENA: I don’t know, Ben. Look at your book. BEN (louder): But Mommy, why does he have that? Keith looks up, meets Helena’s eye. HELENA: Ben, that’s -- KEITH: You know Iron Man? Ben and Helena both look up, surprised. BEN: Yeah! KEITH: It’s kind of like Iron Man. I wear it, and it makes my leg stronger. BEN: Cool! KEITH: Very. BEN: Mom, that guy’s like Iron Man! KEITH: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to save the day. At work, anyway. He goes back to his laptop. Ben stares at his leg again, this time in awe.

Love it Kara - and it reminded me of a guy on another forum I follow who is slowly building his own Iron Man suit which he plans to use going around hospitals in Australia cheering kids up - such a great idea and a cute idea for a scene!

FEEDBACK 8 I really liked this scene, especially the way Keith turned out to be a pretty cool guy while giving out signs that he wasn't. Just a small visual/technical question: when they sit next to Keith does that mean there are three seats in a row? Does Ben sit beside Keith or does Helena? Maybe they're sitting across from him? This could possibly be clarified.

INT. KITCHEN - DAY KIRSTIN MASON (30), beautiful, even sans-makeup in the cold light of day. Her tired, dark-circle framed eyes stare out the window over the sink. Heavy rain hits the glass. BUDDY (O.S.): What about dad? Kirstin jumps at his voice. She resumes scrubbing the dishes. BUDDY MASON (6) sits the small, rickety breakfast table. He’s a gaunt, scrawny little thing in an oversized sweater. The cuffs of his sleeves drag across the small puddle of ketchup on his plate as he moves his over-cooked chicken fingers around. BUDDY (CONT’D): Mom? What about dad? KIRSTIN: What about him baby? BUDDY: Won’t he be hungry? KIRSTIN: Well, maybe. BUDDY: Shouldn’t we give him something to eat? Kirstin doesn’t respond. In the silence, Buddy watches her continue to scrub and rinse dishes mechanically. BUDDY (CONT’D): I could give him some of mine- KIRSTIN: (shouts) No! Taken aback by her own outburst, Kirstin takes a breath and tucks her hair behind her ears. KIRSTIN (CONT’D): No, baby. BUDDY: Why not? She turns to him, and Buddy looks scared. With more duty than warm, motherly affection, Kirstin uses a dish rag to wipe the ketchup off Buddy’s sleeves. KIRSTIN: You never can eat without getting half the plate all over you... Same as your daddy. BUDDY: Don’t you love him, mom? Don’t you love him anymore? Their eyes lock. Kirstin’s steely expression softens- there’s almost a glimmer of warmth behind her tired eyes. KIRSTIN: Yes, baby. Course I do. She brushes a hand through his hair and kisses him on the forehead. Back to the dishes again, Kirstin looks out the window. KIRSTIN (CONT’D): I’ll take him something in a little bit, okay? Through the window pane that catches her faint reflection, BRADLEY MASON (35); her husband; Buddy’s father, sits in the pouring rain. He’s chained to a post like a dog, the ground underneath him slowly turning into mud.

FEEDBACK 6 The detail in this scene is great, as is the foreshadowing. I like the twist at the end, but it's such a bizarre situation that it almost feels a little unbelievable. I think adding some more to show us what kind of person Kristin is, how she could do such a thing.

Feedback 8 Hey ZTY, This is a scene every parent can relate to, which is great. The descriptions are clear and visual. To turn up the heat on the mom I would have the kid ask a hard hitting question. As it stands now it seems like she could take an easy way out. "because that's they way things are." You may want to look at having the last question being more harsh. Like "than why does daddy live somewhere else."

Feedback #6 Kara -- What a fun read! I could see everything vividly. The dialogue is very natural and believable. I love "iron man" here -- wish all strangers were this cool about kids! I like the fact that Ben has a real character arc here -- from curious to in awe. Great job! Thanks, Susan W.

My Scene #9 An Adult Answering a Child's Question INT. LACEY'S HOUSE - DAY MOM looks tired as she ties LACEY's shoes. Lacey's only 4. She squirms in a chair. LACEY: Can we go see him, Mommy? MOM: No, Lacey. Sit still. LACEY: Why? I want to see him! MOM: No, you don't. Now stop your kicking. LACEY: What does he look like? MOM: I don't really know. Give me your other foot. LACEY: Is he nice? MOM: He's very nice. Stop squirming. Lacey sits thoughtfully for half a nanosecond. Then jumps off her seat. MOM: Okay, young lady, let's get your coat on. LACEY: Is it cold where he lives? MOM: I don't think so. Why? LACEY: I don't need a coat (smiling) if we go see God then.

CORRECTION: This should be my 10th Scene (forgot the Unexpected Phone Call Scene in my count.) Sorry!

Scene 4 Bobby: Dad, why's the sky blue? Dad: I think it's because of the way the sunlight separates into different colors. Bobby: Like a rainbow? Dad: Like a rainbow. Bobby: So why isn't the sky rainbow colored? Dad: I have no idea. Bobby: Why not? Dad: Well sometimes when you're older, there are things you don't know. Bobby: Why? Dad: There's a lot to know and it's impossible to know everything. Bobby: Why? Dad: You know how when you try to carry a bunch of things but you can't get everything? It's kind of like that. Bobby: But why? Dad: Why what? Bobby: Why can't you carry everything? Dad: Because of gravity, I guess? I don't know. Bobby: Why? Dad: Why do you keep asking why? Bobby: Because I want to know. Dad: But why? Bobby: I don't know. Dad: Now you get it. Daddy's too high for this conversation.

Feedback 4 I really liked this. I wanted a little more to give me an idea of its significance. Where are they headed? is someone dying? What's made the girl all of a sudden think about God?

Feedback 5 A lot of fun. I definitely agree with Verdell's notes, but like I've found a lot of times we do these stand alone scenes, I was hoping for a little more context. We get character but we don't get any plot. I'd love to learn a little more about the motivation.

Feedback 2 The dialogue sounds really natural in this scene. Sounds like something a kid would say. It was enjoyable to read. You also created a nice buildup with the constant back-and-forth between the mother and son, and then Keith finally stepping in and surprising them.

FEEDBACK 10 Hey Kara, Well done! Great little scene. Keeping slight subtle suspense as to what type of person this Keith guy is made it all the more interesting. Having him go against pre-conceived notions and turn out to be "kid friendly" was a pleasant surprise. Nice Iron Man tie in, as well.

SCENE FIVE INT. HALL HOME OFFICE – DAY A 40sh woman waits for the tax consultant. Her lips are clenched. She holds tightly onto a map filled with papers. She taps her left foot. Under her stool is one part of a train set and across the hall are other parts of the same train set. The door to the hall opens. A young boy, five-year-old, appears. He collects the parts of his train set. When he's at the woman, he looks up at her. BOY: Hello Mrs. Scrooge Woman's eyes dilate and she reaches her neck forward. WOMAN: ahem, hello, boy – you know, my name is not Mrs. Scrooge BOY: Why not? WOMAN: Because it's not – (gulps and suppresses her irritation) Who told you I'm Mrs. Scrooge BOY: My dad does WOMAN: He did? BOY: Yes, he said not to play here with my trains when Mrs. Scrooge is here, she will be upset WOMAN: Why would I be upset? BOY: Because you're Mrs. Scrooge WOMAN: What does your father say more about me? The little boy wavers. BOY: I'm not supposed to tell you this WOMAN: It's alright, you can tell me – I can keep secrets The boy whispers something in her ear WOMAN: What! The woman jumps to her feet and straightens her hair. WOMAN: The nerve. I'm appalled. BOY: Are you mad Mrs Scrooge? The woman leans over, looks the little boy into the eyes. WOMAN: Your dad is a crazy old man. Tell him I'm taking my business somewhere else She strides for the door and slams the door shut, very noisily. The father opens the door to his office. FATHER: Who was that? Boy plays with his train BOY: Mrs. Scrooge The father gapes.

Scene 5 INT. PSYCHIATRIC BUILDING - WAITING ROOM - DAY 19-year-old college student, IAN, sits rigidly on one of the chairs in the waiting room. He taps his foot restlessly. He doesn't want to be here. KID (O.S.): Did you have an accident or something? Ian looks up, startled, to see a KID (9) standing to the side of him. The kid motions to -- BANDAGES ON IAN'S WRISTS. Ian flexes his hands self-consciously, glancing away from the kid. IAN: Uh, yeah. Burned myself. KID: Is that why you're here, because you had an accident? Ian thinks about this for a moment. IAN: I think that's part of it. Pause. KID: Does that hurt? IAN: Not so much anymore. Ian senses that this kid isn't going to leave him alone. IAN: Uh, is your mom around here somewhere? I mean, is someone looking for you, or... KID: Yuh-huh. My mom works here. She's a doctor. Ian hides a grimace as the kid sits down next to him. IAN: So, you're pretty much stuck here all day in the summer, then? The kid shrugs. KID: So how'd it happen? How'd you burn yourself? My mom never lets me play with matches. Ian chuckles mirthlessly. IAN: Well, I...I guess I was just careless with my lighter. KID: Were you mad? Ian recoils. KID: That's what my mom says about me. I just get really, really mad about stuff sometimes. I get so mad that I want to punch someone. Mom says I'm angry at people because my dog died. IAN: I guess I was mad, yeah. KID: Were you mad at someone, too? Ian jolts. Something clicks in his brain. IAN: I dunno. I think I was mad at myself. They both look up as Ian's therapist pokes her head through the door, motioning for him to come in. Ian moves to stand up. KID: Mom says I shouldn't take it out on other people when I get mad. The kid eyes Ian, thinking. KID (CON'T): You shouldn't take it out on yourself, either.

SCENE 10 EXT. BACKYARD - DAY As the sun sets, a hot summer day makes way for a pleasant — but slightly humid — night. Kids play "hide and seek" outside a country home. Through an open window, KAREN, 38, wearing delicate specs, types on her laptop. INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY Paperwork is spread out on the table around the laptop, on which Karen types. She takes a breather, shifts focus to the kids in the yard. POV KAREN - BRAD, 8, covers his eyes as the others run & hide. BRAD: One Mississippi, two Mississippi... PENELOPE (O.S.): What are you doing? Startled, Mom turns her attention to PENELOPE, 4, adorable with one missing tooth and big eyes enhanced by thick glasses. KAREN: Jeez, Penelope. You scared me. Taxes, honey. PENELOPE: What are taxes? KAREN: The worst work you can imagine. PENELOPE: Why? Karen squints at her daughter. EXT. BACKYARD - DAY Penelope exits the back door and trudges toward the group. From the window, speaks... KAREN: Brad, watch after your sister. BRAD: We're playing a game. KAREN: She can play too. Penelope joins the group. Mom, satisfied, goes back to work. CINDY: Who invited toothless bug eyes? Penelope, with her magnified eyes, shifts uncomfortably. Looks at the others, some of whom snicker. BRAD: C'mon, Cindy. She's my sister. Cindy shrugs. LUCAS: Alright, I'm counting to ten. One Mississippi, two Mississippi... At that, everyone runs and hides while he continues to count. Penelope joyfully runs. Near the garage she spots -- THE FAMILY CAR She gets inside, peeks out at Lucas, heading the other way. Her attention diverts & she pops the visor down. In the visor mirror reflects little Penelope. She looks back at her face as if seeing herself consciously for the first time. She touches her glasses, pulls them off her face. She rubs her eyes and looks again. INT. HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY Karen types away as footsteps are heard rushing upstairs. KAREN: Honey, no hiding in the house. Karen taps a few more keys, then stops. THE UPSTAIRS BATHROOM A KNOCK. The door opens and Karen peeks inside. She flicks on the light and slides open the closet door. KAREN: Sweetie? Sitting alone in the far end of the closet is Penelope. KAREN (CONT'D): Honey, what's wrong? PENELOPE: Why aren't I pretty? Why am I not beautiful like the other girls? Karen kneels and cradles her daughter. KAREN: You are pretty and you are beautiful. Penelope withdraws. KAREN (CONT'D): Come here. Come on. Penelope emerges and her mother squeezes her up. KAREN (CONT'D): Listen to me. You're the most beautiful girl in the world. Anyone who doesn't know that, doesn't have their eyes open. Alright? Okay? She tickles Penelope, gets a giggle & a nod. Again, for a prolonged period of time, she gets pure joy and laughter. KAREN: Come on, lets go have some ice cream. She turns out the light and carries her little one out.

Feedback 6 Very amusing scene. The concept of kids repeating what they've heard their parents say is a great one, and something that every parent fears. Suggestion: You have a few grammatical errors regarding tense. For example, you have "My dad does" when it should be "My dad did." Just nitpicky things like that. Tense is an easy fix.

FEEDBACK 11 Ha! Interesting turn of events. A bit of a shocker at the end there. I wasn't expecting it... nor do I think any future readers will be either. It leads up as if they're just divorced but as it turns out she's got him tied up outside in the rain. Without more exposition, backstory, clues, info, etc... it's difficult to buy the final twist. Was it still entertaining? Yes. Could it be better with some earlier cues, I think so. Nonetheless, a nice scene.

Scene #9 INT. BOY CHILD’S BEDROOM – NIGHT This small blue room is charming. There are vintage toys mixed with new trucks and cars, and balls and bats. And a huge bookcase stuffed full of old fashioned paper and cloth bound books. It’s bedtime. Tyler (6), average sized boy for his age with blonde hair and freckles, snuggles with his mother on the bed. JANE (30’s), is the grown up female version of her son, also with blonde hair and freckles. JUDY: Wanna read a book tonight? TYLER: Can we please read three books? JUDY: How about two books. TYLER: Why can’t we read three books? Judy looks at her son with love and dismay. JUDY: It’s getting late. How about two books? TYLER: Aw. Mom! I wanna read three books. Don’t you want me to learn? Judy chuckles. She has negotiated with this kid before. JUDY: (looking at her watch) Oops! It’s getting late. How about one book. TYLER: How about two books? JUDY: Two books it is!