Yes? Is this Larry? Who's calling? I'm Wendy Ferguson, with Mutual Applied Assistance Care. We show you listed at 458 Temple Boulevard in Akron Ohio. Is that correct? I don't know you and I never heard of mutual whatever. Yes. Well we show that you have a balance of 35,886.51 on you college loan. Can we make some kind of arrangement to get this paid off? I never made any loans with Mutual anyone. Well, trust me sir. You do have an outstanding balance. Trust you? Can I see your ID? Well we're on the phone here. OK, well email it to me. Sir, I can't email you my ID. Why not? Look that's not the way we do business. I can't send you my personal information. But you have my personal information, don't you? Yes. And I never heard of you. Sir Mutual is a well respected agency accredited by the federal government as a loan collection agency. So what? how do I know you're not lying? How do I know you really are Wendy whatever? How do I know your company even exists? Well I assure you, any information you give me is kept in strict confidence. Our company does exist, and I am Wendy. Really? Tell you what. How about you send me a copy of the loan agreement with my signature between me and Mutual. Sir, I don't have that readily available. I can send you a copy of the information I do have in front of me. Does it contain my signature? No. Well there you go. Any legal agreement for a loan requires signatures of both parties, does it not? Sir this is not a legal call. I simply wish to make payment arrangements. Tell you what. Tell me what you're wearing. What? Yeah, you heard me. Sir this is inappropriate. I will have to report you if you continue. Go ahead. report me. What color is your underwear? Are you wearing any? I'm sorry I will have to terminate this call. Good-bye. Have a nice day.

EXT. STREET – DAY JOEY walks down the street on his cell phone, and occasionally nods to people walking by JOEY: I’m scared. But you know what? I pass these people in the street and it’s like we all suddenly know each other. INT. BUS – SAME A melancholic SHELBY sits on the bus, also watching the world go by. SHELBY: All will be fine. God is with us all. INTERCUT JOEY: God? I don’t know what god you mean. SHELBY: The lord in heaven watches over us all. JOEY: Well if you say so. But I don’t buy the whole top down authority thing, like some guy has these humanistic qualities and he decided to pull the plug. SHELBY: Are you fucking kidding me? We’re having this discussion? JOEY: Yeah, well, we may as well straighten this out. It’s as good a time as any. The only definition I have of what you call a god is one that does not involve an external person-like entity. SHELBY: I don’t fucking believe this. We’re about to die! You have very little time to come to terms with this. JOEY: Sorry. I don’t buy it. SHELBY: I love you. Trust in that. JOEY: See, that’s it. Love. I understand love and it has nothing to do with some overseer of humanity. SHELBY: Ok, well if you’re saying that God is love. I can go with that. JOEY: Yeah, go with it. Love is internal, personal, between people, even between all people, especially now. I can feel it. SHELBY: Some people might call that blasphemy. But I don’t think so. JOEY: You’re talking about religion, which has nothing to do with spirituality. SHELBY: Yeah, I’m watching all these people go by, and I can see their spirituality. JOEY: Me too. Life is beautiful. I love you. SHELBY: I love you.

FEEDBACK 9 Hi Jon, nice example of one of "those" calls! I was going to mention something about using Name headings to show who is talking at which point but, after reading through the second time, I don't think it really matters. It flows and reads quickly, which kind of supports the style of those phone calls - rapid and a bit muddled with all the "clever" answers from the caller! My favourite one ever was someone who called from a compensation claim firm asking me if I had ever "worked in an environment with noisy machinery" - to which I kept answering, "pardon?" - it went on for some time...nicely done!

okay, this might need some suspension of disbelief.... SCENE 10 INT - CREMATORIUM - DAY A service is underway. The priest is reading from the bible next to coffin that waits on a raised platform, ready for the final journey. PRIEST: John leaves behind a loving family who will always remember his kind words, his friendly face and... A cell phone rings. Mickey, near the back, fumbles in his coat pocket and sheepishly waves a hand in apology. PRIEST: ... his friendly face and his willingness... The cell phone rings again. Mickey fumbles again, face turn towards him. WOMAN: Turn it off. MICKEY: Sorry... it's on silent. He holds it up as if to show her and puts it down on the pew next to him. PRIEST: ... he was also a PATIENT man, but always willing to go the extra mile when... The cell phone vibrates loudly against the pew. The priest casts an ungodly look towards Mickey and the woman turns back to him. WOMAN: Just take the call outside. MICKEY: Sorry...sorry... He stands looking at the phone, up at the priest and back at the phone. Confusion reigns. Mickey answers the phone. MICKEY: Hello? No... seriously... I know you're in a box... we're all looking at it. Mumbles and a shriek. A woman faints at the front. MICKEY: Facetime? Yeah, sweet!

Thanks Mark

Very cool. I don't get facetime. But I like. Made me laugh a few times.

Thanks Jon... I believe Facetime is a video calling facility on an iPhone - I'm not sure as I don't have one! :-)

FEEDBACK 6 Great way to deal with an inappropriate caller. I really liked the give and take of the conversation - it has a very naturalistic flow.

Thanks z

SCENE 6 INT. OFFICE – DAY DANA (40) sits at her desk, typing at her computer. The phone rings. Dana puts on her headset and answers, still typing. Dana: Good morning, Dana Hastings speaking. Fred (V.O.): Dana? Dana: Yes, speaking. Fred (V.O.): Dana Hastings? From Middlesburg, Massachusetts? Dana stops typing. Dana: Yeees. Who is this? Fred (V.O.) It’s Fred Vole. I don’t know if you remember me, but— Dana: Of course I remember you. Fred (V.O.): Well, great. How are you? Dana: I’m fine. How are you? Fred (V.O.): Not great. My mother died. Dana swallows, at a loss for words. Dana: I’m sorry. Fred (V.O.): Don’t be. She remembered you in her will.

Scene 5 EXT. CITY PLAYGROUND – DAY It’s a beautiful spring day. TOM KELLER, (46), physically fit and attractive pushes his daughter KENDRA, (3), in a swing. Pigtails flopping, Kendra laughs and Tom smiles. There are only a few other families at the park. Near Tom is a bag with a stuffed bunny sticking out of the top. From the bag emits the ring tones of Tom’s phone. TOM: Hang on, sweetie. Tom stops pushing, digs into the bag, and pulls out his phone. He smiles as he looks at the screen. Kendra wriggles off the swing and runs toward the little kid slides. Tom answers the call as he races after Kendra. TOM (into phone): Just a second, baby, I’m chasing Kendra. Tom catches up to Kendra as she reaches the top of the slide. TOM (into phone): Sorry about that. How’s your day off? MAN (VO): This isn’t “baby.” Tom’s face is panic stricken as he looks around the playground. TOM: Stephan. How did you do that? How did you come in on my wife’s number? STEPHAN (VO): Come on Tom, it hasn’t been that long, has it? Surely you remember what we can do. TOM: I’m done with all that. I’m retired. STEPHAN (VO): We need you. TOM: Too bad. I have a wife, a daughter. STEPHAN (VO): We know. Look under the slide. Tom looks around the playground again before getting down on his knees and pulling a manila envelope out of the sand underneath the slide. TOM: How did you know? How did you know I would be here? STEPHAN (VO): You really have forgotten what were capable of, haven’t you? Tom opens the envelope and scans the contents. STEPHAN (VO): Three o’clock, Remington Hotel, room 233. Tom puts his phone back in the bag. He catches Kendra as she comes down the slide and holds her tight.

FEEDBACK #9 Jon, the type of scene that is highly relatable by many and brings a laugh. All that was missing was Mutual calling Larry with a recording when he picks up asking him to hold for an important call, and another recording telling him the call will be recorded for quality assurance followed by Musack! You could label the characters, but it's easy to get the flow without it and this isn't a formatting challenge anyway. Good job. I liked it.

It is:)

COMMENT #10 Jon, I was a little bit confused when you said, "A melancholic SHELBY sits on the bus, also watching the world go by." The word "also" seems to suggest, I guess, that Joey is also on the bus but he's not really placed there clearly in the scene, I don't think. Then you label an INTERCUT which I don't think is what you mean, is it? I like the idea of a conversation on a bus about religion--very interesting.

My Scene #6 INT. JACK FORD'S BEDROOM - DAY The sun beams through the window promising a wonderful day that's starting too early for Jack's liking. He pulls a pillow over his face to block it. On a make-shift nightstand, his smartphone vibrates. Jack curses under his breath, and reaches for it. He sees who's calling and picks up. JACK: Hey Dad. INT. MR. FORD'S HOME-TELEPHONE INTERCUT MR. FORD: Good morning, Jack. I didn't wake you, did I? Jack glances at the time. Twelve-noon. JACK: Of course not. MR. FORD: You're not just sitting around playing computer games are you, son? Jack looks over at his electronics, perpetually on. JACK: No. Just eating lunch. MR. FORD: Something healthy, I hope. Jack looks at a half of a candy bar wrapper on his nightstand. JACK: Of course. MR. FORD: Good. Your mother will be glad to hear that. Any word? She's worried, beginning to think maybe we wasted money sending you to that university -- JACK: I got the job. MR. FORD: You did! He muffles the receiver and calls out -- MR. FORD (cont'd): Marion! Marion! Jack got the job! Jack's mother, MARION FORD (60), runs to the phone and grabs it from her husband. MRS. FORD: You got it? Oh Jack, that's wonderful news! I knew you'd land on your feet! JACK: I did, Ma. I start Monday. MRS. FORD: They won't fire you, will they? Mr. Ford grabs the phone from his wife. MR. FORD: Jesus, Marion, he hasn't even started yet. (to Jack) Never mind your mother, Jack. She just needs something new to worry about.

Thanks Liz. Great suggestions. Yeah, you could do a whole scene just on the recording thing and musack.

Joey is walking down the street talking to Shelby on the phone and we intercut between them.

I love the line, "This isn't baby." It makes you jump back. It's out of nowhere. What doesn't work for are the lines where he says, 'what we can do', and 'what we're capable of.' I think we already get that. Instead I would use something like 'come on, Tom. Are you kidding?' or 'Man you've really lost it' or 'Tom, who are you talking to?' In other words you don't have to spell it out. You just want him to jog Tom's memory or Tom's awareness of who he's dealing with.

That's great. I love that she's worried about the next thing. We immediately see her neurosis. I personally wouldn't use the word son. I know I tend to have friends or family address each other by name or relationship too. But I think it's very uncommon in real life, and too formal. We generally don't address close people by name like that.

Well done. It all comes together in the powerful last line.

Jon, Thanks for the feedback. I can see now that "what we can do" and "what we're capable of" are also pretty cliche. Wish I would have caught that before I posted. I like the "Tom, who are you talking to?" option. Thank you, Susan

Thanks, Jon.

SCENE 04 INT. SITA & ALI’S BEDROOM, BOMBAY - NIGHT Bespectacled SITA lies awake in bed, reading. Her husband ALI sleeps beside her. A bedside lamp casts soft light on the simple surroundings. At best a middle-class home. Her cellphone rings. She checks the display, doesn't recognize the number. She lets it ring. It stops. She goes back to reading. It rings again. Sita checks. Same number. Sita looks at the wall clock. 2 AM. She takes the call. SITA: Hello? CALLER: Sita? Sita sits up, slowly removes her glasses. CALLER: Sita? Are you-- SITA: --Papa? Silence. SITA’S DAD: Yes. It’s me. She says nothing. SITA’S DAD: I’m in Bombay. SITA: Why? SITA’S DAD: Sita...I need to see you. SITA: For God’s sake. Leave us alone. SITA’S DAD: How is Ali? She glances at Ali, sound asleep. SITA: Alive. Despite your best efforts. Sita gets out of bed. We see she is heavily pregnant. SITA’S DAD: Is the child going to follow your faith or his father’s? INT. SITA & ALI’S BALCONY - NIGHT The Mumbai skyline glistens. A strong breeze blows. SITA: What do you want papa? Please! SITA’S DAD: I want my heir. I want him to follow our caste and creed, and to come back home with me. Give him to me to raise, and he will never want for a thing. You know this is a better deal than him growing up poor and confused, Sita! Sita starts to laugh. Gradually, it becomes mirthless. SITA’S DAD: What’s so funny. She laughs harder, can't stop. SITA’S DAD: Sita. Have you gone mad. Stop it this instant. She stops and takes a deep breath. SITA: It’s a girl, papa. Silence on the other end. SITA: I’m having a baby girl. CLICK. Sita takes the phone from her ear and stares at it, satisfied. Her husband Ali comes out, disheveled. Sita smiles lovingly at him. He puts his hand on her belly. ALI: If you stay up nights like this, our little guy’s going to be an insomniac. Sita chuckles. Ali puts his arm around her and takes her back to bed.

Excellent. I love it. And so timely with the gender discrimination stores that are so popular recently.

Thank you so much, Jon. Please also give me any constructive feedback you might have! Thanks very much for reading.

FEEDBACK 04 Ha ha ha. Funny and cleverly crafted, Jon. I like the fluidity of the conversation and the way it reads without any hitches, despite being a steady stream of dialogue. Thanks for the entertainment!

The first time I read it, I thought it ended at CLICK. My browser was off or something. But I think it's much more powerful if you end it there and assume she is having a girl. Otherwise Sita is deceitful and it brings in a different twist to her character. Though maybe that's what you might want. But if so, I would do that in a different scene.

EXT. CEMETERY - DAY A slight rain falls. People dressed in black — some holding umbrellas — gather for the burial of Garrett W. Holden. PASTOR WHITE, 55, dressed in religious garb, addresses them. PASTOR WHITE: Those who knew Garrett know he was a a devoted husband and father... RITA HOLDEN, 70, bouquet of white roses in hand, cries. She and her daughter, NELLIE, 40, momentarily lock sad eyes. PASTOR WHITE (CONT'D): ... a dedicated engineer and proud technology enthusiast... The crowd smiles and nods fondly. PASTOR WHITE (CONT'D): ... with a passion for connecting deeply with those closest to him. Pastor White gives Nellie a nod. With arms locked, she leads Rita to Garrett's casket, on which she places her flowers. PASTOR WHITE (CONT'D): May we bow our heads in prayer. INT. RITA'S HOUSE - DINING ROOM - DAY A single white rose rests in a vase on the table between two diner-style coffee mugs. Rita sits at the table. The linoleum tile & wallpaper, along with the outside rain, offer little to brighten the mood. The flush of a toilet is heard. Nellie appears. NELLIE: Alright, ma. I gotta run. Nellie kneels in front of Rita, takes her hands. NELLIE (CONT'D): Daddy knows you loved him dearly. RITA: I just wish I had the chance to say "goodbye." NELLIE: Everything happened so fast. Let's just be thankful he wasn't in pain. Rita nods with somber eyes. NELLIE (CONT'D): You sure you'll be okay? RITA: Go. You've got a long drive. Nellie kisses Rita's head, makes her exit. Rita stares off. INT. RITA'S HOUSE - FRONT ROOM - NIGHT The sound of rain outside. Rita sleeps, head on clasped hands. A wall-mounted phone rings, wakes her. She gets up and answers it. RITA: Hello. (beat) Hello. She shakes her head, hangs it up. Two steps & it rings again. RITA: Hello. Is anybody there? Hello? No response, she hangs up. It instantly rings again. This time she waits but after six rings her impatience gets her. RITA: Hello. Who is this and why do you keep calling me? (beat) This is the sound of me saying "goodbye." Now, goodbye. She hangs up the phone when something dawns on her. She picks it back up -- Her finger presses "*69." It begins to ring. She pulls the phone away from her ear. The ringing is from within her house. She sets down the phone. THE MASTER BEDROOM Rita enters. A cell phone, screen illuminated, rings. RITA (sotto): Garrett. She walks over and picks it up. The screen reads "Caller: Home." Unable to fathom this, she clicks "Ignore," puts the phone in her dresser drawer. THE FRONT ROOM Rita hangs the phone back on the wall, takes a deep breath. It rings again. Eyes wide, she answers frantically. RITA: Garrett. NELLIE (O.S.): Mom? RITA: Oh, Nellie. Hi, honey. NELLIE (O.S.): Is everything okay? Rita looks at the single white rose in the vase on the table. RITA: Yes, I think so. I really do.

FEEDBACK 9 Very good scene Uzma. Revelations, surprises, twists abound. I have to agree with the prior commenter's thoughts - a preference for Sita not being deceitful. Her lying, IMO, makes her character not as strong as she'd be if she told the truth while standing up to her over-bearing father. Regardless, it is effective and well done. Great job overall.

FEEDBACK 05 It's lovely, Willsho. I adore supernatural content anyway, so this excited me. It's a sad yet hopeful feeling. Some of the lines could use more work, e.g. "Everything happened so fast. Let’s just be thankful he wasn’t in pain", of course this is something one would say to comfort a grieving person, but it's a tad overdone. I would try for something more insightful…perhaps something that would tell us a bit about the person that died. Also, I don't know if this was intentional, but Nellie seems a little upbeat for having lost her dad. Pleasure to read!

Guys, thanks for the feedback! I had "Like Father Like Daughter" as a title for this scene, and I think, subconsciously, that's why that additional twist came to mind when writing - I had originally ended the scene with her husband coming out and taking her to bed. Thanks for reading and sharing your thoughts!

Feedback 6 Hey again Susan Dean, This is a scene I've seen before many times. But don't take that as a negative. It just means I know what to expect. For some reason I kept hearing Jason Statham's voice when I was reading for Stephan. The one thing that comes to my mind to make this more realistic is to have the kid interrupt more. Like a lot more, kids are notorious for breaking up phone conversations. but as always this was entertaining. Keep writing -Verdell

Scene 9 INT. CRAIG’S DORM ROOM - NIGHT In a small living room two GUYS and a GIRL sit on a crappy futon and divide weed from a large freezer bag. Craig (20) brings out a scale from under the futon. He then grabs a Hello Kitty Bong lights it and takes a big rip. Maggie (17) reaches for the bong. MAGGIE: You know how in movies when people are doing drug shit or committing a crime and they get high first. Craig still holding in the smoke looks and nods. David (24) grabs the bong before it reaches Maggie. DAVID: Make your point. MAGGIE: Don’t you think it’s stupid. Craig laughs causing himself to choke on the smoke. DAVID: You don’t get off until you cough. David takes a rip. MAGGIE: Well I want to weigh this up before I get stoned. The guys laugh at her. David blows smoke in her face. Just then a cellphone version of turn down for what PLAYS. Craig grabs his phone and reads the screen. CRAIG: Oh, shit! MAGGIE: The cops? The guys look at the only sober person in the room. CRAIG: It’s my Grandma. DAVID: I thought she died! CRAIG: My other grandma. MAGGIE: Oh, I Love my Nana. You should answer it. CRAIG: It’s three in the morning! DAVID: Maybe she’s dead. Craig and David laugh. Maggie snatches the phone and presses a button. MAGGIE: Craig’s phone, this is Maggie. A beat. MAGGIE (CONT’D): Sure one second. She hands the phone to Craig who has bloodshot eyes. CRAIG: Hello. Maggie grabs the bong. DAVID: I thought you wanted to wait? MAGGIE: If someone else calls on your Grandma’s phone it can’t be good news. She takes a long hard rip from the bong. CRAIG: I’ll be home next month bud, I’ll be sure to hook you up then. Get some sleep. Maggie spits out smoke. MAGGIE: She’s alive!

Feedback 6 This had me so intrigued. I wanted to know what happened next. Way to give little reveals and suck us in more with the dying thing.

Jack and Sarah sit across from each other in a restaurant. Jack: Aww that's so adorable. Sarah: Oh please, stop it. She playfully punches his arm, but smiles. He smiles back at her. Jack’s phone rings. He looks at it. Jack: Sorry, I need to take this. He answers and steps away from the table. Jack: Hey you. I thought you were dead. He shakes his head. Jack: Not really. I mean I wasn’t sitting around imagining you’d died. Just… I texted you and never heard and— INTERCUT with Melissa, talking on her phone from home in her bedroom. Melissa: I’m pregnant. Jack doesn’t say anything. Jack: Is it… mine? Melissa: Yes! Are you kidding? Jack: I don’t know. You knew me for like two hours before we had sex! Melissa: I don’t just sleep with every guy I meet at the bar. Jack: I’m not judging. But from my limited interaction with you, you’re not exactly— Melissa: You know what? This was a bad idea. Jack: No no, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean anything. Look can we just talk in person? I feel like this is a conversation for real life and not over the phone. Melissa: Yeah, OK. Can you come over? Jack: Yeah, text me your address. He hangs up and walks back to the table. Stunned. Sarah: You OK? Jack: Yeah, that was my grandma. I gotta go, I’m sorry. Sarah: Is everything all right? You seemed upset. Jack: Yeah, no, she’s… dead. He heads out. Jack: I'll call you!

SCENE NINE It's past 7 p.m. Dinah, 30ish tall and slim woman, eats dinner and watches her favorite TV show. Phone rings. She doesn't answer it. Phone keeps ringing, finally, she stands up. MIKE: hi, this is Mike DINAH: who? MIKE: Mike – don't you know me? Dinah is annoyed. Her eyes are on the TV screen. DINAH: who gave you my number? MIKE: you did—it's Mike, we used to work. You know me. DINAH: I don't remember any Mike MIKE: yes, you know me – we worked together DINAH: when? She walks over to the TV and turns up the volume a notch. Mikes says something in the phone, but she doesn't hear him clearly MIKE: what is that noise (yells) DINAH: visitors --- oh, I remember MIKE: yes, I knew you wouldn't forget me. It's only six months ago. DINAH: why did you call me? MIKE: An old client asked for you. DINAH: who? MIKE: Steinberg, you know that German man Dinah shrugs her shoulders. DINAH: I liked him MIKE: are you still single and thin? Dinah's face falls. DINAH: do you still have a skippy ball belly? Ugly fat married man (shouts) She hangs up and put the receiver beside the phone and puts herself in front of her favorite TV show.

Scene 3 INT. UNIVERSITY - ANTHROPOLOGY DEPARTMENT - DAY AVERY BARNES (38), awkward and uptight, strides through the hallway, a cup of coffee in one hand, a briefcase in the other. He shoulders his way past desks and co-workers. A woman at the reception desk motions to him. WOMAN: You've got a phone call, Professor Barnes. Avery turns to smile at her in thanks, walking backwards. AVERY: Thank you, Ms. Brook. Avery turns just in time to avoid crashing into -- A YOUNG, ENTHUSIASTIC STUDENT. Avery halts abruptly, his (thankfully cold) coffee sloshing down his wrist. The young woman holds out her hand to shake. YOUNG STUDENT: Oh, I am so, so sorry, Professor Barnes. AVERY: It's--It's all right. No worries. Avery eyes her awkwardly for a moment before turning to his office door. AVERY: Um, did you need something? The young student smiles brightly. YOUNG STUDENT: Actually, yes. I was wondering if I could get a statement from you for an article I'm writing for the university paper. I'm Sylvia, by the way. AVERY: Uh, yes. Yes, I'd be happy to help you. Only, I have a phone call I need to get to right now. Pause. AVERY: Uh, what did you say this article was about? SYLVIA: It's about a religious cult, Sir. Avery's expression flickers. He slides his mask of a smile back on. AVERY: I'm afraid I'm the wrong person to ask about that, Sylvia. SYLVIA: I think you're exactly the person to ask, seeing as how you were in one in the 70's. Avery's expression darkens. AVERY: I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Avery enters his office, sits down, reaches for the phone on his desk. Sylvia leans against the doorframe, smug. Avery grabs the phone, puts it to his ear. AVERY: Hello, this is Professor Avery Barnes, how may I-- JUDY (O.S.): David, is that you? Avery tenses up. No one has called him by his real name since he was a teenager. Avery tries to speak, but only CROAKS. JUDY (O.S.): You need to come home, David. It's Dad. He's dying. Avery covers the phone's speaker with his palm. He looks up at Sylvia. AVERY: I'll get back to you later. I have to take this.

Feedback 4 Very amusing scene. I enjoy the character of Dinah. My only suggestion would be to lessen the repetition of some of the dialogue. For example, Mike repeats that he worked with Dinah twice. Also, it wouldn't hurt to make their conversation a little longer. Other than that, it's entertaining.

I actually like the repetition. But I would have Mike react in some way at the end, even if it's non-verbal. Excellent scene.

I think this is very well written. It keeps my interest every step of the way. It has suspense. Excellent work.

Thx for the constructive thoughts and nice comments Uzma!