Scene 9 INT. OFFICE – DAY KATE SOMMERS, (28), wearing stylish glasses, sits at her desk, crossing items off of a list. Dressed in a feminine but business appropriate dress she looks at the suitcase next to her desk and takes a deep breath. JANIS ADAMS (26) pops her head in the door. JANIS: Hey, I was just in the break room and Tom said you’re going to be in on Monday. I thought you were going to visit your family. KATE: I am. Taxi should be here (looks at her phone) in twenty minutes. Kate crumples up her list and throws it into the trash as Janis comes further into the room and stands, hands on hips, looking down at Kate. KATE: What? JANIS: You can’t take even one more day? You already have a ridiculous amount of vacation time accrued because you never take it. It’s your family. KATE: Exactly. It’s my family. Kate straightens her desk, while Janis stands unmoved. KATE: It’s the perfect number of days. My flight gets into Atlanta at 11:00. I’ll be tired from the flight. My parents will be tired from waiting up for me. We’ll have just enough time for one euphoric hug before everyone goes to bed. Janis pulls up a chair as Kate slips some files into the side drawer of her desk. KATE: Saturday morning we’ll have coffee and mom’s cinnamon yeast rolls. I’ll manage to ignore my mom’s comments about how I’m not getting any younger and my dad’s comments about how I’m mismanaging my 401K because we’re still buffered by the happiness of reunion. Then… JANIS: Then? KATE: Around noon my sister will show up. JANIS: What’s she like? KATE: Type A. Total control freak. Everything has to be perfect. Everything has to be done her way. JANIS: So, basically she’s just like you. KATE: Yep. JANIS: Wow. I mean I love you but I can’t imagine two of you in the same room together. What is that even like? KATE: It’s not pretty. Kate takes her glasses off, puts them in their case, then into her purse. KATE: The relief of having weathered the storm will get us through Sunday morning until I leave for my flight home. Kate stands up and picks up her suitcase. KATE: Perfect number of days. One day more would have me rocking in the fetal position with no memory that I’ve become a competent, capable adult. Janis nods. JANIS: Ok, then, see you Monday. KATE (over her shoulder as she leaves the room): See you Monday.

Very relatable. Good dialog. Paints a clear picture of who these two are, along with Kate's family too. Good going Susan. Liz My Comment 9 or 10

MY SCENE #8 - DAY 12 - A scene using something you hear in conversation today. INT. McDONALD'S - DAY WESLEY, a learning-disabled 40-something, starts to sit down in a booth across from whom we infer is his MAMA (60s.) She carries a tray. MAMA: Wesley, pull your pants up. His pants ride a little low and other diners clearly see the top of his crack from behind. Wesley pulls his pants up to his waist. He sits. MAMA (CONT'D): You gonna eat all those big fries or did I just waste money again? Wesley snatches his large fry container and starts shoveling fries into his mouth at a frantic pace. WAYNE (66) walks by the two, empty food wrappers on the tray he carries. WAYNE: Doris! MAMA: Oh hi, Wayne, long time. She glances at Wesley. MAMA (CONT"D): You remember Wesley here, don't you? Wayne doesn't. He squints, sizing up Wesley. Wesley continues to wolf down his lunch. WAYNE: That your boy? Mama nods, stirring cream into her large coffee. WAYNE (to Wesley): That's nice taking Mama out to lunch like that. MAMA: It's me taking him out, more like. Wayne looks at Wesley, who remains oblivious to the conversation. WAYNE: Ah, well, nice to meet you Wesley. Wesley just keeps eating. MAMA: He doesn't understand, Wayne. No sense even trying. Wayne looks a bit abashed and heads to the trash to empty his tray. [I took the assignment literally and overheard this. It was hard to tell how much the mother was infantilizing the son, or whether he was truly so profoundly disabled. Don't know real names, of course.]

Thanks Liz!

FEEDBACK 7 Really great scene. It says so much about Kate and her family and sets up some great conflict for when she gets there. My only suggestion would be to clarify Janis' relationship with Kate. If they're very close, as the scene seems to suggest, wouldn't Janis know all these things about Kate already?

zty, Good point. Maybe I could have worked in a line for Janis suggesting that Kate never talks about her family. Thanks for the feedback, Susan

Feedback 5 Hello Liz, This scene was very clear in my minds eye. I am a fan of people watching and this sounds like something I could see anywhere. The one genre switch I could think of that may make this play a bit funnier would be of course comedy. For some reason this scene reminded me of something about Mary. Other than that it was a great read. Keep writing -Verdell

Scene 10 EXT. VANDERWATER’S BACKYARD - NIGHT Two BROTHER’s sit at a table and watch as a YOUNG LADY and a LITTLE GIRL set up a tent. Beau (36) the slender and taller of the two strokes his long beard. BEAU: So that tent she bought came with poles to set it up. Brock (34) also bearded twist up his face. BROCK: Those aren’t the poles it came with. Beau chuckles to himself. BEAU: No. From some reason she didn’t like those poles so she brought the poles from her much larger ten to use on this smaller tent. Brock cracks up and claps his hands. BEAU (CONT’D): So now, she is cutting a piece off the bottom of the poles to make it fit. BROCK: She wanted an air mattress when she got here so I gave her one. BEAU: Our air mattress? BROCK: Yeah. I don’t know what she wanted it for. I hope she doesn’t think it’ll fit in that little tent. A high pitched SQUEAL from compressed air filling a mattress.

SCENE THREE INT. KITCHEN – DAY Bija, in her 20sh, visits her old aunt. She leans against the wall and holds a mug of black coffee in her hand. Her mood is more bitter than the black coffee she's having. Bija: I don't like to go out alone. Her aunt, with her back to her, stands at the kitchen counter and is preparing to make fresh pasta. She turns her head to see Bija. Aunt: You have to make an effort. No one is going to knock on your door just like that. You have to show the world that you exist. Bija: I go out Aunt shakes her head. Everything in her body screams she doesn't believe her. Bija: I do grocery shopping, I buy my own clothes, I go to the library –--last week I went to the literary event Aunt: that will do -- all the right places to meet someone. No. Aunt turns head and spread out the dough on the counter. Bija: I can't stand it that Monique only has to show her face once somewhere and great guys flock to ask her out Aunt: Are you sure that has nothing to do with her – assets? Bija laughs. Bija: I guess you're right Aunt: look, men will always hunt sexy women, but you don't want that guy who only likes you for your physical assets. He will dump you when he sees the next candy of the week. Aunt stops her work and looks at Bija. Aunt: if you want someone who's good educated, fine to talk too, has good manners and everything you like in a man, you have to look harder and put more effort in it. Bija: I know—still hate it that Monique and Leyla don't have to work that hard. Aunt: ohh, they're working -- their ass off Bija laughs. Bija: where shall I start? Aunt: girl you have a phd, you should know how to do your research. Bija: not with men Aunt: Come on, get some creative juices flowing. Bija's eyes lit up. Bija: I could go to that lecture I was interested in. Aunt: it's not an all women's subject? Bija shakes her head no. Aunt: it's a start. Now, go wash your hand and help me make some pasta.

Scene 10 INT. ASIAN RESTAURANT - EVENING Three women sit at a table, sipping drinks, waiting for their orders. GRANDMOTHER (80's), MOTHER (50's), and DAUGHTER (20's). Silence. Daughter stirs her glass of sweet tea with her straw. Clinking ice. GRANDMOTHER: Did I tell ya'll about what's happened to the ladies in my Bible study? Mother and daughter exchange weary glances. MOTHER: No, Mom. I don't think so. Daughter taps her fingers on the table. Grandmother takes a DEEP BREATH. GRANDMOTHER: Well, Wanda--you remember Wanda? Anyhow, she fell off a ladder while cleaning the gutters on her house, and she busted her back real good. MOTHER: Oh, dear. She's too old to be cleaning her own gutters-- DAUGHTER: That's awful, Grandma-- GRANDMOTHER: And poor Joyce, she's had to have a second knee surgery all ready. Pause. Grandmother tries to think of more friends misfortune has befallen. GRANDMOTHER: Anyhow, I think that's it. Daughter breathes a small sigh of relief. Mother sips her drink. Silence. Grandmother gets up to use the bathroom. Mother and daughter give each other meaningful looks. MOTHER: If I start only talking about my friends' illnesses, please stop me. DAUGHTER: You already do that, sorry to say. I guess it's just an old person thing. MOTHER: One day your daughter will say the same thing to you. DAUGHTER: No way. I'll never be like that. Mother smiles fondly. MOTHER: That's exactly what I said when I was your age.

Feedback 10 Love this scene. Sounds like an actual conversation, like what the prompt called for. I could see this being in a slice-of-life type movie, or a romantic comedy. You have great, fun descriptions like "Her mood is more bitter than the black coffee she’s having." For a genre flip, I think you could add some tension to make it a drama. Maybe the aunt could push a little too hard for Bija to find a man. Does she even want to marry? That's a question you could bring up. You could always add more comedy to push it further into the romantic comedy genre.