SCENE 8 INT. HOSPITAL - DAY TESS bursts through a set of double doors and into the corridor. She paces a couple of times, breathing hard. She leans back against the wall, slumps down so that she’s sitting on the floor. She rubs her temples with her fingers, stares off into space. JOE, wearing a white coat over his scrubs, comes out of the doors. He walks over to Tess, and stands staring down at her. JOE: What the hell are you doing? TESS: I can’t do this. JOE: What? TESS: I can’t do this. JOE: So you’re just going to walk out of there? You’re just going to leave everyone? Tess looks up at him, shrugs. Joe shakes his head. JOE (CNTD): You’re better than this, Tess. She stares at the floor, won’t look at him. JOE (CNTD): I got you this job, Tess. TESS: I know. JOE: Do you have any idea how this looks, for me? TESS: I get it. I just… can’t deal with that guy. JOE: You think it’s any easier for me? For anyone else in there? Let me tell you, Tess, that guy is a cakewalk compared to some of the other people you will come across in this job. You know, this actually might be a good thing. TESS: What? JOE: Finding out now that you can’t handle this. Some people just aren’t cut out for this sort of work. And they should get out of the way of those who are. TESS: I can do this. JOE: Can you? She stands. TESS: Yes. I can do this. I will do this. Joe regards her for a moment. She locks eyes with him. JOE: OK. She follows him down the hall. He holds the heavy double-door for her, as she takes a deep breath and enters. Just through the open door, a film crew is crammed into an operating room, lights up, ready to go.

Scene 7 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY STEPHANIE ANDREWS, (25), wearing nurses’ scrubs sits on the floor outside ICU. She looks defeated, tears streaking her face. The squeak of rubber soles on linoleum grows louder. Stephanie looks toward the approaching soles. DARLA SHELTON (46) also in nurses’ scrubs but with a white coat walks up to Stephanie. Stephanie wipes away her tears. STEPHANIE: Not now. DARLA: Yes, now. STEPHANIE (defiantly): Fine. You’ve waited long enough for this. Go ahead and get it over with. Darla sucks in her breath, then sits on the floor next to Stephanie. DARLA: You’re assigned to room 3 this shift? The motorcycle accident? Stephanie nods. Darla sits quietly. Stephanie looks to the door. STEPHANIE: They haven’t figured it out yet… the family. Dr. Singh was clear with them, but it isn’t sinking in. They’re not accepting the extent of the brain damage. Stephanie covers her face with her hands for a moment. STEPHANIE: They keep talking to him about all the things they’re going to do when he gets home. They’re talking about fishing trips when in reality he’s never even going to be able to feed himself. DARLA: No, he’s not. STEPHANIE: Do I tell them? DARLA: No. Right now their brains are as damaged as his. Or their psyches are. They’ll need to heal at their own pace. STEPHANIE: So when are you going to say it? DARLA: What? STEPHANIE: That I’m not cut out for this, that I can’t take it. DARLA: Why would I say that? STEPHANIE (angrily): You’ve been trying to prove it for months. Giving me the hard cases, the one’s where there’s no room for hope. DARLA: Go to the cafeteria. Sit in the patio area and get some fresh air. I’ll cover for you. Stephanie looks confused. They both stand. Stephanie starts to leave. DARLA: Stephanie. Stephanie turns back. DARLA: I give you the hard cases because you’re the best nurse I’ve got. Someday, you may even be better than me. Stunned Stephanie watches as Darla walks away and enters the ICU.

Feedback #3 Kara, Very easy to follow and visualize. Your use of verbs (bursts, paces, slumps) is really good, conveying more information about the action without falling into clichés. Great plot twist/ending. The film crew wasn’t at all what I was expecting. How about strengthening Tess’ motivation for returning? So far her main motivation is that Joe is going to look bad and she’s leaving everyone else in the lurch. A reference to the number of years she spent learning her trade or maybe a comment that she has a God-given talent still wouldn’t give away the ending and would give her an internal rather than external motivation. I’ve read some of your other posts and really enjoyed them. Write on, Susan

FEEDBACK 5 Very nice! Surprise, surprise. You had me the whole way. I like how on their way back in Joe holds the doors, reemphasizing Tess' newfound strength. Nice subtle touch. This short is great how it is but you may consider adding one last punch at the very end... a V.O. saying something like "roll sound, lights, camera, action" just to assure the payoff isn't missed. Other than that, great job!

SCENE 4 INT. HOSPITAL - PRIVATE CORRIDOR - DAY MERCEDES, 26, enters through the double door wearing scrubs and a stethoscope. Mercedes covers her mouth with her hand, travels the depths of her mind. A range of emotions, not a single one enduring, momentarily pass through her. DR. CHAD BERNETTE calmly enters. DR. BERNETTE: Mercedes. He reaches out to console her. MERCEDES: Please. She rejects him, backs away. DR. BERNETTE: I'm sorry. MERCEDES: Is he gone? DR. BERNETTE: No. But he's no longer responsive. His vital signs are fading quickly. Mercedes cradles herself tightly. DR. BERNETTE: I've got Annie in there now. She said she'll take it from here. Mercedes nods. Dr. Bernette exits. Mercedes shuts her eyes, leans on the wall for support. Her legs give out and she slumps to the floor. Massages her temples. MERCEDES (V.O.): Don't be weak. Not now. Just go in there and tell him how you feel. Tell him he wasn't there for you when you needed him, that he gave up long before he left Mom. You know he never gave a shit about you. She takes a deep breath. MERCEDES (V.O.) (CONT'D): It's your last chance to share something true with him. Would you rather he died never knowing how you really felt? Then go in there and tell him the truth. How the most satisfaction he ever gave you in life was when you realized he would die before you. Alone. Tell him. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY The room is quiet, save the routine beeps emitted from the bedside heart monitor. ANNIE, 30, smooths out the I.V. tubes that run down to the arm of ARTHUR, 65, thin and pale. Mercedes opens the door and enters. ANNIE: I've got it from here, Mercedes. MERCEDES: No. ANNIE: Dr. Bernette said you weren't -- MERCEDES: I know. But I'm fine. I'll handle it. Annie reluctantly exits, shuts the door behind her. Mercedes rolls a stool over. She sits bedside, observes her father. MERCEDES: Dad? She reaches up and takes Arthur's hand, he doesn't move a muscle. MERCEDES: Dad, can you hear me? No response. The heart monitor beeps... grabs her attention. The gravity of the situation hits Mercedes square in the face. Tears well in her eyes. She wipes them. MERCEDES: When I was a little girl, all I wanted was for you to love me. I'm 26 now... and I realize that's exactly what you tried to do. I love you so much. I know you love me too. She hangs her head and whimpers. His hand, Mercedes' resting on top, spasms. Startled, Mercedes zeroes in on him. His eyes move beneath their lids. MERCEDES: Dad? Are you there? The machine BEEPS at a more rapid pace. MERCEDES: Dad? It BEEPS faster. The onscreen monitor spikes erratically. Arthur's hand grips Mercedes' hand tightly. MERCEDES: Daddy. It BEEPS faster... faster... then... FLATLINE. His hand opens, releasing her from his grip. Mercedes weeps. After a moment, she quietly exits the room.

Scene 7 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – DAY DR. CARMEN ROBERTS (30s) in hospital scrubs and with her stethoscope over he neck, exits room 316, closes the door gently and walks down the empty corridor. Halfway she stops and rests her back on the wall. She is extremely preoccupied, almost shaking. She puts her hands on her knees as she exhales profoundly, trying to release the pressure building inside her like a pressure cooker. She gives in and slides down until she is sitting on the floor. She massages her temples. CARMEN: (O.S.) Of all the hospitals in all the cities in all the world, am I right? DR. ROBERTS: Shut up. CARMEN: (O.S.) I mean, we moved from coast to coast running away from- DR. ROBERTS: I said shut up! CARMEN, a carbon copy of Dr. Roberts, if only a bit younger and wearing a bright flowery summer dress, is sitting next to Dr. Roberts. Her long curly hair contrasts from Dr. Roberts' $15 haircut. CARMEN: Don't be so touchy! Jeez. So? What are we going to do? DR. ROBERTS: Do? What do you mean do? CARMEN: Oh, come on! We've dreamed of an opportunity like this. He is just where you want him, weak and defenceless and in your home turf. And the idiot doesn't even recognize you. Dr. Roberts takes out her phone. She dials 911. CARMEN: (firmly) Stop! Dr. Roberts' finger dances on top of the send button. Carmen slides and kneels in front of Dr. Roberts. She looks at her directly in her eyes. CARMEN: Do you really want to open that can of worms? Are you ready to relive again all the questions, the publicity, the shame? A lonely tear falls from Dr. Robert's eye. CARMEN: You know lawyers. They will blame it on you. That you seduced him. That you dressed too provocatively. That you asked for it. Dr. Roberts puts her head between her knees. CARMEN: Five years have passed. Do you think anyone will believe you now? But more importantly... LOOK AT ME! Dr. Roberts raises her head. She sees Carmen standing in front of her. Carmen's dress is ripped and muddy. Her left eye is almost closed from a large swollen and bloody bruise. Her lip is cut. She is missing one shoe and a single trail of blood slides from between her scratched legs. CARMEN: Have you forgotten what he did? Dr. Roberts closes her eyes shakes her head violently. When she opens them again she is alone in the corridor. CARMEN: (V.O.) (whispering) What are we going to do? Dr. Roberts puts her phone back in her pocket. She gets up and takes a deep breath. She walks down the hall towards a door marked “private”. She keys in a code in the numbered box above the handle, opens the door and enters a room filled wall to wall with small drawers and open boxes filled with small glass bottles and medicine boxes. The door closes behind her back. A few seconds later the door opens again. Dr. Roberts exits the room as she is putting something in her pocket. She walks towards room 316 and stops in front. She hangs her head. And she smiles. She knocks the door gently and opens it. She enters a clean hospital room. Inside we get a glimpse of a man in his 30s on a hospital bed with a long cast in his leg that goes all the way to his hip. His head shows some small bruises and cuts. DR. ROBERTS: Mr. Kennington. Let me give you something to make you more comfortable. The door closes in front of us.

Feedback 7 Willsho, I love your ending. At first I thought you were going for too much of a Disney ending with the BEEPS getting stronger but then he flatlines. That worked for me. I also like that Mercedes put her hurt aside at the end and in a sense grows up. I’m almost wondering if right before she speaks to her dad you could repeat the line “It’s your last chance to share something true with him.” (Great line). I think it would reinforce the hurt and love coexisting together. I recently went through something similar with my dad. He’d broken his hip (he’s 83) and after the surgery his heart stopped for six minutes while they did CPR. He’s doing great now; I’m only saying this because having been through it there were a few points while reading your scene where I thought “that wouldn’t happen in a hospital.” I wasn’t clear when Annie says, “Dr. Bernette said you weren’t” if that meant Mercedes wasn’t supposed to have any nursing duties (which would be the case with a family member) or if it meant she was excluded from the room (which as a family member she wouldn’t be). If Arthur is close to dying I don’t think Annie would have left the room. Nurses might fade into the background but they don’t leave when someone is that close to death. Also at the very end when he flatlines maybe have nurses rush in as Mercedes exits. I was sitting with my dad several days after his heart attack when his monitor beeped because of a few irregular beats. It was only seconds before two nurses raced in with equipment. Mercedes would have only seconds alone. Probably more information than you wanted, but there you have it. Finally, I also like the line “His hand opens, releasing her from his grip.” Even though Mercedes has made the mature choice in her last words, this line hints that she’s released from past hurt. Enjoyed reading your scene, Susan

Thanks Susan! Your candid feedback is greatly appreciated. Your suggestion to repeat the "something true" line in the room with her father is right on. Nice call. It sounds like you have a bit of experience with this type of situation (glad to hear it turned out well) so thank you for sharing your real life understanding on the subject.

Feedback #9 Hi Susan -- Nice little scene. I could see and feel what was going on all the way through. And I liked the ending -- a bit of a twist that I did not see coming. You did this is a nice way, with the characters really having two different conversations until the end. Good work! Thanks, Susan W.

Scene #10 INT. HOSPITAL CORRIDOR – MIDNIGHT ALYSSA (late 20’s) is in the scrubs she has been wearing all day. She is pretty, but worn out. Really worn out. She sits on the floor leaning her back against the wall. Head in hands. Her body convulses. Up. Down. Pause. And then it starts again. Up. Down. Pause. EVAN (30’s), handsome and sure of himself, is also in scrubs. He stands in front of Alyssa and offers her a hand. Alyssa lifts her face from her hands and it is clear she has been laughing. Hard. Or else trying to keep from laughing. EVAN: Come on up where the air is thin. Alyssa stands and bursts in to one more guffaw. EVAN (CONT’D): What is it this time? ALYSSA: Who the hell sticks a 100 watt light bulb up their ass? I mean. Really? EVAN: That’s the ER. What did you expect? ALYSSA: I just spent 90 minutes picking tiny pieces of glass out of that guy’s large intestine. I mean, he stuck it up there and then sat down. EVAN: Ouch. Evan rubs his rear end in sympathy. ALYSSA: Who could be that stupid? EVAN: Drunk? ALYSSA: Dunno. Alyssa picks up the paperwork she left on the floor. She opens a chart and stops. She looks up at the chart. Then at Evan. ALYSSA (CONT’D): And that wasn’t the worst of it. I had a guy who thought it would be neat to climb over a fence covered in concertina wire. He was a mess. And a college girl decided the best way to get to Virginia was to go across the river. Not using a bridge, mind you. And she doesn’t know how to swim! EVAN: That sounds like a pretty mild night, actually. Alyssa slams the chart closed. ALYSSA: This is not what I got into medicine for. I did not get into this to help people recover from their own stupidity. EVAN: But you’re so good at it. Alyssa just shakes her head a stalks off. ALYSSA: Not funny. Time to go. EVAN: Go? ALYSSA: Home. Time to go home. I need to sleep. Clear my head. EVAN: I love you! ALYSSA: Shut up.