SCENE 7 INT. ART GALLERY - NIGHT The gallery is crammed with people. Large paintings line the walls. ANNA enters, pushes her way through the people, her eyes scanning the room. She stops searching, charges ahead. She goes up to a group of people. At the center of the crowd is MILO, charming everyone around him. He turns and spots Anna. MILO: Anna! He excuses himself from the group with a nod, and comes over to hug her. MILO (CNTD): I’m so glad you came! ANNA: This is wonderful. Congratulations. MILO: Thank you. Did you see the one of the river? ANNA: No. How did it come out? MILO: Let me show you. He leads her over to a huge painting of a river at sunset. He beams. ANNA: Milo, this is fantastic. MILO: Thanks. Yeah, I’m pretty pleased with it. Anna glances around at some of the other work. Off to one side, alone on the wall, is a gorgeous nude of Anna. Anna’s face goes white. ANNA: Milo, what’s that? He looks over to where she points. MILO: Oh, um, I did that while we were still together, and um… ANNA: Yes, but why is it here? Milo shrugs. MILO: It’s a good painting. I can sell it. ANNA: Sell it. Sell me, you mean. MILO: Oh, come on, Anna. Don’t be like that. ANNA: Don’t be like what? Would you want me to hang a naked picture of you in front of all these people? MILO: Depends how much you could sell it for. ANNA: Are you going to give me part of whatever it goes for? MILO: You want money? ANNA: I want you to take it down. MILO: Don’t be such a prude. A WOMAN sees Anna, and rushes over. WOMAN: Anna! ANNA: Hi. I, um… need some air. Anna rushes out of the gallery. Milo disappears back into the crowd, grinning and shaking hands with everyone. After a bit, Anna slips back in through the door of the gallery. Milo spots her, catches her eye. She gives him a small smile. He smiles, relieved. She takes a deep breath and walks up to the portrait of her. She stands right in front of it, gazing up into her own face. It’s a beautiful painting, capturing not just her likeness, but something deeper, some sort of essence of her. Anna slowly raises an arm toward the painting. She holds a knife in her hand, the blade glimmering under the lights.

SCENE 04 INT. KITCHEN - DAY A work plate covered with several bowls of salads, in the front lays a small, sharp knife for vegetables. A tiny, Toddler‘s hand closes around the knife. ELLA (early 3) takes it down and takes it to a small kid‘s table in the corner of the kitchen. LAUREN (57) enters the room, sees her grand-daughter and gasps. Faster than she knew she could Lauren crosses the room and takes Ella the knife out of her hand. ELLA: No! It‘s mine! LAUREN: Darling, it‘s a sharp knife. As holding up her forefinger Lauren is pointing with the knife. ELLA (shocked): Grandma, it‘s sharp. SANDRA (33) understands the scene the moment she enters the room with a box of wine. She takes her mother the knife out of the hand. SANDRA: Ella, what did I tell you? Lauren gives Ella a triumphant look. LAUREN: I‘ve told you... ELLA: Never take knife when not you are here. Sandra gives Ella the knife back as Ella does her grandmother the triumphant look. Sandra arranges some antipasti ate the work plate. Lauren is not able to leave the kid‘s table observing her grand-daughters movements as Ella starts to cut a banana in a very concentrated manner. LAUREN (in panic): It‘s sharp. SANDRA: I know. LAUREN: But she could cut herself. SANDRA: She knows. Mum, it‘s okay. LAUREN: She will do so. ELLA: Just once. There was lot of blood. LAUREN: What.... ELLA: But I little was. LAUREN (automatically): I was little. (addressing Sandra) How could you... SANDRA: It‘s part of the learning process. LAUREN: Clipping fingers is not part of the learning process. SANDRA: She didn‘t clip anything. But she have to see that it‘s sharp. LAUREN: You learned without. SANDRA: When I was six! Ella is cutting even smaller slices of banana. LAUREN: Stop it! She pulls Ella the knife out of her hands again. ELLA: Nooooooo! Lauren goes more brutal. Ella cries even louder. SANDRA: Ella, could you help me pouring out the noodles. Suddenly Ella stops holding the knife. Lauren‘s arm goes back and she cuts her really badly in the other arm. With the knife in one hand, blood is pouring down the other arm and onto the kid‘s table. ELLA: Grandma little is.

Scene 07 EXT. FOREST - DAY A portion of the green canopy THUNDERS down. In a cloud of fire, smoke and sparks. ROSE recoils. Fear and despair in her eyes. Doesn't know what to do. The CRACKLING is all around. Rose runs away blindly. The smoke grows into a blanket, across the ground. Curls around Rose's ankles. Undulates with each step. Rose looks up. Flames play across the dome. Part of it is already charred black. Part still shows some parts of green. She tries to follow that path. Winces, as she twists an ankle. Tries to maintain balance, succeeds. With a limp, she weaves her way through the forest. The smoke gets thinner. The crackle subsides. She pushes a branch out of the way. Freezes. MIKE IS THERE. Like a looming statue of the Minotaur. Smoke curls around him. Smoke gets in Rose's eyes, she blinks. Mike is still there. Shoots out an arm. His hand clamps around Rose's wrist. She struggles. His vice-like grip doesn't falter. He reels her in. Like a fish. They're one inch apart. His free hand grabs the handle of the knife on his belt. Pulls out the knife. Holds it out. In front of Rose's terrified eyes. Her screams mingle with the fire's crackling. The edge of the knife closes in on her face.

Hi Kara, great idea and I like a lot, how you put it in a scene! And you create with Milo a protagonist which you can really dislike, which I like a lot. I like you bringing in the theme „art = money“ which makes it not about art and ego and broken hearts but beyond that. just a few thoughts, where you could bring it even a little more to the point: What would be about, if one or two people scanning her, when she enters the room, because they recognize her? that would be a little planting, without giving the pointe away. And it could give Anna a good feeling for her self-esteem and would offense it even more later on. Is Milo trying to keep the nude a secret for her? Now it‘s in between, is Milo so self-centered, that he don‘t care? Then perhaps he would show the nude to her. If he tries to hide it, perhaps you could emphasize it a little bit more. Milo would be a bigger jerk, if he starts to haggle over the percentage or offering her 3 percent or giving the argument, that nobody would bye it if it wouldn‘t be by him. how do the people around them react on the argument between them? does Milo tries to keep Anna more silent? Why does she stop on her own arguing? What is the motivation, that Anna decide to went to the exhibition? Does she want to show him, that she is fine with him (though, she might be not). Is he a good friend now (and that is the scene, where she sees, he is not)? Did she has to come, because she have to meet people there? ... It would be helpful to have some hints for it, because emphasize the empathy with Anna even more. And the question about Anna‘s motivation came out of the point, which irritated me reading the scene: How does she get the knife? Did she bring it in advance? She doesn‘t seem to be the person having a knife in her hand-bag everyday. (if she is, it would be good to have a hint for it). Or she knew, that something strange would happen. Or she finds it at the buffet (or it is part of an art installation). Sorry, seems to be a lot of stuff, but still I really like your scene. Hope, my thoughts are helpful. Bests

SCENE 8 INT. KITCHEN - DAY MICHAEL (70) moves around the kitchen with the ease of someone who has lived with that room for years, but at the speed of a man of significant years. A kettle boils. He pulls open a bread bin, pulls out a loaf and liberates two slices from the bag. MICHAEL: I saw Peter today Phyllis... he seemed well. Turning to a nearby worktop be places the bread in a toaster and depresses the spring. He moves to the refrigerator and rummages through the shelves MICHAEL: I can't find the butter, Phyllis... He bends to look at a lower shelf. MICHAEL: Here it is... Hands rummage back on the top shelf. MICHAEL: Strawberry or Marmalade... let's have strawberry. He takes the butter and jam to the toaster and places them on a try which also carries a plate. The kettle clicks off. MICHAEL: I got some strawberries at the market today. They'll be nice for tea tonight. Michael turns to the kettle and pours boiling water into a mug. He goes back to the fridge for milk. Back to the mug and adds milk. MICHAEL: Oh, and there is a new M&S opening up on the high street... it's a food store which is nice... we like their bread. The toast pops up. Michael grabs the toast, juggling the hot snack in his hands and plops it onto the plate on the tray. He lifts the tray and leaves the kitchen. INT. LIVING ROOM - DAY Michael shuffles into his living room. Old-fashioned, but warm and cosy. The television is on in the background. He sets the tray on a small table in front of an armchair, and lowers himself into the chair. He pulls the tray up onto this lap. Looking to his left, an empty armchair and a pair of reading glasses on the arm. MICHAEL: I might pop into town tomorrow and see what I can get the grandkids for Easter. He rubs his eyes, sniffs. He opens the butter, lifts his knife and stares at the empty armchair.

FEEDBACK 9 Great suspense scene. Well written, with good visuals. The short sentences capture the mood and the pacing of the scene well. I've got nothing to add that would make this scene any stronger.

Experimenting with the "Haiku-style". It does seem to work well with suspense. Thanks, Shari

FEEDBACK 09 Hi Mark, Though it‘s kind of a trope speaking to people who are not there you built up your own atmosphere within the scene. I‘m wondering how long you want to keep it a secret. Repeating her name is quite a big hint for it. And when he answers his own question as well. Why are her reading glasses still there? I‘m not sure in which part of a script you would put this scene. And in which genre. The conflict is internal, but it leads to what? And I love you first sentence of the scene: it‘s vivid, great to imagine and poetic as well. Bests

Thanks Katha - I'm not sure where it would sit in a screenplay, I wasn't thinking beyond the scene! I guess it could be early on as we meet a character dealing with loss? And the glasses? I guess it was just a way of showing that there are memories there and suggest that it isn't necessarily long since he lost her - and is frightened to clear up - its like that last confirmation that someone is gone... when you start to clear their things away. You've got me thinking about how to run this without the obvious "talking to the dead person" trope. Thanks for the comments!

FEEDBACK 4 Hey Mark. I liked your scene. I was wondering what the payoff was going to be and it exceeded expectation. For a stand-alone scene it was great. There were a few typos (if we're to nitpick) and the use of Phyllis name the first time def seemed unnatural. The second one was enough to get everything across. Overall, nice scenario.

Thanks Willsho, appreciate the comments, glad you enjoyed it... the typos are deliberate... just to see if anyone notices... :-)

Scene 6 EXT. SUBURBAN STREET – NIGHT The full moon shines upon a quiet street in an middle-class suburban neighbourhood. The quiet is suddenly interrupted by some approaching steps. Fast steps. We see ADAM (26) running as fast as he possibly can in the middle of the street. His head is dripping with sweat. Deep scratches are visible from his ripped clothes hanging on his body. He stops to catch his breath. He falls to his hands and knees. His eyes water. He dry heaves. Behind him a shadow runs past. Adam notices. ADAM: (muttering) Get up. Get up! He breathes in and out in quick bursts. He gets up and runs. And runs. With the corner of his eye Adam sees a large house with a perfectly tended lawn to his right. He runs towards it. A scream in the distance. A growl. Adam turns his head as he reaches the front lawn. He trips. Face meets grass. Grass tastes nutty. Disoriented, he rises his bruised face and looks at the house. It looks strong enough. And empty. Another growl. This time closer. He gathers his strength and runs towards the back of the house. EXT. BACK GARDEN – CONTINUOUS Adam looks around. Plastic cups litter the back garden. Some empty beer bottles fill a metallic bucket. WOMAN: (O.S.) (whispering) Quickly. This way. A glass sliding door shows a small opening. Adam runs towards it as it slides open. INT. KITCHEN – CONTINUOUS Adam enters the kitchen. The whole house is very dark. He slides the garden door shut and looks around for whoever aided him. He sees a dark female shaped SHADOW calling him. WOMAN: (whispering) This way. INT. LIVING ROOM – CONTINUOUS Adam enters a large dark living room filled with furniture. He can barely see the SHADOW that lures him to hide behind a sofa. Adam falls next to the sofa and takes long breaths trying to quiet his beating heart. ADAM: (breathless) Thank you. Thank you. WOMAN: (whispering) Hi. I'm Katie. Are you a friend of Mike or Laura? MAN: (whispering) Shh! He's here! Adam looks around and seems to distinguish a dozen shadows hiding in the dark. From the windows of the living room he can see the lights of a car illuminate the front of the house. Someone arriving. Adam freezes. Light go out. A door closes. An alarm beep. Steps. A jingle of chains. Someone giggles. The door opens and a large shadow appears, hunting for the light switch. The lights fill the house. Adam is blinded by the sudden clarity. CROWD: SURPRISE! Adam looks around to see a collection of 30 somethings wearing silly hats, jumping and laughing. At the door, a smiling MIKE (30s) laughs hard-heartedly. ADAM: No. NO! Be quiet please! They'll hear us. No one listens. They share pleasantries between themselves. Loud music fills the room. “Baby Got Back” by Sir Mix-a-Lot. Adam runs towards the windows. And he sees them. Black four legged creatures, the size of a small bull. Blueish scales running on their backs. Fire red eyes piercing into the darkness. Large claws digging into the pavement. And sharp teeth, so many of them. Gnarling. Growling. Rushing towards the house. So many of them. Adam runs towards a small table in the back where KATIE, a gorgeous brunette wearing a very revealing red dress and a Turkish hat, lights up the candles in a cake. Adam takes a large knife sitting by the table next to the cake. Katie looks at Adam and cannot seem to recognize the stranger holding a knife in ripped bloody clothes and scratched muddy face. With the knife in his hand Adam stands with his back against the wall. No chance of escaping the horror on the doorstep. Only one way out.

SCENE 5 INT. ALLIE'S ROOM - DAY A slightly warped record spins on a turn table. From it, The Rolling Stones' "Wild Horses" plays. A hand flips open A POCKET KNIFE. In its reflection is -- ALLIE, 15, unconventionally pretty with gentle eyes, lying down on her bed. On the bedside nightstand, an open vintage jewelry box rests beside a faded Care Bears lamp. Allie, flips the blade in and out, stares at -- The overhead ceiling fan, which calmly twirls. Tears well up in her eyes, then run down her cheeks. BEGIN FLASHBACK: EXT. ST. PETER'S SCHOOL - DAY The schoolyard is overrun with kids. Jocks toss around a football. Everyone else talks within their respective cliques. Away from the action, on the school bleaches, sits Allie and a much prettier and more confident SHEENA. ALLIE: I don't know. SHEENA: What kind of answer is "I don't know." You either like him or you don't. ALLIE: Fine, then I guess I like him. SHEENA: I goddamned knew it. Sheena pulls out her phone and ferociously types a text. ALLIE: Shhh. Wait, what are you doing, Sheena? You said you wouldn't say anything. SHEENA: Oh, calm down. It's just Hannah. And like he'd ever want to do you anyway. He's like the hottest guy in school. Me on the other hand? She presses "send" ever so delicately. ALLIE: Please tell me you didn't just tell Hannah that I like Dylan. SHEENA: No. I told Hannah that you want to fuck Dylan. In every imaginable position. ALLIE: What the hell. Why would you do that? She's gonna tell everyone. Across the way, HANNAH, 15, beautiful and bitchy, receives a text with a ding. Her eyes bulge. She beams back at Sheena. Sheena nods affirmatively. Hannah types as if going for the Guinness record for speed. At this, Allie buries her face in her hands. A dozen or so dings can be heard throughout the schoolyard as several other girls receive the news. Naturally, they snowball the message and another round of dings are heard. This time some of the boys get wind. Sitting on the football field sidelines is Jacob, a jock. He smirks at his phone. JACOB: Dylan. Looks like you've got another groupie. Dylan, 16, good-looking with a winning smile, catches a football out on the field. DYLAN: What are you talking about? JACOB: That weirdo Allie chick totally wants to do nasty things to you. Jacob lets out a series of high pitched, exaggerated moans. From the bleachers, Allie sees it all. It's clear they've heard. ALLIE: Why? SHEENA: God, Allie, it was just a joke. You're such a tight ass. Loosen up. END FLASHBACK: INT. ALLIE'S ROOM - DAY Allie holds the open blade to her wrists, presses into the flesh. A knock at her bedroom door is heard. MOM: Allie, dinner's ready. Allie, blade to wrist, sniffles, then clears her throat. MOM: Allie, honey? ALLIE: Yeah, mom. I'll be right down. MOM: Okay. Allie retracts the blade from her wrist, luckily prior to breaking skin, closes it and buries it back inside its weathered box. Allie takes a look at herself in a handheld mirror, cleans up her face with her sleeve. She pulls the needle from the record, then exits her bedroom.

Feedback 8 Ricardo, Great twists! I thought at first the female was leading Adam further into danger and did not expect the surprise party at all. Also a really good job of building and maintaining tension. There were two places where it seemed like there should have been more of a reaction from others. When Adam tells everyone to be quiet and “No one listens.” Wouldn’t there at least be a few inquisitive looks? Instead of exchanging pleasantries (which tends to be quiet) have them more involved in greeting Mike with loud laughter so it makes more sense that they don’t respond to Adam. Given the state of Adam’s appearance I also think Katie would have more a reaction than just not recognizing Adam. Trivial but: “Grass tastes nutty.” How would we know on film? Overall, this has been one of my favorite scenes. Great, great fun! Susan

Hi Susan Thank you for your comments. I agree completely. The reaction from the party goers needed a bit more work and your suggestions are spot on. Concerning the taste of the grass... just having a bit of fun there. Nevertheless I should have noted that Adam actually spits out a chunk of grass. Then make the comment on the flavour. Glad you liked it. Cheers!

Scene #4 EXT. 1950’S BUNGALOW PORCH – DAY JESSICA MARIE (18), sweet looking blonde in her finest Sunday dress, stands next to MARCUS (18) young and handsome in a slightly too big polyester suit, probably a hand me down from an older brother or cousin. Jessica Marie is smiling broadly, Marcus sweats under the mid-morning sun. They face the door. Jessica Marie pushes the door bell. Ding Dong! JESSICA MARIE: She’ll like you. You’ll see. MARCUS: If you say so. JESSICA MARIE: The rumors about her are not true! The door opens and we see GRANDMA WALKER (60’s) as round as she is tall, at a whopping 4 foot 8 inches. Her scowl softens when she sees that it’s Jessica Marie. GRANDMA WALKER: Jessica Marie! Honey, you are a sight for sore eyes! JESSICA MARIE: Hi Grandma! This is Marcus. Grandma Walker turns her attention to the obviously uncomfortable young man by her grandaughter’s side. GRANDMA WALKER: Marcus you say? JESSICA MARIE: Yes, Grandma. Marcus Bailey. GRANDMA WALKER: You’re Jesse Bailey’s son? MARCUS: Grandson. GRANDMA WALKER: Huh. MARCUS: Do you know him, ma’am? GRANDMA WALKER: Know him! Course I know him. Know you too. JESSICA MARIE: Grandma? MARCUS: Ma’am? GRANDMA WALKER: Hold it right there for a minute. JESSICA MARIE: Can we come in, Grandma? GRANDMA WALKER: Hold on. Grandma Walker leaves them at the door and walks back into the house. The two youngsters stand at the door, wondering. Grandma Walker comes storming back to the door with an ancient and huge butcher knife in her hand. JESSICA MARIE: Oh no. MARCUS: I thought you said the rumors weren’t true? GRANDMA WALKER: (very angry) You Baileys are always trying to steal the sheep out of my back field. MARCUS: No ma’am. We are not. GRANDMA WALKER: You lie too! I caint stand liars! Grandma Walker raises the knife as if to plunge it into Marcus as high up as she can reach. Marcus turns and stumbles down the porch steps. Jessica Marie cries. From the back of the house, a kindly, very tall GRANDPA WALKER (60’s) moves behind his wife and gently takes the knife out of her hand. GRANDPA WALKER: Edna Mae. You stop that right now. Ain’t been a sheep in that field for going on 30 years.

Hi Willsho -- Oh goodness, I just want to wrap poor Allie up in my arms and give her a big hug! This scene is really moving. Also vivid -- I could see everything as it went along. And at the end I want to read more! I want to know what happens to Allie. So this is great stuff. I wonder if it is just one scene, though. It seems to me that this story could play out over several scenes, and that slower pacing could show us a little more what it is like for Allie to be living through this. Good work! Thanks, Susan W.

Feedback #4.

SCENE 09 EXT. BUNGALOW - NIGHT CU of a MALE HAND gripping a knife. His POV somewhere in the bushes, we see we see a party in full swing through the bungalow's large windows. A stunning blond, GAIA - about twenty, slickly bobbed hair - is the life of the party. We hear music, laughter. More distict is the sound of heavy breathing from the knife man. He watches, waits. The blond never leaves his eyeline. TWO young BRUNETTES - pretty, silly - topple tipsily out of the bungalow, giggling. They help one another light their cigarettes. BRUNETTE 1: Brrr...I feel a chill. BRUNETTE 2: You need another drink. They laugh at this. BRUNETTE 1 (hugging herself): You’re really not cold? BRUNETTE 2: No. I think it’s a beautiful night. Inhale. Exhale. BRUNETTE 2: And speaking of beautiful, Gaia makes me wish I were a man. I would tap that. She laughs alone at her own quip. BRUNETTE 1: I think we should go inside. It’s not safe out here. BRUNETTE 2: Why? BRUNETTE 1: You know. Brunette 2 blank-faced. BRUNETTE 1 (whispers): I don’t like saying it. Still blank-faced. Suddenly gets it. BRUNETTE 2: Oh the serial killer! Brunette 1 almost tackles Brunette 2, covers her mouth. BRUNETTE 1: Shhhh! BRUNETTE 2: No, but we’re safe. He’s into blonds! Brunette 1 looks slightly offended. BRUNETTE 1: Yeah but he could change his mind. Brunette 2 shrugs, her interest spent. BRUNETTE 2: Let’s go find us booze and boys. She skips in. Brunette 1 follows with a nervous glance over her shoulder. As she enters the bungalow, Gaia exits, slams into Brunette 2. GAIA: Oops! Sorry! Night! Brunette 2 does not respond. She watches Gaia go. Back to knife man’s POV, eyes on Gaia. Moving with her. Gaia takes a turn and walks along a quiet residential street, humming softly. Knife man keeps pace, breathing heavier. Gaia suddenly stops. Knife man halts. Gaia turns, her back to knife man. Knife man holds knife back, ready to plunge, heads for Gaia. Gaia reaches up and tugs hard at her hair. It comes off. Black hair cascades down her back. GAIA: What a relief. Knife man stops suddenly, close behind Gaia. Gaia flings the blond wig into the dumpster in front of her. She turns and sees knife man - short, wide, bearded. No knife in hand. Gaia stares - not breathing, not moving. KNIFE MAN: ‘evening. He moves on.

Yeah, I've been gunning to trim to the 2 page mark on a couple of these. That's what makes exercises like this so great... they really force the writer to examine and cut anything that isn't critical to the scene (story & character). I'm glad you enjoyed this one and really appreciate your insights!

Scene 6 EXT. FOREST - DAY Crunching leaves under foot. A clear blue sky. A THUD as a body hits the ground. DUSTY (18) stands over the newly dead body of a deer. An arrow sticks out of its neck. Dusty turns to her uncle, JACOB (40's), for approval. Lifeless black eyes of the deer glimmer falsely in the sunlight. DUSTY: How did I do? Jacob pats Dusty on the back lightly. JACOB: You did fine, Dusty. Clean shot. Should be good eatin. DUSTY: I don't think it suffered much. That's good. A RUSTLING of leaves and SNAPPING of branches startles them. Dusty starts to back away. Jacob raises a hand to stop her. JACOB: Naw, not yet, Dusty. Not yet. Dusty's eyes dart over the forest, her breathing growing more labored. DUSTY: But, we need to clear out of here before-- JACOB: If you want to survive out here, you listen to your uncle Jacob, all right? This is it. This is what we've been talking about and training for, remember? Dusty nods uncertainly. They stand perfectly still in the clearing, the only sounds coming from their own HEARTBEATS and the crunching of foliage around them. Dusty gasps as Jacob starts to back away towards the trees. DUSTY: No. You can't leave me out here. I can't do this by myself-- JACOB: You have to. I might not always be around to protect you. Dusty whimpers in fear something OBSCURED IN SHADOW starts to slink through the underbrush. Dusty reaches for her bow and arrows. Jacob shakes his head. JACOB: No. The knife. I want you to get up close and personal with 'em. Dusty shakily grabs the knife at her belt, holding it out in front of her. Her hand becomes steady. DUSTY (under her breath): That's right. You smell that deer, don't you? We caught it special, just for you.

Feedback 7 You took an emotional turn with this prompt. It really pulled me into the scene and made me care about the protagonist. It's a very real situation, too. Like Susan said, I also think the pacing could be better.