SCENE 5 Today’s prompt: A scene that takes place inside a car. INT. HELENA’S CAR - DAY HELENA drives her car down the street. BEN, 4, is buckled into a car seat behind her, gearing up for a meltdown. BEN: I… don’t... want to. HELENA: I know, Ben, but we have to. BEN (louder this time): I DON’T WANNA! HELENA: I heard you. I know. Helena pulls into a car wash. Ben starts to cry. Helena reaches behind her, pats his leg. HELENA: It’ll be OK. I’ll be right with you. You have to be brave, right? They enter the car wash. Ben cries. Helena rubs his leg. Water squirts at the car from all directions, followed by soap suds. Ben stops crying. BEN: Mommy, look at the bubbles! How do they blow so many bubbles? HELENA: I don’t know, Ben. How do you think they do it? The rollers and brushes start moving over the car. Ben’s eyes go wide. HELENA (CNTD): It’s OK, buddy. He watches, transfixed, as the car is washed. He starts laughing. The car gets rinsed, moves forward, and out of the car wash. Workers come forward to dry the car. Ben waves to them, and they wave back. He practically convulses with joy. HELENA: I told you it would be OK. BEN: I was brave! HELENA: You were brave. She pulls out into traffic. BEN: Mommy? HELENA: Yeah? BEN: Can we do that again?

This is scene 6 for me, not scene 5. Sorry for the typo...

FEEDBACK 7 Ha Ha, Kara, love it - as a parent I can relate to that and have had some scared kids in a car wash before (we were in the car by the way). The only way I think you could improve it is to maybe string it out a bit longer, make it feel more tense! IS the kid going to the dentist? The Doctor? A terrible Auntie? Build up the tension a bit more and the "surprise" become more fun and a bit more of a release for the audience. But a nicely written little scene!

Scene 2 EXT. GRAB AND RUN GROCERY - DAY CHRIS (25) and BRIAN (30) are sitting inside their beat-to-all-hell ’92 CORSICA at the edge of the parking lot. The car is off. The lot is half full and a few other cars pull in and out. Chris is in the driver’s seat, holding a TINY BLACK BOX. CHRIS (leaning in close to the windshield): So this afternoon— BRIAN: Don’t mention it. I accept your apology. CHRIS: Apology? I don’t think I really need to apologize. It’s not like we’re banging each other. I can play with Ethan and still play with you. BRIAN: That’s not what Franny said. (pointing) That one. A man walks in front of their car, his hand up in the air, locking his car with his KEYLESS ENTRY. CHRIS: Nope. Forget Franny. I just want to try this out for a while. You know, with someone who has had some success. BRIAN (incredulous): Oh we didn’t have any success? What about those 30 people that came out to Razzy’s last Thursday? CHRIS (snorts): Razzy’s. BRIAN: What, you’re too good for Razzy’s all of a sudden? Do you think just because you’re playing in Good Vibrations now that your bills are gonna get paid? CHRIS: No, that’s why I’m here with you. BRIAN: Whatever, man. Do what you want. (pointing) That one? Another car pulls in across from them. The DRIVER opens the door and walks out. He slips his KEY into the door and turns it to lock it. CHRIS (under his breath): What is he from the 80’s? BRIAN: That’s pretty judgmental for someone who is sitting in the car he traded some stolen copper wire for. CHRIS: You know, you’re acting like Fat Sean right now. BRIAN: I’m not acting like Fat Sean! CHRIS: Yes you are. BRIAN: How exactly? Do you see me squirting ketchup on vanilla ice cream, and troweling it into my mouth with french fries? CHRIS: You’re getting pissed off that you spent an entire school year, staring at your shoes, and quietly obsessing over Tammi Aquino right now. All the while, someone else has the balls to come along and make a move. BRIAN: You’re comparing this situation to high school? Are you saying that you’re supposed to be the J.T. Hamilton here? CHRIS: Yeah. I have the balls to pull a J.T. Hamilton. BRIAN: You don’t have the fucking hair! You don’t have the work ethic to spend night after night in the school’s weight room! A car pulls in and parks in the empty space to the passenger side of the Corsica. An ACURA. Brand new. A TEENAGE GIRL walks out and clicks her REMOTE, locking her door, just as Chris points the black box in her direction. CHRIS: Just shut the hell up and grab your tools. I do my part, you do yours. They both watch as the driver walks inside the store. Chris points the box at the Acura. THUMP. They both see the DRIVER'S SIDE LOCK pop up.

SCENE 1 just for the fun ? EXT/INT. PLYMOUTH FURY 1966 – DAY The red and white car was once a beauty. Now, the old and battered steel carapace hardly reflects the bright sunlight. Behind the wheel, a WOMAN. Next to her, a MAN. Both dishevelled. Travelling down a dirt road to nowhere. Barren CORNFIELDS stretch to the horizon on either side of them. Yellows. Browns. Hunger and despair. In the distance: MUFFLED SOUNDS of GUNSHOTS and SCREAMS. No reaction from the couple but the FLICKER of eyes betray their emotions. The Woman licks her parched lips. A glance from the Man. He gets out a small bottle of water, unscrews the cap, hands it to her. She gulps down one sip only, but it’s a big sip. A guilty glance at her companion – he shrugs, smiles. Doesn’t matter… The car rumbles down the road, raising dust. The Woman chuckles. THE MAN: What’s funny? THE WOMAN: This car… First of its kind, right? THE MAN: Sure was. So? THE WOMAN: So, today is the last day of its kind… He falls silent, stares out the window. Desolation stares back. SCREECH! The car comes to a brusque halt. The Woman closes her eyes, tears run down her cheeks. The Man wipes them away, gently. THE WOMAN (whispers): I can’t keep pretending. THE MAN: It’s okay. We’ll just stay here. THE WOMAN: How long? The Man doesn’t answer. He moves toward her, hands caressing her face, her hair, running down her body. She sobs, hard. He holds her tight. They reposition themselves on the front seat, lay down. They touch, oh so gently… Clothes off. As they make love, the deadly METEOR fills the sky as it roars ever closer to Planet Earth. Closer. Closer… Two heads turns slightly. Eyes widen. His fingers close her eyelids - he kisses them so she doesn’t have to see. But the SOUND is deafening. Gut wrenching. A blinding flash of light-- And our planet is gone.

Feedback 4 Really well-written - I love all of the detail you put into the scene. I was a bit confused by the screams and gunshots, and why they were happening.

Hey Kara :) Thank you. As for those screams and gunshots, I was implying chaos in the distance since the end of the world is nigh - setting the atmosphere, so to speak. But that may not be necessary. Or it may be some people they left behind. I may find out if I turn it into a short film.

Scene 06 INT. CAR - NIGHT Headlights slice through a portion of the world which speeding past the driver, ALBERT, and passenger, BERTHA. ALBERT What we gonna do, huh? Tell me, what we gonna do? BERTHA You keep your eyes on the road. ALBERT I got no problem with driving and talking. We're up shit creek and now what, huh? Now what? BERTHA We keep calm. Right? ALBERT I'm calm, I'm cool. Just wanna know what we're gonna do now, but I'm cool. BERTHA Not as cool as the dead guy. ALBERT I didn't do anything. He just keeled over, okay? He was old, his heart burst or something. Thump-thump, then he just went: huh... and died. BERTHA Diamonds... To get them, people die. ALBERT I think I can hear it thumping still, thump-thump, thump-thump. It's in my ears, it's in my head. BERTHA That so? ALBERT Now we may go down for murder, and it wasn't my fault, that wasn't part of the plan. I work at the warehouse, they're gonna suspect me now. BERTHA Think. Use your head. And slow down. ALBERT You crazy? The cops can be closing in on our tail. I keep hearing the old man's heart, thumping louder and louder. thump-thump, Thump-Thump, THUMP-THUMP. Bertha throws him a long, wondering look. BERTHA You need a rest. Take the next exit. ALBERT What for? Rest? Shouldn't we just keep straight on? Get really far from it all? Over the state border? BERTHA I'll drive, you'll rest. ALBERT That would be good. That would be real good. I could get me some shut eye, rest my head. BERTHA Right. I know these parts. Turn. ALBERT I thought you were a city gal. (takes exit) You not gonna get us lost, huh? You sure about that? BERTHA Pull over. I'll take it from here. The car stops, the doors open. Albert goes around. ALBERT Well? Aren't you gonna move? I sure could use some rest. BERTHA Right. You will. In peace. Two SHOTS thunder.

FEEDBACK 07 Hi, bigpink Now, this is a screenplay. Normally, people just sitting in a car, arguing, wouldn't be particularly exciting, but the fact that they're eying cars, up to no good, adds an extra layer, some suspense, and makes it work. I think you're on the right track with this one.

Marija, It's got kinda an Interstellar feel which I really like. I might try to make more out of the moment of contact with the meteor description-wise. You don't want to direct the scene entirely from the page, but it's your vision as the writer and well within your province, IMO. I assume the car is a '66, not that the scene takes place in '66, so you might want to have something clarifying when it's actually occurring other than the fact the car isn't shiny and new. Those are just minute little quibbles--I like the scene and possible story a lot. Liz This is my 7th or 8th comment.

Hey Liz, Thanks for your comments. You're right about the date, my bad. It refers to the car since the story takes place, well, SOMETIME SOON as I originally wrote it in the slug. I should've left that in there :)

SCENE 05 HANK (22) enters the taxi, just wearing an hip t-shirt and jeans. He lifts his back, pulling some bucks out of the pocket of his jeans. HANK: Sorry, I‘ve just left 20 bucks. Could you bring me to go to Franklin Drive 86 for it? The TAXI-DRIVER (51) which seems to have seen quite everything looks back. TAXI-DRIVER: More or less. HANK: Great. Thanks! The taxi-driver starts his clock. It counts dollars while the city flows beside Hank‘s window. He is exhausted, but with relieve, bed is waiting just some minutes away. The taxi clock says „19.90“ and switches to „20.00“. The taxidriver drives further and stops, in front of an apartment house. Hank leans forward to give his crumpled bucks to the driver. TAXI-DRIVER: 20 Dollar 90. HANK: But you said you could manage for 20 bucks. TAXI-DRIVER: I‘ve to take what the clock says. The clock says „20.90“ HANK: I thought you‘ll stop it. TAXI-DRIVER: You think I betray my boss? HANK: No. I thought you‘ll bring me home for 20 bucks. Hank tries to give his money to the taxi-driver again. TAXI-DRIVER: I brought you, where you told me. If you would wanted to pay 20 bucks, I would have to throw you out 800 meters before. HANK: Then drive me back those 800 meters. TAXI-DRIVER: That would make another 90 Cents. Hank makes another try to lean to the front seats and give the money to the driver. As the taxi-driver refuses to take it again Hank makes a quick move and wants to open the door. The door locking goes down still Hank tries to open. Angrily the taxi-driver leaves the car. TAXI-DRIVER: Thieve! Hank fells down to the seat while he hears the taxi-driver voice grumbling to his mobile.

FEEDBACK 08 Great! As well I like Mark‘s suggestions. I got a little confused at one point of the scene, when Ben‘s eyes goes wide and his mum tells him that it‘s okay. For first fast reading I thought his feeling has again chanced when his thinks about a reason where the bubbles comes from (and it‘s a horrific reason). It would also work because Helena initiates it by being respectful to him AND giving him even more distraction from his fear (which he has overcome on his own). If you go down that path you‘ll have to find something which brings Ben out of his fear again. In your script you keep him happy, therefore the word „glances“ and Helena saying „It’s OK, buddy.“ might have thrown me out. And what‘s also missing: What‘s Ben‘s idea how they blow so many bubbles? It could add another kid‘s view on the world - and might be funny. The last line: Do Ben mean it „someday“ oder „right now“. Most kid‘s would tend to mean „right now“ and perhaps you could put that in as well. Bests

Hi Bigpink - I agree - nicely done scene, with the dialogue askew to the action - Tarantino-esque if I may be so bold!

Marija - nice atmosphere - reminded me of Seeking a Friend for the End of the world emotionally - worth checking out if you haven't seen it....

Playing catch-up! SCENE 7 INT. CAR - SPEEDING THROUGH THE STREETS - DAY Engine races and changes pitch as gears change rapidly. TOMMY (20), smart suit and fedora wrestles with the steering wheel as MICKEY (20) steadies himself with one hand on the dash as he keeps checking the rear window. RAT-AT-AT-AT-AT-TAT The unmistakeable sound of a Tommy Gun overpowers the engine roar followed by the THUD THUD THUD of bullets hitting the trunk. With a SMASH the rear window collapses. Tommy and Mickey duck. The car swerves and screams left into a side street, bumping and shaking over unstable ground. MICKEY: Lose them Tom. TOMMY: Whaddya think I'm doin'? MICKEY: They're still behind us! TOMMY: You think? More SHOTS, more THUDS. TOMMY: Where did you put the cash? MICKEY: In the trunk... like you told me. TOMMY: Let's hope they missed MICKEY: Really, you're gonna do this now -- Left here... left! LEFT! Tyres screech, Mickey struggles to stay in his seat. More SHOTS. TOMMY: Shoot them back! MICKEY: Errr... TOMMY: Don't tell me... MICKEY: I didn't think we'd need it... easy job you called it. TOMMY: Do I have to remember everything? MICKEY: Just lose them! A chugging sound comes for the engine, the roar dissipates. MICKEY: What the...? TOMMY: No... no... no... not now... MICKEY: What... what is it? TOMMY: Gas... we're out of gas... you said you were gonna fill... oh you idiot MIckey SHOTS TOMMY: Oh shit! WOMAN (O.S.): Tommy Miller, wash your mouth out. TOMMY: But Mom EXT. CAR - DRIVEWAY - DAY Outside a 50's suburban bungalow. TOMMY MILLER (11) leans out the window of his dad's Plymouth. TOMMY: But Ma, Al Capone is after us! MOM: Well, he'll just have to wait until after supper. TOMMY: Just five more minutes ma! MOM: No, now -- Mickey, I phoned your Mom, you can stay for dinner if you like, it's hotdogs. MICKEY: Thanks Mrs M. that sounds great -- can I help you wash Tommy's mouth out? Mom laughs. MOM: Well, maybe next time -- come in and get your hands washed. MICKEY and TOMMY: Okay! They clamber out of the car and make their way up the drive. MICKEY: We'll finish this later. TOMMY: Yeah, if you remember the gas next time! He playfully punches Mickey on the arm and runs up the drive, followed my Mickey with his fists clenched, laughing.

SCENE 5 INT. SUV – DAY GREG (40) and MELANIE (38) watch from the front seats as an older couple ushers three young children into their house. The older woman raises a hand in a wave. Greg and Melanie wave back. The older woman closes the door. Alone, Greg and Melanie turn to look at each other. Greg: So... Melanie: What do you want to do? Greg: I don’t know. Do you want to see a movie? Melanie: What about the museum? There’s that Degas exhibit I want to see. Greg grips the steering wheel. Greg: Why don’t we just... drive? Get out of the city. Melanie: We can go to the coast. Greg: Stay at a B&B, sleep in, walk on the beach... Melanie: We could drive to the airport and get the first flight out and still be back Monday. Greg: We can fly to New York! Melanie: There’s a lot more Degas there. They trail off into silence. Melanie: Shower, sex and nap? Greg shifts gears. Greg: Sounds perfect.

FEEDBACK 8 You set up the scene nicely and stops when it get really interesting. I'm curious what happens next. What happens if the taxi driver returns to his seat and waits, for the person he called. What kind of conversation will emerge? Will Hank rescue himself or talk himself out?

SCENE CHALLENGE #8 (Submission 4) INT./EXT. BLACK PRIUS - NIGHT SAM (20) navigates a dark road with his buddies, FRANKY, JIMMY, and GARY (all 19). SAM: Where to now? FRANKY: Can you take me home? SAM: Are you feeling alright? FRANKY: Yeah, I feel okay. Just tired is all. Sam signals and turns. There doesn’t appear to be any other vehicles on the road. JIMMY: Yeah, it is getting late. Maybe you can drop me off, too. GARY: Yeah, me too. SAM: Okay, but it’s only a quarter to eleven. GARY: You have to work tomorrow, don’t you? In his rearview, Sam notices blue dome lights go on atop a police cruiser behind him. JIMMY: Shit! Sam, befuddled, swerves. JIMMY (CONT’D): Step on it! Sam slows, signals, and pulls over despite Jimmy’s protests. The cruiser pulls in behind Sam and a young COP approaches the Prius. Sam pulls out his license from his wallet, gets the registration and certificate of insurance from the glove compartment. He rolls down his window. Jimmy, Franky, Gary sit in utter silence. The cop shines a light in the window on the faces of all the guys. COP: Good evening, gentlemen. SAM: Good evening, Officer. COP: Do you know why I pulled you over? Sam hands the cop his paperwork. The cop takes it. SAM: No, sir. COP: Your rear brake light isn't working. SAM: Are you sure, because I know it did earlier. Franky squirms in his seat, trying to nudge Sam to shut up without the cop seeing him. But he does. COP: You boys been drinking this evening? SAM: No, sir. The others all shake their heads in denial. COP: Wait inside your vehicle while I check your license and registration, please. The cop walks back to his cruiser. Sam pops his truck and opens his car door to get out. FRANKY: (in a hushed yell) No! Sam! Stay inside! Don’t get out! SAM: It’s alright. I just want to check the brake lights myself. I know they were working. FRANKY AND JIMMY (in unison): Get back in! Sam ignores the warning and goes to the trunk. The cop notices and heads back to Sam’s vehicle. COP: Sir, I said stay in your car. SAM: Sorry, Officer, I just wanted to take a look in the back. COP: Step away from the vehicle! Put your hands behind your head! Sam, suddenly realizing his severity of his transgression, complies. The cop frisks him. COP (CONT’D): Do you mind if I search your vehicle? It’s not really a question, but Sam doesn't appear concerned. SAM: No. Of course not. Inside the vehicle, Jimmy, Franky, and Gary watch in horror as the cop removes a cooler from the truck. He opens it up. COP: What have we here? Inside the cooler is a large quantity of quality ganja. Sam looks surprised. The cop does not.

I like it--short and right to the point. I also like the fact that the characters actually do have interests other than sex. This works for me. This is my 8th comment.

SCENE CHALLENGE #8 (Submission 5) INT./EXT. BLACK PRIUS - NIGHT SAL (20) navigates a dark road with his buddies, FRANKY, JIMMY, and GARY (all 19). SAL: Where to now? FRANKY: Can you take me home? SAL: Are you feeling alright? FRANKY: Yeah, I feel okay. Just tired, is all. Sal signals and turns. There doesn’t be any other vehicles on the road. JIMMY: Yeah, it is getting late. Maybe you can drop me off, too. GARY: Yeah, me too. SAL: Okay, but it’s only a quarter to eleven. In his rearview, Sal notices blue dome lights go on atop a police cruiser behind him. JIMMY: Shit! Sal, befuddled, swerves. JIMMY (CONT’D): Step on it! Sal slows, signals, and pulls over despite Jimmy’s protests. The cruiser pulls in behind Sal and a young COP approaches the Prius. Sal pulls out his license from his wallet, gets the registration and certificate of insurance from the glove compartment. He rolls down his window. Jimmy, Franky, Gary sit in utter silence. The cop shines a light in the window on the faces of all the guys. COP: Good evening, gentlemen. SAL: Good evening, Officer. COP: Do you know why I pulled you over? Sal hands the cop his paperwork. The cop takes it. SAL: No, sir. COP: Your rear brake light isn't working. SAL: Are you sure, because I know it did earlier. Franky squirms in his seat, trying to nudge Sal to shut up without the cop seeing him. But he does. COP: You boys been drinking this evening? SAL: No, sir. The others all shake their heads in denial. COP: Wait inside the car while I check your license and registration. The cop walks back to his cruiser. Sal pops his truck and opens his car door to get out. FRANKY: (in a hushed yell) No! Sal! Stay inside! Don’t get out! SAL: It’s alright. I just want to check the brake lights myself. I know they were working. FRANKY AND JIMMY (in unison): Get back in! Sal ignores the warning and goes to the trunk. The cop notices and heads back to Sal’s vehicle. COP: Sir, I said stay in your car. SAL: Sorry, Officer, I just wanted to take a look in the back. COP: Step away from the vehicle! Put your hands behind your head! Sal, suddenly realizing his severity of his transgression, complies. The cop frisks him. COP (CONT’D): Do you mind if I search your vehicle? It’s not really a question, but Sal replies nonetheless, appearing completely unconcerned. SAL: No. Of course not. Inside the vehicle, Jimmy, Franky, and Gary watch in horror as the cop removes a cooler from the truck. He opens it up. COP: What have we here? Inside the cooler is a large quantity of quality ganja. Sal looks surprised. The cop does not.

FEEDBACK 11 Hi Liz - just catching up with some scenes. I like the tension here, but just wondered whether the cop not actually opening the trunk, or opens it but never quite manages to notice the cooler and the weed? This made me think about Hitchcock (I think it was he) who talked about how the anticipation of the explosion is more exciting and tense than the actual explosion. So if, perhaps, the audience knows what Sal doesn't (and his mates do) we are in on the issue and (if we like the characters) are desperate for the cop not to find the stash - so anything you do to push him close to the cooler, pushes us closer to the edge of our seat...will he, won't he? So you get a lot more tension and, perhaps, and even bigger release when the cop lets them go on their way. Just a thought....I'm probably rambling now... :-)

Duplicate post--my apologies to all.

Mark, Great comments! I totally agree I could get much more mileage (so to speak) out of this scene in the way you suggested (though Sal needs to get dragged into the mates' world ultimately.) Thinking about Hitchcock is always a good thing, too:) Really appreciate your thoughts on it. Thanks!

Mark, Cool twisty idea in these scenes. I enjoyed reading it. I wasn't totally clear on what it was I was supposed to be seeing on screen initially. Naturally, I started thinking it was a big car chase between outlaws and wonder if that's what was meant to be on screen or if I initially would see it was something else. You could do it either way, but you do note the ages at the outset so the second scene feels like a flashback, maybe, since Tommy is now 11? If that's the case, I'd suggest just putting FLASHBACK in there just for clarity. Also, although it's done, I don't think it's technically correct to put the speed of the vehicle in the slug--it (I think) properly belongs in an action line. People can get cranky about that stuff sometimes.:) Liz My 10th Comment.

Scene #3 INT. LATE MODEL HONDA PILOT – DAY This car is heavily used by an active family with young children. BOB WHITE (30s) is friendly-looking “every man” in a Maroon 5 T-shirt and well worn khakis. Notwithstanding his wedding band and the two car seats in back -- one large and one small -- the last wisps of college kid still cling to his overall look. Bob, alone in the car, drives past the order window at McDonalds and rolls toward the cashier. There are two cars in front of him. The phone rings. The display on the dash says “Wife.” Bob pushes a button on the steering wheel. BOB: Y’ello? That you, Kathy, my love? KATHY’S VOICE: Hey Bob. Where are ya? BOB: Just pulling into the Home Depot parking lot. Just like I said. KATHY’S VOICE: Great. That’s good. I need a few things. BOB: Okay. Hold on a minute honey. Bob is now at the cashier window. He mutes the phone. CASHIER: That’ll be five dollars and seventy nine cents. Bob fumbles around looking in the cup holder for some change, then forks over the money. The cashier snaps the window shut, and Bob rolls toward the food pick up window. He unmutes the phone. BOB: I’m back. KATHY’S VOICE: What’s goin’ on? BOB: Oh. Nothing. Some guy..... KATHY’S VOICE: (impatient) Okay. Listen. This is what I need. BOB: Shoot. I’m ready. KATHY’S VOICE: Two 100 watt light bulbs. BOB: Uh huh. KATHY’S VOICE: A new clothes line. BOB: Uh huh. That it? KATHY’S VOICE: No...I need an enema bag. BOB: Hold on. Wait a minute. Bob is at the food pick up window. He mutes the phone again and takes the bag of food that is shoved out of the window. Then a giant drink cup. BOB (CONT’D): Thanks. Bob unmutes the phone and begins to roll away from the window. He stops behind the car in front of him, first delicious french fry hanging out of his mouth ... BOB (CONT’D): An enema bag? (mouth full) I’m not sure you can get that at Home Depot. KATHY’S VOICE: Are you eating something, Bob? BOB: What? No. (swallows) What do you need an enema bag for? (pause) Hello? Honey? You still there? There’s a tap tap tap on the front passenger side window. Bob rolls down the window. It’s his wife, KATHY (30’s), clearly a no nonsense MOM in a sleeveless blouse and neatly pressed shorts. She clenches her iPhone close to her ear. Bob smiles goofily, caught in the act. KATHY: I’m here. You wanna know why I want an enema bag? You really want to know? BOB; Yes? (warily) KATHY: Okay. Here’s why, Bob. You are so full of shit, I thought you could use one.

Feedback #5 Hi Liz -- I enjoyed reading your scene. The descriptions are good, and I could see what was going on. Also, I was surprised by the ending -- I did not think the cop would find anything. For me the scene lacks a little bit of tension in the middle. While there is inherently some tension in this sort of situation, the characters were all acting in a more or less intelligent way. To tell you the truth I was wondering the whole time what the characters' race is -- because I think that would make a difference in how an interaction with the police plays out, and what our assumptions are about it, especially in our current cultural climate. Thanks, Susan W.

Hi Susan, You're so right about race and police being on peoples' minds these days! To tell the truth, though, I didn't consider race at all in the scene, just about these dudes using their buddy and his car without his knowledge to transport an illicit substance. Appreciate the comments, and will work on the middle. Thanks! Liz

Scene 7 Jack and Tessa drive in SILENCE. JACK: OK, before you start, that was just bad luck. What are the odds? TESSA: That I could throw a rock and hit someone you’ve slept with? Pretty high. JACK: But did you really want to work there? The place was pretty stuffy and the lighting was horrible. TESSA: I literally asked you to do two things and somehow you combined them into one. JACK: It’s a little selfish of you to think about yourself when that poor girl just lost her job. TESSA: Let me out. JACK: Here? We’re nowhere near home. TESSA: I can take the bus. JACK: When have you ever ridden the bus in your life? TESSA: Let. Me. Out. Jack hits the brakes and pulls over. JACK: Tess. Come on. You’re not seriously mad at me for that, are you? Tessa gets out of the car and SLAMS the door. Starts walking to the bus stop. Jack rolls down the window. JACK: The bus maps in LA are impossible to figure out. No one even knows how the metro works here. Tessa flips the bird and keeps walking.

Feedback 7 yeah this was a lot of fun. You did a great job making the characters play off of each other. It was fun and breezy and I'd definitely be appreciative if I was in an office reading a script and this scene was in there to lighten the read!

FEEDBACK TEN I liked the suspense and the flow of the story. I assume the car is Sal's as he's driving, yet he doesn't know what's in his trunk. Are his buddies setting him up? How come he didn't know what's in his own trunk? What is going on between him and his friends?

SCENE TEN INT. INSIDE ANN'S CAR – NIGHT ANN and JULIE drive home. They are both dressed to the nines, Julie's dress is more skin showing. Ann drives the car. Her eyes are fixed on the road. ANN: what was that? JULIE: what? ANN: don't play dumb with me JULIE: honestly, I don't know what you mean ANN: Tom JULIE: What's about him? Ann laughs and shakes her head ANN: I saw you ogling him JULIE: I did not! ANN: I watched you – the way you smiled at him and every time he looked at us, you pushed your boobs up Ann looks at Julie and her cleavage. Her eyes spit anger. JULIE: I was having a good time and laughing at everyone ANN: what's going on between you two? JULIE: nothing. You're crazy ANN: I saw him first Strained, uncomfortable silence. Ann looks at Julie, who looks out of the window. ANN: He's mine.

Hi Liz Thanks for the comments, missed this first time around - I agree that I should probably have been a bit more careful with making it clear what was happening, so the reader doesn't get lost... can always be tricky when you are dealing with flashbacks/forwards or daydreams. Cheers!