Scene 03 INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT A Zippo's flame lighting a cigarette cuts through the dark, plays upon the face of DEBBIE (30s), 40s-style wavy hair. The cigarette's tip glows red. A pang of fear in her face, Debbie puffs plumes of smoke out of her nostrils. She leans back on the bed, a pillow between her back and the wall one arm up, and holding the cigarette, one arm down out of sight. DEBBIE (musing) When I went trough that door I was in trouble. On the brink of disgrace. INT. P.I. OFFICE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK Debbie pushes in a door on which we see "Private Investigations". DEBBIE (V.O.) He lit up my cigarette. Debbie seated on one side of a desk, on the other, ARCHER (40s) leans forward, clicks a lighter, the flame jumps up. Debbie puts the cigarette into the flame, wraps her hand around his, as if to steady the lighter, as if in a caress. Archer gazes at her, she returns the look. DEBBIE (V.O.) I looked into his eyes and I knew I could wrap him around my finger. The cigarette on one corner of her lips, a lopsided smile forming on the other, Debbie crosses one arm across her chest and leans back on her chair. Archer's eyes remain riveted on her. DEBBIE (V.O.) I was wrong, wasn't I? END FLASHBACK INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT Archer lies on his back on the floor, his face twisted in a poisonous grimace, froth on his lips. A broken bottle of Bourbon next to him. Hand clasped around the butt of a .38 revolver, a wisp of gunsmoke fading away. Debbie's arm comes into view, wrapped around her stomach. Blood oozes down. Her mouth half-opens, cigarette dangling from her lips. Eyelids flutter. FADE TO BLACK

OVER BLACK NARRATOR (Pre lap): Everyone was so afraid at the turn of the twenty-first century. MONTAGE - "APOCALYPTIC" IMAGES NARRATOR (V.O) (CONT'D): Afraid of Y2K. But then came September eleventh, 2001. SUCCESSION OF SHOTS - FLASHBACK TO 9/11/01 DISASTER NARRATOR (V.O)(CONT'D) Out of the blue, it seemed, an underestimated terrorist group, called al-Qaeda, hijacked four American planes, using them as explosives to bomb the World Trade Center in New York and the Pentagon in Washington, D.C., extinguishing three-thousand souls by the time they were done. The new millennium stopped simmering and finally ignited. That blaze spread in seemingly unlikely outposts. The aughts ushered in terrifying times. EXT. LONDON - DAY The dazzling skyline shines in today's sleek, modern city. Two Iranian men in Savile Row suits, JAHAN SALEHI and BIJAN KHORASANI (both 60s), walk down a street across from Hyde Park, past the now-closed Iranian Embassy, an elegant columned building at Princes Gate, South Kensington. The Iranian flag still waves over the entry, but a sign advertises "TO LET." Both men speak eloquent English, clearly products of Western education, but we don't who they are beyond that. JAHAN: The Old Fox guards the coop. BIJAN: The chickens let the Old Fox do it. They walk off on a side street. EXT. PERSIA SOCIETY - CONTINUOUS Jahan and Bijan enter the grounds of a shabbily maintained building, a once-gracious private club. Flowers could grace the window boxes behind the black wrought iron gates, but they don't. Weeds do. [Note: this is a bit of a cheat in that I added the Persia Society establishing scene after the London scene, but it really needed separate slugs, IMO. Just delete it if you don't want to read it.] THIS IS MY THIRD POST.

INT. POLICE PRECINCT - DAY A well dressed WOMAN with long dark hair sits uncomfortably at a desk in the middle of a busy precinct. Plain clothes detectives, uniformed officers, perps in handcuffs and other unidentified people move about, envelop chairs or prop up sagging desks. The WOMAN looks about the room then finally back to the face of an officer sitting across from her. WOMAN: It’s like this. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK A large double bed dominates the room. There are lamps on twin bedside tables and a dresser with a plain chair along one wall. The room is small, with just enough space around the furniture to walk. The light from the lamps is dim. A sliver of light can been seen from the bathroom. WOMAN (V.O.): I’d arrived early. Like always. A WOMAN enters from the bathroom, cinching a long silk dressing gown at the waist. This is the same woman we saw at the precinct, though here she is composed and in control. WOMAN (V.O.): He’d keep the Devil waiting and still have the nerve to complain about the service. The woman climbs on the bed. She plumps the pillow and places her head dead center. Her eyes close. WOMAN (V.O.): When I woke he was standing over me with a gun is his hand and the bit between his teeth. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK The woman wakes. Above her stands the figure of a man in silhouette save a spill of light across his eyes. A gun is held at his side. MAN: I’ve been hearing things. WOMAN: The wrong things by the looks. WOMAN (V.O.): I wasn’t one to mince words. I’d tried biting my tongue but that only led to blood. The man reaches down and grabs the woman by the arm, wrenching her out of bed. A gun is revealed in her hand. She lifts her arm, the barrel lands on the man’s forehead. WOMAN: Tell me what it is you think you heard. Man: You were running around on me. WOMAN: You shouldn’t go listening to idle gossip. MAN: Is it true? WOMAN: What if it is? The gun explodes, the man slumps to the ground. WOMAN (V.O.): I guess I said the wrong thing. He just lunged for me. Twisting my arm and scratching me here. CUT TO: INT. POLICE PRESINCT - DAY The woman is revealing a scratch just below the neckline of her dress. The police officer looks up to her tear stained face and quickly grabs a tissue. FADE OUT.

Scene 01 INT. POLICE PRECINCT - DAY A well dressed WOMAN with long dark hair sits uncomfortably at a desk in the middle of a busy precinct. Plain clothes detectives, uniformed officers, perps in handcuffs and other unidentified people move about, envelop chairs or prop up sagging desks. The WOMAN looks about the room then finally back to the face of an officer sitting across from her. WOMAN: It’s like this. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK A large double bed dominates the room. There are lamps on twin bedside tables and a dresser with a plain chair along one wall. The room is small, with just enough space around the furniture to walk. The light from the lamps is dim. A sliver of light can been seen from the bathroom. WOMAN (V.O.): I’d arrived early. Like always. A WOMAN enters from the bathroom, cinching a long silk dressing gown at the waist. This is the same woman we saw at the precinct, though here she is composed and in control. WOMAN (V.O.): He’d keep the Devil waiting and still have the nerve to complain about the service. The woman climbs on the bed. She plumps the pillow and places her head dead center. Her eyes close. WOMAN (V.O.): When I woke he was standing over me with a gun is his hand and the bit between his teeth. CUT TO: INT. HOTEL ROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK The woman wakes. Above her stands the figure of a man in silhouette save a spill of light across his eyes. A gun is held at his side. MAN: I’ve been hearing things. WOMAN: The wrong things by the looks. WOMAN (V.O.): I wasn’t one to mince words. I’d tried biting my tongue but that only led to blood. The man reaches down and grabs the woman by the arm, wrenching her out of bed. A gun is revealed in her hand. She lifts her arm, the barrel lands on the man’s forehead. WOMAN: Tell me what it is you think you heard. Man: You were running around on me. WOMAN: You shouldn’t go listening to idle gossip. MAN: Is it true? WOMAN: What if it is? The gun explodes, the man slumps to the ground. WOMAN (V.O.): I guess I said the wrong thing. He just lunged for me. Twisting my arm and scratching me here. CUT TO: INT. POLICE PRESINCT - DAY The woman is revealing a scratch just below the neckline of her dress. The police officer looks up to her tear stained face and quickly grabs a tissue. FADE OUT.

Scene 3 Open to Black A synth-drums combo serves as introduction to the sickest trance techno song. Loud, invasive, filled with esoteric voices, deep bass lines and synth solos. YOUNG MALE VOICE (V.O.): It was the best night of my life. FADE IN INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT A massive light system flashes multicoloured lights at all directions. From the top of the light rig we look down into a massive crowd of techno dance enthusiasts filling the dance floor. A sea of heads, arms and bodies, contorting and twisting to the music. YOUNG MALE VOICE (V.O.): The music filling me up inside. Every beat resounding in my head like a hammer. My heart beating in synch with the rhythm. We descend on the dancing crowd. We can now see their faces glimmering with sweat, eyes closed, each immersed in a world of their own, lost in the sound. YOUNG MALE VOICE (V.O.): For once I was really free. We descend to ground level, right in the middle of the dance floor. A slow 360 degree turn allows us to immerse ourselves with the crowd as they dance their hearts out. The image stops on PATRICK (early 20s), tall, with black short hair, his impeccable white shirt drenched in sweat, clinging to his extremely thin body. He stands in the middle of the crowd, eyes closed, arms open to the sky, a satisfying grin on his lips. PATRICK (V.O.): I was one with the crowd, one with myself. The music slowly fades away to almost a whisper. The jumping crowd dances in slow motion around Patrick. We zoom in to his face and into his eyes. He opens them. EXT. ROOFTOP IN HIGH RISE BUILDING – NIGHT From Patrick's POV we see a massive modern city fully illuminated. The music is replaced by the sound of the wind. We look down to see a vertigo inducing drop of at least 40 stories high onto a congested avenue. We exit Patrick's POV to see him standing on the corner edge of a building, arms stretched to the sky. PATRICK (V.O): In perfect harmony with the world. Patrick gently lets himself fall from the edge. In Patrick's POV we see the ground getting closer and closer. The music interlude increases in volume as we fall. As we reach the floor the music reaches it climax. INT. NIGHTCLUB – NIGHT A barrage of drums, synths and guitars fill the dance floor as we see Patrick and the rest of the crowd explode in joy as they scream and jump and dance. Steam and foam fill the nightclub. It's an orgasm of music, pleasure and excitement. PATRICK (V.O): I was alive. We zoom back up to the roof, focusing on the dancing Patrick. The music halts to a stop leaving echoes in the background. INT. HOSPITAL ROOM - DAY Patrick lies in a hospital bed in a sterile white room. He is dressed in a hospital gown which highlights his even thinner body. His bald head rests on a pillow while his arm is connected to a drip which in turn is connected to a complicated machine which whirs and beeps. He opens his blood-shot eyes and looks melancholically out the bright window. Some birds chirp happily outside. The door opens and in comes NURSE DONNA, (late 20s) wearing white scrubs, her long brown hair in a ponytail behind her back. As she enters, Patrick adopts a more cheerful attitude. NURSE DONNA: Good morning, Patrick. How are we feeling this morning? PATRICK: We are feeling particularly... felicitous. NURSE DONNA: That's a new one. PATRICK: So, how about a full English with extra blood sausage? NURSE DONNA: Absolutely! Toast with low salt butter it is. PATRICK: Marvellous. NURSE DONNA: So, are you looking forward to today? PATRICK: You know it's been my lifelong dream to become a human guinea pig. NURSE DONNA: (serious) Patrick. Are you ready? Patrick realises the seriousness of the question. No more time for banter. PATRICK: I'm ready. NURSE DONNA: Then let's do this. I'll call the doctor and bring over your breakfast. Nurse Donna leaves the room. Patrick looks a the window again. No sign of the birds. He looks at the machine he is plugged into. PATRICK: (whispering) Free.

Hi Ricardo, I really liked reading this. I could definitely make out what all the sounds and music are--really good description there. Like the bird metaphor, too. I assume the Young Male Voice and Patrick are one and the same? I was a bit confused as to where the flashback actually started and how figurative or literal Patrick was when he said he was alive, but I'm sure this gets clarified as the story progresses. I'm guessing something happened at the nightclub that was very serious, like falling out a window or overdoing or something like that. Definitely whetted my curiosity! Liz THIS IS MY SIXTH COMMENT.

Hey Liz Thank you very much for your comment. Yes, the Young Male Voice and Patrick are one and the same. I guess I should have identified Patrick from the beginning. At this point the story can go into any direction. However, I wanted to confront the last night of Patrick before entering the hospital and his feeling many months later just as he is about to begin his "alternative" treatment to try to cure him. It is that feeling of freedom that keeps him alive, sane and driven. tbh, I wrote this scene without thinking on what may come next. Now I am intriged myself. Cheers!

Comment 1 Hi Liz. This scene definitely sounds like something you are working on. However, by posting only a scene fragment you don't get the feel of where this is going or what to expect. I guess this forms part of a longer setup which would not fit in these exercises. However, I have to commend your narrative style. Your VO is very clear, ominous and foreboding. And your descriptions are really well written. Ricardo

Hmmm, I was thinking the story would be how Patrick got himself into the hospital bed in the first place. But now you've got me wondering alternative treatment for what? One little thing to consider if you pursue the story is that if Patrick is about to undergo surgery with the doctor, I don't think he would be given any food.

That bad, huh? Truth be told, this is the opening scene for a script I completed 4 yrs. ago, with some minor changes for this exercise. This exercise was hard because I rarely use v/o and f/b, but this old scene came to mind because the exercise called for BOTH! (Kind of a cheat inasmuch as it's not really a f/b, just a series of shots, but...) The narrator was the protagonist (named, obviously) and v/o made a lot of sense in context. Reference to Old Fox is an I/C reference we come to know about in the script. The weeds in the partial scene are a metaphor for the decline in int'l relations after 9/11, a theme that tends to recur in my writing. Always appreciate notes, good, bad or indifferent. Thank you for yours.

Liz Don't get me wrong. One of the first suggestions I received when I started the writing challenges back in February was that all scenes need a beginning, a middle and an end. I was only trying to convey that message. I like your writing style and would definitely like to see where your story is leading to. Ricardo

SCENE 2 EXT. A LONELY DESERT ROAD, DAY A man is slowly waking up in his car, wearing a tuxedo. His head hurts; he is dazed; he blinks his eyes to adjust to the light. He doesn’t know what’s what. This is LENNY, 30s. Lenny is sitting in his 1963 Lincoln Continental, with black exterior and black interior design. It’s a classic. He is on the side of a deserted road. He smacks his lips together and looks around. He sees his cell phone on the seat and slowly grabs it. The first thing Lenny sees on his phone is “17 MISSED CALLS.” His eyes scan up to the battery icon: 1% and red. He tries starting the car but nothing. He glances down at the gas gauge and it’s on empty. KNOCK! KNOCK! KNOCK! Lenny is startled to see a young, attractive female knocking on his window. She holds up a gas can and smiles. FEMALE: Need some gas? Lenny snaps out of his funk, opens the door and jumps out. LENNY: Oh my god, yes! Thank you so much. I can't believe you found me! FEMALE: Um yeah, we found you. What’s with the tux? FLASHBACK: INT. SMALL DRESSING ROOM, EARLIER THAT DAY Lenny is standing in a small room, looking at himself in a mirror. We hear an organ playing. Lenny is dressed in his tux and is very nervous. He is sweating & taking deep breaths. He goes over to the door and opens it just a crack to peer out. He can see the inside of the church that is about to host a wedding. Flowers are on the pews. Family and friends are all seated. The groomsmen and bridesmaids are lined up at the alter. Lenny closes the door and turns around, leaning the back of his head against the door. He closes his eyes and takes another deep breath. END OF FLASHBACK The Female stares at Lenny, waiting for an answer. Lenny swallows hard. LENNY: I... I-uh... Lenny looks over and notices a tow truck behind his car. He sees a silhouette of a man in the driver’s seat. A puff of smoke billows from the window as the man reaches his hand out and dumps the ashes from his pipe. FEMALE: Hey, sweetie. What are you doing out here, anyway? LENNY (V.O.): I should have just told her the truth. Maybe she would have taken sympathy on me. But, I guess I’ve always been a little afraid of the truth. FLASHBACK: EXT. SIDE OF CHURCH, MOMENTS AFTER FIRST FLASHBACK The side door swings open and Lenny sprints outside. He is scared and still sweating. He runs to the sidewalk and sees his Lincoln Continental parked in front of the church. He takes one more deep breath, runs to the car, hops in and drives away in a hurry. END OF FLASHBACK. LENNY (V.O.)(CONT’D): And I’m not the type of person who likes to face his fears. Lenny grabs the gas can from her. LENNY (CONT’D): I’m just glad you’re here. Lenny takes the can to the back of the car. He kneels down, unscrews the gas cap and begins pouring in the gas. LENNY (CONT’D)(calling out): I don't know what brought you guys all the way out here. Wait... where is ‘here’ exactly? Where am I? The tow truck suddenly pulls out onto the road and drives away. Just as Lenny is trying to process this, his Continental revs up and takes off, spitting dirt in his face. Lenny stands up and takes a few steps into the road as if to chase them, but stops. LENNY (CONT’D)(Yelling): HEY! NOOOO! Lenny watches the tow truck and his Lincoln Continental speed off and disappear. Lenny, in his tux, which is now dirty along with his face, is standing in the middle of the road holding a gas can. He looks terrible. FADE OUT.

FEEDBACK 01 Hi RoyGordon, I like film-noir and references to it. And I always get the feeling, that they have quite direct dialogue, therefore I try to include this. The first sentence Debbie says - it is part of the Voice Over? Or does she open the 4th wall or is talking to somebody? - which both could give an interesting twist. But as normal Voice Over, it whistle-blows to much of the scene's secret. (and you already plant it by not showing her hand). For me the scene's key is Debbies self-confidence collapsing: Not being able to wrap him around her finger. Therefore the line "I was wrong. Wasn't I?" would make sense, even if you'll see it. It would be good to give more visual hints, that support her self-confidence in this. Showing how she manage to do so. You start voice over with "He lit my cigarette", which you already show. The flash-back would also work without. where could the voice over lines could add more to the scene? a simply "as always" helps the line "I looked into his eyes and I knew I could wrap him around my finger." Bests,

Hi Katha The scene is something I improvised, not part of anything, but someday may come handy and you have great observations and suggestions, I appreciate it. Thanks.

FEEDBACK Quite a femme fatal I would say. I liked the scene. I imagined it playing as a film noir. I've got nothing to say save for one tiny thing. The second slug line: cut to and int. hotel room isn't necessary. You're still in the same location unless you had wanted to show her at the police station using a voice over there.

Feedback #2 Greg, I was glad to see Lenny’s car stolen, the scumbag/weenie deserved some consequences for ditching his bride at the alter. I think the ending would have been even stronger if Lenny had resolved to go back and makes things right but then he’s stranded in the desert (creates obstacle to his goal). This is minor but “His head hurts” can’t be seen. Have him rub his temples or pop some aspirins. Good back and forth between present and flashback. I thought it flowed very smoothly. The female’s questions work well to make this possible. Where it got awkward for me reading the scene was the tow truck. It’s been awhile since I needed to be towed but it seems like Lenny would have noticed before the tow truck sped away, especially since the tow truck is behind the car and Lenny goes to the back of the car to put the gas in. It would have been simpler to have the female jump in the Lincoln as Lenny is filling it with gas and then both vehicles speed away leaving Lenny holding the can. Keep going, despite my criticisms I really did like this scene. Susan

Susan, Thank you so much for the feedback. Full disclosure: this is the beginning scene of a pilot that I'm working on with my writing partner. I shared your feedback and we both agreed that it is really, really, really helpful. I can't thank you enough. We never actually thought of him as a "scumbag/weenie" because his overall character is more "put upon" than anything. But your comment gave us a whole new perspective on what the audience might think in the first few moments. We love this idea. We've also decided to rewrite the tow truck thing as well. You kickstarted some good conversation; thanks again. - Greg

You're welcome. That's exciting that you're working on a pilot. Since this is an ongoing thing feel free to email me future scenes (shildebranddean@gmail.com) and I'll try to give you more feedback from a female perspective. Susan

SCENE 09 EXT. COUNTRY CLUB - DAY The big terrace of the country club is crowed. A banner tells it‘s a charity event for a NGO helping homeless kids called „KidZenter“. PAULA (33) talks with one of the waiters while organizing the event. EVA (34) attends her. Eva‘s clothes are much more expensive than Paula‘s and she wears a Prada bag. EVA: Paula, great to see you! PAULA: Eva, hi! They lean forward and kiss their cheeks. PAULA (V.O.): One of the most important smalltalk rules is avoiding unpleasant stuff. EVA: It‘s been quite a while! Eva is holding a glass of champagne. PAULA: Yeah. PAULA (V.O.): We avoid politics, religion and illnesses. FLASHBACK TO: INT. CLUB - NIGHT A younger version of Eva (30), with a pink strand in the hair, is dancing in a dark club full of electric beats. Instead of a glass of champagne she has a bottle of beer in her hands. Younger Paula (29) is dancing and jumping with her. PAULA (V.O.): We avoid personal stuff. We don‘t want to hear, that your Auntie is a lunatic. BACK TO THE COUNTRY CLUB: EVA: You still work for KidZ? PAULA: Yeah, it‘s so fulfilling. And you know, we are a great team there. While talking to Paula Eva scans the terrace for other people. PAULA (V.O.): We play nice. EVA: And this job fits you so well. PAULA: Still with Dany at Barney‘s PR? FLASHBACK TO: INT. PAULAS FLAT - NIGHT Drunken younger Eva and Paula stumble to Paula‘s couch. Eva sees a folder with a job application from Paula. She takes it up. EVA (laughing): Barney‘s PR? PAULA: They make really good stuff. EVA: Common. You don‘t want to go to cocktail parties wearing a Prada bag, don‘t you? BACK TO THE COUNTRY CLUB: Eva: Dany, you know, best mentor ever! Somebody across the yard waves to Eva. EVA: Sorry, I have to leave. PAULA: So nice to meet you again. PAULA (V.O.): We play nice. We don‘t play fair. Eva leans forward to Paula. EVA (whispering): Still no Prada bag? Than she turn around. Paula‘s eyes follow her as Eva join a group of business people. Eva is greeted, she laughs. Paula freezes. PAULA (V.O.): We play nice. Than she makes a firm step and goes to the group. She touches Eva‘s shoulder and joins the circle interrupting the conversation. PAULA: Hi, Eva. Hi Dany. Sorry to interrupt you. Eva, you have to tell me something. You look so great. You‘re so incredibly slime. Please tell me how you do it. EVA: I ... PAULA (interrupting): Cause me auntie takes exactly the same ataractic, and she gained 80 pounds within 10 month. So, please, tell me, how do you do it?

Scene 7 INT. GREENHOUSE - DAY VIOLET MASON (late 70's) sits in a wheelchair by a row of blossoming, vibrant flowers. Across from her, her young granddaughter, BONNIE (15), stands with her arms crossed. VIOLET: Aren't they beautiful? I picked them out myself. Used to be that I planted them, too. Now, what with my arthritis acting up... Bonnie reaches over, stroking the soft petals lightly. BONNIE: Yeah, they're pretty. I thought you we're gonna teach me something today-- VIOLET: I will teach you, if you will listen to me this time, instead of looking at your smarty phone, or whatnot, all the time. Bonnie rolls her eyes. BONNIE: Whatever. VIOLET: Now, when I was a young woman... EXT. TOWN SQUARE - DAY - FLASHBACK A young woman, Violet (18, beautiful, with short blonde hair) rides down the street on her horse, CASSIO, waving to people as she passes by. A few boys stare at her. VIOLET (V.O.): I had everything I could ever want in those days. My parents owned the dairy farm. I had money. I had my flowers. I had my beloved horse, Cassio. All the boys fell at my feet. One of the boys, JONATHAN, about Violet's age, handsome, WHISTLES at her. VIOLET (V.O.): One in particular stood out to me... INT. BEDROOM - NIGHT - FLASHBACK Violet and Jonathan lie in bed, side by side, the sheets drawn up to cover their naked bodies. They share a kiss. Jonathan reaches over to grab something from the nightstand -- A PURPLE FLOWER. JONATHAN: A violet for my Violet. Violet holds back a laugh. VIOLET: That's no violet, you silly man. You took that from my garden, didn't you? Jonathan nods, smiling. VIOLET: It may look like a harmless violet, but it's one of the most poisonous plants in the world. You can tell by the black specks on the pedals. I like to grow a variety. JONATHAN: How come you know so much, Violet? I swear, you're the smartest woman I've ever known. VIOLET (V.O.): And just like that, we were married. It was a happy marriage for a time, but the happiness was never meant to last... EXT. HORSE FIELD - EVENING - FLASHBACK Violet runs into the field, screaming unintelligibly as Jonathan takes Cassio by the reins and leads him across the field. VIOLET (V.O.): He was a gambling man. Spent nearly all my fortune. Soon, not even my parent's money was enough to bail us out... VIOLET: If you take my horse from me, Jonathan, I'll never forgive you. You can't sell him. JONATHAN: Go back inside, Violet, before I put a hurt on you. INT. GREENHOUSE - NIGHT - FLASHBACK Violet shakily plucks purple flowers from her garden, a variety of them. VIOLET (V.O.): So, I did the only thing I could do... INT. GREENHOUSE - PRESENT DAY BONNIE: And what was that? Violet shrugs. VIOLET: I poisoned him. Bonnie's eyes widen in shock. VIOLET: Well, sweetheart, if you're determined to be a witch like your grandmother, you'll need to get used to a little poisoning now and then. Now, then, I really hope you were listening to what I said about the flowers, dear, because I'm about to make you choose the right one...

Feedback 8 You really use the flashbacks and V.O. narration to your advantage here. The narrative voice is fantastic, and all of the descriptions and dialogue really puts the audience right into the scene. This is something I'd like to read more of.