SCENE 1 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT A fancy, romantic restaurant is in full swing on a busy night. At a candlelit table in the corner sit JAY and ALLEGRA, a well-dressed couple in their early thirties. A waitress is placing plates of food in front of them. ALLEGRA: Thank you. JAY: Thank you. Looking up at the waitress, Jay spots someone behind her - DIANA, blindingly beautiful, dressed to kill. He looks away, but too late - she’s seen him. And here she comes. Jay gulps. WAITRESS: Can I get you anything else? JAY: No, thank you, we’re fine. The waitress leaves. Allegra digs into her dinner while Jay hyperventilates. ALLEGRA: Are you OK? JAY: Fine, why? He’s sweating now, his face shimmering in the soft light. ALLEGRA: You - Diana slides up to the table. DIANA: Hi, Jay. JAY: Uh, hi. DIANA: How are you? JAY: Fine. I’m having dinner with my wife. Um, this is my wife, Allegra. Allie, this is - ALLEGRA: Diana. Nice to meet you. She holds out her hand to Diana, who looks slightly confused. Jay looks like his wife has just morphed into a sea turtle. Allegra returns to her dinner. JAY: Diana and I work in the same department -- ALLEGRA: (mouth full) -- and you’re sleeping together. Jay and Diana stare at her while she continues to shovel steak into her mouth. ALLEGRA: It’s true, isn’t it? JAY: How…? ALLEGRA: Does it matter? Jay looks at the floor, then glances back up to find both women staring at him. He glares at Diana. She glares back. JAY: It’s Valentine’s Day, Diana. I’m with my wife. Diana nods. She sulks off. Jay watches her go. Allegra keeps eating. JAY (not looking at Allegra): Are you mad? Allegra shrugs. ALLEGRA: Depends. JAY: On? ALLEGRA: Whether or not you decide to go with her tonight. JAY: No. ALLEGRA: And whether or not there are diamonds waiting for me at home. Jay blanches. Allegra sips her wine.

FEEDBACK ONE It starts off well. I'm waiting for the climax, but the story dies. I expected another reaction from Diane and Jay after the accusation of Allegra. They only stare at Allegra. And Diane sulks off like she's some loyal dog to Jay. I don't get the impression that both women really are in love with Jay as their reaction is very cool.

And we're off! Good opportunity to review my thoughts on constructive critique for those joining in with feedback. Again make sure you note your post SCENE [number] / FEEDBACK [number] to keep track up to 10 for each.

SCENE 1: INT. CHILI’S RESTAURANT - NIGHT SCOTT and KAREN, a couple in their early 40s, sit at a table in the back. The same table they sit at every week. They are both fairly well dressed, as if they just came from work. Karen is picking at a salad while Scott sips on his beer. KAREN: I can’t believe Trish and Matt got that poodle. That thing is seriously such a terror, and oh my god did you see the haircut they gave it? Scott just stares at his beer clearly uninterested by his wife’s topic of conversation. Karen continues to blab, not even noticing her husband's inattentiveness. KAREN: Now the little pug that Fran got -- that thing is soo adorable. Let me show you, I think she posted some pictures of it on Facebook. She pulls out her iPhone and starts looking for pictures. Scott looks up to notice a very attractive blonde woman, early 30s, walk in the restaurant. Finally something interesting for him to look at. She is facing away from him, looking around trying to find someone. Scott just stares at her perfect ass. She turns around and notices Scott. They lock eyes. Scott freezes, wide eyed, not because she caught him looking, but because it’s JESSICA, the woman from the gym Scott has been sleeping with the past two months. Jessica starts to make her way toward their table. Scott is paralyzed, his mind racing trying to figure a way out of this situation. Karen just sits there oblivious looking through her phone and rambling on about dogs. Jessica is closer now, Scott picks up his beer to take a sip, the only logical thing for him to think of at this moment. He takes a huge gulp, and spits up half of it. Karen looks up, finally paying attention to her husband KAREN: Jesus Scott--drink much? Why are you being so weird? Jessica is right on on top of them now. Scott looks up, mouth open like he want’s to say something but he can’t think of words. Jessica just walks right by their table, not even acknowledging Scott, and greets a handsome man, mid 30s, sitting at the table behind them. Scott sits there stunned. Mouth still half opened. KAREN: Umm, hello? Could you not blatantly check out other women when I am sitting right here? Scott looking out, not believing what just happened, quickly snaps out of it and looks back to his wife. SCOTT: Uh, yeah--sorry. I just thought I knew her. Karen rolls her eyes and continues on with the one sided conversation. Scott takes a sip of his beer, and stares off into the abyss.

FEEDBACK 1 Hey Kara, nice scene. I like the way you've written it, snappy and to the point - I don't feel like many of the words are wasted. Perhaps a few bits of dialogue could be tightened up to help it flow a little - like Jay's introduction of his wife - but that is just a personal thing, and I'm hardly an expert on dialogue so you can ignore me! :-) It does feel like there could be more conflict in the scene BUT, that is also part of it's strength as we DON'T get the flare up or fight that we might expect, rather it can be seen as Allegra taking control of the situation. Some may argue that it shows her as weak and easily pacified by diamonds (shallow) but I think it opens the story up to interpretation as we (the audience) are left wondering whether this is actually the case, or just what she might do to Jay when they get home... after she gets her diamonds! Perhaps you could have her waving her knife at Jay in a threatening manner, or twisting her napkin in anger to suggest that he isn't getting away with this by any stretch of the imagination! And perhaps Diane does walk away without a fight; a woman scorned and all that - there is an opportunity for conflict there - but again, if everything played out exactly as we expected, it might not be so interesting. It is hard to get a lot of conflict into such a short scene (I struggled with mine) but I enjoyed reading it, so thanks for sharing!

FEEDBACK 2 Hey Combo! Nice scene - I like the fact that this plays with the audiences (and the character's) expectations and the threat of conflict never arises... at least not yet. Scott gets away with it this time, but there are plenty of "near-misses" to come - it's like the unexploded bomb (Hitchcock wasn't it?) - the expectation of the bomb exploding is much more exciting than the explosion itself... heavily paraphrased! You could, possibly, increase the tension with Jessica actually seeing Scott and teasing him as she passes, threatening his secret even more as she makes eyes at him behind his wife's back - will Karen notice or won't she! This could even add to Scott's shock as he realises SHE has been PLAYING him, and drive home his realisation of how close he is to ruining his own life. It could be his chance at redemption! Basically, I think I can see how this could be used in all sorts of ways in a wider story. As I am about to post a scene, I am wondering why we have all, so far, chosen the obvious cheating man? Freud would probably have something to say! :-)

SCENE 1 INT. ITALIAN RESTAURANT - NIGHT TONY sits opposite his wife, just about ready to tuck into his starter. MARIE feels her way onto the table edge to find her fork. The dark glasses she wears confirms that she is blind. MARIE: How is it? TONY: Delicious, complements the wine perfectly. Marie finds the edge of her plate and scoops up some risotto. Tony's face drops visibly, just not to Marie. URSULA, power-dressed and glamorous, appears in the entrance behind Marie. Tony ducks as if trying to hide, knocking his knife to the floor with a crash. MARIE: Tony? TONY: These tables are too small. He sits up to face Ursula's midriff. He looks up with a half-grin on his face. Ursula looks down, face like thunder. Her hands, that were on her hips, fly up at Tony, but not to hit him. She signs. URSULA: (signing) Who the hell is this? The hands go back to her hips. Marie sniffs the air. MARIE: Are you okay? TONY: Mmmm... this is good (signing at Ursula) Not now! Their hands make the slightest of slaps and clicks as they sign. MARIE: Who are you waving at? TONY: Just a guy from work... didn't see him on the way in. Marie sniffs again. TONY: Don't worry, just enjoy your food. Ursula is clearly angry URSULA: (signing) You're MARRIED?! She points to his ring finger, which Tony pathetically tries to hide. TONY: (signing) I was going to tell you... when the time was right. URSULA : (signing) The time was right just before you slept with me. She looks at Marie. Marie sniffs the air. URSULA: (signing) Is she blind or something? Tony points at his own face, to highlight Marie's glasses. TONY: (signing) Obviously. URSULA: (signing) Well that makes two of us. She picks up Tony's wine glass and empties it over his head before storming off. Marie sniffs the air like a dog trying to regain a scent. Tony drips onto the table. MARIE: Who was that? TONY: Who? What... I told you, guy from work, Martin... just left with someone who I don't think was his wife. MARIE: Well I hope HE washes off the smell of HER perfume before he gets into bed with HIS wife. Tony stares down at the table, soaking wet. He sniffs.

SCENE 1 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT JIM and JANE, dressed more for a business meeting than a dinner, hide behind their menus like castle gates. JIM: Maybe not the lobster. JANE: These prices are robbery. Restaurant front door kicked in and flies across the room. TWO ROBBERS wearing hats and huge sunglasses storm in, firing warning shots at the ceiling. KOOLY, the fat, male robber smashes register. MARY, slight, red headed, robber scans crowd KOOLY: Hands up, money out. MARY: Wallets, purses, gold teeth. Let's go Patrons cower, waiters duck, cooks kind of indifferent. Jack curiously eyes Mary. Legs...hips... chin freckle. Jack's eyes saucer like his empty plate. JACK: Please, no. Jack holds up menu to hide behind causing him to be the only person with hands not glued to a table. Mary spots menu, rushes over. MARY: Hands down... She stops. MARY: Jim?! Mary wildly throws her arms around Jim and kisses his cheek. JANE: Um, Jim? MARY: Hey, Hi! Is this Jane? JANE: Jim! JIM: It's not what it looks like. Jim squeezes out of Mary's grasp. JANE: How do you know this woman? Are you and her... JIM: Honey, of course not, I uh... Everyone in the restaurant... everyone, waits for Jim's answer. JIM: I know her because... I'm with them. Jim stands up and contorts his hand, quite pathetically, into a gun. Pointer finger, thumb and all. JIM: Everyone, just stay calm and this will all be over soon. Everyone is pretty much speechless. The cooks still don't care. Jim cringes at Jane. Jane inspects Jim and his "gun." JANE: Ok, just be quick. I'm starving.

INT. DONOVICCI’S ITALLIAN KITCHEN AND WINE BAR – NIGHT Open space, bar on the left wall, exposed kitchen in back, low wood tables set for four – a few pushed together. Fusion jazz on the speaker, fusion motif throughout. Hip without thought. PAUL (32) bored in his suit coat minus tie savors a mouthful of deep red wine across from- RON (45) tanned, frets at the place setting. Can’t seem to look at the other man. Paul: I told you I was sorry. I didn’t realize how important a seventh week anniversary was to you. Ron: It’s okay. Paul watches him arrange the flatware. Takes the other man’s hand, stills it. Paul: You’re making a scene. Ron looks around anxiously. Nobody watches them. Ron: Really? I’m sorry. Paul: How was your day? Ron’s hands settle but his leg starts jumping. Ron: Fine. I’m waiting for a contract. It wasn’t ready and I didn’t want to wait because then I’d be late and I didn’t want you to have to wait. Paul: You thought I was going to leave, didn’t you? Ron: No. Maybe. Anyway, there’s a new intern and he said he could run it over so it doesn’t really matter, does it? Paul finishes his wine. Pours another half glass from the bottle. He looks for the waiter. Ron: How about you? Paul: I didn’t think you were going to leave. Ron pouts at him. Paul notices the leg hopping. Paul: What’s with you tonight? You’re not yourself. Ron’s hands shoot to his hair. Ron: It’s the contract. Did I tell you the new intern is bringing it? Paul: Is it the intern that’s got you like this? Ron moves his mouth, has no words in it. He looks around. Spots a young man by the host’s desk. Ron: Ahh. There he is. Ron waves to the young man, MITCHELL (22) eye candy, not much else going on. He waves back, big smile, walks over, manila envelope in hand. Paul does a double take. Ron takes the envelope, focuses on the document. Ron: This is the intern I was telling you about, Mitchell. Mitchell: We met the other day. Ron looks up. Ron: You must be mistaken. Paul just got back from a week in London. Mitchell, unsure, looks to Paul. Paul rests his finger over his lips, subtle, Ron misses it while he’s signing. Mitchell misses it too, dreamy eyes big as saucers. Mitchell: No mistaking that. Ron finishes signing the contact. Hands it over. Ron: Definitely mistaken. He was too busy to even Skype with me. Weren’t you? Paul nods. Mitchell walks away, turns behind Ron. Mouths “Call me?” as a question. Paul: I’m not sure how I feel about you working with him. Ron beams. Ron: You’re jealous? And I was worried you were going to stand me up.

Scene 1 INT. ELEGANT RESTAURANT – NIGHT VIC and ANGELA (late 30s, wealthy) sit at their table, picking at their appetizers – both bored beyond belief. Vic takes a sip of his wine when he sees a stunning woman (CINDY, 20s, far less than wealthy) marching towards them. Angela notices Vic staring, is shocked to see Cindy arrive. Cindy glares at Vic. CINDY I’m pregnant. Angela’s eyes go wide with shock. VIC Uhhh…congratulations? CINDY (to Angela) There, all taken care of. I knew you wouldn’t tell him. Cindy smiles, picks up Angela’s wine glass, takes a sip. Angela closes her eyes, shakes her head. Vic’s mind is racing, but he takes a guess. VIC (to Angela) Wait, you’re having an affair with— ANGELA It’s not fair we don’t have children just because you don’t want them. Angela looks at Cindy, smiles, holds her hand. ANGELA (CONT'D) And you know I’ve always been a little…curious. (beat) Okay, a lot curious. Vic’s shell-shocked. VIC How long has this— Angela grabs her purse, pulls out an envelope. ANGELA 4 months. Angela pulls pictures out of the envelope. ANGELA (CONT’D) Which is about a year less than you. She tosses the photos on the table. Surveillance pictures of Vic and Cindy – having an affair. They include lots of “hot sex” pictures at numerous motels. Stunned, Cindy grabs a couple of the photos, glances at Vic. CINDY (sotto) Uh, oh. Angela stands, looks at Vic. ANGELA You’ll never get my inheritance. (smiles, to Cindy) Thanks for scratchin' that itch. Angela leaves. Cindy sits in her chair, grabs a shrimp, dips it in cocktail sauce. CINDY If it’s a girl, I’m thinking “Tara.” One of my BFFs in high school was… Cindy rambles on as Vic sits there, dumbfounded – now broke and with a child on the way.

SCENE 1 Picture this... A long moist BAR in a shit-hole DINER. Scattered PATRONS mumble and stare at a TV with the volume on zero, and watch silent-film football. Catty-corner--end of the bar--a velvet laugh emits from-- ALETHEA who’s claimed 28 for five years and counting. Her bedroom eyes narrow into dangerous slits as she eyeballs-- HAROLD whose name suggest frumpy and pasty, which isn’t far off. He looks every bit of 43, with a wide desperate smile. The pair are lost in conversation, and nearing the end of dinner smeared in cheap bowls-- HAROLD And he’s runnin’ around like a bat outta hell, so I says to him--Teddy--get this--Teddy you and what rough riders? Alethea humors him with another soft chuckle-- ALETHEA No, that’s funny. HAROLD Sister that ain’t the half of it...well, that’s the end of the story but--yadayadayada--he laughs, and I got off Scott free. ALETHEA To you then... She rises a TUMBLER--Harold’s quick to clink his to hers-- HAROLD How ’bout to us--oh geez-o-pete! ALETHEA ...sorry? HAROLD (distracted) Uh--gotta pee. HAROLD clumsily spills out of his stool in a huff and-- blindly leaps to the end of the diner towards the BATHROOM. Probably due to the fact that in the middle of their toast, a tall drink of water saunters into the diner. Her name is-- JESSICA 23. She eases towards the end of the bar-- HAROLD swoops into the BATHROOM CUBBY AREA--peers out slightly from the doorframe, spying-- JESSICA reaching the STOOL on the other side of Alethea-- JESSICA Hi, sorry, is this taken? ALETHEA No, no, sit. She removes her jacket and wraps it around the seat. JESSICA (re: her place) Just gonna run to rest room. Do you mind-- ALETHEA No, please. And she makes a bee-line towards the-- BATHROOM CUBBY as Harold’s heart sinks to the pit of his stomach-- he spins on a dime, and starts yanking the DOOR HANDLE. It doesn’t give--and he his eyes snap up to the duct taped "OUT OF ORDER" sign. He pulls harder-- HAROLD Nonononono-- JESSICA(OC) ...Harry? and does a double take-- HAROLD I’m fixing--occupied--ohmygod--hey! Hiya, good to see you.

FEEDBACK 3 I like this - perfect build up to a farce - the lies that beget lies - once you start you can't stop - would love to see how far Jim is prepared to take this to keep his secret!

Hi Jon, liked that - nice set-up for future drama, and putting the audience on the inside of the deception!

SCENE 1 INT. CATHOLIC CHURCH CONFESSIONAL - MORNING FATHER JIM sits on one side of the curtain. DERRICK (11) kneels on the other side. Signs the cross. FATHER JIM Go ahead son. DERRICK Bless me father for I have sinned. It's been like a long time since my last confession. FATHER JIM Try to remember for next time. DERRICK Doesn't God know how long it's been? I thought he knew everything. FATHER JIM He knows you're being a smart ass. Which is sin. Confess the rest of your sins. Derrick pulls a crumpled note out of his pocket. A slight "toot" is masked by the sound of the paper opening. DERRICK What was that sound? FATHER JIM It was the paper. Stop delaying. DERRICK I hit my brother 5 times. Father Jim squirms uncomfortably. DERRICK I lied to my mom 3 times. Father Jim is relieved. DERRICK I took the Lord's name in vein. (Catches a wiff) God Damn. That stinks. FATHER JIM Watch yourself. That will be an extra 3 Hail Mary's. DERRICK (To himself) Church stinks. FATHER JIM I heard that. We're having problems with the vents. Continue. DERRICK I watched a dirty movie at Billy Sim's house. Father Jim is really squirming now. DERRICK Are you okay Father? FATHER JIM (Pained) I'm fine. Hurry up! DERRICK The last thing I did was steal a pen from my teacher. FATHER JIM Oh GOD! Lets out a thunderous fart. FATHER JIM Thank you Lord. DERRICK Gross. FATHER JIM You caught me. I farted. DERRICK Damn Dude. FATHER JIM That will be 10 Hail Mary's. DERRICK Not fair.

SCENE 01 INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT ANNIE (30s) and BEN (30s) clink their glasses over candles, at a table for two. A champagne bottle in an ice bucket, they're dressed to the nines--a special occasion...? They sip and smile. ANNIE This is very nice. BEN You deserve it. Lately, you have been very nice. ANNIE We've been very nice together. They smile and sip. The place has lots of patrons, some already in their meals, a few already in their cups. Ben's eyes focus above Annie's shoulder--and go wide. At a distant table, an elegant woman gets up and sashays their way, she's CATHY (30s). The champagne takes a wrong path into Ben, who gets a coughing fit. ANNIE Are you okay? Ben's face takes on a reddish hue, he nods reassuringly, tries for a smile, puts the glass down. Cathy is coming closer. Ben's hand jerks, the fork tumbles to the floor. BEN Oops. He dives under the table. Under the tablecloth, like an old-fashioned photographer. Grabs the fork, holds it fast in his hand, says a little prayer. Cathy passes by the table. Moves away, in the direction of the bathroom. Ben hears her clop by. He emerges from under the table. Annie looks at him questioningly. He succeeds in smiling, brings the fork up as he plops down in his seat. BEN Almost as hard as a needle in an haystack. ANNIE Okay... She's suspicious and he is worried, Cathy may return... BEN I think I need to catch some fresh air. ANNIE Now? But the food should be here any minute. She takes another sip. BEN It's the cough... I... Fresh air. He starts to get up Annie's eyes focus above his shoulder Grow wide She coughs Slides down her chair Under the table Ben frowns, then one eyebrow raises as he wonders... Turns his head... Only one person in sight: Cathy is returning. Ben gets the meaning like a punch to the gut.

SCENE 01 JIM and SKYLER have just sat down at a reasonably upscale restaurant and are looking the menu over. Jim notices 2 servers approaching the table over Skylers shoulder. He recognizes one of them and his eyes go wide. The servers come to the table, the first one a little uneasy. BECA: Good evening, I’m going to be your server this evening my name’s .. Skyler looks up and is shocked to recognize the server SKYLER: Beca! I didn’t know you….How….You work here?! BECA: This is my first night, Julie’s supervising my training (fake smile in julies direction) Julie gives a polite smile and would rather be anywhere else. SKYLER: That’s….great. (to Jim) This is Beca from...the the..convention last month. JIM: (nodding) The..convention? BECA: Yeah, the one with the…. booths JIM: Oh sure, with the speaker from Hawaii SKYLER: Yeah, she was great BECA: Wait, there really was a convention? SKYLER: Yeah, what did you think? BECA: I thought he was doing one of his bits SKYLER: You know Jim? JIM: (doing his Groucho Marx impersonation) Sure, we met at the convention BECA: What? JIM: Well, we met while the convention was going on SKYLER: Weren’t you sick that day? JIM: I…. got better? Skyler looks at Beca - Beca inspects at the menu SKYLER: Are you sleeping with her? JIM: well...yes...It just sorta happened. We were at the library doing research SKYLER: and I know how much you like your research. JIM: Oh don’t get all high and mighty, you were sleeping with what’s his name until last week. SKYLER: Yeah, but I told you about him. JIM: So you’re just mad I didn’t tell you. SKYLER: I’m mad you didn’t tell me before I slept with her, I like research too. Julie looks at all of them like they’re crazy. Prods Beca BECA (shrugs) Our soup of the day? JIM: Y’know, I’m not sure I’m hungry any more SKYLER: Ice cream? JIM: Perfect They get up to leave. BECA: See you next week TOGETHER: Okay!

[SCENE 1] INT. FINE DINING RESTAURANT - NIGHT JOHN (30s), pretty boy, two days beard and oozing confidence, and JENNIFER (30s) long blond hair, soft eyes and charming, sit at white clothed table with glasses of wine in their hands and a soft candle light in between. Violins in the background, the packed restaurant harbors sludges of new chic with hints of Sicilian roots. JOHN Oh my. JENNIFER You keep saying that. He winks JOHN I guess there is nothing better to say. JENNIFER Do you ever have anything better to say? He squints, his charmer's smile on. JOHN Ouch. His eyes turn to the restaurant's entrance where a gorgeous brunette, Olivia (late 20s) enters, her blue eyes and pink smile set on him. His confidence drops. And so does his glass of wine. As he picks up the glass and tries to recover, his eyes, with lightning speed, switch between Olivia/Jennifer/candle/fire alarm handle/sprinklers, all disconcertedly far away from each other. JENNIFER Are you ok? His smile jumps and drops in alternance. JOHN Yes, sorry. I just, you know, when, haha- He drops his glass again but this time, nicely calculated, against THE CANDLE which drops on Jennifer's napkin which CATCHES ON FIRE. Jennifer jumps back, hitting the man behind her who swallows a big chunk of meat. John RUNS to the FIRE ALARM HANDLE as Olivia stops, raising an eyebrow, watching the scene unfold. JOHN Fire. Fire. Jennifer turns around to discover the man CHOKING. DILILILILINNNNNG. The alarm resonates throughout the restaurant and John turns around, his hand still on the handle. WATER flushes out of the sprinklers. The entire crowd gets up at once, women's fancy dresses getting drenched while helpless suits barely take off their jackets to protect them. John's eyes get into motion again: sprinklers/water falling/make-up dripping/ Olivia fighting her way towards Jennifer/the man CHOKING. John runs back to the table, pushing people out of the way and JUMPING over chairs. He grabs the man and gives him back-blows and abdominal thrusts as the crowd clears out under the flowing water. POP. The piece of barely cooked beef flies out of the poor man's mouth and lands inside a diluted mushroom soup. John drops the man into his seat where his wife picks him up and they run out of the room. He turns to Jennifer who stands, hand on her hip and water dripping everywhere, joined by Olivia who stops in dismay. JOHN Well. Jennifer, Olivia. Olivia, Jennifer. Jennifer shakes her head. JENNIFER Man I knew you were a coward but that- She looks around at the water pouring from the celling, the chairs lying on the floor and complete disaster laying on all the tables. JENNIFER That's pretty rich. Even for you. She turns to Olivia. JENNIFER Did you expect that when you called me? Olivia's eyes are dead set on John. OLIVIA Nope. Jennifer grabs Olivia's hand and together they walk away, leaving John behind under the water, screaming by himself: JOHN I didn't expect that when I called me either. He pauses, confused. JOHN You know what I mean. He looks around at the utter mess. JOHN (to himself) Oups.

SCENE 1 INT. FANCY RESTAURANT - DAY A large room, full of diners in 50s/60s attire. HENRY (40, fit and handsome) is well-dressed in a suit and tie, opposite HELENA (34, radiant) in her elegant dress and carefully done hair and make-up. HELENA: Thank you for this, darling. It’s been too long since we’ve been out together, just the two of us. HENRY: Do you like the place? Senator Howards recommended it. He and his wife celebrated their twentieth here. HELENA: It’s quite lovely. As Henry peruses a wine list Helena looks gaily about the room, taking in the chandeliers, the champagne flutes twinkling in the candlelight, the jazz pianist at the baby grand, the waiters straight-backed in penguin tuxedos— Helena’s face falls. A handsome young WAITER is moving in their direction. She recognises him. The joy in her eyes is replaced with a quiet fear. Henry notices the change in his wife. HENRY: Everything all right, Helena? Just then the waiter arrives at their table and presents the couple with menus. WAITER: Your menus, sir and madam. Have you made a decision on the wine? HENRY: Ah, yes. I was thinking the 1954 Chateau Haut-Brion. That do for you, dear? Helena nods, unsettled. HELENA (quietly): Quite lovely. As she speaks the waiter looks at her, but no sign of recognition passes over his face. Between the waiter and Henry, however: a lingering look, a knowing smile; a warmth barely visible to those not looking for it. A warmth that breaks Helena’s heart. WAITER: Excellent choice, sir. The waiter leaves, taking with him the remains of Helena’s pride. She looks at her husband, who's now reading the menu, and her eyes fill with tears. HELENA (whispered): Henry... Henry looks up. HENRY: What’s that? Helena quickly bows her head and regains her composure. When she looks up again her eyes are still shining, but she’s broken into a cheery smile. HELENA: Have you been to this place before? HENRY: No, never. As I said, Howards recommended it. He and his wife... The sound fades out as Helena, smile fading, stares at her husband with a terrible, mournful love.

Busy chain seafood restaurant. Dan and Rachel, a moderately attractive couple in their late 30s, are at dinner. Rachel dispiritedly picks at her shrimp scampi, while Dan tucks into lobster. They’re not talking. One gets the sense that they don’t talk a lot. Bored, Rachel gazes off, then her eyes fix on something, shock and panic registering on her face. RACHEL: (sotto voce): Oh, God. DAN (looking up from dismembering his lobster): Did you say something? Behind Dan’s back, Yuri, a handsome Russian in leather jacket and dark jeans, looking like a man on a mission, is threading his way among the tables, eyes bored into Rachel’s face. Strangely, he’s carrying a poodle puppy. RACHEL: No, no. Um, I need to pee. I’ll be right back. DAN: You peed five minutes ago. Rachel arches an eyebrow, nostrils flaring. Dan, immediately chastened, lowers his eyes and goes back to his lobster. Rachel hops up and starts threading her way toward Yuri, who’s holding out the puppy. Rachel starts pointing to the left, trying to get him to head toward an alcove against the wall. Yuri is undeterred. Finally they meet between tables. Yuri holds out the puppy. RAUL: He won’t eat. He pees everywhere. He makes such a noise. RACHEL: Why did you bring him here, now? RAUL: It is bowling night. You come and eat the seafood after bowling. What, I come to your house? A waitress appears. WAITRESS: Sir, you can’t bring a dog in here. Yuri looks at her, narrowing his eyes and actually growling, the corner of his lip lifting up to reveal a gold tooth. The waitress blanches and scurries off. RACHEL: Now you’ve done it. Yuri swings his eyes back to her. YURI: You take dog, now. RACHEL: I can’t. I’m here with Dan. YURI: Your problem, not mine. He peed on my Bruno Maglis. Twice. No woman is worth that. Dosvedanya. With that, he shoves the puppy into her arms, turns and stalks off, just as the waitress is returning with the bouncer. They let Yuri go and turn to Rachel. WAITRESS: You still can’t have that dog in here. RACHEL: Don’t worry. I’ll take care of it. Just give me a minute. Rachel goes back to the table and stands next to Dan, who finally looks up with a mouthful of lobster. He chews for a moment, absorbing the scene of her standing there, holding a trembling poodle puppy. He then swallows. DAN: What’s this about? RACHEL: Someone abandoned him in the bathroom. I’m rescuing him. Dan’s eyes go down. DAN: I think he peed on your dress. Rachel somehow maintains her composure, but with great difficulty. By this time, everybody in the restaurant is staring. Seeing this, she goes for it, screwing up her face and screeching at the top of her voice. RACHEL: You don’t love me! You never want me to have anything nice. I always wanted a dog, and now God himself has given me one. So what if he peed? He’s scared! I’m scared! I’m scared I’m losing you! She’s now worked herself into a good cry, and the puppy is howling. Dan jumps to his feet, confused and panicking. DAN: No, no, of course you’re not losing me. RACHEL: You didn’t want me to order the scampi. You think I’m faaaaat! DAN: No, no, of course I don’t. HE pulls out his wallet, yanks out bills and throws them on the table. Then he tries desperately to calm her down. DAN: It’s OK, it’s OK. Of course you can have the dog. I love dogs. I love you. Lip trembling, puppy clutched to her chest, Rachel pauses and raises wet eyes to him. RACHEL: You do? DAN: Of course, I do. I’ve never loved anyone but you. I never could. You’ve always been the only woman for me. Rachel is perplexed but yet enchanted. She blinks up at Dan, who looks genuinely concerned. Then she looks around at the whole restaurant, which is now watching with great interest. She looks down at the puppy, which blinks wet eyes back at her. RACHEL: Then why? Why? Why don’t you ever talk to me? DAN: Be home more, and I will. That satisfies Rachel, and she and Dan exit the restaurant, with her still clutching the puppy. As they’re waiting for the car, Dan looks over and sees Yuri in the shadows. Yuri sticks out his foot and wiggles it, and Dan gives him a nod. Yuri gives him a heads-up in response and moves away, leaving Dan with his arms around his wife and the puppy, which piddles on his arm.

BTW, this is Scene 1.

Well written with nice descriptions — the room décor, lighting, pianist playing and waiters waiting all help establish the tone of the room. You set up the situation with the waiter very nicely, flipping the script on us smoothly and in a downplayed manner. Not much more to say other than great job!

SCENE 1 INT. UPSCALE RESTAURANT - RIVERSIDE PATIO - DAY A party of six loud twenty-somethings enjoy an after-work gathering in the center of the otherwise quiet, cozy space. At the edge of the patio sits BRANDI (32), petite, and AARON (45), beige sport jacket and shades. A bottle of red wine and two full stemmed glasses rest on the table between them. Brandi picks at her spinach salad, searching for something that will never be found, while Aaron smokes a cigarette. BRANDI: Do you have to smoke? AARON: No. BRANDI: You mind putting it out then? Some of us are still eating. After short consideration, Aaron squashes the smoke against the sole of his shoe and flicks the butt into the river below. Brandi shakes her head, sips generously from her glass. BRANDI: Why are we even here? AARON: You're still eating, no? With that comment, Brandi drops her fork onto her plate, creating a loud clink then sinks lifelessly into her chair. AARON: Are we seriously going to do this? Again? Here? A tear rolls down her cheek. She turns slightly to hide it, focuses on the sun setting over the river. An Egret lands on an embankment stump and the two seemingly lock eyes. Aaron sighs with frustration, lights up another smoke. The party of six erupts with glee, drawing his attention as... A newcomer joins their group. She is JILLIAN (22), pretty & put together, and Aaron recognizes her instantly. AARON: Shit. Amidst a brief delicate hug with her girlfriend, Jillian spots Aaron across the way. Her expression goes from excited to puzzled upon noticing his female companion. Jillian signals "one sec" to her slightly-buzzed companions and beelines straight for his table. JILLIAN: I imagine you're surprised to see me. This gets Brandi's full attention... she adjusts her position. AARON: Do you mind? We're eating. JILLIAN: It looks to me like -- BRANDI: Oh, we're finished. Please. Continue. Aaron looks at a vindictive Brandi, then back to -- JILLIAN: Jillian. And you are? BRANDI: Brandi. JILLIAN: So. How do you know Aaron? BRANDI: We've been dating almost two years. JILLIAN: (to Aaron) You piece of shit. AARON: Don't start acting crazy. JILLIAN: Don't act crazy? Seriously? She picks up his glass and throws his wine in his face. He tries desperately to keep his cool. Dips his napkin in a glass of water and dabs his now-burgundy-drenched jacket. The party of six has taken notice, delivering a host of varied reactions. JILLIAN: Your boyfriend is a lying, cheating whore. Just thought you should know. With that, Jillian retreats inside the restaurant, presumably to the rest room. One of her mates chases after her. Brandi dishes Aaron a repulsed look, shakes her head and calmly exits the restaurant without a word. Aaron pulls off his shades, shakes them free of wine. Defeated, he looks out at the river and momentarily locks eyes with the Egret just prior to it taking flight.

SCENE 1 Int. Restaurant-night A mostly empty restaurant filled with rustic furniture and plastic décor on the walls. The local drunks fill the small bar. This is not a place you want to be. RICHARD and MARCIA sit tucked in the corner barely engaged in each other’s presence. They sit in heavy silence as the waiter brings their food. MARCIA: Thank you. WAITER: Another refill? MARICA: No thank you. RICHARD: Crown and coke. The waiter nods and leaves. Marcia begins to pray. RICHARD: You should be thanking me for the meal not God. I’m paying. Marcia ignores him and continues her prayer. Richard cuts into his steak with no regret. Marcia takes her time unfolding her napkin and cutting into her chicken with care. RICHARD: You better eat it all. What you don’t eat, you pay for. There silence continues. Richard slams down his drink. RICHARD: I still can’t believe Dave wanted settle. Son of bitch was gonna take a hundred grand. I say you want triple digits go for a larger number. He talks and chews Marcia turns away disgusted. RICHARD: The man must learn when to use his ears not his mouth. Marcia rolls her eyes and looks for the waiter. She immediately notices DAVE walking into the restaurant with a woman by his side. They talk with the Waiter and the Woman leaves Dave. Marica and Dave lock eyes. Richard notices Dave. RICHARD: Speaking of the man himself. Dave with no where else to go trudges toward the table. DAVE: Richard, I’m surprised to see you at a dive like this. RICHARD: Well Dave this place has the best steak and potatos a man will ever eat. Dave looks around the empty restaurant. DAVE: Clearly everyone here agrees with you. RICHARD: What are you doing here Dave? Richard still chews on his steak while talking. DAVE: Me and a friend are going to watch a show at the Old West Theater. Just a couple of blocks from here. RICHARD: Right I know the place, Marcia is always hanging out at that dump. DAVE: Yes, I’ve seen her there. Dave stares at Marcia. Marica tries to look away instead smiles to herself. RICHARD: What is it you say you go there for? Entertainment? I say you want entertainment go to a rodeo, now that’s entertainment. The Woman approaches the table the waiter following behind. WAITER: Should I get more chairs? RICHARD: No just the check. DAVE: We better go the show’s about to start. He looks at Marcia. DAVE: Nice to see you. Goodbye Richard. Richard nods and finishes his steak as the waiter brings the check. Marcia watches Dave as he flashes a smile and walks out the door.

FEEDBACK 1 You have a great idea here. It seems comedic and its enjoyable. However I felt there was too much explanation in your action. Just a little more fine tuning and this scene would play out as you imagined.

SCENE 1 INT. RESTAURANT – NIGHT JESS (25) and CARL (30) peruse their menus. They are young hipsters, tastefully tattooed. Jess: I can’t decide. If I order the gorgonzola pizza will you split it with me? That way I can have some of yours, too. Carl: I was going to get the gorgonzola one. Jess: Okay, get that one. I’ll get the porcini pizza. Then I can still have a piece of yours. Right? Carl: Yeah, sure. Jess closes her menu with a satisfied snap. Jess: All right. So we’re ready to order? Carl is still studying the menu so he doesn’t notice when Jess does a double take. Her eyes follow a tall man in a conservative suit who saunters up to the takeout counter. The man leans one arm onto the counter, flirting with the cashier. The cashier laughs out loud as she makes the man’s change. Carl, finally done with the menu, follows Jess’s gaze. Carl: So annoying, right? Jess’s head snaps back to Carl. Jess: Huh? Carl gestures towards the man in the suit. Carl: The suits are taking over the neighborhood. Wherever we go, money has to follow and ruin everything. Jess shrugs. Jess: It’s a free country. Carl narrows his eyes at Jess. Carl: This from the person who threw a fit when a Starbucks opened five blocks away? Jess: There’s a difference between people and corporations. Carl looks at the guy. He’s lifting up some pizza boxes, still flirting with the cashier. Carl: That guy is a corporation. Jess: You don’t even know him. The man is coming towards them now. Jess looks down at the table. Carl stares at him openly, challenging. The man slows down, seeing the challenge in Carl’s gaze. His eyes land on Jess, studiously avoiding him. He barely stumbles but smirks at Carl before picking up his pace and leaving the restaurant. Carl: Jackass.

FEEDBACK 1 I really liked this scene. It is very evocative and emotional. One suggestion I have is for Helena to deflect Henry when he asks her what's wrong. Otherwise Henry seems too oblivious to her making a connection between him and the waiter. Unless that's the point?

Thank you for your feedback. Trimming the action? Noted.

SCENE 1 INT. KATZ’S DELICATESSEN, NYC -- EVENING This iconic joint hasn’t changed much since BOB (50’s) came in for a late night nosh every Thursday during law school. He’s changed, though. Thirty some odd years later Bob is prosperous looking but balding and paunchy. He sits across the table from his wife, KATHY (also 50’s) who looks like she has kept a good home for her husband and kids in the sleepy suburbs north of the city. Her clothes are nice, conservative. It is easy to imagine that she was very beautiful once upon a time, but her face lacks joy and she has thickened around the waist. Its early for dinner, but Katz’s is still buzzing. Bob and Kathy sit in silence, slowly consuming hot pastrami on rye, swiss cheese dripping off the meat. Eventually.... BOB: So...... She ignores him. He pauses. KATHY:(not looking at him) Spit it out, Bob. Say what you’ve got to say. BOB: I was thinking... KATHY: Uh huh? BOB: I was thinking we should renew our vows. He says this very quickly, so he won’t lose his nerve. KATHY: What? BOB: Now that the kids are grown. Its our 30th anniversary. I just thought. Well, you know. We could start the next chapter fresh. Kathy sits back in her seat, crosses her arms, and looks at Bob for the first time this evening. KATHY: Wow. That is not what I expected. Suddenly, Kathy practically chokes. Behind Bob's head she sees... A raven haired beauty comes through the door. This is NAOMI (40’s), immaculate in a red turtleneck and tight black jeans topped by a three quarter length black fur coat. BOB: (apparently not noticing Kathy’s gawp) Why? What did you expect me to say? Naomi approaches Bob and Kathy’s table in three long strides. NAOMI: (to Kathy) Darling! KATHY: What are you doing here? NAOMI: I wanted to meet Bob. The famous Bob. KATHY: Not now. BOB: Hi. I’m Bob. Bob holds out his hand. BOB (CONT’D) Would you like to join us? Naomi takes his hand and sits between them. BOB (CONT’D): How do you two know each other? KATHY: (implores) Please don’t. NAOMI: I’m Kathy’s lover. Going on three years. Bob drops Naomi's hand. He looks confused. He glances at Kathy. Then at Naomi. Then back to Kathy. BOB: Would you like anything else dear? I think it may be time for us to head home.

INT. RODNEY’S DINER - NIGHT JAMES and SAMI gaze into each others eyes sitting at a booth in a 60’s inspired restaurant. SAMI-I’m waiting on you. James reaches across the table and grabs her hand. JAMES-I remember seeing you when you toured the building with your training class. SAMI-I remember my cousin asking me if we were... Sami rams an index finger through a hole she makes with her other hand. They both laugh. JAMES-I remember trying to kiss you once and you started laughing a little and then got choked and threw up in your mouth. Sami playfully snatches her hand away. SAMI-That is not the kind of memory I want to be remembering today. James reclaims her hands. JAMES-At that moment, I knew if I could handle your vomit then nothing would spit us up. The last line cracks the love birds up again. Just then the door DINGS and in walks SABRINA a dressed for success business woman with fire in her eyes. She’s pissed. Her eyes meets James’ and he clams up. He snatches away his hands and stiffens. She darts toward their booth. SAMI-What’s wrong? JAMES-Nothing! Sabrina reaches the table. SABRINA-Well this is cute! Sami’s eyes dart from Sabrina to James. James has a blank look on his face. SAMI-Can I help you? SABRINA-No, but imma help you! James hops out of the booth and stands in between the ladies. JAMES-Sabrina! My girlfriend doesn’t need any help with her taxes this season! James guides Sabrina toward the exit. SAMI-Taxes? Sabrina spins around James and returns to the booth. SABRINA-Look, I hate to interrupt this joke of a date. But someone needs to let you know... James pulls Sabrina by her shirt. JAMES-That she can get you a bigger refund than H & R block. A burly COOK comes from behind the counter. COOK-You guys are going to have to leave. SABRINA-I’m pregnant with his baby!

scene 1

Scene 1 INT.-ANDRE’S RESTAURANT - NIGHT Seated at a table for two in an elegant restaurant GREG, 37, is completely engrossed by whatever is displayed on his phone. His suit is expensive but his appearance suggests he came straight from work. Across the table his wife, LYNN, 32, watches him sadly. Her attire and jewelry are also expensive, but tastefully understated. LYNN: Honestly, Greg, the market is closed. GREG (not bothering to look up): That doesn’t mean I can’t fit in a few after-hour deals. A phone rings and Greg takes a second phone out of his inside pocket and answers the phone. GREG: Charlie. Listen, I just finished going over your portfolio... (The volume of Greg’s voice diminishes but he is still talking}. Lynn fingers the edge of her menu. As Greg concludes the call his other phone rings and he answers it. Lynn looks around at the restaurant’s nearby clientele who are clearly annoyed by Greg’s phone calls disturbing the ambiance. Lynn smiles apologetically and mouths, “Sorry.” A WAITRESS approaches the table. Lynn hands her the menus. LYNN: I’ll have the salmon in lemon and basil sauce with the house salad. The waitress looks to Greg who is still absorbed in his phone conversation. LYNN: He’ll have the filet mignon, medium rare. WAITRESS: Rice or- LYNN: -Baked potato, butter and chives, no sour cream. As the waitress departs SCOTT, 35, comes up to the table. He is well-dressed in a sophisticated but casual manner. Greg looks up. GREG (into the phone): Can you hang on a second? Greg and Scott shake hands. GREG: Good to see you, Scott. Greg motions to a waiter who brings over a chair. Scott joins the party and Greg goes back to his phone call. Scott takes Lynn’s hand and leans towards her and whispers to her. Heads together they continue to whisper. Still holding Lynn’s hand Scott leans back in his chair. SCOTT: How long are you going to do this? GREG: I’m almost through. SCOTT: I wasn’t talking to you. Greg finally notices that Lynn and Scott are holding hands. GREG (into phone): I’ll call you back. Greg puts down his phone and slowly looks at their joined hands. GREG: You’re kidding, right? Lynn and Scott just look at him. GREG: You’re my best friend. And you… you’re my wife. And you’ve been having an affair behind my back? Scott starts to speak and Lynn holds up a hand to silence him. LYNN (to Scott): I’ve made my choice. Scott leaves. Lynn starts to follow then turns back to Greg. LYNN: It wasn’t behind your back. He’s been sending me flowers at the house for months. We talk regularly on the phone. I never left the room when he called. Lynn looks at Greg for one pain-filled moment. LYNN: You never even noticed. Lynn leaves and Greg remains at the table, stunned.

Feedback #1 Eric, First off, I love what you’ve done with Harold. His dialogue matches the physical description beautifully and he is largely responsible for maintaining the pace of the scene. The women could use more development. Why are Alethea (whose still only 32 with bedroom eyes) and 23-year-old tall drink of water Jessica with frumpy and pasty 43-year-old Harold? Making us care about the women would also add to the tension of the scene. Second, I would suggest either reading up on the format of screenplays or read some screenplays. A better understanding of format would tighten things up. Finally, it didn’t feel resolved to me. Maybe have Jessica invite Harold to join her. In other words, take away his escape route. Keep going, you have a good ear for dialogue. Susan

FEEDBACK 10 Hi Susan, I liked that, nicely done - of all things it made me think of American Psycho from the point of view of that all-consuming obsession with everything but the right hings, making us blind to what is really under our noses. As opposed to the murder.... :-) The only thing I might suggest to help make it fly is to think about how you could add a bit more subtext to the last few bits of dialogue, so its not so obviously "you're having an affair", "Yes we are" - I guess making it more natural. But, to be honest, it works nicely as it is, so it's certainly not a deal-breaker!

Susan, I appreciate you taking the time to critique my scene. Couldn't agree more with your assessment. Taking your suggestions to heart. Hope to return the favor soon. Thanks Again-- E.

Feedback #1 Susan, Guess I can return the favor a little sooner than later huh ;) My critique is twofold. Chiefly--I think its a bold choice to attack the prompt as you've done. I've read through a few responses posted, and I can say the majority of them have been (including my own) the adulterer avoiding the his/her lover. Your approach barrels into the messiness of a love triangle head-on. It's direct. There's conflict. And I can picture the setting. However--I think there's a serious oversight in logic on all fronts. I don't buy the dinner setting as a place to stage Lynn's confession (and not sure why she does this after ordering?). I don't buy "best friend" Scott's complete callousness towards Greg. And I really think the spice of life could be added into the trio's back and forth with a bit of subtext (That would also give the dialogue a more natural feel). Everything is soooo direct, I think it loses some pacing power, or tension that could build as the scene progresses. Anywho--if you like any of this, pick up, if not, send it right back. Half the battle is finding a unique approach to what's the norm, but I think your concept has it in spades. Keep writing. I'll do the same. E

INT. RESTAURANT - NIGHT TAYLOR (25) and PORTIA (27), sit at a table in a trashy-kitsch Chinese restaurant. Portia scans the menu with a bored glaze in her eyes. Taylor runs her hands through her perfect, shiny bob haircut, staring at Portia expectantly. TAYLOR So, do you like it? Portia looks over the menu at her. TAYLOR (CONT’D) If you say ‘what’, so help me God- PORTIA Your hair, yes. I like it. TAYLOR That’s it? You’re so fucking boring. PORTIA We’re lesbians, Taylor. We moved in together after 3 months of dating and we both shop at the GAP. Boring is what we do. TAYLOR Yeah well, Chloe and Jennifer- PORTIA Are fucking assholes. TAYLOR They’re my friends. PORTIA Sorry. TAYLOR Thank you- PORTIA Your friends are fucking assholes. TAYLOR Okay, they’re kind of assholes. I just... Don’t you ever want to do something spontaneous? Don’t I make you want to do something spontaneous? PORTIA Like combust? Taylor huffs. TAYLOR Why do I even try. Portia’s back to staring at the menu. TAYLOR (CONT’D) Fuck me for trying to add some sort of excitement to this relationship. With an eye-roll, Portia’s gaze falls on the front door just as it swings open. JESSICA (27), walks in; a tall glass of hipster chic in a plaid shirt and short skirt. Portia’s eyes widen. TAYLOR (CONT’D) You know this is so like you to just be one hundred percent dismissive... every fucking time. Portia watches as Jessica sits down at a table. Jessica scans the room and Portia ducks behind her menu. TAYLOR (CONT’D) Like that’s your thing, Portia, that’s all you do- PORTIA Paramore. TAYLOR What? PORTIA Paramore’s playing at the Nokia Center tonight. Let’s go. TAYLOR What? Portia grabs Taylor, yanks her towards the door with a menu to shield her face from Jessica as they pass- TAYLOR (CONT’D) Don’t we need tickets? PORTIA I’ll beat up some emo kids for em. Come on!

Thank you, Mark. I think I'm going to take the dialogue class. I'm learning from the feedback (yours and others) that I still need to divorce my voice (which is very direct) from the voices of my characters. Thanks for your input, Susan

Eric, This helps. Thank you. I'm struggling with the whole concept of directness because it's my personality to be direct and I'm seeing that I need to reign that in. I didn't pick up on the oddness of the timing of Lynn's confession at dinner because I wasn't seeing the confession as planned, just something that happened because Scott showed up. I'm glad you pointed out the callousness of Scott. I was using him more as a catalyst instead of a developed character. Thanks again, Susan

Feedback 1 Hey there Shoshana, I really enjoyed your scene. The dialogue was both funny and real. The dullness that relationships can fall into and the ways some try to fix it is perfectly displayed. What could of used some work is the drama of the scene. When Jessica walks in we can tell that Portia knows her due to her reaction but the audience still doesn't know the danger. One way you could add more danger/drama is just a quick line showing her seeing the couple and maybe making a face or mouthing something. If the scene could of been longer maybe you could of had her be rude and angry with the waiter to show that she had a short fuse. either way it was a joy to read. keep writing. Verdell

SCENE 2 RUDY - mid-fifties, not quite fit, kind-looking banker type - drinks coffee and shares pie with his wife SARAH - early forties, glamorous - at a neat, old-fashioned diner. They look overdressed for this place. They hold hands across the table but there’s no connection between them. The door opens and a strong blast of ice wind shoves in a woman wearing a long, ill-fitting fur coat. Short blond hair. Mid-twenties. Slamming body, ordinary face. This is ANNA. Anna notices Rudy and his wife, strides towards their table. A WAITRESS appears in front of Anna, assumes she’s going for the table beside Rudy and Sarah. WAITRESS (nervous): I wouldn’t. It’s Mr. Visconti’s. Last week he put a stake knife into someone’s hand for sitting there. Anna takes another table with a clear view of the couple. She stares shamelessly. Sarah notices, instinctively looks over at Anna. Rudy fidgets, dropps pie into his coffee. SARAH (to Rudy): You know that woman? Rudy says nothing, forks the pie out of the coffee. He offers this wet pie to Sarah, bringing the fork to her lips. Sarah slaps Rudy’s hand aside, disgusted. SARAH: Do you know that woman? Rudy looks over at Anna. She smiles at him. Intimate. He remains straightfaced. Rudy looks at Sarah and shakes his head. SARAH: Looks like you know her. RUDY: I’ve never seen her before in my-- Rudy does a nervous double take at Anna. She is still staring. RUDY: Wait a minute...I think I may have seen her somewhere. Sarah watches Rudy, rage simmering. Cheeks suddenly in high color. SARAH: Where? RUDY: I don’t know. It’s a bit hazy. SARAH: So you were drunk? RUDY: What! No. I just can’t seem to place her. Sarah looks over at Anna. SARAH: Look at those knockers. Rudy looks. Sarah yanks Rudy’s face back to her. RUDY: Sorry...I was just trying to remember. It’s all dark in my memory-- SARAH: Dark! Like what, like the lights were off? Dark like-- RUDY: No! Dark like I’m having trouble remembering details. Beat. SARAH: So there are details. I just knew it. Sarah fumes. Snatches her hand from his, slams it down on the table. The impact shifts her hairpiece dramatically. Rudy stares at this. SARAH (screaming): Look at me when I’m talking to you Rudy. Look me in the eye you shit-eating coward! Rudy stares in shock at his wife. Everyone freezes, watches. A CHIRPY FEMALE VOICE on the radio is the only sound now. Anna stands, dusts her coat. All eyes on her. She slowly sashays over to Rudy and Sarah’s table, never taking her eyes off Rudy, who holds her gaze. The connection between them is visceral. Anna reaches the couple, stands still, hand on hip. The air is tense with uncertainty. Then Anna bends down and picks a soggy morsel of pie off the floor - the one Rudy had tried to feed Sarah. Anna looks directly at Sarah. Sarah’s eyes wet and wide with anger, disbelief. Anna puts the pie in her mouth, then closes her eyes and swallows with utter, sexual pleasure.

FEEDBACK 01 Hey Verdell! I loved how you opened your scene with great imagery in the memories you selected for the couple. My major issue was Sabrina's final line being too predictable. Also, Sabrina is a "dressed-for-success business woman", but this doesn't fit in with her "Imma help you" rough talk indicative of a different social status. Lastly, and maybe this is a smaller point, I'm not sure that Sami being James' girlfriend qualifies James as an adulterer. The fact that Sami and James are on a "joke of a date" as Sabrina points out, rings true, especially since Sabrina is pregnant…if they were married, Sabrina would be very wrong in calling it a date at all, because theirs (Sami and James') would be a more valid relationship in the eyes of the world than even Sabrina's pregnancy. But even them being married would not change the predictability of the situation. I would try for punchier closure.

Feedback #1 Hi Tony -- I liked reading your scene! I am always intrigued by scenes where the protag is undertaking a physical action that is different from what he is saying. I also love your idea of having a blind wife and a deaf mistress. This was very clever. And I LOVED the surprise at the end that Marie knew what was going on the whole time. Really great. A few suggestions: I wished I had a better sense of what Tony and Marie look like -- esp. how old they are. I also wondered about their relationship -- are they loving to each other? Could you add a brief physical gesture that would tell us something about the state of their relationship? Finally, I guess if the characters are signing, it will be sort of like a foreign film with captions for the viewers. I'm not sure what the right way is to express this in the screenplay. But I wondered if there is a convention for this? Anyway, overall a great read! THANKS, Susan W.

Feedback #3 Hi Verdell -- I like your scene. I think the opening is funny! The throw up thing is gross and hysterical at the same time. It also sets up that nice line about knowing she was the girl for him. I sense, but am not sure, that this is a long standing relationship and that James and Sami are celebrating some kind of milestone. It might ratchet up the conflict if we knew a little more about this. Also, it will help make it clear that James cheated, rather than that he got her previous girlfriend pregnant before Sami came into the picture. Also, we get a fairly clear picture of Sabrina, in her dress for success get up, but we don't really have any idea what James and Sami look like. Is there contrast there? Also, how old are they? Lot's of great work here! THANKS, Susan W.

Hey Susan Thanks, for the feedback. Glad you picked up on the milestone and sorry I didn't mention it was an anniversary. This assignment was harder than I thought and without a set up or previous scene it makes this very challenging.

Hey, Uzma Thanks for the feedback. You totally caught me and my blunder by making this a couple and not a married couple. I do disagree with you on Sabrina's clothes not matching her dialogue. Anger knows no social status and this on top of hormones being off due to the pregnancy may cause this type of reaction, or so i thought. again thanks for the feedback.