SCENE 9: INT. CAGE - NIGHT Two LEAN MEN stripped down to their short stand on each side of the cage: CAIN, 32 and THIAGO, 39. The REFEREE stands between. They approach the referee. REFEREE Okay, I want a good clean fight, protect yourself at all times. Touch gloves and go back to your corners. Thiago raises his hands to touch gloves, but Cain returns to his corner. The audience roar with delight. Thiago crosses himself, and looks up. THIAGO (to himself) May the lord be at my side during this battle. Please have forgiveness on my opponent. The bell rings. REFEREE Let's fight! Thiago and Cain circle each other. Thiago throws a few jabs to get a feel for the distance. Cain tries to counter attack with a leg kick but misses. Thiago throws a fierce right hand. Cain dodges it and catches him with an uppercut. THIAGO Ugghh. Thiago hits the ground. Cain charges towards him, But the Referee stops him. REFEREE It's over, it's over! Cain climbs the cage and raises his arm high. Thiago opens his eyes. THIAGO What happened? The Referree puts a hand to Thiago's chest. REFEREE Stay down! Thiago closes his eyes.

SCENE #10 (!!): A prayer. INT. AIRPLANE - EVENING CHLOE (20s), make-up less and swaddled in an sweater, has her face pressed against the window as the airplane begins taxing. Her SEAT MATE is bubbly, dressed in a coral sweater and jeans. SEAT MATE: I’m so excited to get out of this cold! A girl from my sorority just texted me, she says it’s like 70 degrees right now. CHLOE: Wow. SEAT MATE: I know, it was so hard figuring out what to wear to the airport. I mean, I didn’t want to freeze on the way, but when we land it’s going to be so hot. CHLOE: I know what you mean. SEAT MATE: So, how long you planning on visiting LA for? CHLOE: I’m actually moving there. SEAT MATE: Really…..! For school? CHLOE: No, a job. SEAT MATE: Oh, that’s cool. Are you in entertainment or something? CHLOE: No, finance actually. SEAT MATE: Ah, sounds tough. CHLOE: It’s alright. SEAT MATE: Do you know where you’re going to live yet? CHLOE: No, I’ve got corporate housing for a month, so I’ve got some time to figure it out. SEAT MATE: Well, if you need any recommendations. I live in Weho, and I love it! CHLOE: (under her breath) God, please don’t let this be in vain….

INT. CAR - NIGHT BRADLEY (31), lower-tier management kind of guy in a wrinkled shirt and loose tie sits idle in his base model Ford Focus. His sweaty palms wring at the steering wheel. BRADLEY (V.O.): Dear God. Hope you got my letter. And, I pray you can make it better down here. Bradley hits the wheel. BRADLEY (V.O.): Sorry, can't not quote that song when I start... Yeah, you know. I know. Sorry. A horn BEEPS from behind. Bradley waves apologetically, shifts gears and moves forward. BRADLEY (V.O.): Okay. So, I know I said that that was the last time, last time; but this time I promise you. I swear to you. I will not be back here again. He rolls down his window and takes a deep breath. BRADLEY: Oh my God! It smells so good... Horn BEEPS again. He moves forward again. BRADLEY (V.O.): Shouldn't use the lord's name in vain. My bad. I know, I suck at this. But, no, I swear I won't come back... for awhile. I'm stuck in line now though, so I kind of have to... Oh! And about what I said earlier about that thing that I was supposed to stop doing if I did come back... Can we change that agreement to something else? I don't think I can stop doing that. He moves forward again and is welcomed by the voice of a snotty little teen girl through the glowing white and green menu board. INTERCOM (O.S.): Welcome to Krispy Kreme. What can we get you? BRADLEY: Oh, Hi. Yeah, can I just have a dozen originals. (V.O.) Thanks. This is the last time. I just love these gems. But, no more. Promise. And I'll share this time. INTERCOM (O.S.): You can get another dozen for half price. BRADLEY: Yes. I want that. (V.O.) For the sharing. INTERCOM: God says drive thru. BRADLEY: What? INTERCOM: (annoyed) Thank you drive thru? You can pull forward. He drives to the pick-up window. BRADLEY (V.O.): Was that a sign? Are you telling me it's okay to eat these? You're the best God ever.

Scene 19 Open to black. Loud crash sounds. A collision between cars. Various screams, sounds of running, bones breaking, bodies falling. Fade in to the mangled body of Detective Kurt Bradshaw (56). He lies on the ground, completely still, eyes open; his body cut and bruised; his left leg bent at an impossible angle. Zoom out to show a scene of chaos in slow motion. Two cars crashed. People running to assist the wounded. A young policeman struggling to maintain control. KURT (V.O.): No! This cannot be happening. Not when I'm so close. Zoom out as a man dives into Kurt's body and starts to administer CPR. KURT (V.O.): This is stupid. I was just crossing the street, dammit! Just as I have done since I was a kid. And that car... Why? Continue to zoom out as a woman begins to assist the first rescuer with Kurt's body. KURT (V.O.): Oh, please God. Please! Not now! I made a promise to Mrs. Lee. I promised I would solve the case. I promised over his son's grave. No one will care if I'm gone. Continue to zoom out as the young policeman tries to move the people away from the helping couple, so they can assist Kurt. KURT (V.O.): I know you are calling me. I understand it's my time. But please, just one more case. Just THIS case. I'm so close I can taste it. Continue to zoom out at the helping couple working frenetically on Kurt. KURT (V.O.): GOD, I BEG YOU! Just one more day. PLEASE! Fast swirling zoom into the head of the young policeman. Cut to black. Open to the startled face of the young policeman. He jumps back and starts to look at himself, his hands. He touches his face. What the hell is happening? FEMALE RESCUER: Dammit! Come on, FIGHT! MALE RESCUER: And ONE. And TWO. And THREE. And FOUR. BREATHE! WOMAN (O.S.): Did someone call 911? The policeman/Kurt gets closer to the scene and gasps to see his mangled body on the ground. A beeping sound diverts the attention of the policeman/Kurt to his wrist. A cheap Casio watch showing a countdown. 23:59:37... 36... 35. KURT (V.O.): 24 hours. One last chance. Fully driven, the policeman/Kurt bends down and searches Kurt's pockets. He extracts his notepad and a plastic evidence bag containing a Chinese New Year red envelope. The rescuers look at him, bewildered. Policeman/Kurt gets up and takes a quick glance to the clear skies above. A small nod with his head. KURT (V.O.): Gotta move quickly. Clock is ticking. Policeman/Kurt pushes himself through a crowd of onlookers and runs into the streets.

Feedback 18 Jonathan Addiction at its best. You really feel for poor Bradley. I love the way he struggles with himself when he knows deep inside that he is going to fail. Just a couple of notes. 1. The description of Bradley is really good, but it feels that he should be struggling a bit with his weight for obvious reasons (two dozen of them actually). Maybe add "tight fitting" to the description of the shirt (too subtle?) 2. Didn't get the "letter" to God and the "can't not quote that song" lines. Is the letter some sort of twelve-step program? Is the song a KK jingle? All-in-all, a very good scene. And now I'm hungry, thank you very much.

FEEDBACK 10 I thought this was really funny, and the voiceover worked perfectly. I liked the line where Bradley mishears the intercom, I can definitely see this as a really decent short if you added to it..

SCENE 8 Tom stands in a tuxedo and clinks a glass. TOM: For those of you who don’t know me, I’m Rebecca’s son, Tom. They say marriage is about give and take. Well, my dad took my mom’s virginity and gave her me and then disappeared from our lives. But it turns out I didn’t need a dad because mom was pretty much a lady-man who could do it all, or a lesbian couple where they have to switch back and forth between being a mom and being a dad. The congregation is extremely somber looking. Behind Tom is a casket. This is a funeral, not a wedding... TOM: Point is, my mom had a lot of love in her heart, too much love apparently, because her heart couldn’t take any more and stopped working. And I’m going to miss her, but she hated funerals and loved weddings, so this is her day and I won’t ruin it by being sad. The church didn’t want me to pass out champagne and I only brought one glass anyway, so if everyone wouldn’t mind pretending, please raise your glasses and join me in a prayer... Some of the people in the congregation awkwardly hold up their hands as if they had imaginary glasses. TOM: Dear God, you snagged a good lady and I just want You to treat her right or I'll make You regret it. Probably not, I'm not sure You regret things, but You get what I mean. Amen. Give my mom a kiss for me. Amen. And also, I'm super stoked about my new step brother. Amen for real.

SCENE 5 Hospital room. A woman cries at her husband's bed who had a severe heart attack. His eyes are closed and her eyes stare at the ceiling as if she's talking to someone. She: Oh God, please, help me. I know I've asked you many favors but this one I really, really need. I've got four children. How am I going to feed them if he died? What will happen to me? Look at me. I can't compete with those young chicks out there, please, cut me some slack and let him live. Haven't I always good taken care of him and haven't I always been to church? Doesn't that count? The man opens his eyes and sees his wife begging. He tries to speak, but she shuts him up. She: Sstt....think of your heart. Here, sign this. She produces some paperwork from her bag and helps him sign something, and looks up. She: thank you, God. She gets up and is about to walk away. Her husband calls after her. She: you're in God's hand now. I'm done with you, you lying cheating bastard.

Wow! Dig the premise. Finite time in the body of another to finish his case. Can get really cool. Only comment regarding the dialogue in Kurt's 2nd and 3rd sides are a bit too straight forward for me. The first of those could just be about how he was caught off guard on a green light, never saw him coming. Keep it clear he was hit while crossing if we don't see it, but that exposition could be done elsewhere, maybe be the onlookers. About the promise to Mrs. Lee, I would like it to be more vague. I know these exercises are stand-alones, but this start has depth. I want to know what's happening, but not everything. I think Mrs. Lee could be that question for us. Why does he owe so much to her? The promise is enough, we don't need to know there was more until later. Great bit though, Ricardo. One of my favorites.

Scene 10 – Say A Prayer INT. TEMPLE Whatever kind you like (or don't like). METHUSELAH Dear Brethren—and Sisthren, I now propose we all join in prayer. NATALIE Hallelujah. METHUSELAH Yes, thank you, sister. Now-- NATALIE Hallelujah. METHUSELAH Sister, perhaps you have misunderstood the sermon. I can-- ORVILLE No! He clamps a hand over Natalie's mouth NATALIE Hmmllmmphhh ORVILLE She says: Let's pray and get it over with. METHUSELAH Are you sure? Because I can do the sermon again. ORVILLE NO, No. Carry on. You can do the sermon next week. Next week will be fine. METHUSELAH Aren't you going away next week? NATALIE Hmmllmmphhh ORVILLE That's right, I had forgotten, pity I'll miss it, carry on. NATALIE Hmmllmmphhh METHUSELAH What's that she's saying now? ORVILLE She's saying... She's praying. She's already praying. Almost ending, in fact. Can I add just a little? METHUSELAH Certainly, brother. ORVILLE Oh, Lord, give me strength to endure the peop—the troubles that come my way. Hallelujah. NATALIE Hallelujah METHUSELAH Hallelujah

A scene where the bad guy wins and the power of pray doesn't help. I suppose then things get worse. For some reason, I got a Trainspotting vibe out of this. This seems just a part of a whole, the middle part of a sequence--but it fulfills the prompt.

Enter late, exit early, yes--but I think you exited a bit too early: I didn't get the purpose of the scene. If it's not to be in vain, the seat mate should at least get a name. I feel the scene needs more. Get Chloe to flirt with the other girl, if that's what this is about.

Two for the price of one: A prayer AND Voice over. Where can one get a God like that? I enjoyed your scene.

Great concept, but I think you missed a chance to push it a little further, by having Kurt, a detective, "move" into the body of a policeman to solve his own murder. Wouldn't it be better to have Kurt "move" into the body of the FEMALE RESCUER? Now he "is" someone who has no business looking into (attempted) murder cases AND he changed gender. Things are really going be hard for him. Plus, think of the transition when Kurt "jumps" from himself into the person who's trying to save him. It'll look good and it would sort of make a little more sense that he "jumps" into someone who's in contact with him rather than a random policeman away.

Jonathan I am glad you liked the scene and thank you for your feedback. I agree that the exposition was a bit on the nose, but I felt that it was needed for a scene so short and under the challenges. However, I already started thinking of a back story before the accident that would tie things up. Of course that would need a re-write of the scene... and then continue it... oh, crap. I won't be able to sleep tonight.

Roy Where were you a couple of night ago when I wrote this? Having Kurt move into the female rescuer would prove that God definitely has a sick sense of humor. However, it's an absolutely brilliant idea. Can't wait to see what happens next. (Damn, just realized I would need to write it). Let the fun begin.

Where was I?... Oh, no, you're not going to trip me up like that. I don't know what time the crime was. I wasn't there. You have no proof. None. Ha! I'm glad you like the idea. "Making great ideas brilliant". That's a good motto.