INT. HOTEL BAR - NIGHT STROM (late 40's), a dark wall of contemplation and remorse, sits alone at the end of the bar, pays no attention to anyone or anything other than his bucket of whiskey. A few men speak quietly at the bar. Another group of businessmen occupy a booth. STROM: (to the bartender) 'nother Maker's an' I'm done. He pulls a wad to pay upon delivery. YOUNG MAN: (O.S.) I got that! Strom still pays his tab. Doesn't even care to look at the kid who just sat between him and the rest of the world. The kid, Wes (20's), looks sharp, but over the top - like a college kid who majored in pimping. WES: Well. Finally caught up with you. STROM: You old enough to be in here, kid? WES: You move faster than you look, that's for sure. Name's Wes. Strom doesn't care. WES: Look, I been following you, you know? And -- STROM: Yeah, I know. WES: And, I think... Wes looks over his shoulder and leans in. WES: I could definitely work with you. STROM: You're breathing in my whiskey. He sits back. WES: I have the skills. STROM: Ain't hirin'. Strom downs the rest of his drink and whips the glass at Wes. Wes catches it, no problem. WES: See! I can move fast. STROM: Can you duck? WES: Huh? STROM: Duck! Wes dips his head. WES: Like this? Five shots blast out of Strom's silencer. A glass crashes to the floor. Nothing else moves. Strom pulls Wes up by the collar. STROM: Yeah, like that. Wes spins in his bar stool to find the three guys at the bar and two of three in the booth dead. The man in the middle of the booth shakes, blood splatter covers his white oxford. Wes pulls out a sleek pistol and points it at the last man alive in the booth. WES: I can hit him! STROM: He's not our target. HE is. A BODY GUARD bursts out from the backroom with an automatic in hand. Wes spins and fires. One shot, between the eyes. The Body Guard falls hard. Strom gets up, throws another bill on the bartop. He grabs the man in the booth and turns to Wes who's still in awe of the quick mess they made. STROM: Come'n? Wes runs after Strom and his "Target" like a school kid just picked by the varsity team.

Feedback 9 Jonathan Good writing. I liked the abrupt transition to what they were really doing there. I thought it played out the dark comedy well. A few comments but they are all descriptive related not dialogue: 1. I see its described as a hotel bar, would be good to have a few words more about what type of hotel bar etc. 2. would be good to describe how Strom is dressed and what he looks like - knowing that would put his dialogue in better perspective 3. I didnt understand the line about him grabbing a man in the booth. who is he grabbing and why? Nice last line. I think you've written a lot in this competition (you should number the scenes so we know how many!) - its all been good and a pleasure to read. Johnny

INT. MEGACORP. INTERVIEW ROOM- DAY JIM (20's, Male) sits in the center of a cheap six-person meeting table. There are only two other chairs, one one either end. Firing squad style. The room feels neglected-white walls, white ceiling tiles and off-white flooring. There's barely enough room to pull a chair out, much less relax a bit. Fluorescent lights buzz as they cycle. He screws on the fakest smile he can muster. Desperate to be the next in a long line of the under-paid and under-appreciated. His suit is two sizes too big. It's more draped than tailored. Like something he borrowed from dad. JIM (to himself): Good morning, nice to meet you. James Deetz. Sure, Jim is fine. Oh, I'm excited too. Thank you, thank you. Yes, it's a great opportunity. Ha, I'm available as soon as you need me. He looks at his watch. Half past eleven. How long were they going to make him wait? He digs at his collar. The DOOR swings open and two guys file in. Rick (mid 30's) and Tony (about Jim's age). In virtually the same tailored navy suit, they looked like snapshots of the same person at different times. They took seats on either end of the table. (a beat) JIM: Hello, I'm J-- RICK: Identify a personal challenge, and how you overcame it. JIM: Well, I guess, I, uh, had trouble with math when I was younger. But I put in extra work, and I, uh, overcame it? Rick was holding a stack of resumes, flipping through them as Jim spoke. A dented, naked ring finger and a patch of perfectly gelled hair was all that was visible from behind the papers. Tony pattered away at his iPhone, holding it just out of sight. Rick took a long sip from his coffee cup. He winced. Just a little. RICK (reading from a sheet, deadpan): Please briefly explain how your unique mix of education and experience makes you a good fit for this position. JIM: Well, you know, I have a business degree, and I graduated with honors. So, I, um. You know, I know what is expected of me in this role. RICK: Business, mmm. Rick was flipping through his papers furiously now, unimpressed. Tony smirked at the tiny screen. An invisible air compressor kicked, buzzing loudly. JIM: And you know what? I'm smart. Smart enough, in fact to know from the line on your finger that your wife recently left you. Smart enough to know that the bourbon in your coffee cup means that she left you, and not the other way around. And smart enough to know that by the way he's angling his phone away, Junior over there is probably looking at tits on his cell phone. Both of the men drop what they're doing and stare at Jim. Jim grabs Tony's phone, looks at it and flashes it toward Rick. (C.O., Cell phone, showing pictures of a naked girl) JIM: Boom. Tits. Jim packs his possessions, stands up, and heads for the door. He reaches for the doorknob, stops and turns to berate the men further. JIM: You guys. You invite people down there. Fill em' with hope. Just to tear em' down again. Keeping people waiting. Ignoring them. And you- I don't even know what the hell you're doing over, bud, but it ain't professional. But whatever you're doing, I'm done. Because above all, I'm smart enough to know when I'm wasting my fucking time. INT.- MEGACORP HALLWAY- DAY He slips out the door and slams it behind him, rushing down the hall and tossing his name tag on the floor. Behind him, a door swings open. RICK (yelling down the hall): You're hired! Jim keeps walking, disappearing around the corner.

Scene 15 INT. PERSONNEL OFFICE – DAY Personnel Manager ROGER BELVILLE welcomes PURVIS DINWIDDIE into his office and offers him a chair. Dinwiddie sits and smiles, arranging his McDonalds bag, briefcase, overcoat and umbrella around and over the chair. Belville watches him closely, brows furrowed, for a few seconds, then looks at Dinwiddie's application. BELVILLE: Did you have any trouble finding us? DINWIDDIE: No, your instructions were perfect. I made it in exactly 31 minutes and 45 seconds. BELVILLE: Um. Very good. (flipping through resume) I see you have a ton of experience. DINWIDDIE: (Proudly) Yes. I've worked for thirty five different companies. BELVILLE: Exceptional. (goes down the list of companies with a pen, counting) Yes, thirty five jobs, in all. You must have very broad experience, then. DINWIDDIE: Oh, yes, I dare say I've never had the exact same job twice. BELVILLE: (reading) Or worked at the same company twice. DINWIDDIE: Yes, I've always been a contract engineer, so I move around a lot. I'm a generalist, too. It keeps me from getting bored and helps me stay abreast of new technologies and the latest methods. BELVILLE: I imagine it does. DINWIDDIE: (hurriedly) But now I'm ready to settle down and work somewhere steady. At my age, I'm due for some stability. Belville looks slanchwise at Dinwiddie's badly fitting toupee and his 1-inch wide rayon tie. BELVILLE: The position we have open is at our Centromatics facility. Do you have any robotics experience? DINWIDDIE: Oh, definitely. I was a pioneer in robot technology, way back. I know all about that stuff. BELVILLE: Any recent experience? DINWIDDIE: Yes, I actually own several robots. Built them up from components. In my workshop. I have a complete set of tools. German made. Belville puts two fingers on his jaw and nods silently, looking at Dinwiddie over his reading glasses. BELVILLE: (V.O.) This guy might be okay, but there are some flags up. I'll bet if I just keep him talking, any loose screws will become obvious. Belville returns to the resume. DINWIDDIE: How soon do you need somebody? BELVILLE: Right away. DINWIDDIE: I'm your man, then. I can start today, if you want. BELVILLE: You certainly have an impressive resume... DINWIDDIE: You won't find anybody with more experience. BELVILLE: I can see that. (looking at resume) I notice you once worked for Consolidated Trunnion-- DINWIDDIE: Yes, at their headquarters plant. BELVILLE: --For three months. DINWIDDIE: I finished that job ahead of schedule. And under budget, I might add. BELVILLE: What was it like, working for Consolidated Trunnion? DINWIDDIE: It was chaotic. BELVILLE: Stressful? DINWIDDIE: Yes, badly managed. BELVILLE: Ah. A difficult atmosphere. DINWIDDIE: They were very underhanded. BELVILLE: But they couldn't fool you, though. DINWIDDIE: No, by damn! Those buggers couldn't put one over on me. I showed those fuckers! (spewing spittle) They soon knew they'd met their match when they tangled with Purvis H. Dinwiddie...!! BELVILLE: (V.O., mouth covered) Shit. Now that I've got this loony going, how the hell do I turn him off?

Scene 16 INT. CAMP CRYSTAL LAKE RECRUITMENT OFFICE - MORNING ALFRED (24) is sitting in front of wooden desk in a cramped office. He looks nervous and very uncomfortable. The yellow shorts and matching t-shirt from the camp's staff uniform fits too tightly over his overweight frame and tall stature. In front of him, LINDA (30), the camp's recruiter, is tapping her small notebook with her pencil and looking at her watch. LINDA: So sorry about this. Mike will be here any minute now. At that moment the door opens wide and in waltzes MIKE (28), the head of staff at the camp. He is a hunk of hunks; a vision in yellow shorts. He take one quick look at Alfred. MIKE: Ok, Linda. What did I tell you about wasting my time? LINDA: Mike, please don't start again... MIKE: We are running one of the most prestigious summer camps in the country. We cannot allow our A-listers to be exposed to... this. Alfred blushes, embarrassed. LINDA: Mike, please! Be polite. At least talk to him. He comes highly recommended... MIKE: Yes, from fat camp probably. But THIS camp is for rich, dumb, fit and very horny young adults. They will take chubby-cheese here, eat him and spit him out in less than five minutes. Alfred squeezes the arms of his chair trying to control his rage. LINDA: Mike! MIKE: Sorry, but that's how it is. Mike storms out of the office and slams the door. LINDA: Alfred, I... I don't know what to say. That was completely uncalled for! Mike can be a real jerk sometimes. Just because his father is the owner he thinks... Linda notices that Alfred has bent the metal arms of the chair. LINDA: Oh my! You are strong! ALFRED: Oh, God! I'm so sorry. I'll just go. LINDA: Wait! Don't go. Please... sit down. Alfred reluctantly sits back down. LINDA: Look. What happened just now was unfortunate and I apologize. However... Yes... I believe you might be a shoo-in for another position which just opened in Camp Redbush. ALFRED: (Expectantly) Really? LINDA: Yes, but I will need to ask you some extremely personal questions. Are you game? Alfred thinks for a bit. ALFRED: Ok. LINDA: Excellent. Tell me, have you ever been bullied? ALFRED: (Embarrassed) I... guess so? LINDA: Alfred? ALFRED: Yes... A lot. LINDA: And how do you feel about jerks like Mike here? ALFRED: Well, he is very rude and hurtful... LINDA: No need to be coy. ALFRED: Well... I... I... Linda puts down her pencil, disappointed. Something clicks inside Alfred's head as he begins to understand. ALFRED: I hate their guts! Linda picks up her pencil, again excited. LINDA. Good. Your thoughts on teenage sex? ALFRED: Stupid kids should keep their junk locked in their pants. LINDA: Drug use? ALFRED: Losers melting their brains. LINDA: Jocks? ALFRED: Steroids-for-brains. LINDA: Cheerleaders? ALFRED: Empty-headed bimbos. LINDA: Do you tend to keep your rage bottled up inside. ALFRED: I'm like a kettle ready to burst. Linda looks pleased. She takes out her phone and writes a text message in furious speed. LINDA: If you have a minute there is someone I would like you to meet. Alfred nods. LINDA: Another coffee? Tea? ALFRED: I'm fine, thanks. A polite knock on the door. MAN (O.S.): Linda, you busy? LINDA: Mr. Voorhees. Please come in. The door opens and in comes a massive man built like a refrigerator. His rugged black clothes hang on his body, cut and stripped at parts. A couple of drops of blood slide from the machete hanging in the man's waist, making a small puddle on the wooden floor. His voice is deep but polite, ever so slightly amplified by the hockey mask covering his face. MR. VOORHEES: Hi Linda. You said it was urgent. LINDA: (proudly) Yes. Remember that talk we had? The expansion to Redbush? Well... meet Alfred. Alfred rises from his chair trying to sink in the menacing image in front of him. ALFRED: He... Hello, Mr. Voorhees. MR. VOORHEES: Alfred, please. Mr. Voorhees is my dad. Call me Jason. Alfred smiles.

Jonathan I really liked the way you moved the interview to a more unconventional setting, and yet appropriate to the situation. My only concern is whatever happened to the bartender as he seems to be oblivious to the carnage occurring in his bar. Nevertheless, great scene. "You are breathing in my whiskey" has become my favorite line of the week.

Scene 8 INT. OFFICE – DAY Glass and polished wood. JUDITH (30) sashays across the floor. IGNAZIO (50) watches her from behind his desk. JUDITH I’m honored just to meet you. But it's difficult, Your security sure is tight. IGNAZIO A man in my position has to take care. JUDITH Can’t make an omelet without breaking eggs. IGNAZIO You think I break eggs? JUDITH I’ve heard rumors. IGNAZIO Most are lies. Don’t believe everything you hear, or read, or even you see with your own eyes. JUDITH I don’t, or I wouldn’t be here. Speaking of seeing, what a lovely view you have. She stands looking out, hands clasped behind her back, chest out. Irwin ogles her, struts around his desk, takes her side. IGNAZIO The entire city at my feet. Behind bullet-proof glass. She takes a hand to her luxurious long hair, messes it, blouse tight across her chest, Irwin leers at her. IGNAZIO I see you may be a good addition to my... business group. She faces him, her arm descends. JUDITH I’m pleased to hear you say that. IGNAZIO You came to see about a job, didn’t you? So let’s talk about your job. JUDITH Not exactly. I already have a job. On her hand behind her back: a CARBON-FIBER STILETTO. She plunges the stiletto into his chest, twists and jiggles, and he´s surprised out of salvation even before he feels the pain.

Thanks guys. I really appreciate your input. This is why I'm here. The exercises and feedback are invaluable. I owe you both some more of my thoughts. @Johnny I haven't been numbering my scenes or feedback because I've already taken Scott's craft courses. I just love the challenge of taking a scene prompt and finding a way in. @Ricardo Muchos Mahalos (that's Hawaiian for Spanish). Glad you like the line. Wanted to hit a moment where Wes' eagerness jumped into Strom's "zone." Not just his personal space, but also his ability to watch the room.

Ricardo, good banter between Alfred and Linda when things get going. You kept the dialogue in the tone you would get from an old Horror Film. And, it would be great to have a Horror Film Nemesis Recruitment office.

SCENE 8 INT. OFFICE BUILDING - EVENING A lonely security guard sits at the reception desk. The building is quiet - office workers have left for the day. JARED walks up. JARED: Hi. I'm Jared Jones here to meet Chris Withers. I've got an appointment for 7pm. (tries to act casual) Must be the last one of the day. Looks pretty empty here. The guard nods. GUARD: I'm leaving now as a matter of fact. Go on up to the 5th floor. Take the elevator over there. The guard picks up the phone, dials a number, and speaks softly into it. Jared walks to the elevator, and gets in. The elevator stops at the second floor and an older lady on crutches gets on. WOMAN: Hello. JARED: Hello. Jared can see she is struggling with the crutches and in pain. WOMAN: It hurts when I stand and it hurts when I sit. Don't get what I've got. I've had it for years. JARED: I'm sorry. WOMAN: Don't need to be sorry. Not your fault. She smiles. Suddenly the elevator grinds to an abrupt halt. Jared waits a moment then he starts to push the buttons. No response. They are stuck between floors. WOMAN: Oh no. This happened last week. Someone was stuck in here for two hours. Did you notice if the guard was packing up? JARED: As a matter of fact he was. WOMAN: We could be here all night. JARED: We'll be ok. I've got an interview with Chris Jones. He'll need to use the elevator. WOMAN: Don't be so sure. Chris left about ten minutes ago. We're here alone. And there's no cell phone signal in the elevator. The woman grunts out in pain. Then she starts to breadth deeply and quickly. WOMAN: I'm hyperventilating. I've got claustrophobia. My legs are hurting. JARED: That's ok. Lean against me. Slow down your pace of breathing. Close your eyes. Relax. Make believe you are sitting at the beach just relaxing. WOMAN: (breathing even harder) I hate the beach. JARED: Ok. Forget the beach. The forest. Do you like the forest? WOMAN: Yes. JARED: Good. I want you to count down from one hundred. Each time getting more and more calm. Jared has a very calming influence and he is starting to put the woman at ease. WOMAN: One hundred. Ninety nine... (BREAK IN SCENE) WOMAN: Seventy eight. At this the woman takes out a key, puts it into the elevator control panel, and turns it. The elevator turns on and continues up to the fifth floor. Jared looks speechless. WOMAN: Well done Jared. If you want the job it's yours. I'm Chris - thats Christine to be exact - and I value a level head more than anything else. You're the first person in four candidates that didn't get selfish and lose their head. That was the job interview. Jared looks astonished but smiles. END

Thanks Jonathan. I agree with you, the challenge is great. More than anything else its the discipline of doing it often, and also being forced to write stuff on topics outside one's normal genre. Maybe Scott will run a "descriptive" totally non-dialogue competition - just the opposite! Johnny

FEEDBACK 9 Roy It was good and straightforward - no fuss. I liked the line "Don’t believe everything you hear, or read, or even you see with your own eyes." and the phrase in the last line "surprised out of salvation" is one I havent heard before. Nice twist also at the end. I think she came across pretty clear description wise, but it would have been good to have a few words describing his appearance, and also maybe the look on his face (which comes across as arrogant). Johnny

I'd have liked Irwin to have at least one line. :> The scene works well, good ending.

Nicely formatted, plenty of white space. As JBS indicated, "grabs the man in the booth" was a reader-stopper. The guy is between the other two, so grabbing him is not a simple matter. Also, the last line calls that guy "Target," which contradicts "He’s not our target," a few lines up. Overall, the scene has a nice feel to it, proper atmosphere.

Great idea for another challenge!, JBS. Not sure how it could be done w/o dialogue, but it would be interesting. Maybe a photographic prompt?

FEEDBACK 6: I liked this scene a lot. It has a conventional kind of interview scene feel where nobody is really meaning what they say then the ending took me completely by surprise. Really impressed.

SCENE #8: Someone applying for a job CHRISTIAN (40s), trim, dapper but graying , leans back as he reviews the documents on his computer screen with a troubled look spread across his face. His phone rings. CHRISTIAN: Yes? ADMIN: Sorry to interrupt you Christian, but I have Ms. Briet here to see you – she says it’s urgent. CHRISTIAN: Let her in. Christian closes the files on his screen, straightens his desk, and adopts a self-assured air – one more in-line with his position as CEO. The doors open, and CHLOE (30s), sharply dressed and at ease, walks in. Christian’s admin closes the door to give them some privacy. CHRISTIAN: Chloe, it’s been a while. Take a seat. Do you want anything? Water? Coffee? Scotch? He wiggles his eyebrows playfully. CHLOE: No thanks. Chloe takes a seat across from Christian and puts her purse on the chair next to her. CHRISTIAN: So, what brings you to Voltage? I’m assuming this isn’t a friendly visit. CHLOE: I’m here because of the job posting on your website. Christian lets out a laugh, clearly not taking her seriously. Chloe doesn’t respond; she just raises her eyebrow. CHRISTIAN: Oh wait, you’re actually serious? CHLOE: Of course. I wouldn’t have interrupted to you with everything that’s going on if I wasn’t. CHRISTIAN: Director of Corporate Strategy? Really, Chlo? CHLOE: What? I’m qualified. Probably at least as qualified as the other candidates that you’re looking at. CHRISTIAN: I thought you didn’t do that ‘stuff’ anymore. CHLOE: Would you believe me if said I just really miss powerpoint and excel. Christian leans back in his chair. He deflates, just a little bit. CHRISTIAN: You’re more than qualified, but… CHLOE: You’re mitigating, this will be good. CHRISTIAN: Why are you here, really? CHLOE: I’m here for a job. CHRISTIAN: We both know you could get something better paying, something you’re more interested in, in a heartbeat, so why are you here? CHLOE: You helped me once. Christian leans forward, earnestly. CHRISTIAN: And I told you back then, that you didn’t owe me. Seriously, I can’t hire you. CHLOE: You still haven’t given me a good reason why. CHRISTIAN: For one, I can’t be your boss – you’re my peer and you know way more about all this finance stuff then I do. CHLOE: You’re hiring me to be your financial counsel. It’s perfectly normal for me to know more about this finance stuff. Christian stares at her, serious, surly. Chloe leans forward and clasps her hands over Christian’s. CHLOE: Back then you said that you stepped in to help me because you could. Let me step in and help you now, please.

FEEDBACK #5: Really enjoyed this - how he turned the interview on them. I definitely have been in the situation where people are totally not paying attention to anything you're saying and they're clearly reading off a list of predetermined questions. I think it may make his outburst even more warranted if he rocks the first two questions. His answers to the first two questions seem a little lukewarm / not sharp.

FEEDBACK #7: I like the idea of a surprise interview! Super cool. I think the "Hello" "Hello" is a little awkward as is the woman's volunteering of information about her injury without prompting. Maybe Jared holds the door open for her and she thanks him. He asks about her injury which gets them talking? Christine also goes from very coherent ("Chris left about ten minutes ago. We're alone... no cell signal in the elevator" to hyperventilating. I'd imagine if someone was claustrophobic, they'd show signs of distress upon getting into the elevator that would get worse quickly once the elevator stopped. I think you switched from 'Chris Withers' to 'Chris Jones'. Really enjoyed this. Thanks for sharing!

FEEDBACK #6: Ah! Cool. I love how he, upon reading Linda's disappointment, quickly changed his tone in the interview. I loved the build up to this line: ALFRED: I’m like a kettle ready to burst. You could almost imagine the back and forth gaining momentum leading to that line. I haven't decided if I like the fact that Alfred goes from meek to pumped up back to meek once Jason enters or if I would have rather had him stay pumped up.

cl I guess it is hard to stay pumped up when you have friggin' Jason in front of you. That would startle anyone! But still, good feedback. If he sounds meek in the end, that means that something is wrong and needs to be revisited. That is why keyboards have a delete key. Thanks!

Feedback 17 Very nice scene. Good structure and very nice twist to a conventional type of scene. I felt that some of the dialogues could use a bit of tightening up. It needs to drill in the message that she is not merely "more than qualified". She is overqualified. She could be the boss in a heartbeat. That makes the fact that she is lowering herself to a Director position the more shocking. The scene could surely really open up into various directions. Why is she doing it? What is she leaving behind to help Christian? Does she have an ulterior motive? All good questions to keep the reader interested. That you have managed very well. Well done.

SCENE 6 At a table, an young woman sits across from a man and another woman, both in their fifties. The young girl has dyed black hair and purple nails. She comes across a bit nervous. Man: How old are you? Girl: sixteen Woman: this is a morgue. We work here with dead bodies. Do you realize that? Girl: yes, I'm not afraid of dead people. Man: how so? Girl: My father says breathing people can do more harm to us than the dead ones. Man: your father must be the joker at home Girl: not really. Woman: have you ever seen a dead body? Girl: yes—my grandmother died last month. Man: I see-- you think that volunteering in a morgue will help you cope with your grief Girl: sort of. Woman: what kind of work do have in mind? Girl: I washed and dressed my grandmother. I painted her nails and put some make-up on her face. Man: this is no dress-up party for the dead. We have to take the instructions of the family. Can you do that? Girl: yes. The girl shows pictures of her dead grandmother who's face is damaged. Girl: look, no fancy clothes. The man and woman are shocked. Woman: what happened to her face? Girl: Smashed against window in a car crash. They couldn't repair it fully. Pause. Man and woman look at each other, whispering. Man (to colleague): what do you think? She's odd. Woman (to colleague): She lost her grandmother. We can give her a chance. We could use someone. Man and woman turn their head and look at the girl. Woman: we start with coffee and cake. After a few weeks, we'll see if you still like it here and would like to dress the bodies. The girl smiles.

SCENE 9 A powerful looking boss, Roger Williams, looks over a resume. Across his desk is John, surprisingly confident looking -- his tie loosened, hair disheveled. ROGER: So John, tell me what would make you a good employee. John looks at the nametag on Roger's desk. JOHN: Well, Roger, you mind if I call you Roger? ROGER: I'd rather you didn't. JOHN: We'll just go with Rog then. What would make you a good boss? Roger is caught off guard. ROGER: Well, I'm fair. JOHN: Tell me about a time you demonstrated fairness in a work situation. ROGER: Can we get back to the interview? JOHN: Can we get back to the interview, Rog? Because right now I'm a little concerned about your leadership skills. ROGER: What's wrong with my leadership skills? JOHN: Uncertainty. That's not a good start to this interview. ROGER: It's not? John shakes his head no. JOHN: If you were me, what would you be looking for in a boss? ROGER: I'm not sure I understand the question. JOHN: Exactly. Would you want to work for you? ROGER: I... do work for me? JOHN: But do you? ROGER: I think so? JOHN: Rog, Rog, Rog. It's not looking like you're gonna get the job. ROGER: I'm not? JOHN: Nope. ROGER: But I'm the one offering you the job. JOHN: I know you are. And I'll take it. John holds out his hand and Roger hesitates before shaking it. JOHN: But don't think I won't remember this conversation if I don't feel you're holding up your end of the bargain. No get out of my office. ROGER: This is my office. JOHN: Right you are, Rog. See you Monday.

Thanks for the feedback. Totally agreed.

Thanks, Johnny. It's a dialog exercise, so I'm skimping on description and action, but you're right, it would enhance the scene. The line is a mix of surprised out of reaction and surprised beyond salvation--sometimes mixing gets something better, sometimes it's a fail.

Sure, how about: IRWIN Oogh. BTW, I have checked your puzzle link. Clever man, I'm impressed.

Ignazio was surprised, too--but you came out a little better, eh? Thanks, Stu.

Feedback 6 I liked it. Too good to be true. I wonder if you could avoid the V.O. and let the actions of Belville speak for itself when he tries to uncover what the man could be hiding. It would create more suspense.

Thanks, Shari. You're probably right. I was torn between striving for clarity vs suspense. I wasn't sure the reader would realize that Belville deliberately provoked Purvis into going off on a rant. Maybe I'll have Belville push a Security button under his desk.

Thanks, Roy. I hae an Irwin tie. Did ye ken there are 270+ ways to spell Irwin? 'Tis true. "Ignazio" is a new one on me.