SCENE 7 EXT. BACK GARDEN – DAY GRACE (8 years) sits beneath a lemon tree, knees tucked beneath her chin, arms wrapped around her legs. HELEN (O.S.) Hi, Gracie, come and play. You wanna play Barbies or wrecking cars? Grace lifts her chin. HELEN (9 years), head raised above the hedge between the two back gardens. GRACE Don't wanna play. HELEN Why not? You're doing nothing. GRACE I'm thinking. HELEN Just thinking? That's not like you, you're always bouncing around and about. GRACE Well, now I'm not. I don't wanna play. Be quiet. Helen stands still for a moment, then her head disappears from view. Grace puts her chin back on top of her knees. The CREAK of a gate opening and closing. Helen comes up to Grace. HELEN You're sick or something? GRACE No. Helen sits at her side. HELEN You're sad? GRACE Maybe. HELEN Why? Grace remains silent. HELEN (cont'd) Tell me. I'm older, I know what to do. Grace struggles with herself, then relents. GRACE My Dad is going to leave my Mom. They're getting divorced. Helen takes it in, mulls it over. HELEN Isabelle's parents got divorced. She says she now gets lots of presents from both. GRACE Good for her. I'd like my Mom and Dad not fighting instead. I want to keep them both. Helen sighs, nods. HELEN I love my Mom and my Dad. GRACE Me, too. (pause) Why don't they love me?

Scene 15 EXT. PLAYGROUND - DAY Jessica and Charlotte, both 6 years old, are playing by the swings in a busy playground. Mothers and nannies are happily chatting in the seats around the playground looking in. Its a gorgeous late winter day with Spring just around the corner. CHARLOTTE: ...and then, when mommy took the diaper out, Tommy started peeing all over the place and mommy jumped up and the used diaper "flyed" across the room and there was poop in the walls and it was awesome! Both girls laugh their hearts out. CHARLOTTE: Really, you should get a baby brother too. They are so cute and so funny. Maybe you can ask Santa or your mom. JESSICA: Mmh... I don't think I will be getting a baby brother. CHARLOTTE: Why? You've been naughty? JESSICA: (saddened) My mom and dad are fighting again. CHARLOTTE: Woa! Are they punching each other? JESSICA: No! They are screaming a lot. CHARLOTTE: Why? JESSICA: I don't know. They start in the night when I am in bed and they say loud things and naughty words and then mommy's crying and daddy's downstairs watching TV all night and the next morning they all have puffy eyes. CHARLOTTE: That's not good. Both girls are silent sitting in the swings for a bit JESSICA: Jessy, what's flacid? CHARLOTTE: Flacid? JESSICA: My mommy said that my dad was a flacid monkey. Then daddy said that mommy was a dumb peach? CHARLOTTE: A dumb peach? What does it mean? JESSICA: I don't know. Maybe because peaches have a soft skin and mommy has a soft skin too. CHARLOTTE: I don't like peaches. I like apples better, but only when mom takes the skin off because it is too hard and it hurts my tummy. And bananas... I like bananas. Both girls go silent again. JESSICA: Charlotte, what's a divorce? CHARLOTTE: I don't know. JESSICA: Mom and dad said that word a lot last night. And this morning my daddy gave me a huge hug and a big kiss and told me everything was going to be okey. And then he left for work which is weird because it's a Sunday and he never works on Sundays. CHARLOTTE: Oh, really? JESSICA: Yes. CHARLOTTE: That is so nice. JESSICA: What? CHARLOTTE: My daddy never gives me kisses or hugs anymore. He is always working or travelling and I never see him and I miss him. I wish my mom and dad started fighting. JESSICA: I don't know Charlotte. Maybe you are right. Maybe you will be lucky one day too. CHARLOTTE: Thanks. You are the bestest friend. And you are a lovely peach. JESSICA: No, you're a peach! Both girls run around the playground.

Scene 13 INT. KIDS' PLAYHOUSE – DAY NANCY, 8, is playing jacks. LEON, 7, enters. NANCY: Hi, Leon. Do you want to play house today? LEON: Sure. NANCY puts away the jacks and turns to Leon. NANCY: (wife voice) Where were you last night? LEON: (husband voice) I played poker with the boys. NANCY: (wife voice) You didn't come home until 4 o'clock. LEON: (husband voice) We, uh-- NANCY: (as herself) Say you watched a movie after the game. LEON: We watched a movie. NANCY: (wife voice) No, you didn't. You were with Roberta. LEON: (as himself) Who's Roberta? NANCY: (wife voice) Don't play innocent with me. You spent the night in Roberta's bed. LEON: I did? NANCY: (as herself) Yes. But you have to pretend you didn't. LEON: (as himself) Why would I spend the night in Roberta's bed. Was it a sleep-over? NANCY: (as herself) No, silly. (as wife) You were porking that bitch. LEON: (as himself) What's 'porking?' NANCY: (as herself) I don't know. That's what my mom said when Dad got home. LEON: Okay. (as husband) I was porking that witch. NANCY: (as herself) Bitch. LEON: (not bothering to get back into character) Bitch. NANCY: But you're not supposed to say you were; you're supposed to say you weren't. LEON: (as himself) Okay. (as husband) I wasn't porking that bitch. NANCY: (as wife) Yes, you were. You've been cheating on me. LEON: (as himself) At poker? NANCY: (as herself) No, not poker. I think it means you were being Roberta's husband, too. LEON: Oh. What's wrong with that? NANCY: I don't know, but Mom got awful mad after that. She said, (as wife) “You're a rotten piece of slime. I wish I'd never met you.” (as herself) Then she threw things at him. (choking up) She broke my blue willow plate that Gramma gave me just before she went away. LEON: What did your dad say? NANCY: (wipes her eyes) He said, (as her father) “You get your wish. I'm leaving.” (as herself) Then he slammed the front door and got into his car. [sniffs] LEON: Where did he go? NANCY: I don't know. When I woke up this morning, he still wasn't back. And Mom is crying and breaking more things. LEON: What's going to happen now? NANCY: I don't know, but I'm scared. Really scared. LEON: I don't think I want to play house anymore. NANCY: Me either, Leon. Never ever. [crying]

Feedback 15 Jeff As challenges go, this has surely been one of the hardest as we had to deal with both a very sensitive topic and also thinking and speaking as a child. I do believe you did excellently in both. Your scene is very dramatic (but not melodramatic) and I really liked the way you exposed the issues through the play of the kids. I've never seen a kid who actually puts away their toys before switching games as Nancy did at the beginning of the scene (a bit of nitpicking here). But, all-in-all, this is a great scene.

INT. TV ROOM JULIE (15), stubborn and independent, sits cross-legged on the floor, eyes affixed to the TV set with headphones on. Her sister ABIGAIL (13) plops down next to her. She watches the screen for a moment. ABIGAIL: Dad left. Julie doesn't respond. Abigail pulls Julie's headphone from her ear. ABIGAIL: Dad's gone. He left. Julie resets her headphones. JULIE: I heard you. ABIGAIL: Mom's pretty bad. She can't say anything. She shut herself in her room. Julie shrugs. ABIGAIL (CONT.): What the hell's wrong with you? This sucks. (beat) I mean, mom did so much for him, you know. She does everything around here. She slaves over him. And, he leaves her? He leaves all of us? Julie still has nothing to add. ABIGAIL (CONT.): I guess we'll have to see him sometimes, too. I don't want to. How could he leave us? Poor mom. Julie sets her headphones down. Clicks off the TV. JULIE: Mom's been fucking Uncle Mark for the last two years. Julie gets up to leave. ABIGAIL: Wait. What? JULIE: I going to live with dad. You can too if you want. She leaves Abigail sitting alone in the room.

INT. SUSIE'S BEDROOM--DAY SUSIE (7) and her best friend, Jessie (8) play with Susie's doll collection. Scattered doll clothes are strewn across the floor. JESSIE: My mommy says that your daddy is moving to New York. She said he left yesterday. SUSIE (defensive): Yeah, so? Jessie shrugs, picks up another outfit and starts to dress her doll. JESSIE: Are you sad? SUSIE: Why would I be sad? She grabs a brush and starts yanking it through her doll's hair. JESSIE: It's okay if you are. I would be, if my parents were getting de-forced. SUSIE: They're not getting de-forced! My daddy loves my mommy and he loves me. JESSIE: Then where's he going? SUSIE: I can't tell you. It's a secret. She ties her doll's hair up in a messy ponytail, frowns at her work. JESSIE: I thought I was your best friend. SUSIE: You are. JESSIE: So why won't you tell me? SUSIE: I told you, it's a secret! JESSIE: Okay, fine! Be that way! Susie's eyes fill with tears and she blinks them back quickly. SUSIE: Okay, I'll tell you, but you hafta promise you won't say anything. JESSIE: I promise. SUSIE: I mean it. It's super duper top secret. You can't even tell your mommy. JESSIE: I won't. Cross my heart, hope to die. She nods solemnly. Susie leans in, whispers into her friend's ear. JESSIE (confused): What? SUSIE: My daddy's Batman's new helper. That's why he hasta go to New York. JESSIE: You're making that up. Susie shakes her head. SUSIE: Nuh-uh. Batman called him last night, on the Bat-phone. JESSIE: No he didn't. You're lying. SUSIE: No I'm not! You're just jealous. JESSIE: Why aren't you moving too, then? Susie rolls her eyes. SUSIE: 'Cause it's too dangerous right now. He hasta help clean up the city, but when he does, I get to come visit. He's gonna take me for a ride in the Batmobile. JESSIE: Yeah, right. My mommy said your daddy ran off with a floozey. Susie snatches her doll away from Jessie, furious. SUSIE: You take that back! JESSIE: Batman's not real! SUSIE: Just you wait till you're in trouble and need his help! You're gonna be sorry then! She stomps off, slams the door behind her.

FEEDBACK 3 I like how you captured the girl's voices, and the 'bestest peach' at the end was a really nice touch. Some of the earlier dialogue felt a bit on the nose, like Jessica's explanation of her parents fighting, but overall I thought you did a really nice job capturing the loneliness of both girls.

FEEDBACK 4 I like the contrast between the girls, with Abigail openly upset and emotional while Julie tries to keep her feelings hidden. I did wonder a bit why Abigail was so upset at her father leaving if she thought he'd treated their mother badly, but the way Julie dropped her bombshell was timed perfectly and your timing in the scene was spot-on. Nice work!

Great twist, Jonathan!

Good point about Abigail, VeeGirl. Thanks.

SCENE #7: INT. CONFERENCE ROOM - NIGHT WILL (20s) is sitting on the floor underneath a desk. He’s staring out at the New York skyline – speckled with skyscrapers and twinkling lights – a miniature bottle of Jack Daniel’s in his hand. CHLOE (20s) pops her head around the desk and sees Will hiding. CHLOE: Whatcha doing here? She crawls behind the desk and sits down with him so that they’re both facing the window, hidden from other’s view. CHLOE: Seriously? Are you drinking? Will continues to stare out of the window. CHLOE: Oh my god, Will… We’re at work. There are associates on the floor still. Are you stupid? WILL: My dad’s going to have to sell the house. CHLOE: What? WILL: My mom disappeared again last night. CHLOE: Again. WILL: Yeah… Fuck her. He takes another swig out of the bottle. Chloe eyes the bottle, skeptically. WILL: She called me once her flight landed. She’s in Canada. Told me she’s getting a lawyer. She wants a divorce. CHLOE: Well… maybe that’s good. I mean, it can’t be good with her disappearing every couple of months... WILL: I can’t fucking believe her. He stares at the bottle of Jack Daniels. Chloe reaches for the bottle, but Will doesn’t let it go. CHLOE: I mean you have to run interference. Your parents don’t talk to each other…. WILL: Still, she shouldn’t have hired a lawyer. CHLOE: They use you to pass tax forms to each other, Will…. Tax forms. WILL: She still doesn’t need a lawyer, they could have worked it out. CHLOE: Are you talking about their relationship…..? WILL: No, well yes. That, too, but the settlement. Why does she need a lawyer. CHLOE: You want her to settle outside the court system? WILL: I mean now, my dad has to hire a lawyer, also, and he’ll probably have to sell the house. CHLOE: That doesn’t seem too unfair. Will doesn't respond, and continues to look out of the window, stonily. He tries to take another sip, but Chloe stops him. CHLOE: The house really upsets you, huh? WILL: Yeah…. I guess so. CHLOE: Is it because of the memories? Will shrugs. CHLOE: Babe…. I know the house has a lot of memories for you, but you get to keep those. It’s just a house…. And right now it’s a large empty one… CHLOE: You know, maybe this is a good thing. Your dad and mom can start to move on…. And maybe you can, too. Will doesn’t acknowledge that he’s heard anything she’s said. Chloe stands up and straightens her skirt. She holds her hand out, expectantly. CHLOE: Why don’t you give me the bottle and let’s get you out of here before someone finds you. Then you’ll be in real trouble.

FEEDBACK 7 Roy, I liked this quite a bit. You really get to what it feels like for a kid when their parents are breaking up - particularly that last line "Why don't they love me?". Thought the line about "she now gets presents from both" was well realised as well. The only thing I would do differently is I wouldn't have that line "My Dad is going to leave my Mom. They’re getting divorced." as it sounds too much like an adult speaking, and I feel it would be significantly better if it was more like something a child might say.

FEEDBACK #3: I love this line >> HELEN (cont’d) Tell me. I’m older, I know what to do. Hilarious. I think generally the dialogue does a good job of capturing an 8 / 9 year old's voice. I think the only line that seemed maybe a little long was: HELEN Just thinking? That’s not like you, you’re always bouncing around and about. I think you could have probably cut it out after "Just thinking?" or "Just thinking? That's not like you!"

Great twist!

FEEDBACK #4: I like this take. Does Susie really think that he's going to be Batman's helper or is she lying? I almost feel like she believes the lie. Jessie seems a little vindictive for a child - almost like she set Susie up on purpose.

Thanks for your feedback Stu--you're right, it would be better.

clwang, I'm glad you liked that line and thanks for the suggestion--it is an improvement.