Scene 14 INT. EVIL LAIR - NIGHT Dr. Mefisto is seated in his oversized chair gently stroking his pet iguana. His black ensemble makes him almost disappear in the dark room only illuminated by the fiery logs on the large fireplace and the rays of the moon sliding in from the large pane windows. As he hears footsteps outside his office he quickly turns his chair towards the back wall. His voice has the dulcimer tones of an Oxford educated Englishman. DR. MEFISTO: Here we go Clarice, time for our dramatic entrance. The doors open and two massive but quite beat up and bruised henchmen, Colin and Rupert, timidly enter the office. DR. MEFISTO: We meet again Mr. Cumberland... Dr. Mefisto slowly turns his chair to face his henchmen. DR. MEFISTO: Or should I say... Sir Aaaa... Where is he? The henchmen lower their eyes to the ground, embarrassed. Dr. Mefisto claps his hands twice and the lights in the room switch on illuminating the pathetic scene.The pet iguana jumps from the fright and runs out of the room. DR. MEFISTO: I said... Where. IS. He? COLIN: (in a marked cockney accent) He gave us the slip guv'nor... he sure did. RUPERT: The slip. DR. MEFISTO: How did he escape? My trap is infallible. COLIN: Well, the trap did work guv'nor. Beautiful trap. Lovely trap that was. RUPERT: Lovely. COLIN: But as soon as we picked him up to bring him 'ere... well... he kinda knew them martial arts... RUPERT: Karate COLIN: He sent four men to the infirmary, he did. RUPERT: Four. DR. MEFISTO: So you are trying to tell me that after all these weeks of preparation, millions of pounds spent, we finally lure him to my trap and you have nothing TO SHOW FOR IT? COLIN: Well... Erm... Hmm... RUPERT: We got his phone! DR. MEFISTO: (surprised) Really! Oh, that's bloody brilliant! I always wanted to see one if his wonderful contraptions up close. Hand it over post haste. Rupert hands over the smartphone to Dr. Mefisto. DR. MEFISTO: Ooh! Sony. (Muttering to himself) Know we know who's sponsoring this bomb. RUPERT: Pardon? DR. MEFISTO: Nevermind. I'm looking forward to seeing what kind of dastardly encryption service this mobile is using as there is no password I cannot break with my prodigious... COLIN: He was using it when we found him, so it may be unblocked, it may. RUPERT: Unblocked. DR. MEFISTO: Well that's... careless! Let's see. Last calls... that's the number of his headquarters, excellent... Pictures... Ladies in bikinis... ladies in lingerie... Kittens... ladies in uniform... COLIN: He sure has a thing for the ladies, eh? RUPERT: Ladies. DR. MEFISTO: A-ha! Here we go. Voice memo. This should be interesting. Let us see what goes on in the mind of my most worthy adversary. PHONE: You have reached Nigel Cumberland. I cannot take your call right now but if you leave your... DR. MEFISTO: Erh... Next! PHONE: Butter... Milk... Carrots... Erh... Brussels Sprouts... COLIN: Urg! I hate them Brussels sprouts. RUPERT: Next! PHONE: Note to self. Nigel, you are a wonderful person, ever so clever and good looking. Never forget that. DR. MEFISTO: Okey... That... was odd! COLIN & RUPERT: NEXT! PHONE: Audition tape number 5. Eat your heart out, Simon Cowell. (Singing in falsetto and out of tune) My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard, and they're like, its better than yours... COLIN: PLEASE, MAKE IT STOP GOV'NUR! DR. MEFISTO: (To the phone) Stop, stop, STOP! Dear Lord! (To his henchmen) Well, I can always use that one for blackmail. Next! RUPERT: I can't 'ear from me ear! PHONE: (in a monotonous tone) Plans to infiltrate Dr. Mefisto's evil lair... DR. MEFISTO: Here we go! PHONE: Step 1. Hire boat... Erh... Step 2... Mmh. Two... Arrive to beach unnoticed. Step three... Where is that map? Here it is. Locate hidden entrance on the side of the volcano in quadrant 54-G. DR. MEFISTO: A-HA! I knew he would fall for that! COLIN: Meticulous fella, innit? RUPERT: Me ears are still ringin' PHONE: Step 4. Hmm. This might sting a bit. Step 4, fall for obvious trap past the alligator pond. DR. MEFISTO: (To phone) Ha! Goes to show how much you know. Those are crocodiles, not... Wait... What? PHONE: Easily dispose... Wait. Step 5. Easily dispose of henchmen coming to capture me. Step 6. Make sure they take decoy mobile left in the room... RUPERT: Uh-oh! COLIN: Told ya not to pick that up! PHONE: ...and step 7, link this message to the mobile's self-destruct sequence. Tah-tah! The phone starts blinking and showing a countdown in the screen starting at 5. DR. MEFISTO: Oh, fiddlesticks! EXT. OCEAN FRONT Mr. Nigel Cumberland speeds away in a boat as a large explosion is seen in the background on the side of the volcano. He smiles and starts whistling to the tune of "Milkshake" by Kelis.

Thought this was really funny, Ricardo. Good turn of events. Not sure if the henchmen having their ears "hurting" was necessary, but other than that, you lead us in in the right direction by setting up the discovery to the phone and bringing it back to the real reason they found the phone. The great thing about satire it that you can use the steroetypes set by the original to heighten the comedy. Well done.

SCENE 7 INT. BAR – NIGHT GAIL is with her sister NANCY in a loud bar. Gail is visibly angry and holding her hand above her head. She flips the middle finger to a man across the bar, who promptly walks out. NANCY: I think you really tell him what's on your mind once and for all. Either hate him or love him. All you two do is fight, make up, fight again. And people like me get caught in the middle. What's it gonna be? GAIL (still angry): I don't care. NANCY: I see him walking into the pizza place across the street. I've got an idea. Put a message on my phone. I'll go over and give it to him. But you need to make a promise to me. It has to be what you really mean. Good or bad. Agreed? Whatever it is, you stick with it. Gail considers the question. GAIL: Sure. Give me the phone. It's too loud here, I'll go out back. Gail takes the phone and walks out to a deserted spot behind the bar. She speaks into Nancy's phone. GAIL: Bobby, you're a jerk. I don't ever want to see you again. Don't come near me. Gail looks at the phone and deletes the voice memo. She starts again. GAIL: Bobby, I've had enough of you. You're immature and act like an idiot. Gail looks at the phone and deletes the voice memo. She starts again. GAIL: Bobby, I want you to apologize for what you did. Gail looks at the phone and deletes the voice memo. She starts again. GAIL: Bobby, I'm sorry for insulting you. But you were wrong and you know that. You deserved it. Gail looks at the phone and deletes the voice memo. She starts again. GAIL: Bobby, I'm sorry. Forgive me. I love you. Gail stares at the phone. She is about to delete the voice memo. Instead she walks back inside. NANCY: All done? That was quick. GAIL: That's all the time I needed. Take it across the street. END

Feedback 8 I liked it. It was a familiar genre and stereotypical characters but I mean that in a good way as I think you did a good job as the scene needed exaggerated and overplayed characters/acting. Also I thought it was a nice twist that the use of the voice memo was by someone else not in the main scene. Also even though some of the dialogue was long it was also in line with the "over-acting" required. So in this case the dialogue is just how it should be in my opinion.

SCENE 8 INT. DAY. Palace ruins. A woman, an explorer, stands inside the ruins of an abandoned, ruined palace that the forest around has begun to reclaim. The sun beats down,evening time. The woman’s clothes are dusty and worn, she’s tired, yet her voice and manner are quite composed. WOMAN: All right. How do I do this… (Puts her phone down and fumbles with the controls on her smartphone with one hand, until she switches on the video recorder) June 15, 2015. Rochelle James, reporting from the ruins of Andhariya. I’m putting this tale out, in the hope that someone, someday finds it. So, hello world.(laughs self consciously) Question 1: Is there a treasure secreted away at the Palace of Andhariya? Yes, there is. Question 2: Can one hunt for the treasure? Yes. Not too difficult. Follow the clues. If you forget the clues, follow the bones. What’s the catch then? You will never get out alive. No, I mean it. No one can get out alive. Call it the curse of the serpent or the wrath of the Royals or the witch's curse or what you must. Why the hell am I not running away? Because there is no where to run to. Leopards have free run of the forests. Vipers too. Don’t forget, the vegetation is all blood thirsty. How do I know? Why d'you think I have use of only one arm? Nasty business, eh? Why not stay here and yell for help? Why not? Yell away to glory…Because nothing is as it seems. Come evening, and these seemingly solid stones… these stones begin to breathe.breathe in, breathe out. Throwing out carbon monoxide, taking in oxygen. How do I know? I followed the trail of bones to the treasure. Cellars full of gems and gold. Tonnes… Enough to pay off the country’s debts at one go…but where would you go after that? But where would…. (she faints)

Feedback 12 Hi, Johnny (or is it Mr BigSur?) I think you did a good job with this, yessir. I liked the progression of Gail's words--but I feel a step is missing from: "Bobby, I’m sorry for insulting you. But you were wrong and you know that. You deserved it." to: "Bobby, I’m sorry. Forgive me. I love you." I also think it would have a greater impact to end it like: NANCY: All done? That was quick. GAIL HANDS HER THE PHONE GAIL: That’s all the time I needed. A minor thing: You forgot to move the scene to EXT. and back to INT.--but it still reads well.

Feedback 13 Hi, Austere "follow the bones", I like that. "only one arm", that's good, too. Even though she's not taking care with her words, considering the circumstances, the speech could be a bit edited and condensed for greater emotional impact. Ending on a faint... no. Have her attacked by a leopard, bitten by a viper. Even if she faints because of being poisoned by the breathing rocks--well, we can't see it; didn't work well in "The Hapenning" did it?

Feedback 14 One knows for sure that someone is a great evil genius when they curse: Fiddlesticks. Unlike Queen Victoria, I found this most amusing. The memo to self and the kittens and many other pearls. Well done, Sir, well done. Remembering your previous Bond scene, you've got to write a spy comedy screenplay. I suppose you like Johnny English and Austin Powers. You managed to individualize each character's speech very well indeed. Good thing poor old Dr Mefisto (aka Benedict Longbottom) managed to slip down his emergency exit just in time and will be able to continue working on his brainwave machine which will make people think they're fruit bats.

Johnny, Roy and Jonathan Gents, I am overwhelmed with all your comments and feedback. Thank you very much. I had no idea where I was going when I started this scene, so I am happy that everything seemed to fall into place in the end. And yes, I hope there will be some more of good ol' Benedict Longbottom in the future. Cheers!

Great feedback, thank you...!

Roy - haha Johnny to my screenwriting friends, so you can call me Johnny! Thanks for the feedback, you are right there is a step missing - too quick to move from those two pieces of dialogue. And also better to be tight on the end. And the EXT INT feedback (thats where screenwriting software comes in handy, didnt use that here) Many thanks.

FEEDBACK #3: I loved the use of the smartphone memo in this (and the way we got to see Gail record and re-record her message to get it right). It's a great way of showing what's going on in her head in a natural way. I think Nancy's original proposal of putting a message on the phone to deliver it seems a little forced. The idea seems to come out of no where almost.... Maybe Nancy pushes Gail to talk to him, but Gail protests because she's too angry, doesn't think before she speaks so she's worried about making it worse. Or maybe Nancy suggests, at first, that she should just go over and work it out, but then realizes that that may just make things worse and then that's when she comes up with the idea.... Just a thought.