SCENE 2 A large spaceship lands slowly on a rocky and desolate planet. Everything is grey and covered in a thick black fog. INT. Spaceship cockpit. NASH is alone, looking agitated and searching for contact details on a touchscreen. He finally finds it and dials the number on a speaker phone. VOICE: Welcome to Dreamways Intergalactic Real Estate Service. Press 1 for sales, 2 to update your order, 3 for customer service-- Nash impatiently presses number 3 on the screen, disconnects the speaker phone, and picks up the handset to his ear. NASH: Order number 544569AP5. … NASH: Yes. … NASH: Yes. I've got a problem. Or I should say YOU have a problem. I've just landed on ALPHA 66509CBL in the 65E sector of the Marian quadrant. And we are totally out of fuel. And we are the only ones in this part of the galaxy. … NASH: Why is that a problem?? Because we should be on OMEGA 331708YYT instead. I've got a ship full of family and friends on board, and they are all waking up from deep space slumber. They're gonna be pretty pissed off when they find out find out this ain't no tropical paradise with sandy beaches. This ship was programmed to bring us to OMEGA. Nowhere else. We bought our houses there. Not here. … NASH: What do you mean we've bought real estate on ALPHA? I've got a signed contract right here showing we own OMEGA 331708YYT . … NASH: What do you mean you went bankrupt since we left Earth? What new company? … NASH: So you're telling me that someone else now lives on OMEGA?? … NASH: So move us to OMEGA! … NASH: What do you mean its sold out?? ... NASH: No I didn't get a copy of the contract change! We've been sleeping for thirty years! … NASH: What clause in the contract? … NASH: Let me get this straight. Ten years ago the original Dreamways Intergalactic Real Estate Service goes bust. They get bought out by someone else. The new company, with the same name, sells OMEGA 331708YYT to someone else, and we get ALPHA instead. Is that right?!? … NASH: We want a refund! … NASH: What do you mean no refund?? What houses?? -Nash uses the touchscreen to zoom on a housing development sitting on top of a rocky cliff, barely visible through thick fog. … NASH: Yes I see houses. THOSE houses are ours? Are you kidding me?? I demand a refund. Put your supervisor on the line. Right now. … NASH: No, do not hang up! ... NASH: What do you mean I've used up my long distance phone credit? I thought this was a toll free call?? … -The line goes dead. END

WOMAN: I don’t know how it could be possible. (pause) WOMAN: I’m telling you that I wasn’t there that night. I had a hair appointment. With Antonio. He just came back from his Italian vacation. (pause) WOMAN: No, I’m don’t believe so. I always go to him. (pause) WOMAN: I don’t know if you can really believe my neighbor. She’s kind of crazy and she’s been in the mental hospital twice. You can check her medical records. (pause) WOMAN: I see. I’ll be happy to answer questions about where I was that night of the murder. I don’t have anything to hide. (pause) WOMAN: Didn’t you hear me? I said I would answer your questions. If you’re going to talk to me that way, you can talk to my lawyer. (pause) WOMAN: Fine, then! Deal with my lawyer! I won’t be accused of something I didn’t do or witness! (pause) WOMAN: That’s obviously coming from someone who doesn’t know these streets. You go snitching and you end up in a body bag. (pause) WOMAN: Yeah, right. We all know police will protect their own. (pause) WOMAN: Alright! Talk to my lawyer! I don’t have anything else to say! (pause) WOMAN: I said talk to my lawyer! (pause) WOMAN (angrily): Good day to you too! (Woman hangs up phone.)

Scene 6 INT. FANCY OFFICE COMPLEX - MORNING A sharp dressed man (42) is sitting comfortably in front of an elegant and clearly expensive computer terminal while eating a sandwich. He is wearing a headset with a long extension cord plugged to a telephone on his desk. The man's eyes light up as he sees something of interest in his screen. He drops the sandwich in the garbage, cleans his fingers and dials a number. MAN: (Speaking with a posh British accent throughout) Good morning, may I please speak with Mr. Carmichael? This is Mr. Ripper. ... MAN: Yes, I can wait. ... MAN: Mr. Carmichael! Good morning, this is Mr. Ripper. I wanted to discuss our... ... MAN: No. Ripper. Mr. Ripper. ... MAN: Yes, that's right. Well, I've been looking at the operation we discussed and I am glad to inform you that a window just opened so I am able to complete... ... MAN: Well, I told you that this may happen, and as it is, this is a very small window so I need a decision straight away. ... MAN: What do you mean that you want to renegotiate? ... MAN: Too expensive? How can you say that? You know the type of work I do. I've been doing this for years. You have seen my résumé, you have my references... ... MAN: Oh, no! Don't you start rambling about the weak economy. Do you know how much a setup like the one I use costs? I am working on very thin margins... ... MAN: I'm not going to source out to CHINA! Are you mad? I only use high precision instrumentation, Swizz or even German. I cannot... ... MAN: Oh! You mean you could have gone with the Chinese for the operation. Ok, now you just want to offend me... ... MAN: OF COURSE their fees are lower! But we had an agreement. I am all ready to proceed and you are just stalling... ... MAN: Hello? Mr. Carmichael, are you still there? The man takes a moment to compose himself. MAN: (Calmly) Listen, I apologise for having raised my voice. That was unprofessional of me. ... MAN: Yes, I know this is a big decision but I was under the impression that... ... MAN: Mr. Carmichael, are you... crying? The man covers the microphone of the headset. MAN: (To himself) I don't believe this! The man drops the headset and picks up the handset. MAN: (To the phone, soothingly) Mr. Carmichael... Mr. Carmichael... Please listen to me... ... MAN: Forget about my fees for a moment. Forget about the operation. I can walk out right now and we can forget all about this if you wish but... ... MAN: No. That is NOT what I am saying. I want to understand... what is the problem, the REAL problem? ... MAN: Yes, it IS a big decision, probably one of the biggest you will ever make. But think back to what brought you to me, why you decided to... ... MAN: Yes, that's right. ... MAN: How many years? ... MAN: That's rough! I understand. But also think about what you are going to accomplish if we proceed. How much money... ... MAN: I know it's personal, but also think about the benefits... ... MAN: Well, guilt is a bitch, and you will have to live with it for the rest of your life. I cannot help you with that. I'm sorry. The man checks the monitor again. MAN: Listen, the window is still open, so if you want to proceed just say the word. If you don't, I will cut my loses and walk away. ... MAN: Don't worry about my fee. I can live with the advance payment. What I want is for you to be happy. ... MAN: So what's it going to be? ... MAN: Are you sure? Because there is not turning back. … MAN: Ok, I’m going to put you on hold for a moment. Don’t hang up. The man rises from his desk and walks towards the window where we can see an extremely sophisticated sniper rifle system setup pointing at the building across the street. The man positions himself on the rifle and pulls the trigger. He rises with a satisfied look on his face. He walks back to the phone. MAN: Mr. Carmichael? … MAN: Yes, it’s done. … MAN: That wasn’t so hard, was it? … MAN: I know. You get what you paid for. Speaking of which, I expect the rest of my fees in… … MAN: Really? That was fast! Well, in that case it was a pleasure doing business with you. … MAN: You’re welcome. Don’t forget to recommend me to your friends. … MAN: Good bye. The man hangs up the phone and starts packing his rifle. MAN: Bloody hell! This hipster generation is really fucked up. He puts a bomb on top of his desk set for five minutes. As the time counts down, the man casually leaves the now visible single office on an otherwise empty building floor.

By the way, I meant to write Suiss, like from Switzerland, not Suizz. This is what happens when you write on a mobile phone with a British spell-checker (suizz is an actual word, look it up). Anyway, my bad.

FEEDBACK 6: Nash and his group got the raw end of that real estate deal! I’m curious to know what happened to them. For Nash’s dialogue, I suggest reducing the use of “What do you mean” to start sentences. Edit some of his dialogue into short bursts and incomplete sentences so (a) it sounds like he’s interrupting the person on the other side of the transmission and (b) it conveys his growing frustration, anger, and helplessness. Could his conversation devolve into angry (empty) threats of lawsuits and bodily harm? And the other side would probably taunt him with a sense of “good luck with that” before they disconnect the line.

SCENE 1 AMAR: Uh hello…I had the pages for next week sent to your secretary, you got a chance to see that? (pause) AMAR: Yes, yes for next week, that’s right , and I KNOW that next week is what—7 days away. I have confirmation of delivery. (pause) AMAR: Don’t know?! Don’t KNOW? Wha d’you mean you don’t know? (pause) AMAR: Yes, yes I understand there’s been a delay, and how terrible, terrible that spot of bad luck, and all that right, but… (pause) AMAR: Patient?! Listen! I’m being as patient as I can be…given our… (pause) AMAR: Personal? Now I’m being personal, am I? Listen, lady… (pause) AMAR: I don’t want the lawyers in on this…you know how the Big Man is…you signed a contract or have you forgotten that too? (pause) AMAR: Paris! Are you out of your mind? (pause) AMAR: Now that’s personal? Damn right that’s personal! (slams phone)

SCENE 6 INT: JACK JAMIESON'S KITCHEN. JACK is making a cup of tea when the phone starts ringing JACK: Oh... and now I wonder who that’ll be? JACK answers the phone. JACK: A very good morning to you, Mrs. Murphy. (HE LAUGHS) What?(PAUSE) How did I know it was you? I’m a famous medium. Had you forgotten? Anyway, who else would be checking up on me at this ungodly hour on a Sunday morning? You really shouldn’t be worrying yourself, you know... (PAUSE) Yes, of course the gas is switched off and the window locks are on. I did them all last night.(PAUSE) - - Yes, of course I’m sure... (PAUSE) What? (PAUSE) No, I don’t think I’d be needing to check them again this morning. (PAUSE) Well, all right then. If it makes you feel better. What did you say? (PAUSE) Okay, okay, for you I’ll do it, though I don’t think there’s much chance of a mass murderer sneaking in in the middle of the night when I’m gone. Not that it would matter very much, now would it, you being passed and all. I tell you what, why not get George to come in with you, it’ll reassure - -(PAUSE) No of course he can’t be missing his chiropodist appointment. Wasn't that sixteen years ago? (PAUSE) Yes, I quite agree. It was a very a long time to wait. (Pause) What was that? (Pause) When am I coming back? If I ever get away... probably Saturday or if not, then sometime during the week. If it’s before, I’ll let you know. Look Mrs. Murphy, I’d better be gone. The taxi will be here any minute. What was that? (PAUSE) Put the cat out? I haven’t got a cat. (Pause) Oh, that’s your idea of a little joke is it? Very funny. Yes, okay then bye for now, Yes, I said, BYE FOR NOW, I’ll talk to you when I get back. Bye now. JACK hangs up the phone. JACK (MUTTERS) Bloody woman, how did she ever learn to use the phone?

INT. COFFEE SHOP - NIGHT Hank (35) wears t-shirt and jeans, dials on a payphone, deposits a quarter. Hank: Please don't hang up. (beat) Hank: No, i used a payphone since you weren't answering when I called you from my mobile. (beat) Hank: I know, just let me explain. (beat) Hank: She's one of my kid's teachers. (beat) Hank: No, really. (beat) Hank: It wasn't a date. I just... she was there, in the same coffee shop. (beat) Hank: I don't know. (beat) Hank: You know I can't write at home, too many distractions. (beat) Hank: No, it's different. (beat) Hank: But they're just background noise, it helps me to write. I don't usually interact with them. (beat) Hank: No, usually means sometimes I just say hi, do some small talk and that's it. (beat) Hank: Well, she was... I don't know, she needed someone to talk to. (beat) Hank: I just happened to be that person. (beat) Hank: I can't write at home or an office, period. (beat) Hank: That's the way you write, this is the way I write. And you can't compare writing website copy to a novel. (beat) Hank: Hello? Hello. He hangs up.

Very nice and short. Probably a little description would be useful to help us know the setting, where it takes place, the overall context. But It plays fine.

SCENE 2: INT. BEDROOM - DAY JAY, 23, sits on his bed gawping at his bank statement. He pulls out his phone, and after a dozen taps he puts it to his ear. He speaks with a strong Glasgow accent. JAY Hiya. There's something on my bank statement that I don't understand, and I was hoping you could help me. ... JAY I already put my bank details into the phone at the start but. ... JAY Och, sake! Alright, my bank details are. Jay slowly reads out his bank details. JAY Right, so I've got thing thing on my statement and I don't know what it means. I didn't do it, and I think I've been defraudulated. ... JAY Of course it's a word, are you taking the piss? ... JAY Aye, I'm sure you're having a lovely time in your cosy office. Now you listen here, I've got this thing on my bank statement for forty quid. It says it's to - and I'll spell this: B-N-G-B-R-S. ... JAY "Adult entertainment"? What's that? ... JAY Porn!? You think I'm a pervert? My bird's going to be raging when she hears about this! Put the money back. ... JAY Aye ye can, press the button and put it back now! Come oooooon! Yer having a laugh here! ... JAY Well, if you can't give me the money back, can you at least tell me the site so I can get my money's worth? ... JAY Fuck sake man, yous are useless. ... JAY I'll swear all I want, this is my fucking house! Now you've been beyond useless, why don't you shove your bank account up your-- Jay realises the other person has just hung up. JAY --arse.

I liked the pacing. It wasn't too hurried. I liked the fact that we really don't know at first exactly what kind of transaction is going to happen. It creates a sense of mystery. I thought the whole scene was executed well. No pun intended.

Feedback 6 The sourcing out to China line was hilarious especially considering the concept of the scene. Nice one and very appreciated by yours truly. Guilt is a bitch? For me, it didn't really suit his posh Bristish accent. Something like – you will have to learn to deal with it. And then – You will have to live with it for the rest of your life – as more of a statement from someone with experience in the matter, would have probably been more in character. The last line about the hipster generation didn't really seem to fit him either. I'm British and it went straight over my head or in other words, I didn't get it. No, hang on, think the penny's just dropped – trousers maybe, wearing them on the hips? Far to subtle. Still enjoyed the scene and still sniggering about outsourcing to China.

Thanks Michele - I appreciate the feedback and taking the time to read. Nice that you are interested in the story - I wrote it in about 30min, maybe I should write 90 pages! I tried to avoid the "stereotype" of lots of short interrupted dialogue - in this context (as with many cases when arguing on phone) even though it can be hard to keep ones temper in check, you want to make sure the other person fully hears what you have to say. Hence the longer sentences. Thanks again Johnny

Scene 6 INT. OBERKOMMANDO WEHRMACHT HQ – NIGHT A desk lamp comes on, illuminating Genl. Friedrich Olbricht sitting in Nazi uniformed splendor. Photos from the Polish front adorn the wall behind him. He holds a phone. Somewhere else in the Reich, a phone stops ringing and a tinny response buzzes from the receiver. OLBRICHT: Good evening, General Zeitzler. It's Olbricht. You are alone? [beat] Good. I'm calling about that matter we spoke of the other day. [beat] Yes, the new weapon whose name we can't speak over the telephone. [beat] I understand your reluctance to discuss the matter, but there's some urgency. A long pause. On the wall, a clock ticks away the seconds. OLBRICHT: Putting it in briefly, the weapon is defective. [beat] No, it's not a matter of a minor adjustment; it's...the control console. It's not wired properly. [beat] Yes, we have the opinion of an expert in such wiring. He looks at a photograph on the wall in front of him, a picture of Hitler, his Commander-in-Chief, his Führer. Olbricht's voice becomes more emphatic. OLBRICHT: Listen to me! You know what is happening on the Eastern Front, yes? And the rumors Beck mentioned? [beat] Yes, those rumors. They're true. A million confirmed, so far. [beat] How can you say that? Of course, you're affected. If you're human, you must be. What more proof do you need that the weapon's wiring is defective? The response from the other end is louder, now, the words almost discernible. Olbricht frowns and throws the pen across the room in frustration. OLBRICHT: All that has been taken into consideration, General. Your name has not been written anywhere. We have taken the necessary precautions. Olbricht opens a drawer, revealing several small ampules of liquid with skull and crossbones on the labels. He takes one out and rolls it between his fingers and thumb as he speaks. OLBRICHT: I know. I've taken the same oath of loyalty you have, General. I'm a German soldier; my word is sacred. But surely you can see that the situation invalidates our oaths. Can Valkyrie count on you? Olbricht unconsciously squeezes the fragile glass ampule in his fist as he listens for Zeitzler's reply.

FEEDBACK 7 Hey Stu, I definitely laughed at this scene. I think this prompt is a lot harder than what it sounds and looks like, but I’m thinking there are some lines that could be eliminated in order to streamline this scene. I get it, it’s funny this guy has to go through a bunch of hoops to get a refund, and nothing is worse than having to repeat yourself to another person that isn’t interested in helping in the first place, but lines like, “Adult entertainment? What’s that?” or, “Of course it’s a word, are you taking the piss?” could be eliminated and the scene wouldn’t really lose much. I'm guilty of the same, so I’m not an expert screenwriter by any means, but making these lines more integral to the scene will only make it that much better :) Hopefully that's helpful feedback for you.

Feedback 8 A bit far out, but satisfies the prompt. The dialogue could be improved by avoiding lines that start with the same word. The line starting with "Let me get this straight" is pure exposition, and may not even be needed.

FEEDBACK 1 I like the story, the premise. But for something that happens way in the future the communication tools used seem very 20th C. Good luck with the 90 pages!

Thanks for your comment! FEEDBACK 2 So our man's been on a date and he's been caught out...but we don't talk like that, do we, in grammatically correct complete sentences, no pause or ahs or half lines...that shorthand that people know each other use. (If he were a lawyer and he were prevaricating, complete lines would maybe work)

FEEDBACK 3 Hilarious. Great Scottish accent.And voice. I only wanted it to remain Scottish in the last line-- that f*ing expletive is not, imho.

Thanks for your feedback. I aim to please (no pun intended)

Liz You have a valid point. The "guilt is a bitch" line is definitely too american. He could have been faking the accent, with his real accent showing up when he is distressed (just thought of that). But yes, I need to work on this. Thanks About hipsters, these are typically described as affluent or middle class young Bohemians who reside in gentrifying neighborhoods in and around New York (thank you wikipedia). Since they opened Whole Foods in west London, they have been popping up there too. Thank you for your feeback.

I say go for the 90 pages! Have at it and have fun! It could be "Aliens" meets real estate scam. :D

Feedback 5 Very funny, I can totally see it as part of a dark comedy. "All I want is for you to be happy". What a nice Ripper. Some words can be pruned, the lines tightened, but I enjoyed it. Bravo, Ricardo.

SCENE 7 EXT. HIGH IN THE CLOUDS - DAY (GOD sits on his throne in heaven. The cloud phone rings, oscillating from gray to white. He reaches out. The cloud floats to his hand. God puts it to his ear) GOD: Hello? Hello, Lucifer? I was about to say, you definitely don't sound like him. No I won't hold, you tell Lucifer that if he wants to talk to me he can-- Hi Lucifer. Right, I'm sorry, Satan, I keep forgetting. Oh, no problem at all, I wasn't holding for long. Listen, I thought we had this figured out, Hitler was supposed to go to you. I'm not going to take him. You wanted him in the first place. He's not coming up. Alright, Satan. Just relax. Slow down and tell me what happened. Big deal, you challenged my authority all the time. You wanted to be God and now your complaining about-- You're kidding me. Come on Satan, you have to admit, that's pretty funny. Now I kind of want to meet this guy. He's just doing the same thing you did to me. Listen, when you started persuading my angels to join you I simply cut my losses and gave you your own little area to rule. Well, you just do the same thing. If he's favored by the demons you need to-- I don't have time to do that. You can make a second hell all on your own. Just give it to him and let him do is own thing. You're worried about a little competition? No I'm not worried, why should I--Ariel and Michael? Yeah, they're on vacation. You're lying. They would never turn on me. No I'm not going to relax. That should have been the first thing out of your mouth! Well you start by saying, God, I think some of your angels are-- No, you listen. We both had a good thing going on and now I'm threatened because being king of your own domain is just too hard for you. Yeah, well maybe I'll just give Hitler your job. Oh, really? Who created hell? Tell me again, who, created, hell? That's right, me. I'm coming down there to clean up your problem whether you like or not. (God's throws the cloud phone at a cloud. It dissipates into the cloud)

Dialogue Challenge Day 6 One-side phone argument Ext. Park-Day ELLIE paces furiously in front of a park bench. She gestures wildly as she yells into her phone. ELLIE: And you actually think I would do that? ELLIE: Ha! That's laughable. You think I'm the one who ruined us. No, buddy...you.... ELLIE: Unsupportive?! Unsupportive?! I went to every.... ELLIE: one show! I missed one stupid show and you crucify me? ELLIE: Yes, I know it was important but I had to work. ELLIE: Well someone has to make money to keep your dream alive. ELLIE: Oh no, that’s not a low blow…it’s a fact…. Ellie stops pacing. She closes her eyes and pinches the bridge of her nose. This is so frustrating. She sits down quietly on the bench. ELLIE: Yes, I'm still here. ELLIE: (calmer) Look I don't want to fight. I tired of fighting with you....no. No, just come by. We'll talk. Ellie sniffs and she quickly wipes away tears. ELLIE: Ok. I'll put your stuff by the door. Steve can come pick it up later. Ellie nods quickly in agreement. ELLIE: Yeah....me too. Her hand drops heavily into her lap as she hangs up.

Feedback 2 This is funny and clever. I love the sarcastic tone God has. My only issue with this is that's it one huge paragraph. Doesn't give the "visual" feel of someone on the phone responding to someone else talking to them. Try throwing in a little bit of action to break up the dialogue on the page.

Feedback 10 Sounds like real [film] dialogue. Meets the prompt well, too--beginning with bickering, transitioning to the core issues, then ending with the final blow to the relationship. Hard to improve on this. You might consider adding a little more description of the character, clues that reflect her personality, help us know her a bit deeper.

Thanks Michele, Jeff and Austere - appreciate the feedback. Might be hard to stretch it to 90 pages - but would be worth it just to be able to pitch the phrase "Intergalactic Real Estate Scam" to a Hollywood Studio and see their faces! Johnny

Writing Challenge SCENE #6 INT. – HOUSE - DAY CARL (57), is a mild mannered accountant. He has just arrived home from work and is making a phone call from his kitchen. He is nervous. CARL: Hello…Mrs. Crabtree? (beat) Hi…how are you today? Carl shifts in his chair uncomfortably. CARL: Oh…I’m sorry. This is Carl…Carl Henderson. Carl tugs at his neck tie to loosen it. His face is glistening with sweat. CARL: Carl…Henderson. I live behind you, Mrs. Crabtree. Carl nods, listening intently. CARL: Yes, Mrs. Crabtree. Yes, it was my son that threw the ball in your yard and broke your birdbath. Carl shifts again. He wipes some sweat from his forehead. CARL: Yes, Mrs. Crabtree, I remember how much that birdbath was worth. It was all right there in the police report you filed. Carl shakes his head. CARL: No, Mrs. Crabtree. My son didn’t break something else. That’s not…that’s not why I’m calling. Carl takes a sip of iced tea. CARL: Yes, ma’am, I remember when my tree branch fell on your shed and destroyed it and everything in it. I also remember what all of that stuff was worth as well. It was all in the insurance claim. Drops of sweat are now dripping from Carl’s face. CARL: Yes, I was very sorry about your flowers, Mrs. Crabtree. Carl wipes his face with his sleeve. CARL: Yes…my dog was sorry about your flowers too. Carl starts to speak but his mouth is so dry he can’t talk. He takes another sip of tea. CARL: Mrs…(clears his throat) Mrs. Crabtree, I just called because there’s something I need to ask you. Carl puts his free hand to his eyes to cover them. CARL: Mrs. Crabtree…exactly how fond were you of your cat?

Feedback #5 To myself. Maybe you should pay closer attention to the prompt next time. This wasn't really an argument now was it? Oops. Fail.

Feedback 11 It was sort of an argument; one in which Carl has no aces. He never gets quite in position to make a case for himself--why the cat was really at fault, it was already injured, it was fine when it bounced out from beneath his Studebaker, etc. It's a losing argument. Carl's interspersed action doesn't do much; some of it could probably be omitted. The ending is appropriate. The real argument starts when Mrs. Crabtree shows up with her hockey mask on, carrying her chainsaw.

I like it! Feel free to do the sequel. "Mrs. Crabtree Chainsaw Massacre Pt. 2, The Beginning."

By the way that was my Feedback #5. For the record.

In JohnyBigSur's defense, he is talking in real-time to a person in another part of the galaxy. That's gotta count for something.

SCENE 6: EXT. SAVE-RITE PHARMACY PARKING LOT – POLICE VAN - NIGHT HANK SHEARSON, 51, clean-cut, holds a phone to his ear. He has a clear view of the Save-Rite Pharmacy and of NED, 35, and JIMMY, 21, scruffy Caucasian males sneaking peaks from inside. HANK: Hello? My name is Hank Shearson. I’m a police negotiator. To whom am I speaking? HANK: Mr. Miyagi? Karate Kid. Uh-huh… Sir, I can see your heads bobbing around like a Whack-A-Mole game. You look nothing like a Miyagi. What’s your real name? Hank sees Ned and Jimmy scanning the police set up in the parking lot. Ned locks eyes with Hank. HANK: Okay… Ned. Here’s the short and sweet version. Turn yourselves in. Yes, right now… Listen Ned, your rap sheet will look like an adorable little turd compared to the shit storm headed your way if this situation escalates. CLICK. HANK: Ned? Hank’s call -- terminated. He looks at the storefront. Sees nothing. Phone RINGS. Hank picks up. HANK: Ned-- Who’s this?... Jimmy, where’s Ned? Hank listens intently. Puts the phone down. Picks up his walkie-talkie. HANK (on walkie-talkie): Team Alpha and medics, a go. Female hostage, head injury. Male suspect decommissioned. Second suspect, goes by Jimmy, surrendering. Cops and medics with stretchers head into the pharmacy. Hank picks up the phone again. HANK: They’re coming. Put your gun down, and raise your hands up. You’re doing the right thing, Jimmy.

A first stab - albeit a bit late: JACK picks up the phone and dials. JACK: Irwin? Hey Irwin. It’s Jackie boy. ….Yeah, that’s right. Long time. Jeez. How you doing? ….No, no reason. I just thought I’d kinda look you up. You know. It’s been a while. How’s Sarah? ….Oh you saw that? Well, that’s not why I’m calling Irwin, I swear to God. ….OK, it’s partly why I’m calling. ….Yeah I know Irwin, but the papers are blowing everything out of proportion. There’s not a shred of truth in it, I promise you. ….Well that bit maybe. But how was I supposed to know she was only 17? ….Oh come on, now I need to do an ID check every time I have a conversation? .…It was just a conversation Irwin. ….That came later. ….No. Categorically no. ….Well slightly. But it was consensual I swear to God. ….Look …OK …yes …OK …get it out. …I hear you. ….You have every right to be angry. But Irwin, you’re the best damn publicist I ever had and I really need your help on this one. ….What you always do – make it go away. Come on Ir, don’t make me beg. I thought we were friends. ….That was a long time ago. ….’Fired’ is a strong word. I may have talked about a pause, but I never used the word ‘fired’ ….Well I can’t be responsible for everything my lawyers say, you know, I’m a celebrity. They do the lawyer stuff and I do the celebrity thing. ….Yes I do, I pay them a lot and I’m glad you mentioned that Irwin because I’m also very happy to pay you, again, a lot. Just name your price. ….Come on, name it buddy. ….Please. ….That much huh? ….No, no I’m not – it’s just… ….Friend rates. Absolutely, we are indeed friends. I did say that. ….No, I’m good with that. But you can sort it out yes? ….And it’ll all go away and I don’t need to worry about anything? ….God bless you Irwin. I knew I could rely on you. ….Absolutely. I won’t talk to anyone, I promise. ….Tomorrow? Sure, I’ll see you tomorrow. And Irwin? ….I love you man.

This is good. Like it. It builds slowly. Leaves things open for surprises likely to appear later. I'd drop 5 or 6 of the 'Irwin's. Nice job.

SCENE 3 EXT. AIRPORT--NIGHT SHIRLEY (31), worn out and bedraggled, leans against her beat-up SUITCASE as she shouts into her phone. SHIRLEY: No, I won't hold! I've been holding for the past forty minutes and I won't do it anymore! This call is costing me a fortune! ... SHIRLEY: My problem? My problem is that your pilot took me to the wrong island! ... SHIRLEY: I booked a flight to Jamaica. My hotel is there. My rental car is there. And I'm in the Dominican Republic! ... SHIRLEY: Yes, I'm aware that the pilot needed to make an emergency landing. I was on the plane. I fully appreciate that the weather was bad. ... SHIRLEY: My problem is that when the weather cleared up, the plane took off without the passengers! ... SHIRLEY: How am I supposed to get to Jamaica for my holiday now? Swim? ... SHIRLEY: Seriously? There are sharks out there! What kind of airline are you anyhow?

SCENE #4: INT. OFFICE – EARLY EVENING Will stares at a picture of his analyst class that sits on his bookshelf while nursing a scotch—probably not appropriate for work, but he needs it. He puts the picture back on the shelf quickly, almost guiltily, when his admin, VICKY, sticks her head in. VICKY: Will, I’ve got your wife on the line. WILL: I’ll take it. He walks to his desk, and picks up his headset. He strolls around his office as he talks. WILL: Hey, what’s up? … WILL: Nah, I’ve got a lot of work to catch up on tonight before my meeting tomorrow. … WILL: Yesterday ran long, it was a work dinner. I’ll be back earlier tonight. … WILL: It was at the Royalton. … WILL: I told you— … WILL: No, it was just me and the client. … WILL: Seriously, Nat? What’s with the inquisition Will is now back again at the bookshelf. The picture that he was looking at earlier was jostled so that it no longer sits in its frame properly, so he pulls it out and begins to straighten it. WILL: Yes… I know Chloe is back in town. … WILL: No, of course I didn’t seek her out. How could you even… … WILL: She’s a client of ours. … WILL: I told you I had dinner with a client. … WILL: How could you even accuse me of that? I thought we were over this. The picture is now back in its frame. He examines it closely, looking at a younger version of himself – fresh-faced and eager looking. He’s standing beside a younger version of Chloe, who albeit still looks similar, but also radiates a naïve youthful energy. WILL: It was a long time ago…. Will sets the picture down and walks back towards his desk. WILL: Listen Nat, I’ve got another call coming in; I’ll see you tonight okay? … WILL: I love you, too. He hangs up despite the fact that there is no other caller, picks up and downs the rest of his scotch.