[…] July is Scene-Writing Month here at Go Into The Story. Every Monday-Friday at noon Eastern / 9AM Pacific, I will upload a post with a prompt for writing a script scene. Each day, write a scene per those guidelines. If you really want to get …read more […]

SCENE 16 (PROMPT: A scene where no words are spoken… but something important gets communicated.) INT. WAITING ROOM – DAY A MAN (34) is hunched over in his chair, hands rubbing. He’s tired, stressed, disheveled. His SON (12) sits next to him, hands clasped in prayer, eyes tightly shut. The man glances around the room: White tile. Stale chairs. Heavy atmosphere. Several other people sit in the waiting room, some with magazines trying to forget why they’re there. Others praying – whispering to themselves. The man looks back to his son. Same position, hands still clasped. Mouth moving. The words ‘Our Father…’ being whispered. The man turns away, looks to the door at the far end of the room. RESTRICTED ACCESS A DOCTOR exits the room and looks around. The man’s eyes raise – hope coming with. But the doctor heads off to a couple in the corner. SOBS are suddenly heard from behind. The man looks behind him to the couple, the doctor patting the WOMAN on the shoulder, trying to console her. When the man looks back, HIS DOCTOR is standing in front of him. His jaw tight, the man stands and tries to get the saliva down his throat. The doctor’s face is hard to read. It too is tired, been at this for hours already. A heaviness lingers as the man waits for the news. His eyes never leaving the doctor’s slit of a mouth. He feels his legs want to give out, the feeling all gone, but he remains standing, trying his best to read the doctor. The line of a mouth turns into a grin, and the doctor nods. She’ll be okay. The man’s legs give out and he falls to the chair in relief. The boy looks up from his prayer to the doctor. Hope in his eyes. The doctor gives him a thumbs up, and heads back through the double restricted doors. The man looks to his son. The words ‘Thank You’ being whispered over and over again. And soon the man has followed suit, he too praying for the miracle that has been bestowed upon them.

Scene 8 Mary Joe climbs into the taxi cab tossing her bags into the far seat and, after slamming the door behind her, finally relaxes her shoulders. The driver, an Indian man with a large beard, glances into the rear view mirror. Their eyes meet. Mary Joe moves her eyes, just slightly, and the drive pulls out into traffic. Her phone rings, and she digs through her over-sized bag and shuts off the ringer without checking who called. Mary Joe checks her watch and stares into the rear view mirror. The driver meets her gaze again. She moves her eyes to the right. The driver turns right at the next stop. Mary Joe reapplies her lipstick. Stopped in traffic, Mary Joe glares out her window. A large crowd swarms across the street ahead of them. Mary Joe sees him. A man in a suit exits a building heading toward the next street. The light goes green. Mary Joe blinks three distinct times, and stares at the man. The driver pulls forward. The man reaches the street just ahead of the taxi. The pedestrian light goes from the green man to the blinking read hand. He steps out into the road. The taxi runs him over, his head striking the windshield, tossing him like a rag doll into the street. Mary Joe watches as the driver leaps out of the car in a panic, checking on the man. A crowd begins to gather, many calling the police on their phones. Mary Joe waits a moment, forcing down a smile. She exits the cab and joins the crowd.

Scene 16 Today’s prompt: A scene where no words are spoken… but something important gets communicated. This is the next scene after Gates ignores Doc’s expressed order that Marci not move into their home. She’s called Marci telling her her room is ready and they’re happy she moving in. INT. BARN Doc wraps the thoroughbred’s foreleg in its stall. He stops as Gates walks past, watches. Gates grabs a shovel from the tool rack, knocks another to the floor, tosses her shovel into a wheel barrel rolls it past the fallen shovel. She wheels it past Doc to Juanita’s stall. Doc finishes wrapping the leg, turns to Gates, stops. He leads the him past Gates’ stall to the horse exerciser. Gates sweep Juanita’s stall, makes a pile of dirty straw. Doc grabs the shovel from the floor, searches for another wheel barrel. None. Gates shovels the dirty straw into her wheel barrel. Doc sweeps his stall, scoops up a shovel full, carries it past Gates to her wheel barrel, deposits it, a slight smile. Gates DROPS her shovel, rolls the wheel barrel past Doc out of the barn. Doc holds a shovel full of manure, watches Gates wheel away. He looks for a place to drop his straw-manure. None. He holds the shovel. Gates rolls the wheel barrel full of clean straw to her stall past Doc. Doc DROPS he shovel, stomps out. Gates watches Doc walk away. She spreads the clean straw around Juanita’s stall. She smiles to herself. She rolls the wheel barrel to Doc’s stall, cleans his stall, wheels the dirty straw-manure away.

She jumps at the sound of the phone ringing, unable to sleep or eat Lisa tries to pull the pieces of her disheveled self up to gather the strength to answer that dreadful phone call. The ringing completed the numbness in her entire body. She turns off the answering machine at the part that says we are not home right now....she does want to hear the message at the end of the beep. She sits staring at the phone recalling their last conversation of when Ted would be returning from his second Tour of Duty in Iraq. She forces at smile at the photograph next to the phone of of them together at the beach. Her shaking hand picks up the photo as tears drip down splashing the frame. She begins the continual dusting of the photo and holds it tight to her chest. The phone begins to ring again and for a brief minute she excites herself by thinking it may be him. She catches herself almost picking it up. She tries to put the photo down but her hand will not let go. A loud expected knock at the door startles her. Two men at the door in military dress carrying an American flag. She proceeds to brush herself off and run her finger through her unwashed uncombed hair. They quickly deliver the flag and a small box, she is unable to utter a sound beyond a cry as she shuts the door behind them. Through the window she watches them depart in disbelief but the heaviness in her heart bolts her down with the truth. The flag smells musty but sterile, still grasping the photo she sets it down on top of the flag and box. She places her hand over her abdomen and pleadingly looks up towards the sky if only he could have known about the baby. She trembles and falls to the sofa crumpling over the flag and knocks the box to the floor busting it open. She tries to bury herself deep into the sofa as not to have to get up and pick up the pieces of what is inside that box.

#16 7/22 EXT. CLUB - NIGHT Jarvis walks down Clark Street, passes the line of people to get into the concert. He nods to the BOUNCERS(heavy set) they let him pass. Paulley and Geo both lean over the red velvet rope, to see if Jarvis got in. However, Geo is fifty people behind Paulley, they clearly want to appear as if they are not together. INT. CONCERT - LATER Geo stands with his back to the bar, completely out of place at this young hipster concert that is so loud, it hurts his ears. He turns to the bartender, points at his soon to be empty Whiskey on the rocks in a cheap plastic cup, and nods. He finishes his drink. A few people away from Geo, Jarvis approaches the bar, he’s tipsy. The bartender puts Geo’s fresh drink down. Geo hands him cash with a heavy tip. The bartender walks to Jarvis. Jarvis points to a tap of the beer he wants. The bartender fills a sixteen ounce cup. Jarvis pulls out his cell, checks it, then puts it in the left pocket of his beige Blazer pocket. Geo eyes this. Jarvis pays for his beverage, then walks back into the crowd to watch the band. Geo looks over to the other side of the club, where Paulley leans in the shadows under an exit sign. They make eye contact. Geo raises his left hand, with his index finger pointed up, and his thumb outstretched. (The letter “L”) Paulley nods. INT. CLUB - CONTINUOUS Jarvis swings his head watching the band. He’s into it. Knees bent, arms back and forth to the beat while not spilling his beer. Geo glides his way up to him, pats him on the shoulder, tries to move forward. Just another guy trying to move through the crowd. Geo also bobs his head, holds his drink up to the band in salute. Then offers it to Jarvis. Paulley, now to Jarvis’s left, reaches into Jarvis’s pocket and takes the cell phone. It is so subtle, no one in this sea of people even notice, they’re wondering if Jarvis will slam a shot from a stranger who clearly doesn’t belong, and He does. Geo slaps his shoulder and nods, then holds up the “devil horns” in a “rock on Bro” kinda way. Geo glances to under the exit sign, we see Paulley’s hand shoot up above the crowd. Thumbs up. Paulley then exits beneath the emergency sign, and somehow, the “Alarm Will Sound” is louder than the fucking band.

SCENE 16 EXT. BEACH HOUSE - DAY SOPHIE sits on the porch steps, watching the sun coming up over the ocean. Her eyes are red, puffy. She glances up at the house, staring at one of the windows. The curtain is drawn, no movement from inside. She finally tears her eyes away, gets up, goes to the door. She yanks open the screen door, and reaches around, pulling out a suitcase. The screen door bangs shut as she goes down the steps. At the bottom of the steps, she looks back at the window again. Nothing. Sophie trudges around the corner of the house with the suitcase, heading towards a beat-up blue pickup truck. Footsteps plod along in the sand behind her. She turns. RYAN is coming up behind her. She stops, staring at him. He catches up with her, takes the suitcase from her hand. They walk to the truck, and Ryan throws the suitcase in the back. They stand facing each other, staring at the ground. Sophie draws a line in the sand with the toe of her shoe. Finally, Ryan puts a hand on Sophie’s shoulder. He squeezes, then pulls his hand away as if he’s been burned. He turns and walks back to the house, not looking back. Sophie watches him go, then gets in the truck.

SCENE SIXTEEN INT. BEDROOM – NIGHT MARISSA stands in the middle of the room, holding a half empty bottle of red wine. She looks at a picture sitting on the dresser of two small children. She smiles briefly, but it fades and she takes a long drink of wine. She looks down at a crumpled picture in her hand, showing a much younger version of herself sitting in the lap of a MAN, both of them smiling, his arms wrapped around her lovingly. She turns and walks toward the closet, opening it and running her hands along the clothes. She starts to take out shirts and dresses and shoes, slowly at first, but then she begins throwing them to the ground behind her. At the back of the closet, she comes across a large, white garment bag. She stares at it for a long moment, tears starting to form. She puts the bottle of wine and the picture on the ground and removes the garment bag, bringing it over to the bed and setting it down. Carefully, she unzips the bag and pulls out the dress. She holds it for a moment before putting it back on the bed and stripping down to bra and underwear. She picks up the dress and steps into it. It’s too small, and the back is a long line of buttons, so she leaves it undone. She walks toward the mirror, staring at the dress. She lifts her hair up, as if envisioning a fancy up-do. She looks at her face in the mirror, tears now streaming down her face, and angrily wipes them away, letting her hair fall. From downstairs, we hear the sound of a DOOR OPENING and CLOSING. She freezes, horrified. She hurriedly pulls off the dress, tripping over herself as she throws it messily back in the garment bag. She gathers all the clothes off the floor and shoves them back into the closet, accidentally knocking over the wine bottle, which spills. She stares at the wine spilling over the carpet and the picture. At the sound of CABINETS SLAMMING, she frantically grabs her clothes from the floor and the wine-soaked picture, running out of the room. As she rushes by, we see a wedding photo on the wall, with the same man from the photo but a different woman in the wedding dress Marissa was wearing.

SCENE 16_________________________________ A man(32), Jack stands by a window, smiling.he turns and nods to a businessman sitting on a sofa with the Jack's cook,(28) standing beside him.the businessman right away signs the papers lying in front of him. All lights on the stage fade out to leave the scene in darkness. Lights fade in Jack is escorting the businessmen to a door, chattering, smiling. By the doorway the businessman congratulates Jack and leaves. Jack sighs and turns to his cook, smiling at him who pats on his back and congratulates him. They seem to be good friends. He looks at his wife's photo on his desk and smiles. He calls out her name, happily. Suddenly a feeling of restlessness starts arising in the man, something starts hurting from deep inside, he runs his hand around his chest to know the centre of the pain supported by the cook. It is just then that he realises, that his entire body is hurting. His internals seem to be on fire. Soon he unable to breath, the cook panics, he shouts for help, the man falls down slipping from the cook's hands. He lies there on the floor, lifeless. The cook has his head in his hands unable to believe what happened, so sudden. JENN, Jack's wife walks in rushing over to him and kneeling down to him, shaking him to wake up. A doctor comes in the room, pushes the lady aside as she tands by the cook on the verge of breaking down. The cook squeezes her shoulder trying to calm her down. The doctor looks up at both of them, a serious gaze, unable to speak, Jenn starts crying on the cook's shoulder. The doctor laves them alone. As the door shuts, Jenn pushes the cook away hard, the sobbing no longer on her face. She smiles wickedly at him. The cook looks to his friend and then to Jane, understanding. He then looks to the food Jack had eaten. Jenn slides out from her pocket a small bottle and forcefully pours it into the cook's mouth. As the cook falls on the ground she puts the bottle in his hands. She takes out her handkerchief and wipes her face. She brings back the expression and screams. FADE TO BLACK _____________________________________ Thank you for reading. Please comment and let me know how it could've been better. Thanks again =)

- SCENE 16 - INT. BASEMENT - NIGHT OLIVIA (30) and BEN (7) are crouched into a corner of the basement. A barricade of chairs and boxes are stacked behind the basement door. Ben can barely catch his breath. Olivia tries to help. She places her hand on his stomach, and takes a deep breath. He tries to imitate her. A BANG is heard from upstairs. Olivia indicates to Ben that he must stay quiet. The door to the basement shakes as someone attempts to open it. Olivia picks Ben up and walks to the other side of the basement. She places him down near a chest. She has to move boxes that were stacked on top of it. She opens the chest, and frantically tries to empty it of its contents. Ben helps. She puts Ben inside the chest, hugs him, and gently closes the chest. She starts to move the contents of the chest into other boxes. The basement door is forced open. CUT TO BLACK

SCENE 16 - INT. DR.'S WAITING ROOM - DAY SARAH, a woman in her late 50's, sits filling out paperwork. As this is the only ER for miles, she is surrounded by people of all walks of life, whether they be elderly or homeless. As she fills her paperwork, she looks around the room. There's children playing with toys, an old man reading Highlights magazine, a woman watching Judge Judy on tv, etc. She sees a man reading a newspaper, which clearly makes her feel uneasy. The man, probably noticing her eyes watching him, looks up from the paper. Sarah darts her eyes back to the paper, terrified. She runs through the usual questions, such as Sex, Medical History, Allergies, etc. The thing is practically a book, but she fills it out so quickly, the woman driven by a mad, nervous energy. She flips back to the front page, realizing that she hasn't filled out the simplest part: her name. This seems to make her more anxious than anything else, and at first she only writes SARAH. After mentally debating it for quite some time, she finally adds LOCKETT. She reads the whole name out in her mind, staring at her writing. Seeing it in writing seems to have quieted her fears, and a confidence comes over her. She walks to the front desk and drops off the clipboard, then goes back and takes her seat, looking a bit more relaxed. While she waits, she watches as the receptionist returns to the desk. Sarah studies the woman's face as she reads the clipboard, going through Sarah's information. The woman's expression visibly changes after reading something, presumably Sarah's name. The woman looks up, and her and Sarah make eye contact. The woman looks down at the paperwork again. Sarah, embarassed and mortified, sits for only a brief moment before bolting out of the building.

SCENE 1 (PROMPT: No words are spoken… but something important gets communicated.) INT. HOSPITAL - MORNING Omar’s shiny black shoes squeak on the scuffed linoleum floor. Five nurses look up from their station as the old man walks by. All but Lisa get teary when they see his thin, bent frame in a blue suit and tie. The knot is off-center and the jacket’s shoulders hang below his. He stops, tips his worn Fedora hat at them then shuffles down the corridor to Sofia’s room. The fluorescent lights overhead make the top of his stained white hat glow like a halo. The doctor is already at her bedside, checking monitors and making notes. Omar hesitates in the doorway for a moment before walking in. Lisa follows. He goes directly to the nightstand and sets a small case on it. The doctor watches in silence, not interrupting this ritual. Omar unlatches the old record player. Lisa takes the cord from his hand and plugs it into the wall outlet by the floorboard as she’s done for three months. This time she squeezes his hand harder. He drops something into her uniform pocket and pats her face lovingly. The other nurses have quietly come into the room, some dab their eyes with tissues. Omar looks at the familiar faces and smiles faintly. He turns his hearing aids all the way up and gazes at his wife lying in the bed, her chest moving in rhythm with the ventilator’s wheezes and clicks. Her skin is pale in contrast with the dark red and blue bruises along her arms. Omar places his brown, wrinkled hand over the largest bruise, holding it there gently. He removes his hat, closes his eyes and bows his head, lips moving silently. He runs his hand down her arm, lingering on her gold wedding band loose around her finger. Omar takes a deep breath and turns the record player on. One of the nurses closes the door as Omar lowers the needle. The spinning vinyl crackles until his and Sofia’s wedding song fills the room with memories only he can see. Lisa wonders why she became a nurse at this moment, wishing Sofia would open her eyes now like she would on a television show. Sofia’s wavy silver hair is bunched on one side and Omar smoothes it down. He looks at her face illuminated by the morning sun, skin taught across the cheekbones he dreamt of kissing as a young man. He kisses them now as he has for 60 years, ignoring the bulky ventilator tube. Omar looks up at the doctor who nods his head. While Omar holds Sofia’s hands and the last chorus of her wedding song plays, the doctor turns the ventilator off. Sofia takes three breaths then lies still as the heart monitor’s flat line scrolls across the screen. Lisa leaves the room first. Now alone in the hallway, she cries and feels for what Omar dropped into her pocket. She pulls out a long chain with a gold acorn-shaped locket. Inside is a black and white photo of Omar and Sofia on one side and their initials on the other. “For my angel,” is engraved on the back.

Scene 16 (10th entry - woo!) EXT. MARS - DAY A fierce sandstorm rips through the red landscape. EXT. CAVE ENTRANCE Two TERRAFORMERS in space suits hold on for dear life in a high tech buggy. The Leader motions towards the cave. The Assistant nods. The storm picks up. They leap from the buggy as the winds sweep it off the ground and fling it into the distance. INT. CAVE ENTRANCE - CONTINUOUS The Terraformers collapse inside, sheltered from the outside hellscape. The Leader says something to the Assistant but we can’t hear him, and neither can the Assistant. The Assistant shakes his head, communicating the same. The Leader points to his ears, “Can you hear me?” The Assistant moves his hand across his neck, mouthing “It’s dead”. Their morale takes another blow, realizing their suits are damaged. They help each other up and turn on flashlights. They spot a trail of SILVER LIQUID. It leads further inside... A shared look of curiosity. This is unexpected. INT. CAVE Flashlights pierce the darkness. They come to a fork in the cave: tunnels split into different directions. The Silver Liquid trail continues down one of them. The Leader points towards the tunnel entrance. The Assistant, fear on his face, shakes his head no. The Leader insists. INT. CAVE TUNNEL - LATER They make their way though, crouching past stalactites. The Silver Liquid leads off the ground and onto the walls and ceiling - spiraling around them. INT. CAVE NEXUS An ethereal environment with a huge domed ceiling and ambient lighting that seems to come from nowhere. It feels like a cathedral. It doesn't look natural, it looks designed to look natural. Silver Liquid flows in from dozens of connecting tunnels and holes everywhere. Here, the Silver Liquid pulses like blood vessels. The Terraformers stand in awe. The look around and then two each other. They shrug and shake their heads, not knowing what they have found. The Assistant taps The Leader and points towards the center of the Nexus where Silver Liquid from the ceiling and the ground merge into a single, impossibly thin SILVER STRAND. Suddenly, the Silver Strand VIBRATES like a plucked string. PIERCING SOUND fills the room. The Terraformers try to cover their ears but their helmets are in the way. They SCREAM inside their helmets as the vibration rattles them on a molecular level. We hear nothing. The Assistant falls to the ground in pain. The Leader reaches for him and falls to his knees. He crawls over to the Assistant and tries to help the Assistant up. The Leader looks into the Assistant’s bloodshot eyes. Veins in his face boil with blood. Then - POP - like a grenade in a watermelon - the Assistant’s HEAD EXPLODES. The Leader falls back. Writhes with pain as the same thing is about to happen to him. Gasping for breath, he unlatches his helmet and removes it. He gasps between deep breaths. Then notices the sound has stopped. In fact there is NO SOUND. Of anything. The Leader speaks and nothing comes out. He can’t hear his own breathing. Even his clanking suit and footsteps are silent. As if something is canceling out all sound. He turns to find the Silver Strand pulsing out into the venous Silver Liquid all around. Silver Liquid tentacles creep towards the dead Assistant and flow into his suit. The Leader watches in horror and amazement as the Assistant’s body twitches. He tiptoes closer then jumps back when the Assistant is stood up off the ground like a marionette. The Assistant turns to the Leader. Blood and brains splattered on the inside of the helmet are all we can see. The Assistant unlatches the helmet and takes it off. He is shockingly as good as new. Better, he looks perfect. The Assistant creeps towards The Leader. The Leader looks into the Assistant’s eyes: now made of Silver Liquid. The Assistant opens his mouth to speak...

Here's my 2 cents: Be consistent about how you refer to characters. You mentioned "a woman" or "the woman" several times between 3 different women. Sarah should be referred to as Sarah and Receptionist should be referred to as Receptionist. This helps minimize confusion, which is death. Don't tell the reader things that "probably" or "presumably" happen. You can say that the audience/reader is unsure, that the character(s) is unsure, but you as the write must be sure what is happening. Your voice should have confidence and specificity. The ending: we have no idea why Sarah had that reaction, or even if the Receptionist meant to give any specific kind of reaction. My suggestion would be to have Sarah fill out the form with everything but her name. When she turns it it, the Receptionist points to the empty name section. Then have Sarah react. She's got a pen in her hand but can't or won't write her name. Now it's awkward and unnerving. Now there's some conflict. Why did she skip the name part? Does she even know here name? Is she a criminal on the run? The reader is now intrigued, not just confused. There's still mystery and unanswered questions, but the reader at the least knows what Sarah (and Receptionist) is reacting to and can start to piece the story together. Hope that helps - happy writing!

SCENE 5: INT. MEDITATION ROOM - DAY GOLDIE, (15), slightly overweight, awkward, cute, runs into the meditation room and skids to a stop, letting out a little squeal. A few faces in the last row of meditators turn and glare. She grins embarrassed. All teenagers here. Everyone here is wearing matching grey cotton pajama suits. Hair is up in ponytails or combed down. No individuality is allowed. She takes her place. Behind the last row. She settles into position. She tries humming along with the others. She shifts her butt. She has a wedgie. She wants to get at it. Her hands moves to it. But she resists the urge. Her eyes close reverently again. A fly buzzes past her. Her eyes spring open. She glares at the fly hatefully. She closes her eyes again. Her body settles. Her breathing steadies. She’s in a state of calm. And then... Two rows ahead, a young man sneezes so loud it shakes the room. Many meditators are startled out of their poses. Including Goldie. She gives up. A few rows ahead, she spots HILDIE, (16), who looks a lot like her, only blonde. And perfectly still. Goldie grins. She’s such a show-off. She notes her shoulders. They are dropped, relaxed. Goldie tries to copy her. Hildie’ whole body seems to have slumped inwards. Goldie does that too. Her feet are crossed ever so gently. Her multi-colored striped socks.... Her multi-colored striped socks! Goldie looks around her. Everyone else has on regulation grey socks or no socks at all. Except Hildie, her feet like a traffic light. Just then, an elderly woman walks in. Fake kind smile. Fake grey hair. Fake creases around the eyes. A hardness beneath the smiling cheeks. She pads softly between the rows of humming students. Goldie closes her eyes till she hears her pass. And then one eye opens. She watches as she passes Hildie. Without noticing the socks. Goldie lets out a small sigh of relief. But then her expression turns to horror when the woman takes her place at the far end of the room and begins to hum too. Sensing a disturbance in the force, the first person in the first row slowly opens his eyes. Turns to the woman. Gets up and walks over to her. He bows low, offers a silent greeting, eyes meeting, palms touching. And then resumes his position. One by one, the meditators perform this ritual. Row by row, the meditators greet and are greeted. Till finally it’s Hildie’s turn. Goldie closes her eyes. She can’t bear to watch. No, actually, she can. One eye opens. Those loud and proud striped socks pad softly down the hall. A few meditators whose eyes haven’t fully closed yet, react. Hildie walks up. Offers her greeting. The woman returns it. The woman looks down at her socks. So does Hildie. Hildie is stunned and apologetic. She opens her mouth to say something... ...but the woman’s finger flies to her lips. Very subtly, she leans forward. Just far enough, so the neck of her grey t-shirt hangs downward. Revealing a lacy pink bustier. Hildie reacts. The woman winks. Hildie goes back to her spot. She catches Goldie’s eyes. She grins. Goldie’s confused. She sits down and resumes meditating.

I like the overall story. Here are a few hopefully helpful tips: 1. Give us a slugline (scene heading) so we know where we are and if it matters, a brief description. INT. JACK'S RESTAURANT - NIGHT A trendy sushi joint with only a few lingering customers. 2. Capitalize characters names when we first see them in the scene. And use that name when referring to the character later. JACK (32) stands by a window. He turns and nods to a BUSINESSMAN sitting on a sofa with Jack's COOK (28)... 3. If a character will only be known as Cook or Businessman, always capitalize the first letter because it is being used as proper noun (like Jack) and that helps the reader know it's not another cook or businessman that could be in the scene as well. 4. This should be a screenplay not a stageplay. Remove references to lights and stage unless the scene is actually about a stage production (where Jack and all the characters are just actors doing a scene on a real stage inside of your movie/tv scene). 5. Use the most present form of verbs you can, avoid gerunds (verbs that end in -ing). Ex. Jack escorts -versus- Jack is escorting Not only are you using less words in this example, but you're using the most present tense, active form of the verb. Think of it this way, don't tell us what a character *is doing*, tell us that the character *does*. 6. Always try to visualize how an actor might convey stage directions, and consider if the audience would interpret that performance as you describe it in the script. An actor can easily show "something hurting inside" them. But how would they convey that their internal organs are "on fire"? It's better to give the actor (and reader) a specific action and hint at the emotion or cause. Ex. Jack writhes on the floor in pain as if his entire body is on fire. 7. It’s bit of a cheat on the prompt to have Jack call his wife’s name. Moreover, any dialogue should be written as such, and not expressed in action lines. 8. Split up really long sentences as shorter sentences are usually better. It helps the reader digest the story a bite at a time instead of a mouthful. It can also be used to convey emotion/tone and show your voice/style as a writer. Quick action is best served by short, staccato sentences. Long, flowing action is best served by longer, legato sentences. Ex: Jack’s wife JENN rushes to him. She kneels down. Shakes him. Tires to wake him up. or simply: Jack’s wife JENN rushes to his side. She shakes him and tries to wake him up. 9. Be aware of things that aren't filmable (aka cheats!), or things the audience will not necessarily know from just watching the scene. For example, it's okay to tell the reader Jenn is Jack's wife, but someone watching the scene will not know that. They of course will likely guess it. But Jenn could be his sister or friend. If it's important, make sure the audience will get it visually (or with dialogue). In your scene, I don't think it's crucial to know Jenn is Jack's wife (thus it's fine as written). But if you wanted to make it very clear, have Jenn grab Jack’s hand and show they have matching wedding rings. Or, simply have the picture we see of Jack and Jenn be their wedding photo. Then the audience will be clear on their relationship. And clarity is vital! Good luck - happy writing!

Scene 16: Reaching the summit, Michelangelo walks east to the FRESCO he painted first: THE FLOOD. There he touches the figures of MEN, WOMEN and CHILDREN as they retreat from the DELUGE. Moving on, he assesses one of CHRIST’S ANCESTORS, then continues... Touching his finger to the ceiling in some places, shaking his head in dissatisfaction at others. Until - He passes THE CREATION OF EVE and stops. He stares at a BLANK SPACE two and a half meters tall by five meters in width, and glares. Seconds pass. He raises his fist and POUNDS it into the plaster, chunks of dust and bits of ceiling rain down.

Scene 2 INT. BUS – DAY It's early morning and the bus is almost full. In the back, a YOUNG WOMAN is sitting comfortably and reading something on her phone. There's an OLD WOMAN sleeping next to her and a TEENAGE BOY on the other side with an empty seat between them. We see a MAN get on the bus and he sits in the empty seat letting his legs fall wide with one touching hers. The young woman flinches and tries to scoot as much as she can away from his open legs. He turns to her until she meets his eyes and they each smile, hers is tighter-lipped than his. The bus ride continues and she looks uncomfortable. The teenage boy gets off the bus which prompts the man to bring his arms up against the back of the seats. His arm is brushing against the woman's shoulders which prompts her to sit further up her seat. The man is seemingly oblivious to the discomfort he's causing her. When he digs for his phone out of his pocket, he bends his elbow so his hand brushes up against the woman's back. She flinches as if she's been burned. A MIDDLE-AGED WOMAN adjacent to them sees how the man is sitting and shakes her head to herself in disbelief. The young woman looks irritated. There are no other seats for her to get up and move to but then she blinks—like her thinking bulb flashed on. She almost grins to herself. The young woman begins to cough a little. Then it grows to the point that the man and other people on the bus notice it. Then, she starts hacking. People around her look alarmed, people in the front are starting to look back. The man sits up and tries to back away from her until she makes a lurch towards him with a particularly throaty dry heave and prompts the man to jump up and move away from her completely. She watches him move his towards the front and she sits back in her seat with a contented smile. The middle-aged woman chuckles to herself when she realizes what the young woman did. The old woman has stirred awake from the noise. The old woman taps the young woman on the shoulder offering her a cough drop. The young woman shakes her head with a “thank you” smile. The old woman smiles back, puts her cough drop back, and goes back to sleep.

Scene 16 INT: FUNERAL HOME-AFTERNOON Monica and her children sit in the front row of Reuben’s funeral all in their own individual states of grief. Monica is devastated, her son Aaron is trying to keep up a brave front. Ellen, her daughter and the oldest of the children secretly blames her mother’s negligent behavior for her father’s death. Once everyone leaves the funeral home, Monica and her children gather at the casket of their beloved patriarch. Monica reaches down to kiss her husband one last time, while Aaron hugs his sister who’s shaking from anger and grief. Monica reaches out to grab Ellen’s hand only to have her slap it away, which leaves both Monica, and Aaron shocked.

Scene 12(Day 16) No words-just action INT. LECTURE HALL-DAY Dozens of students are scattered throughout the rows stadium seating. Each one is engaged in writing. Down below a TEACHERS AIDE (TA) sits engrossed in a book. This is exam time. MICHAEL, 20's, scribbles on his test, head resting in his hand. He is fully engaged. Out of nowhere a crumbled ball of paper bounces off his head. He looks up and around. Who the f...? He sees DAVID, 20's, a few seats off to the side, staring at him. Michael mouths "what?" David responds by holding up five fingers. Michael gives him a "are you serious?" face. David puts his hand together in prayer form. Please. Michael looks down at his test. Insert: Number 5 is a paragraph long. Michael sighs. He glances at the TA at the front. The TA is still face down in his book. Michael shakes his head and frowns. He turns his attention back to his test. Another paper ball smacks his head. Michael's head whips around, he's severely annoyed. David pleads his case more firmly. He points at Michael then points to himself, jabs at his test with his finger. Michael purses his lips and flashes a sever glare. No, man. David nods rapidly, then points to himself, then to the TA. He smiles slyly and points to Michael. He makes a thrusting motion, and points back to the TA and pantomimes being a girl. Strokes his hair, bats his eyes, and making kissy faces. Michael’s mouth drops open. Asshole. Michael looks down at his test. He then proceeds to pantomime the answer. David bows a thank you. Michael gives him the finger without looking.

Scene 16. INT. DODGE CITY, 1884 - TOWN JAIL - DEAD OF NIGHT JAMES BAGGET (26) tosses and turns on a dirty cot in his cell. He's startled at a soft THUMP. He sits up to see BRADDOCK (19) on the floor just outside his cell. The kid is holding his leg and groaning softly. James shoots a glance upward to see a hole in the roof, the stars are out tonight. James darts over to the bars and puts a finger to his lips, SHHHHH, points behind Braddock. Braddock stops his groaning as he turns to see the Sheriff behind him, slumped over in his chair asleep. A bottle of whiskey sits on the table beside him, maybe a couple shots left. James points to the lock on his cell, then back to the table. A ring of keys lays next to the bottle. Braddock gets to his feet and sneaks over to the keys, he quietly gathers them together and scoops them up. The Sheriff snorts and shifts position. James and Braddock stare at the Sheriff wide-eyed until he settles. Braddock makes his way over to the cell. Braddock singles out a key, shows it to James. James shakes his head, nope. Next key, nope. Third key is the one. Braddock slowly puts the key in the lock and turns it ever so carefully - CLICK. The Sheriff shifts again with a grunt. Braddock starts to open the door, emitting a high-pitched SQUEAK - James quickly throws up his palms - STOP - He points to his mouth. James squirts out a glob of spit onto the lower hinge, he points to Braddock. Braddock does the same on the other side. The cell door swings open more quietly now. Braddock gestures James to follow him as he makes his way out the front door. James stops short of exiting the jail, looks at the Sheriff. Braddock gestures more forcefully. James walks over to the Sheriff and spits a thick glob of saliva onto the man's cheek. The Sheriff snorts and sleepily swats at his face as James tip-toes away. EXT. TOWN JAIL Braddock shakes his head as the men mount their horses and get the hell out of Dodge.

SCENE #10! JULIUS'S POV FROM BELOW CLOSE ON Ashley and Theo, REVERSE ANGLE UP, OVER THE SHOULDER of Julius, who watches them from the front gates below. The moment just before their lips touch seems to be in SLOW MOTION, dragging on forever, a nightmare. Julius sucks in a gulp of air as he tries to process such a revelation. Suddenly the DRONE of a HELICOPTER appears overhead, breaking off their almost-kiss. Its lights blinding them. As the couple squint and shield their eyes from it, the helicopter ROARS past, the “FBI” emblem on its side. Theo turns to chase after it, grabbing Ashley's hand - but the girl doesn't move. She senses Julius below and turns to meet his gaze. Their eyes lock furiously, both mad as hell. Theo, pulled back by her hand, sees Julius too. A fleeting of emotions ghosts across his face. BANG! Julius fires a warning shot into the air. Theo answers with a sarcastic air-kiss. Then he's gone, pulling Ashley with him, who spares one last look back.

"not penny's boat." If I could write that scene...

Heathenistic scene 16. INT. OPEN LOFT APARTMENT - NIGHT. Chic loft, exposed beams, hardwood. designer furniture. Place is immaculate. Spiral staircase leads to open second-floor. Balcony overlooking the living room. More candles along the railings and banisters. The lofted second floor is a designer bedroom with an ensuite bath. The bathroom light is on, shower sounds, and turn off. Jonathan comes out of the bathroom upstairs, towelling himself off. He looks himself up and down in a floor-length mirror. He's wet, chiseled. In great shape. Jonathan tosses the towel onto the bed, puts on a pair of boxers from a drawer. He gets dressed, watching himself in front of the mirror the entire time as he puts on designer jeans, a stylish button down shirt, socks, expensive shoes. He goes to his closet to pick out a tie. Selects the nicest one, ties it on deftly, staring himself in the eye in the mirror as he does. He surveys himself one last time. Everything perfect. He's pleased. His buzzer rings - he goes to the wall-panel, and without a word presses the button to unlock the lobby door. Back to the mirror - gives a 'well, this is it' look. Goes to the balcony, where a large thick orange extension cord has been tied and wrapped around the railings. He picks up the loose length of cord, puts a hoop of it around his neck, and before we know it, he swings one leg, then the other over the ledge and throws himself over. His neck CRRAACKS as it breaks when the cord reaches it's limit and his lifeless body twitches and dangles from the railings above. Directly beneath him is a message scrawled on the floor that reads "YOU DID THIS."

SCENE 16: EXT./INT. CAR - HIGHWAY - DAY: JACKSON drives at a snail’s pace amidst a massive eight lane freeway, back to back with crawling cars, like a parking lot glacier. He looks at the clock on the dash: 8:55. Jackson looks concerned and frustrated. INT. Offices - LATER: Jackson walks in. There are people in Jerome’s glass front office. Jackson sits at his desk nearby and logs on. Pam emerges from the glass office as the small crowd breaks up. She goes to Jackson and nods to him to go into Jerome’s office. Jackson doesn’t care at this point. INT. JEROMES’S OFFICE - SAME: Jackson goes in. His eyes are blood shot. He is exhausted. But he holds it together. Jerome beams straight into Jackson eyes like a laser Sword with his business school penetration stress-test focus. His phone rings. He ignores it, maintaining the stare. Jackson stares right back at him. It’s a Jedi Knight eye gaze fight. But he’s tired. Jerome reads him like a book. He knows he’s sincere. Unless he reads deception or lies, he doesn’t care. Jerome gestures his index finger up, and waves Jackson off, as if to say. I have to take this, we’ll talk later. Jackson walks out and goes back to his desk. He gets to work as Jerome watches him through the glass while talking on the phone. Jerome sits with indifference, and looks at his computer screen with more important things to do.

INT. SCHOOL HALLWAY – DAY Students file through the hallways between periods. Some are chatting by lockers, others are travelling in packs. Some are surreptitiously eating food or playing hackey sack in the hallways. A TEACHER walks by and wordlessly snags the hackey sack out of mid-air, shooting the students dirty looks and moving on down the hall on his beat. Outside of a science classroom, ALEX, 17, a beautiful girl with long dark hair with preppy dress, stands with her friend TORI, also 17, blonde and tall, dressed sportily. They are each holding open binders and wordlessly and intently comparing their homework assignment to see if they have the same answers, hoping to finish before the bell rings. STEVEN, 17, dressed somewhat punk-rock, walks by them both. Alex looks up and sees him, hoping to catch his eye, but he blatantly ignores her and breezes past them both into the classroom. He seems very angry. AARON, 18, jock, dressed sportily, stalks past as well. Alex and Tori both look up. He walks up to Alex and kisses her cursorily on the cheek and then continues on his mission. He walks into the door of the classroom. INT. CLASSROOM – DAY Steven is sitting wordlessly at one of the desks in the middle of the class. He is clearly in a funk, and it is written all over his face. There are about five other students in the classroom, also looking through their notes. MRS. APPLEGATE, the teacher, 52, is sitting and reading with her back turned from the door. He sees Aaron at the doorway, staring daggers at him, and alternately checking to see if Mrs. Applegate has noticed. One strange student with a t-shirt tucked into his jeans and a massive backpack strapped to his back squeezes through the door beside Aaron, who does not move. Steven stands up out of the desk. Aaron looks at him and mouths the word, “Outside.” He points out the window to the parking lot and holds up two fingers, indicating 2:00. Steven snarls soundlessly and nods in agreement, pointing at him and mouths the words, “I’m gonna fucking kill you, faggot.” Aaron walks away, not breaking eye contact until he turns to head down the hall.

EXT. HOSTAGE HOUSE - NIGHT ALPHA TEAM hug the wall of the house as they near their point of entry. As the column comes to corner of the building, their leader JAKE MACDOWELL halts, raising a fist. Stop. He pulls away from the wall slightly and starts to peer round, into the garden. No one. He points at the second man of the four, DAN BANKS, then back at himself, then at his eye. You. Me. Look. He waves his hand above his head for the last two men in the group. Cover us. Jake and Dan move around the corner. Light shines from the far window and the two pull away so that they stay in the shadows. Jake signals to Dan with a flat hand to crouch to the window to have a look... Dan crouches towards the window and goes underneath. With his head tilted he looks in and quickly assesses the scene. Turning back to Jake he signals. Two Enemy, One Hostage. Jake signals the final two men to come round and they converge on the back door. He traces the signal for a door and then sweeps his hand telling them it is a point of entry. Finally he signals to Dan - One flash bang through the window... In 3... 2... 1...

EXT. MINEFIELD - DAY A mess of craters, shredded vehicles, and torn apart trees cut into the landscape. A SILENT ORDER OF NUNS advance towards the minefield. SR. ALPHONSIUS, 60, edges nearest. From under her habit, she produces a RABBIT. She angles her head in the direction of the rabbit. The Silent Order of Nuns nod in agreement with whatever she's signaled. Sr. Alphonsius releases the rabbit. It hops forward once. Its nose twitches. The nuns watch it anxiously. It hops a second time. A massive EXPLOSION throws the Silent Order of Nuns backward. They say nothing. They dust themselves down, and look at each other, worried. Sr. Alphonsius gestures with empty palms; she's all out of rabbits. SR. PATRICIA, 30, steps forward. She removes her rosary beads from around her neck, silently. She rips the chord that holds the beads together. The Silent Order of Nuns gape in shock, fear for her soul. Sr. Paticia removes the first prayer bead. She drops it on the sod directly in front of her. No explosion. She drops the next bead on the sod in front of that, KABOOM! The Silent Order of Nuns have a revelation. A-ha! Sr. Patricia casts her beads one by one. A safe meandering way reveals itself amidst the craters. The nuns gaze heavenwards, thanking God.

Scene Sixteen.

DAY SIXTEEN: A scene where no words are spoken… but something important gets communicated. INT. RESTAURANT – EVENING A middle-aged couple are sitting at a nice table. There is a single rose in a small vase on the table between them. The couple are waiting for their food. They perk up every time a waiter walks by with food, only to have their hopes and dreams dashed. They visibly shrink back down into their chairs when they realize their food hasn’t arrived yet. They keep stealing glances at each other and smiling slightly, but trying to be sly about it. The woman pulls out a book and begins to read. After a moment, she looks up, surprised. Quick shot under the table to see the man kicking her softly in the leg. She kicks him back. He kicks her back. They go back and forth, trying hard not to laugh too loudly. They straighten up and immediately become all business when their food arrives. They nod their appreciation to the waiter before going into their food. They eat in relative peace. Every now and then, the woman will read a small portion of her book before returning to her food. The man picks up the book at a certain point and reads the back. He smiles and hands it back to her. Suddenly, a soft alarm goes off. The woman quickly turns off the alarm on her phone, reaches into her purse, and pulls out a blood sugar monitor. The man keeps eating. She checks her blood sugar. She sighs. She looks up at him. He looks up at her, sees the expression on her face, and frowns. She gets up from the table and walks to the restroom. A few moments pass as the camera focuses on the man who is patiently waiting for her to return, but his leg is jiggling underneath the table. When she returns to the table, he looks more relieved. He looks at her in askance and she smiles. He smiles back. He grabs her hand. She squeezes his hand in hers. They continue eating.

Scene sixteen continues from yesterday's fifteen: INT. I.C.E. OFFICE - BATHROOM - DAY Peter enters the restroom, takes out a cheap looking cell phone, turns it on and types. Sends a message that reads "They r considering getting feds invovled" Message received "u think your boss will accept money 2 keep it out of feds?" Message sent "no" Message received "we'll need to get rid of him. I'll handle that" Message sent "no, will draw more attention" Message received "What do you suggest? Huge $$$ for idea. Get rid of you if you don't. U have 24 hours." Peter turns off the phone, he looks worried. To be continued...