Well, seeing as I came up with the idea, I thought I better get in early! ;-) And what better way to start than with the glorious "The Princess Bride". I did think about the drinking contest and Vizzini's arrogant insult to Plato, Aristotle and Socrates, but then thought that this scene, towards the end of the film, contained a few more insults that are superbly insulting in a profanity free way! Westley turns the tables on Humperdinck.... Humperdinck: A technicality that will shortly be remedied. But first things first. Draws sword. To the death. Westley: No! To the pain. Humperdinck: I don't think I'm quite familiar with that phrase. Westley: I'll explain. And I'll use small words so that you'll be sure to understand, you warthog-faced buffoon. Humperdinck: Closes eyes. That may be the first time in my life a man has dared insult me. Westley: It won't be the last. To the pain means the first thing you will lose will be your feet below the ankles. Then your hands at the wrists, next your nose. Humperdinck: And then my tongue, I suppose. I killed you too quickly the last time, a mistake I don't mean to duplicate tonight. Westley: Stopping him. I wasn't finished. The next thing you lose will be your left eye, followed by your right. Humperdinck: And then my ears, I understand, let's get on with it. Westley: Wrong! Your ears you keep, and I'll tell you why. So that every shriek of every child at seeing your hideousness will be yours to cherish. Every babe that weeps at your approach, ever woman who cries out "Dear God, what is that thing?" will echo in your perfect ears. That is what "to the pain" means. It means I leave you in anguish, wallowing in freakish misery forever. Humperdinck: I think you're bluffing. Westley: It's possible, pig. I might be bluffing. It's conceivable, you miserable vomitous mass, I'm only lying here because I lack the strength to stand. Then again, perhaps I have the strength after all. Drop... your... sword. Have a seat. Here is the scene: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoSHmVkjmuA And a bit of Trivia from IMDB: There really was a "Dread Pirate Roberts" (Bartholomew Roberts, also known as Black Bart) who operated in the Caribbean in the early 18th century. He is reckoned by many to have been the most successful pirate of all time. Actually, thinking about it, I am sure there is an Iron Maiden song called "Black Bart Blues"....I'm off to google!

Monty Python and the Holy Grail (1975), written by Graham Chapman & John Cleese & Eric Idle & Terry Gilliam & Terry Jones & Michael Palin http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A8yjNbcKkNY EXTERIOR - CASTLE - DAY MIX THROUGH one or two shots of them on their way again, until they approach a terrific castle (a little one would do too). They advance quite close to the castle and draw themselves into a line. At a signal from ARTHUR the two PAGES step forward and give a brief fanfare. A MAN appears on the battlements. ARTHUR addresses him. ARTHUR: Hello. MAN: 'Allo. Whoo is eet? ARTHUR: I am King Arthur and these are the Knights of the Round Table. Whose castle is this? MAN: This is the castle of of my master, Guy de Loimbard. ARTHUR: Please go and tell your master that we have been charged by God with a sacred quest, and if he will give us food and shelter for this night he can join us in our quest for the Holy Grail. MAN: Well, I'll ask him, but I don't think he'll be very keen. He's already got one, you see? ARTHUR: What? GALAHAD: He says they've already got one! They are stunned. ARTHUR: Are you sure he's got one? MAN: Oh yes. It's very nice. CUT TO BATTLEMENTS. THE TAUNTER (MAN) turns to some others. MAN: I told him we already got one. They all giggle. ARTHUR: Well ... can we come up and have a look? MAN: Of course not! You are English pigs. ARTHUR: Well, what are you then? MAN: I'm French. Why do think I have this outrageous accent, you silly king. GALAHAD: What are you doing in England? MAN: Mind your own business. ARTHUR: If you will not show us the Grail we shall storm your castle. Murmurs of assent. MAN: You don't frighten us, English pig-dog! Go and boil your bottoms, son of a silly person. I blow my nose on you, so-called Arthur-king, you and your silly English K...kaniggets. He puts hands to his ears and blows a raspberry. GALAHAD: What a strange person. ARTHUR: Now look here, my good man! MAN: I don't want to talk to you, no more, you empty-headed animal, food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. You mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!

Such a great insult but the comedy comes from Han only taking offense to being scruffy-looking. Scenes like these reinforce him as one of the best rogues/anti-herooes in cinema. Using a character's response to such an insult is a great way to subvert how an audience thinks a scene will play out. Star Wars Episode V - The Empire Strikes Back Written by Leigh Brackett and Lawrence Kasdan Story by George Lucas http://youtu.be/1f6Xc3PsOkc HAN: Well your Worship, looks like you managed to keep me around for a little while longer. LEIA: (haughtily) I had nothing to do with it. General Rieekan thinks it's dangerous for any ships to leave the system until we've activated the energy shield. HAN: That's a good story. I think you just can't bear to let a gorgeous guy like me out of your sight. LEIA: I don't know where you get you delusions, laser brain. Chewie is amused; he laughs in his manner. Han, enjoying himself, regards Chewie good-humoredly. HAN: Laugh it up, fuzz ball. But you didn't see us alone in the south passage. She expressed her true feelings for me. Leia is flushed, eyes darting between Luke and Han. LEIA: My...! Why, you stuck up,...half-witted,...scruffy-looking...nerf-herder! HAN: Who's scruffy-looking? (to Luke) I must have hit her pretty close to the mark to get her all riled up like that, huh, kid? LEIA: Why, I guess you don't know everything about women yet? With that she leans over and kisses Luke on the lips. Then she turns on her heel and walks out, leaving everyone in the room slightly dumbstruck. With some smugness, Luke puts his hands behind his head and grins.

Body Heat (1981) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_m-TVwQkJ8I

EXT. THE BEACHFRONT WALKWAY - NIGHT The Woman, MATTY, has walked to the rail. She stands there now lighting a cigarette. She presents her face to the ocean, hoping for a breeze. We move in on her, with Racine. Racine lights a new cigarette and smiles at her. She looks at him and, for an instant, her eyes race over his body, then she looks back at the ocean. RACINE You can stand here with me if you want, but you'll have to agree not to talk about the heat. She looks at him, and there is something startling about the directness of her gaze. When she speaks, she is cool without being hostile. MATTY I'm a married woman. RACINE Meaning what? MATTY Meaning I'm not looking for company. She turns back toward the ocean. RACINE Then you should have said -- 'I'm a happily married woman.' MATTY That's my business. RACINE What? MATTY How happy I am. RACINE And how, happy is that? She looks at him curiously. She begins walking slowly along the rail. He walks too. MATTY You're not too smart, are you? Racine shakes his head "no." MATTY I like that in a man. RACINE What else you like -- Ugly? Lazy? Horny? I got 'em all. MATTY You don't look lazy. Racine smiles. MATTY Tell me, does chat like that work with most women? RACINE Some. If they haven't been around much. MATTY I wondered. Thought maybe I was out of touch. She stops again at the rail as a small breeze blows in from the ocean. She turns her back to it and, with her cigarette dangling from her lips, she uses both hands to lift her hair up off her nape. She closes her eyes as the air hits her. Racine watches very closely. RACINE How 'bout I buy you a drink? MATTY I told you. I've got a husband. RACINE I'll buy him one too. MATTY He's out of town. RACINE My favorite kind. We'll drink to him. MATTY He only comes up on the weekends. Matty lets her hair fall and again begins moving down walkway. She drops her cigarette and steps on it. RACINE I'm liking him better all the time. You better take me up on this quick. In another forty-five minutes I'm going to give up and walk away. MATTY You want to buy me something? I'll take one of these. They have come upon a Vendor selling snow cones. RACINE What kind? MATTY Cherry. RACINE (to Vendor) Make it two. The Vendor scoops and pours as Racine lays some change on the cart. RACINE (to Matty) You're not staying in Miranda Beach. (she shakes her head "no") I would have noticed you. MATTY Is this town that small?

Darn! The Princess Bride was already taken. How about Alex's speech to Daryl (aka Satan) in The Witches of Eastwick. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eCFRd1vnK-0 Alexandra Medford: I think... no, I am positive... that you are the most unattractive man I have ever met in my entire life. You know, in the short time we've been together, you have demonstrated EVERY loathsome characteristic of the male personality and even discovered a few new ones. You are physically repulsive, intellectually retarded, you're morally reprehensible, vulgar, insensitive, selfish, stupid, you have no taste, a lousy sense of humor and you smell. You're not even interesting enough to make me sick.

Ha ha ha....sorry Barbara, but I knew I would have to get in quick!

The scene from "As Good As it Gets", where Melvin verbally flips off his publicists secretary in a spectacularly rude manner. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rNKIjLLZMWs INT. PUBLISHER'S OFFICE - DAY We are looking at ZOE, the receptionist. She is listening with interest to an O.S. conversation while answering phone calls, "Premier Publishing." FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.) Yes, you write more than anyone else. Yes, you make us a lot of money, but isn't there someone more appropriate to... MELVIN (O.S.) I need this. Just say, "Melvin, I'll try," okay? FEMALE EXECUTIVE (O.S.) (resigned) Melvin, I'll try. They appear now -- the woman tall, attractive, etc. She pauses at the elevator. FEMALE EXECUTIVE Now, on a pleasant note, our son got accepted at Brown. My husband... MELVIN (curtly) Great, wonderful. I don't need you to wait with me. She nods, pissed, waves and leaves. As Melvin waits, Zoe summons her moxie. ZOE I can't resist. You usually move through here so quickly and I have so many questions I want to ask you. You have no idea what your work means to me. MELVIN What's it mean? ZOE That somebody out there knows what it's like to be... (taps her head and heart) in here. MELVIN Oh God, this is like a nightmare. ZOE Aw come on, just a couple of questions -- how hard is that? As he hits the button, wipes his fingers, hits the button etc. ZOE How do you write women so well? MELVIN (as he turns toward her) I think of a man and take away reason and accountability. The fan is jolted as the elevator doors open and close.

From Roxanne, screenplay by Steve Martin, adapted from the play Cyrano de Bergerac, by Edmond Rostand. After being addressed as "big nose", our hero, C.D., objects to how predictable the insult is. He's challenged to come up with twenty better quips on the same subject... C.D. Bales: Let's start with... Obvious: 'scuse me, is that your nose or did a bus park on your face? Meteorological: everybody take cover, she's going to blow! Fashionable: you know, you could de-emphasize your nose if you wore something larger, like... Wyoming. Personal: well, here we are, just the three of us. Punctual: all right, Delbman, your nose was on time but YOU were fifteen minutes late! Envious: Ooooh, I wish I were you! Gosh, to be able to smell your own ear! Naughty: uh, pardon me, sir, some of the ladies have asked if you wouldn't mind putting that thing away. Philosophical: you know, it's not the size of a nose that's important, it's what's IN IT that matters. Humorous: laugh and the world laughs with you. Sneeze, and it's goodbye, Seattle! Commercial: hi, I'm Earl Scheib, and I can paint that nose for $39.95! Polite: uh, would you mind not bobbing your head? The, uh, orchestra keeps changing tempo. Melodic: Everybody. He's got... Everyone: [singing] The whole world in his nose! C.D. Bales: Sympathetic: aw, what happened? Did your parents lose a bet with God? Complimentary: you must love the little birdies to give them this to perch on. Scientific: Say, does that thing there influence the tides? Obscure: whoa! I'd hate to see the grindstone. Well, think about it. Inquiring: when you stop to smell the flowers, are they afraid? French: saihr, ze pigs have refused to find any more truffles until you leave! Pornographic: finally, a man who can satisfy two women at once! How many is that? Dean: Fourteen, Chief! C.D. Bales: Religious: the Lord giveth... and He just kept on giving, didn't He? Disgusting: Say, who mows your nose hair? Paranoid: keep that guy away from my cocaine! Aromatic: it must wonderful to wake up in the morning and smell the coffee... in Brazil. Appreciative: Oooh, how original! Most people just have their teeth capped. [he pauses, pretending to be stumped, while the crowd urges him on] C.D. Bales: All right. Dirty: your name wouldn't be Dick, would it? A version of Cyrano de Bergerac with a happy ending really shouldn't work, but this one does, largely thanks to Steve Martin's witty, endearing take on the story...

Can I do two? A Fish Called Wanda Otto does not like being called stupid. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E5IQnQhzMSI Wanda: I was dealing with something delicate, Otto. I'm setting up a guy who's incredibly important to us, who's going to tell me where the loot is and if they're going to come and arrest you. And you come loping in like Rambo without a jockstrap and you dangle him out a fifth-floor window. Now, was that smart? Was it shrewd? Was it good tactics? Or was it stupid? Otto West: Don't call me stupid. Wanda: Oh, right! To call you stupid would be an insult to stupid people! I've known sheep that could outwit you. I've worn dresses with higher IQs. But you think you're an intellectual, don't you, ape? Otto West: Apes don't read philosophy. Wanda: Yes they do, Otto. They just don't understand it. Now let me correct you on a couple of things, OK? Aristotle was not Belgian. The central message of Buddhism is not "Every man for himself." And the London Underground is not a political movement. Those are all mistakes, Otto. I looked them up. Are TV shows eligible? Blackadder would own this category.

Sure, Barbara, you can do two. Happy to get any/all recommendations. For the first year or so, I handled Daily Dialogue on my own, then as so many things that happen on the blog, the GITS community rose up and became involved pretty much in the way we handle it now. Love the group participation and appreciate everyone's insight for this series and all the others that people get involved with!

A CLOCKWORK ORANGE (1971) screenplay by Stanley Kubrick, based on the novel by Anthony Burgess Alex: Ho, ho, ho! Well, if it isn't fat stinking billy goat Billy Boy in poison! How art thou, thou globby bottle of cheap, stinking chip oil? Come and get one in the yarbles, if ya have any yarbles, you eunuch jelly thou! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LSzwuVRG8HI Dialogue Takeaway: Kubrick's 1971 release about a future dystopian England still endures at least partly because of the inimitable slang created by Anthony Burgess that incorporates Elizabethan English and modern Russian, simultaneously looking backwards and forwards. It allows Alex to call his nemesis a dick-less wonder without using any profanity. The takeaway might be that when trying to invent a convincing futuristic slang or world, it's often effective (albeit counterintuitive) to also mix in elements from the past as well, a method BLADE RUNNER also used to its advantage.

I realized I forgot to add any dialogue on dialogue. Wanda's insults to Otto hit him where it hurts the most - his insecurities about his intelligence. That makes for a far more potent insult than a stream of profanities.

"The Sandlot" written by David M. Evans and Robert Gunter (1993) [the Sandlot Kids and their arch-rivals come face-to-face] Phillips: It's easy when you play with rejects and a fat kid, Rodriguez. Benny: Shut your mouth, Phillips! Ham Porter: What'd you say, crap face? Phillips: You shouldn't be allowed to touch a baseball. Except for Rodriguez, you're all an insult to the game. Ham Porter: Come on! We'll take you on, right here! Right now! Come on! Sandlot Kids: Yeah! Phillips: We play on a real diamond, Porter. You ain't good enough to lick the dirt off our cleats. Ham Porter: Watch it, jerk! Phillips: Shut up, idiot! Ham Porter: Moron! Phillips: Scab eater! Ham Porter: Butt sniffer! Phillips: Pus licker! Ham Porter: Fart smeller! Bertram: [sniffs] Ahh. Phillips: You eat dog crap for breakfast, geek! Ham Porter: You mix your Wheaties with your mama's toe jam! Sandlot Kids: Yeah! Phillips: You bob for apples in the toilet! And you like it! Ham Porter: You play ball like a giiirrrrrrrrl! [entire group stands in shocked silence] Phillips: What did you say? Ham Porter: You heard me. Phillips: Tomorrow. Noon, at our field. Be there, buffalo-butt breath. Ham Porter: Count on it, pee-drinking crap-face! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gVscCNZsYSY Dialogue Takeaway: c'mon, nothing's better than kids insulting each other.