Idea for future topic: writing novels vs. crafting screenplays. Premise: intoxication with words can be the enemy of a screenwriter (and friend to the novelist). Words in a script must relentlessly point to images, people, spoken words and action on the screen. Screenplay editing often involves helping the writer remove wonderfully written sections that would be terrific in a novel but are toxic to a screenplay.

LOLITA (1962) Directed by Stanley Kubrick written by Vladimir Nabokov and Stanley Kubrick (uncredited), based on the novel by Nabokov QUILTY: Hello. HUMBERT: You're addressing me? I thought perhaps there was someone with you. QUILTY:No, I'm not really with someone. I'm with you. I didn't mean that as an insult. What I meant was that I'm with the State Police here, and...when I'm with them, I'm with someone, but right now I'm on my own. I mean, I'm not with a lot of people, just you. HUMBERT:I wouldn't like to disturb you. I'll leave you alone if you prefer it. QUILTY:You don't really have to go at all. I like it. I don't know what it is. I get the impression that you want to leave but you don't like to......because you think I think it looks suspicious, me being a policeman and all. You don't have to think that because I haven't got a suspicious mind at all. A lot of people think I'm suspicious, especially when I stand on street corners. One of our boys picked me up once. He thought that I was too suspicious standing on the street corner. Tell me, I couldn't help noticing when you checked in tonight... It's part of my job, I notice human individuals...and I noticed your face. I said to myself when I saw you, there's a guy with the most normal-looking face I ever saw in my life. HUMBERT:That's very nice of you. QUILTY:Not a bit. It's great to see a normal face, 'cause I'm a normal guy. Be great for two normal guys to get together and talk about world events, in a normal way. HUMBERT:There's nothing I would like better than that, but I don't have much time. QUILTY:It's a pity, because, may I say one other thing to you? I've been thinking about it a lot. I noticed when you was checking in you had a lovely little girl with you. She was really lovely. She wasn't so little, come to think of it. She was fairly tall, taller than little, you know, but she was really lovely. I wish I had a pretty, tall, lovely little girl like that... HUMBERT:That was my daughter. QUILTY:Your daughter? Isn't it great to have a lovely, tall, pretty, little daughter like that? It's wonderful. I don't have any children or boys or little tall girls. I'm not even... Are you married? HUMBERT:Yes, I'm expecting my wife, perhaps, to come here. QUILTY:May I say something? I thought you looked uneasy at the desk. I was thinking that you want to get away from your wife. I don't blame you. If I was married I'd take every opportunity to get away! HUMBERT:Yes. No, that was not it at all. As a matter of fact, it's possible that my wife won't join me because when I left home she was not well. QUILTY:What was the matter with your wife? HUMBERT:It's not important... She had an accident. QUILTY:She had an accident! That's terrible! Fancy a normal guy's wife having an accident like that! What happened to her? HUMBERT:She was hit by a car. QUILTY:No wonder she's not here. You must feel pretty bad about that. What's happening? Is she coming later, or something? HUMBERT:Well, that was the understanding. QUILTY:What, in an ambulance? I'm sorry I said that. I shouldn't say that. I get sort of carried away, being so normal and all. When you were at the desk checking in with the night manager, Mr. George Swine, who I happen to know as a personal friend, I was wondering if he fixed you up with a good accommodation here. HUMBERT:Yes, they were extremely cooperative. QUILTY:You sure? Because I could easily have a word with George Swine. He's a really normal, nice sort of guy and I've only got to have a normal word in his ear and you'd be surprised what things could happen. He'd probably turn some troopers out, so you could have a lovely room, a bridal suite, for you and your lovely girl. HUMBERT:I don't want you to take any trouble on my account. We're perfectly comfortable. QUILTY:It's his job to fix you up with something nice. He gets paid for doing that and when he sees a guy like you, all normal with a lovely girl, he should say to himself: "I got to give that guy a lovely sort of comfortable, foamy bed to sleep in." I don't like to hear things like that, 'cause I could go and take a swipe at him for not giving you a lovely, comfortable, sleepy, movie-star bed. You know what I mean? What has he got you on the floor or something? HUMBERT:Well, the little girl is probably asleep already in the bed and... I don't know why we're discussing... QUILTY:Why don't you let me have a look at the accommodation that you have, and take it in for a second, then I can have a word with George Swine? It would be simple. HUMBERT:No, you really shouldn't worry about either of us. Which reminds me, I should go upstairs now. QUILTY:You're going because you think that me being a policeman, I'd think you were sort of suspicious? I don't think that at all. I think you're really normal. You don't have to go because of that. HUMBERT:No. It's been very nice talking to you. QUILTY:Before you go, I was wondering whether maybe in the morning, you know, me being lonely and normal... HUMBERT:We have to get up at the crack of dawn. QUILTY:We can have breakfast. HUMBERT:That's very nice, but... QUILTY:I can arrange it with George Swine. He could have it laid out. HUMBERT:Well, thank you so much. Goodnight. QUILTY:You have a most interesting face. Goodnight. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pYbNpamv5Dg DIALOGUE TAKEAWAY: By the end of this barrage of innuendo, we're both laughing and wincing at the word "normal," which in this context gets virtually re-defined as "completely perverted." DDT suggestion: I believe I've fucking suggested "Profanity" as a theme before, at the very least there should be a goddamn wealth of examples.

I suppose innuendo and insinuation are close bedfellows so here goes...the granddaddy of all innuendo scenes! Terry Jones, Eric Idle, "And Now For Something Completely Different" (1972) Man: 'Evening, squire! Squire: (stiffly) Good evening. Man: Is, uh,...Is your wife a goer, eh? Know whatahmean, know whatahmean, nudge nudge, know whatahmean, say no more? Squire: I, uh, I beg your pardon? Man: Your, uh, your wife, does she go, eh, does she go, eh? Squire: (flustered) Well, she sometimes 'goes', yes. Man: Aaaaaaaah bet she does, I bet she does, say no more, say no more, know whatahmean, nudge nudge? Squire: (confused) I'm afraid I don't quite follow you. Man: Follow me. Follow me. That's good, that's good! A nod's as good as a wink to a blind bat! Squire: Are you, uh,...are you selling something? Man: SELLING! Very good, very good! Ay? Ay? Ay? (pause) Oooh! Ya wicked Ay! Wicked Ay! Oooh hooh! Say No MORE! Squire: Well, I, uh.... Man: Is, your uh, is your wife a sport, ay? Squire: Um, she likes sport, yes! Man: I bet she does, I bet she does! Squire: As a matter of fact she's very fond of cricket. Man: 'Oo isn't? Likes games, eh? Knew she would. Likes games, eh? She's been around a bit, been around? Squire: She has traveled, yes. She's from Scarsdale. (pause) Man: SAY NO MORE!! Man: Scarsdale, saynomore, saynomore, saynomore, squire! Squire: I wasn't going to! Man: Oh! Well, never mind. Dib dib? Is your uh, is your wife interested in....photography, ay? 'Photographs, ay', he asked him knowlingly? Squire: Photography? Man: Snap snap, grin grin, wink wink, nudge nudge, say no more? Squire: Holiday snaps, eh? Man: They could be, they could be taken on holiday. Candid, you know, CANDID photography? Squire: No, no I'm afraid we don't have a camera. Man: Oh. (leeringly) Still, mooooooh, ay? Mwoohohohohoo, ay? Hohohohohoho, ay? Squire: Look... are you insinuating something? Man: Oh, no, no, no...yes. Squire: Well? Man: Well, you're a man of the world, squire. Squire: Yes... Man: I mean, you've been around a bit, you know, like, you've, uh.... You've 'done it'.... Squire: What do you mean? Man: Well, I mean like,....you've SLEPT, with a lady.... Squire: Yes.... Man: What's it like? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jT3_UCm1A5I

New DDT theme: people talking about music. i.e their favorite records, bands, etc...

One of my favourites innuendos, and one I can remember from when I was a young whipper snapper watching the films with my parents is from Moonraker. Couldn't find the screenplay transcript, but the quote, which I am sure everyone knows, from IMDB, comes at the end of the film when Bond has once again triumphed and is on his way home....in the company of a lovely lady! Quote: Sir Frederick Gray, Minister of Defence: My God, what's Bond doing? Q: I think he's attempting re-entry, sir. I also couldn't find a direct video link, but the gag can be seen in this trailer at about 50 seconds in. It probably isn't very subtle, and is a classic example of the "fun" side of Bond portrayed during the Moore years. They may not be my favourite Bond years, but there is no denying that is a fantastic line. And it is a great and simple way of telling us that Bond has triumphed yet again (just in case we were worried for a minute). He has beaten the baddy, got the girl and is on his way home.....things are back to normal, and all is right in the world! As for a new theme, I had thought about profanity, as Jasper has mentioned above, but I also wondered whether "the best insult in film without using profanity" might be an interesting challenge?

whoops....here is the video link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t6JE1g-EvTg