No advice, only questions. In the LETHAL WEAPON excerpt, I would've ruined the flow with slug lines.

The Girl throws open the glass doors ... steps out onto THE BALCONY - SAME (or CONTINUING, or whatever the hell it's supposed to be) Beneath her, lies all of nighttime L.A. Panoramic splendor. Her hair flies, blah blah blah. She drops the plant. Down it goes, spiralling end over end--until, finally ... BAM--! EXT. PARKING LOT - SAME The pot SHATTERS. Dirt flies. A red Chevy is now minus a WINDSHIELD. BACK ON THE BALCONY, the Girl takes another plant.

That's all unnecessary? Or even amateurish?

Verbs. Verbs. Verbs. Verbs. Verbs. The most important thing in a screenplay is verbs. All of those samples may seem different, but look again and you'll see they are all loaded with verbs. They are all the same. They are movies. They move. As you read a script, someone should always be doing something. Actors are always pursuing a goal, even little goals like climbing the stairs. Stick to verbs and you'll be fine.

Unnecessary. The action indicates the change of location. It's continuous - no cutting needed - so you don't have to slugline everything. If you feel a setting is necessary. EXT. APARTMENT BUILDING - NIGHT That's all you need. A big space that contains all your action. It's all part of one scene.

For what it's worth to the discussion, I have a draft of DRIVE that is 120 pages.

What date is that, William?

Bryan, you present me this golden opportunity to re-post this Screenwriting 101 interview excerpt with screenwriter Larry Ferguson: “There was a girl who came to me with her first screenplay. It was a good first shot. I gave her some advice. I told her, ‘I want you to go home and take a yellow Marks-A-Lot and highlight every verb in this 120-page screenplay, and then I want you to read them out loud and ask yourself, Can I find a stronger verb.’ Characters should never enter. They should storm in, they should skulk in, they should tremble in. These are the only chances you have to create visual pictures in people’s brains.” Active verbs are key to imagematic writing. And since they can convey a lot in one word, that can help create lean, tight, spare scene description.

The title page doesn't have a date, but the PDF (which is a scanned document) was created on 2-5-10.

I subscribe to the notion that every description sentence can represent a shot, so to me, there's something intensely visceral about how Walter Hill's haiku style tightens the tension of the scene.

A great idea, and it works just as well with my Bic Brite-Liner. Actors in movies need physical action. The verbs you use will shape their performance and indicate how to film a scene. And don't forget reactions - we always need to know what they think about what's going on (indicated by more physical action). That's how we get character. What someone says means nothing. It's what they do that counts. That's why action heroes and quiet heroes are popular - they know talk is cheap and actions are meaningful.

I have three version. One undated, 121 pages. Second is dated 05.15.10, 109 pages. Third is dated 09.24.10, 89 pages. This third one has numbered scenes.

Many thanks. Good to hear.

I have three as well. Undated 121 pages; 15/01/2010 (or 01/15 for American folks ;)), 109 pages; 24/09/2010 88 pages.

Can't think. Too busy crying over the scene from Titanic. aagghh.

Scott, This gives me a chance to ask a related follow-up question I've wanted to ask. Where are some good places to get scripts? Specifically ones that were written in the past 5 years as you suggest. I've browsed some script sites and I frequently find movies that are 10+ years or older. I try to grab scripts when I can (i.e Academy Award downloads) but with the crackdown on copyrights it seems like it's getting harder. I really wish studios would adopt the suggestion I read, by BitterScriptReader I think, that studios should offer the script for sale, for a reasonable price, like they do other movie merchandise. Anyways, suggested sites are welcome.

For $79 per year, you can join Tracking Board: http://www.tracking-board.com/ They have a forum there where there are all sorts of scripts including hundreds if not thousands of spec scripts. There are some strict rules of usage, but since you would only be interested in the scripts for educational purposes and not to swap, that should be no problem. BTW I am in no way affiliated with TB, nor do I get any money for recommending them. I just know them.

Patrick, you can also download a vast number offree, legal scripts from The BBC Writer's Room Script Library if you're interested. It's TV, not film, granted, but there is some really brilliant writing going on in British television right now, and a lot to learn from writers like Tony Jordan, Russell T. Davies, Matthew Graham, Ashley Pharoah, Neil Cross, Abi Morgan, and Steven Moffat (a far from definitive list). The scripts won't shed light on current spec feature writing in Hollywood, but they can teach a lot about great characters (and character introductions--there are a lot of pilot episode scripts), tight plotting, serious structure, and great writing. I hope this helps.

I absolutely love Shane Black's writing. I read Lethal Weapon and Kiss Kiss Bang Bang once a month. His action lines are fantastic.

I tend to switch between the two regularly. I loved the screenplay to Alien and it was one of the first I ever read. James Cameron though has this style about him and obviously gets away with it because he tends to Direct his own screenplays. For me, when I'm in the midst of scene description or character introduction I like to use a few more words here and there. But, when it's actual action I naturally slip into spars writing, as few words as possible because I want the reader to read it as fast as it's unfolding in my brain. Norman

I just read Larry Ferguson's script for "The Hunt for Red October". Among the things I noticed: It's an excellently written script (with not a single "proper" slugline in sight!) and he applied his own advice with a light touch. I think those two things are related. Seems to me that he used strong verbs very effectively because he used them only when/as needed. I have a scanned copy of the script and did OCR on it (which isn't perfect) and found 9 "enters" and 8 "walks", 7 "leaves", plus other plain verbs. "Ryan enters, carrying coffee..." "Tyler grits his teeth. Steiner closes the hatch. Across the room, Ryan enters. Spotting Tyler, he moves to the platform, staring at the mini sub..." Then when the strong verbs (and strong nouns and adjectives) appeared, it was all the more engaging and clearly significant. "Ryan perches on the couch..." "RYAN humping his suitcase into a giant terminal at the end of a long line of travelers..." "Two Russian sailors lug his zip-locked corpse into a walk-in freezer in Red October's galley..."

Ha! Mr. Ferguson needs to practice what he preaches! There are two verbs in particular I never use: "walk" and "look." I'm sure there are times when it's perfectly acceptable to have a character "walk" or "look," but not in my scripts! They scramble, stumble, stagger, shuffle, and slide. They ogle, gape, stare, gaze, and leer. But they never walk... and they never look. Thanks for that note, No Other Ira. And glad to see you reading scripts!

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