This is fun, kind of like find the hidden pictures puzzle. Tell me if I've missed something... Big blocks of scene description just aren't done now--9 sentences in one scene description?! Camera shots/angles, CUT IN, etc. yet this doesn't look like a shooting script (scenes aren't numbered?) Also, the use of "is fraying," "is attended," "is fanning." Contemporary scripts use present tense only, so the above would be: "frays, attends, fans." Oh, one thing that I would like clarified, the first slug line reads: "LATE MORNING." In Lew Hunter's book Screenwriting 434, he says it's either DAY or NIGHT. Thoughts?

I'm not big on so-called format 'rules.' In fact, I'm planning on running a series to demonstrate how screenplay format and style is an ever-evolving thing, nothing etched in stone no matter what format literalists say. Besides there are times when you can use a time stamp for humor. For example, the 1980s comedy Baby Boom has a scene where Diane Keaton and Harold Ramis are in bed together [they're both busy with business type activities, reflecting their priorities]. One suggests they have sex. They agree. They clinch. Shot of the clock. It reads 11:46. Then dissolves to 11:50. Pull back. And the couple is obviously done doing their thing. You can see the scene here around the 7:30 mark. Now let's say I was going to do an 'homage' to that bit in my script. And I wanted to use sluglines to suggest the passage of time. If I was restricted only to use DAY or NIGHT, I couldn't sell the joke. But if I can write: INT. THE BEDROOM - ONE MINUTE LATER I can sell the joke. Format should never... never... NEVER get in the way of the story. Whatever you need to do to tell your story in the most entertaining way possible, that's what you should feel free to do. That's my opinion, literalists be damned.

"...I’m planning on running a series to demonstrate how screenplay format and style is an ever-evolving thing..." Really looking forward to this, Scott.

Excellent point, story need trumps everything.