Never give up.

Be confident in yourself and what you create.

I think this whole "love it or leave it" thing is a lot of bravado and an extremely idealized version of creativity that does not in any way gel with my relationship with writing. Writing and fiction (more generally) is responsible for the most personally painful and most formative academic experience of my life. So the fact that I'm any good at this at all is not only ironic, it's also a unique form of existential torture. One thing I asked myself was, "why haven't I just stopped?" And I really don't have an answer, other than, I can't. I really can't. I try. I go to great lengths not to write or create. But eventually I lose out against my own self-sabotage and start typing again. Love has absolutely nothing to do with this process. The process is basically a brute force outside myself compelling me forward. If this sounds more like a religious experience or an addiction than a rational behavior, it is exactly that. I do not understand why I have to write; I do not particularly like writing; I find starting incredibly difficult; but I just _can't stop_ doing it. I have to say that I strongly disagree with the idea that if I'm not in "love" with this that I'm somehow not being creative "properly." Cormac McCarthy once said that he doesn't do short stories because he doesn't believe in trying things that don't drive him to the brink of suicide. That makes a lot more sense to me.