Scott, how appropriate that your son gave you the title for your blog! Thank you for being a part of the Blog Tour, for the wealth of links and info, and for sharing your family's story and encouraging us all to remember the importance of stories and creators. Your sons are lucky to have both you and Rebecca as parents.

Great post, Scott ...

Scott,

I'm surprised that you are surprised. Didn't you see it coming? Perhaps you don't know your own value. It is clear to me that you are no different from your own children that you describe.

Show them where to find the animals.

I love the stories! I appreciate reading these stories that enrich the canon of PG experience. Sensitivities can come in so many ways - when my PG son was four, he was pitting cherries, and as he put the cherry in the pitter, he said with all seriousness, "This will only hurt for a second." I was rolling on the floor laughing (in my mind).
Thanks again,
Lisa
giftedguru.com

Great post, Scott. It must be a challenge for you and Rebecca, but ultimately incredibly rewarding. Thank you for sharing. Will's string quartet is very nice, BTW.

Wonderful post.

I was a PG kid. The biggest challenge has always been fitting in socially. I was blissfully oblivious until I was about 12 then it all caught up with me in a very short span. Junior High was a nightmare, but I tackled it like any other creative problem I was faced with: I looked at the people who did fit in and decided I had to do exactly what they did, even breaking things down systematically - clothes, language, hobbies, likes and dislikes, note passing (and to whom and when to pass said notes) in class. I accomplished my goal by freshman year and even went on to be one of the semi-popular kids, but one of my biggest regrets is all the energy fitting in took. While I always kept up with my writing, I imagine if I had thrown even half of that energy into stories I might be further along as a writer now. Of course, some lessons are never forgotten and I can "pass" now without a hitch. I'm great at parties and know how to work a room, so maybe my stories would be better but I'd be an absolute wreck otherwise and no one would want to work with me. Perhaps it was all for the best, but it was really hard lesson to learn as a child.

I'm not sure how Luke and Will feel about their peers and the whole fitting in thing, but for most PG kids I knew, this was the big stumbling block. Maybe people have evolved a little more. Sometimes, when I look at kids today, being different seems socially acceptable, even cool. At other times, when you read about online bullying and the like, I think it must be much, much worse now.

@Annika: Negotiating the social component is a tough slog. Their intellects naturally draw them toward older people. That separates them from their peers. Combine that with overexcitabilities, heightened sensibilities, strong emotions, that can tend to cause them to be perceived as being 'odd' or 'weird.' The situation is exacerbated by the fact that in terms of school, you have to accelerate their education. Will skipped one grade, but could have easily jumped three. We didn't do that because of the social disjunction.

Just to put this into perspective, when Luke was last tested, some of his knowledge areas graded out at college levels. He's 10. Yet he has the intellectual skills of a college senior.

How to deal with children like this?

That's one reason we pulled him from a traditional school setting and have home schooled him since the middle of 2nd grade. We are committed to continuing on this path through middle school, which socially is a minefield. Hopefully he can transition into high school. But he'll be smack dab in the middle of adolescence at that point, so who knows.

One reason I posted this is because I suspect that many if not most writers are at least creatively gifted if not technically profoundly gifted. And the irony is the things which enable a writer to write well -- empathy, intensity, sensitivity -- are precisely the same dynamics that create issues in living as a human being.

So to all of you who are touched by these type of dynamics in your own life, either personally yourself or with children or siblings, I send you a special blessing. You do not have to be perfect. You do not have to figure it all out. And mostly this: You are not alone.

Thanks Scott for this post. I'm in a similar position as you and some days we do extraordinarily well, others not so much. Today was a so-so day, your post was well timed.

Amazing post, Scott. Thank you for this, and the "gift" beneath all of it -- an ever-flowing generosity of spirit.
God bless,
John

Hi, Scott --

Thanks for the wonderful post. It sheds halos of light.

PS -- I, too, think your boys fell very close to their parent trees.

For those interested, here is probably the best online resource for issues related to gifted education. Since there's virtually no formal support system for parents with PG kids, committed parents and educators have taken the lead to cobble together whatever online community they can including the site above. Rebecca has been on PG message boards and forums for 15 years, and so - fortunately - is enmeshed with all a huge community of families. The site above (Hoagies' Gifted Education Page) is a great place to start engaging the larger online PG community.

Deeply appreciate your extraordinary perspective. Most of my time online is spent reading articles and blogs from within the gifted community; their primary audience being solely members of the community. It is refreshing to hear stories from parents whose children are thriving under their guidance. I always tell parents of gifted kids to count their blessings!

What a wonderful post, Scott, thank you. Will be sharing with other parents. My overriding first impression, gratitude that Will and Luke have had and have you and Rebecca to shepherd them through life.

Two generations ago, knowledge of this stuff didn't exist, made passage harder for folks at the end of the spectrum. In last generation, our understanding has evolved so much, and right now is evolving quickly (what a fascinating field Will has chosen, and that it's alongside music, awesome, looking forward to checking out his compositions).

@Annika W, loved your comment, aspects spoke to me, plum tickled reading it.

Around age 10 or 12, sci fi lover dad shared 2001 Space Odyssey with twin and I, twin loved it, I had nightmares for years (esp the imagery, also Hal, egads, disembodied personas, whether in computers or dolls, still evoke jitters). No matter what scale the brain, emotional maturity time dependent, and we all have our own sensitivities, of varying form and manner, esp us creative folk, so works out well when kids have parents aware of these issues.

@Atlanta: Your point about lack of understanding and awareness in years past is probably quite true. Although based on some of the horror stories I hear from Rebecca about other PG families and their experiences, I have to wonder how much there is nowadays as well!

And speaking of your experience with 2001: A Space Odyssey, that got me thinking about a related subject: The depiction of geniuses in movies. The way in which PG people are presented generally and in public is a big concern in the PG community, as ought to be expected. An example of the default mode is the TV show "The Big Bang Theory" which in essence makes fun of super smart people. That said Luke enjoys TBBT in large part because it is funny in a sit-com kind of way. But also, I suspect, because the show also honors intelligence, albeit in a humorous way, and because it routinely gets into the issue of fitting into 'normal' society, something that must be a huge concern for any child who has trouble fitting in with peers simply based on the way their brain is wired.

For my money, however, the best of the bunch is "Searching for Bobby Fischer." It's not only an excellent look at the pressures that arise with creatively and intellectually gifted children, both their own expectations and more significantly from family members and outside influences, but also because the Protagonist Josh is by all accounts a 'normal' kid. He plays baseball, he likes to play with friends, he looks and acts 'normal.' It is helpful to have depictions of PG types like that around to counterbalance some of the nerdier characterizations that tend to be more dominant in contemporary culture.

@Annika: I wanted to think more about your comments as sharing your thoughts about your own experience as a child struck a deep chord. Going through childhood and especially adolescence can be a struggle for anybody. Part of being a teenager, it seems, is dealing with a sense of being misunderstood, alienation, feeling 'different.' I wonder how many unidentified PG people go through life thinking whatever highs and lows they experienced as youths were typical when in fact they were dramatically intensified by their internal brain chemistry and psychological makeup tied to their being PG.

Being able to fit in is a wonderful skill set, so I'm sure you look at your abilities in that regard in a positive light. And yet I suspect you are right: It does take an enormous amount of energy simply to act 'normal.'

I'm reminded of Will's experience several years back when he was accepted to attend the Governor's School here in North Carolina. Six weeks in the summer on a college campus with the "best and brightest" minds in the state. This was as close to an extensive peer group as Will had ever had. What made him unusual is what made him normal in that environment! I think it's fair to say that experience is one of the most profound ones he's ever had or ever will have for dozens of reasons, not the least of which, going back to a point I made in the OP: You are not alone.

Governor's School (NCGS) is a tuition free 6 week summer learning program available to gifted students from throughout NC. As Scott indicated, it was a hugely pivotal experience for Will. It not only introduced him to lots of 20th century classical music which ratcheted his composing up to another level, it also brought together a large group of gifted and committed students from various disciplines, treated them with respect and honored their desire to contemplate issues deeply. Will felt very much in his element at NCGS even though he was 2 years younger than the average participant.

Sadly, the NC legislature recently stripped all public funding from NCGS. NCGS alumni have established a foundation to try to raise sufficient cash to continue the program. If you'd like to learn more about NCGS and/or make a contribution, you can find them href="http://www.ncgsfoundation.org".

Many states offer programs similar to NCGS. If you have a gifted child or value gifted education, you may want to check to see if your state does. And when your state legislature gets around to making up its yearly education budget, please remember to voice your support for gifted ed. It's often one of the first things on the chopping block.

Unlike at the other end of the learning spectrum (special ed.), there is no federal mandate to provide services for for gifted students. Some states and districts do, others don't. Sadly, some folks consider programs for gifted students elitist and others think that gifted kids will do fine no matter what is going on in the classroom. Both assumptions are considerably off the mark.

Pardon the messy link. HTML newbie here.

North Carolina Governor's School Foundation.

Re depiction of geniuses, and artists and smart people in general for that matter, whether in film or on TV, eeeee, not always pleasing. Bones my favorite smart TV character, and she's most often wonderfully written, and Abbie on NCIS also fun, and that Eureka celebrates smart people and science, so welcome. Searching for Bobby Fischer sounds terrific, looking very forward to seeing.

My mom advocated for us, sought out information and opportunities, too often frustrated that both ends of the spectrum weren't reflected in resource offerings. Should not be such a battle, to grow and nurture young minds, and what about kids whose parents don't have the time or energy or know-how, profoundly sad. Your post and links, such a great resource, Scott, and so glad to share with parent friends.

For my money, however, the best of the bunch is "Searching for Bobby Fischer." It's not only an excellent look at the pressures that arise with creatively and intellectually gifted children, both their own expectations and more significantly from family members and outside influences, but also because the Protagonist Josh is by all accounts a 'normal' kid. He plays baseball, he likes to play with friends, he looks and acts 'normal.' It is helpful to have depictions of PG types like that around to counterbalance some of the nerdier characterizations that tend to be more dominant in contemporary culture.

BOBBY FISCHER is one of my favorite movies. And the real life Josh Waitzkin is now also a very talented Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu guy -- which makes sense, since BJJ is often called "chess on the mat".

Thank you for this post. I LOVE the analogy with Spinal Tap! But it's got me sitting here crying. I can relate to everything that you've said (as can my 10 y.o. pg daughter). She's 'lucky' in some ways that we know what she is and why she reacts to things in the way that she does. I only discovered 6 years ago (through her identification) why socks, shoes, tags, food textures etc were an issue for me growing up.

@Natalie: I suspect there are plenty of adults such as yourself who went through life without the benefit of any acknowledgement, awareness or support for the 'one louder' type of brain wiring. That's one of the blessings of being a writer: Being able to take whatever pain or hurt from our pasts and use those feelings, memories and associations in our stories. That at the very least, yes?

@Nat - Just posted a comment on you website. We should talk.

Rebecca (Scott's wife)

Hello from a former PG kid who grew up to live happily ever after! One of my best friends has a son a little older than Luke who is entering his last year in the local, and very small, Waldorf School. We were just talking about what his options are after this year and my heart goes out to all parents who try to puzzle their way through these choices. I was miserable in public school as a kid and begged my parents to home school me, but it "wasn't done" then, and there would have been ZERO support for them if they'd tried (no books, no networks, nothing). But, my saving grace, which absolutely transformed my life: when I was 15 I won a scholarship to a remarkable private school, St. Michaels University School in Victoria, British Columbia. I don't know how to even begin to explain what it was like to go from a "jock school" to a school with a culture that celebrated excellence. All achievements were acknowledged, supported, and celebrated. Everyone "fit in". Everyone's efforts and contributions were recognized. And everyone's level of achievement was supported and nurtured by the staff. If you and Luke get through Middle School and feel like you're all ready to contemplate enrolling in a school, I want to assure you (and everyone else who might read this who is dealing with a PG child), that there ARE schools that support and nurture talented children. SMU changed my whole life and I can't recommend it highly enough. If it were ever an option you thought you might look into, you've got my email and you're welcome to get in touch.