Wow. Excellent examples. This really highlights the need for strong verbs, crisp detail and apt comparisons. Each line screams intent.

I'm not a screenwriter, but even as a writer, this is a valuable reminder of the power of tight description. Thanks!

Angela @ The Bookshelf Muse

Wow, thanks for sharing this. I'm not writing an action script, but this is a helpful reminder to use strong descriptions and metaphors.

Another thing both those writers do is they concern themselves with the viewpoint of the reader/audience.

Sometimes the description is less what is onscreen and more the audience's reaction to what is happening.

They make YOU experience the moment.

The other thing scene description does that is often overlooked is it has a huge effect on TONE in a screenplay.

MEET JOE BLACK has a premise that could easily be comedy or thriller. Death takes a day off and pals around with Anthony Hopkins. Thing is -- the script is a drama.

It's important to set the tone, write to the genre in the description, because you don't want your reader laughing at scenes that are supposed to be tear jerkers.

I think one of the reasons some people have such a hard time jumping genres is this very problem. They have a hard time making their voice come off as anything other than funny. Imagine writing a thriller and your word choice makes the reader laugh all the time. Kind of breaks the mood.

@James: You're essentially talking about what I call Narrative Voice, the invisible character in each of our stories, the character 'telling' the story, the attitude of the writer toward the characters, the story universe, reflected primarily in scene description, but also how to approach scenes, transitions, etc.

I have a formula for it:

Genre + Style = Narrative Voice.

@Scott "Genre + Style = Narrative Voice"

Totally agree with this.

It's actually what I find to be the hardest part of writing with a partner. It's very easy for scene description to get muddy or lazy simply because two brains are working on the same project.